Jamie pursed her lips then shook her head. "Wish we could. But Ryan's got a softball tournament every weekend until the end of May. I'd come alone, but I've got a lot of golf left. I don't see how I can swing it."
Mia gave her a quick hug. "Swing it? You kill me, James!"
At Jamie's blank look, Mia said, "Golf … swing … get it?"
"Puns aren't your forte," Jamie said, "but that was mildly amusing."
"You're just not able to laugh because you're sick about my leaving," Mia said, pinching her friend. "But don't worry, you can come visit after graduation. With you two having the whole summer off, you'll be itching to visit."
"That's the truth," Jamie agreed. "I still can't believe that Ryan agreed to take a year off, but I'm not gonna complain. It's gonna be so nice to spend some time with her where we're not always worried about the other things we should be doing. I'm so sick of school I could scream!"
"That's because you made the mistake of caring about it," Mia said, giving her a fiendish grin. "You let 'em hook you!"
"True. I've never been able to copy your devil-may-care attitude, and sometimes I wish I had."
"You're relaxed when you're with Ryan," Mia said. "I can see how content you are just to be with her-even when you're not doing anything special."
Jamie smiled, a wide, satisfied grin covering her face. "That's the best time," she said. "When we're just together, talking and holding each other."
Mia looked thoughtful for a moment then said, "You know, it's like that with Jordan, too. I've never been with anyone who made me feel that going out was almost unnecessary."
"That's because you're finally in love," Jamie said. "Being with her can fill you up."
Mia took in a deep breath and let it out in a rush. "My heart races when I think of seeing her on Saturday."
Jamie walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. "I know you don't want me to give you money, but you've got to let me pay for your car insurance. I know you don't have the cash to do it, and I'll worry myself sick if I know you're uninsured."
Mia looked like she wanted to refuse, but she nodded when she saw the determined look in her friend's eyes. "Okay. My dad handled all of that stuff, but I'll call him when I get to Colorado and ask for the details."
"Your mom called my cell phone today," Jamie said. "I didn't answer when I saw your home number, but I felt like a jerk."
"I'll call them when I get there," Mia said. "I know they're worried, but I don't want to talk to them until I'm with Jordan."
"I don't wanna get in the middle of this, but if your mom calls me again, I'll probably take the call. I know how much she loves you, Mia, even if she's harsh with you sometimes."
The curly-haired woman sat down on her bed, remaining perfectly still for a full minute.
When her shoulders began to shake, Jamie sat next to her and wrapped her in a hug. "It hurts, doesn't it?" she asked softly.
"So much," Mia whimpered. "She was so cruel, James. She's never been like that before. And my dad was such a stooge! I know he didn't agree with her, but he sat there like her puppet. I talked to Peter yesterday, and he said that Mom called him and was just like she was on Saturday. She told him she refused to support me while I was being so immature." She lifted her head and looked at her friend, her tear-streaked face and red-rimmed eyes nearly breaking Jamie's heart. "How can she say that? Loving Jordy has made me a better person, James, and it kills me that she can't see how I've changed."
"She's not around you much, honey. You didn't go home for a while there, and she hasn't seen you and Jordan together."
"Whose fault is that?" Mia demanded. She got up and walked over to her desk, where she picked up a picture of her family that they'd had taken over Christmas. Flicking the glass with her fingertips, she said, "I don't even recognize these people anymore. This happy family stuff was just bullshit." She dropped the photo face down and left it there.
Mia took several things from her desk and packed them, intentionally leaving the photo where it was. When she'd finished taking the things she needed, she put the top on the box and said, "That's it. I'm ready to go."
"When are you leaving?" Jamie asked.
"Early. I want to be out of town before rush hour. I'll probably take off at around 6:00."
Jamie looked at her watch and saw that it was 9:30. "Get ready for bed, and I'll rub your back for you. I'd snuggle with you all night, but Ryan would get jealous."
The last words were a little shaky, and Mia went to her and hugged her. "I'm gonna miss you, too, James." She pulled back in her friend's embrace and gazed into her eyes for a few moments. "We haven't been apart for more than a month since we started high school. It's gonna be so weird not to have you close by."
"I know. The house is gonna be so empty without you," Jamie said, crying softly. "But I know that you need to be with Jordan now. This is right for you."
"Thanks, James." She squeezed her friend tightly and let go then went into her bathroom to brush her teeth.
When she came back, Jamie was sitting on the bed. Mia got under the sheet and hugged a pillow when her friend started to massage her shoulders.
"I know you want to be independent," Jamie said, "but I called American Express and told them to put you on my account. They're sending a new card to Jordan's address."
Mia started to turn over, but Jamie held her still. "You don't have to use it. But if you get into a pinch, I want you to have it. I know you won't use it foolishly. I trust you."
"I won't use it at all, Jamie. I really think I'll be fine."
"I know you will," the blonde said. "Honestly, this is more for me than you. I can't stand to think of your having car trouble or something and not being able to get around."
The brunette nodded then reached behind herself to rub Jamie's leg. "As much as I love Jordan, you'll always be my best friend."
Jamie leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. Laughing a little she said, "Don't tell Ryan, but I feel the same about you."
Mia was almost asleep when Ryan entered the room. "I've gotta keep an eye on you every minute," she said to Jamie. "After tonight, you're not gonna have any options-you're gonna have to sleep with me."
"Not much of a burden there, sport," Jamie said, smiling at her lover.
Ryan walked around and squatted by the head of the bed. She looked into Mia's sleepy eyes and said, "I love you." Then she kissed her gently and got up, leaving before Mia could say a word.
"Poor baby," Mia said. "She looked so sad."
"She is," Jamie agreed. "I'll go rub her back next. It's a full-time job around here."
Much to Jamie's surprise, Ryan was in bed and sleeping peacefully when she went into their room. She brushed her teeth then quietly got undressed. When she slid between the covers, Ryan instinctively moved toward her, wrapping her arms around her while she made a soft, purring noise. Jamie hugged her back, holding her close and breathing in her familiar, calming scent. After just a few minutes, both women were asleep, safe in each other's arms.
Part Six
The next morning, Mia got out of bed at five o'clock, having been unable to sleep for more than an hour at a time. She was physically tired, but her mind was running at full speed and had been even while she was sleeping. She took a quick shower to clear out some of the cobwebs then put on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. Remembering that it would be colder later in the day, she grabbed a Cal sweatshirt and draped it around her shoulders.
It took three trips to carry down her stuffed bags, but she was able to wedge everything into her trunk. She stashed Jamie's cooler full of Diet Coke and ice on the backseat. In the front, on the passenger seat, she put the case with her favorite CDs, the Mapquest printout for the quickest route to Colorado Springs, and a paper bag filled with gum, mints, candy and pretzels.
Her excitement was building, but she took the time to go back into the house one last time to make sure she'd collected everything on the list that Jamie'd insisted she make. Satisfied that
she had everything, she started to walk out. Something stopped her, and she turned around to look at the still-dark parlor.
Her mind flashed back to the first time she and Jamie had seen the place. They were just about to graduate from The Oaks and were so excited about having their own home for the next year that they were giddy. They'd driven to Berkeley with their mothers and had spent about an hour in the place, running from room to room like a pair of terriers, making so much noise that Anna Lisa told them to quiet down and act like adults.
But neither girl had felt like an adult that day-at least Mia hadn't. She'd felt like a kid who was going to be able to run wild the next year-and that's exactly what she'd done. Jamie and Jack had started to spend all of their free time together, and by the time the girls had moved into the house, Jamie was already acting like a mature woman. But Mia's childhood had continued unabated.
Upon reflection, Mia realized that it was only when she'd met Jordan that she'd started to settle down. And even then she'd had a few less-than-mature indiscretions. But when she looked at the house now, she felt a mix of tender emotions-not for the house itself, but for all of the milestones that had occurred during her time there. Her eyes clouded with tears, thinking of the boyfriends whom she'd sworn she loved, the heartbreaks, the insecurities, the joys and the pains of growing up-most of them had happened right there. And all of them were linked to Jamie.
She'd never known what it was like to have a sister, but she was sure that a blood relative wouldn't have had a more secure place in her heart than her friend did. They had been through some trials together and had shed many, many tears. But most of their days had been nothing but fun. And since Ryan had moved in, they'd truly become a small, same-sex family. It was very hard to leave both her birth family and this one that had been cobbled together, but it was time to go-to move on with her life with Jordan.
Knowing that she had Jamie and Ryan's full support made the leaving easier, but it still filled her with a sense of loss, the intensity of which surprised her. She'd been so preoccupied with the break with her parents that she hadn't considered how leaving Berkeley would affect her. It was hitting her hard, and she felt like going upstairs and climbing into bed with her friends for one more hug, but it was time to go.
She closed the door, hearing its weighty, reassuring click when she turned the deadbolt. Kissing her palm, she placed it on the oak and let it rest there for a moment. Then she wiped her eyes and sprinted for the car, determined not to look back. This was a day for looking to the future-a future with the woman who'd helped her to grow up enough to make this decision and suffer the consequences.
As she pulled away, she didn't see the tall, dark-haired woman looking out of her bedroom window, crying silently.
Jamie woke when she heard Ryan start the shower. She stretched and fought the temptation to stay in bed for a few extra minutes. Forcing her feet to the floor, she walked into the bathroom and snuck into the back of the shower, surprising her lover by wrapping her arms around her steamy, hot body.
"Where'd you come from?" Ryan asked.
"Our warm, soft, cozy bed," Jamie said. "I wanted to be with you for a few extra minutes. Don't ever say I don't love you." She squeezed Ryan, expecting to hear a laugh in response to her teasing. But Ryan dropped her head, her black hair falling forward. Her belly began to shake, and Jamie turned her around and saw that her face was contorted with sadness. "Baby, what's wrong?"
Ryan put her head on Jamie's shoulder, which caused the hot water to hit Jamie right in the face, but she stayed right with her lover, tilting her chin so the water didn't pummel her eyes.
"I don't wanna go," she said.
"I don't want you to go," Jamie soothed. "I'd much rather have you right here all weekend." She kissed her wet, warm cheek then whispered in her ear, "I always want you with me."
Ryan nodded then stood up and started to wash-first her partner, then herself. She didn't say anything else, but Jamie knew she was holding back. Usually, when Ryan was upset, crying a few tears cleaned out her system and let her get back to normal. The only time she didn't snap out of it was when there was something that she was reluctant to admit.
Ryan grabbed a towel and started to dry Jamie's hair, giving it a rough rub. Then she draped the towel over her own head, took a fresh towel and dried her partner's body.
This was all done in silence, but that wasn't odd for them. Jamie wasn't usually very talkative until she'd had her coffee, and Ryan had come to respect her natural inclinations.
Today, though, it seemed to Jamie that Ryan was not only being sensitive to her needs, but that she was brooding over something. She took the towel from her shoulders and started to dry Ryan's back, being gentle and loving with her. She kissed every part she dried, and held on to the larger woman when she was finished. "Tell me what's bothering you. Is it Mia?"
Ryan nodded. "I don't want her to move away."
"I don't either," Jamie said. "It's gonna be very lonely around here for a while." She looked at her lover and added, "Especially this weekend. I wish you didn't have to go on a road trip."
Ryan started to cry again, crying so hard that she stumbled blindly back into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed.
Jamie followed her and held her, running her hand through Ryan's wet hair. "Honey, please tell me. I know it's not just Mia's leaving."
"I don't wanna go to Fullerton."
It was a little hard to understand her words since she was crying so hard, but Jamie managed. However, simply understanding the words didn't help her understand Ryan's mood. "You've gotta tell me more, baby. I don't have a clue."
"I don't wanna go on a road trip," she said, still sniffling, but more in control. "I … just don't want to."
Jamie was confounded. Ryan almost never complained about her obligations, and she'd never said one bad word about the softball team. "Is there something about Fullerton that …" She trailed off, not even knowing what question to ask.
"No!" Exasperated, Ryan got up and started to pace across the room. "I'm tired of being gone every other weekend. It seems like you're gone when I'm home and I'm gone when you're home. I want you … I need to be with you more."
Jamie walked over to her and put her hands on her shoulders. "Are you … thinking of leaving the team?"
Ryan's head shook, and Jamie could see how frustrated she was. "No! I love being on the team. I just don't want to go this weekend."
"Could you call in sick or something?"
"Of course not!" Now Ryan looked like she was about to explode. "I don't wanna go alone!"
"Well, Jesus! Why didn't you tell me sooner? I could have arranged to come with you."
Calming noticeably, Ryan said, "You have a paper to write. You can't spend the whole weekend sitting on a bench." She tried to avert her eyes, but Jamie wouldn't let her.
"It's not fair of you to decide what's best for me." Ryan's eyes went round at her lover's sharp tone. "It's not," she repeated. "The only way to have a real partnership is if you tell me what you need. Then we figure out a way to make it happen, or we jointly decide that we can't manage it. But your deciding what I have to do and where I have to do it just isn't fair."
"I'm sorry," Ryan said, looking contrite.
"I don't want you to be sorry," Jamie said, kissing her head. "I want you to understand. We each have to tell the other what we need. Even when it's hard." She pulled Ryan down and kissed her.
Ryan's hands rose and encircled Jamie's back, and they kissed for a long time. Soft, gentle, sweet, love-filled kisses.
Jamie reluctantly pulled away. "Promise me that you'll try to tell me when you need something."
"I promise I'll try," Ryan said, kissing her again.
Patting her back, Jamie said, "You'd better get moving. It's 6:30, and you haven't dried your hair."
Walking towards the bathroom, Ryan mumbled to herself, "I should have cut it off before volleyball season. Save myself ten minutes every morning."
; Jamie started for the kitchen, determined to give her partner a proper breakfast. "Cutting hair is a joint decision, baby, and my vote is no."
As soon as Ryan left the house, Jamie got on the phone and called Jennie, happy that she caught her before she left for school. She spoke to her housemother for a few minutes, then the girl picked up. "Hi," Jamie said. "Is anything special going on at school today? Any tests or quizzes?"
"Uhm … no, nothing special. Just another day. Why?"
"How would you like to ditch and go to Fullerton with me for the weekend?"
"Yeow!"
Jamie pulled the phone away from her ear and let the ringing subside. "I guess that means you're in?"
"Where do I go, what do I do?"
"I haven't figured that out yet. I just now decided to go, and I thought you'd be the perfect person to go with me. Let me get on the phone and figure out which flight we can make, then I'll call your school and tell them you're with me."
"Do you need my teachers' names?" Jennie asked.
"Nah. I'll just call the office. Don't worry about it."
"I'm not worried about anything," Jennie said, unable to stop giggling. "Thanks a lot, Jamie, really."
"My pleasure. You just pack a light bag and stay by the phone. I'll call you when everything is set."
"I won't move," Jennie said.
Jamie had a feeling she meant that literally.
Late that afternoon, Jamie and Jennie sat in the dugout of the softball complex in Fullerton, California, watching Cal warm up on the neatly tended grass field. They were the only Cal fans in attendance, and when Jamie said hello to Coach Roberts, he invited them to sit in the dugout. Because of their position, Ryan couldn't see them, and Jamie was able to indulge in her favorite sport of watching Ryan when the tall woman didn't know she was being watched.
Even though she had attended many games, Jamie hadn't spent much time watching warm-ups, preferring to sit at a nearby picnic table and read. But since Jennie was with her, she felt she should be more a part of the total experience. She didn't mind the sacrifice in the least, however, and as she watched the women preparing for the game, she decided that it was actually fun to watch them get ready to play.
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