by Evans, Mike
Zombies and Chainsaws
By Mike Evans
Zombies and Chainsaws is a work of fiction By Mike Evans. All of the characters contained herein are fictional, and all similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
This text cannot be copied or duplicated without author or publisher written permission from the author.
Electronic Edition, License Notes
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.
Copyright© Mike Evans 2015
Editor and Proofreader RC Martine
Cover art by Christian Bentulan
Dedications: I would like to thank my wife, Emily, and my kids for allowing me the time to pursue my dreams. I love each of you more than anything! I would like to thank all of my friends and fans that I have gotten to know over the last year; it has been a wonderful experience and I have felt supported like never before because of it!
Book Forward
By Michael Clary of The Guardian Series
Zombies and chainsaws…just take my money now please! Mike Evans is quickly becoming a big name in zombie fiction, and if you haven’t yet read one of his books, this is a great place to start!
In this book Jude and Chuck will entertain you with their back and forth banter right before all hell breaks loose due to the dumping of chemicals in a graveyard. The best part of course is always the zombies, and when they climb out of their graves and make an appearance, you’ll be glued to your seat turning page after page.
So, if you haven’t yet encountered the fiction of Mike Evans, get ready, you’re about to have a very entertaining ride!
Predictions in life are impossible. Knowing who will be the hero is not something one can guess at accurately. The only prediction that holds true is to do what you know and stick with your friends; friendship is thicker than blood. Family can be inherited friends who must earn that bond. This is one story about a group trying to survive in a newly begun apocalyptic world.
Chapter One
Extra Dough
Adel, Iowa –Saturday 1983
The man sat in his office twirling a pencil with his fingers. He sat staring at the list of jobs the company had slated and couldn’t believe they were as busy as they had been. He was truly thankful for the tornado season. He knew, of course, that he could never voice his joy over it. It was one of the dirty little secrets he had to live with owning a tree trimming business in the mid-west when the tornadoes tore down homes, and enough trees that could fill a forest was a godsend to him. He peered down at the available workers and jobs that needed to be done and knew that they couldn’t be stretched thinner. If another job came in he’d probably shit himself. He was aware that it was a good problem having too much work and not enough people to do it. He’d rather make people wait for it and be able to charge more. He was a huge fan of the business model called supply and demand. It was in his opinion, probably one of the oldest business models in the world.
His phone rang as he listened to news reports on his radio about how Missouri had been struck hard by a massive string of tornadoes. The twisters were not discriminatory to small or large towns; they struck both without impunity. Tornadoes had no targets; they had no emotional vest in particular. They simply existed to do as much damage as they possibly could and, in this case, had set records for being on the ground longer than any tornado in the history of the state. He wished the company could get some of the Missouri money but he'd gotten into a little bit of trouble there in his younger days telling some officials where they could stick it once they caught him after a three day whiskey bender he'd been on. He set down his pencil picking up the receiver.
"What's up Sarah?"
“I’m sorry, who are you speaking to sir?”
He cleared his throat shaking his head knowing this would go a lot quicker if he just tossed out a bit of respect.
“Sorry about that Mrs. Jones. Now, how are you on this beautiful blue sky day?”
He stared out the window as he said this biting his lip and watched as a truck pulled up full of men that looked like they were dragging serious ass. He crossed off the job they had been assigned to and was already looking on the hot sheet to see where he would be dispatching them to go and work the rest of the day. He looked at the time and saw there was plenty left of it.
Mrs. Jones replied, "Why hello Mr. Shaw, aren't we busy lately. I bet you feel like a big important man right now, don't you? Well, I'm about to burst your bubble."
“But I was having such a good day.”
“I know it. Kind of makes calling even better. I have the manager of a tree service on the phone from Missouri. Looks like they finally decided that you and your boys should be allowed some work down south again. Too bad you don’t have anyone available just yet,” she said.
"Put them through. I'm going to figure something out or I'll be dead."
She said, “So what you are saying is, that it’s a win, win situation right? Either way there’s a positive to it.”
“You are too sweet to me. You realize that?”
"Well, it isn't every ex-wife that gets the pleasure of working with her ex every single long day of their life. But the upside to taking half your paycheck is getting to make sure I make your life a living hell regularly. Now hold on while I send them through, and good luck, I really hope you get to be the one to go down there. I don't know who you are going to send."
“Just send them through, God I hate you-”
“I’m sorry this is Mr. Shaw isn’t it?”
Shaw sat erect in his chair shooting daggers at his ex-wife through the smoked glass window and simultaneously flipping her the bird. He cleared his throat trying to figure out a way to not sound like an ass.
“Uh, yes I am sorry about that. I thought I was still talking to my secretary.”
A man asked, “I’m sorry you tell your secretary that you hate them before talking to new clients? That seems awkward.”
Shaw said, "Well yes, I'm sure it does seem weird. She's my ex-wife. She even took her own name back after divorcing me."
“Ah, no further explanation needed, I totally get it. I have two of them myself. They’ll make your life a living hell. I wish she’d just drive off a cliff but God himself protects both of them on a daily basis I think.”
"Just makes me think all them hippies preaching God is a woman seem like they might know what they are talking about," Shaw said with more than a hint of anger in his voice.
"Yeah well, I can't say I disagree with logic like that but that isn't why I'm calling you. You saw the shit storm we went through down here right? You been listening to your radio?"
"Yeah that's just too bad y'all got hit so hard. Tell you the truth we’ve been keeping pretty busy ourselves up this way."
"Save your apologies, I know damn well you are loving this time of year, all of us that own tree businesses do. You sound just like a doctor telling a patient how sorry he is when you go tell him you ain't feeling good. Well, if you aren't feeling good you'd not be there, and he'd not make money off of you. I got a job for you, you got enough men to do it or are you too busy right now? Your name hasn't come across my desk just once, but over and over again. I know your boys are good workers. I'm not concerned with your past everyone does stupid shit when they are young. You just make sure and tell them that if the
y come down here and fuck up like you did that time, that I don't care if a forest drops on the damn state, we ain't going to let you back in with a chainsaw no matter how bad it is. You think you can comprehend that and pass along the message? I'm taking a real jump here, they don't want y'all down here, and I had to vouch for you saying you wouldn't screw this up. You aren't gonna make a liar out of me are you?"
“No sir, hell no. We can handle any job you give us. What’s the job?”
“You ever hear of a town named Sedalia?”
“Sedalia Missouri?”
"Well, you think I'm calling about a town that isn't in Missouri? Yes, Sedalia Missouri?"
"Nope never heard of it, but if it is on a map my boys will get there."
"They got about twenty-thousand people there. But they got more damn trees than you can shake a stick at. They were hit like a son of a bitch. You go there first because of a big business down there and well anyways they need it cleared up so they can get some work done. The whole damn city is just sitting on their hands ‘til they get someone with some real tree cutting experience to come down there and get stuff moved."
"I understand. You want us down there immediately huh? I can probably get some boys on their way down there in the morning. Looks like it is about a four or five-hour drive from my map, hell, they can be down there before lunch if they get their asses up early."
"Well, you see to it they do. I got more jobs for you in the future if you can get this shit cleaned up and moved. You might find it pretty beneficial; make this your chance to get back in the state’s good graces."
Shaw sat forward pounding his fist on the desk.
"You can count on Shaw Tree Removal sir. Now I'm gonna pass you back to my secretary and you give her the information of where we send our bill to and we will be good to go."
"Save it, I got information from a reliable source that we got government money coming our way. I got a check here for five thousand dollars. You get those boys down here. When they are done here if there is more shit that needs to be cleaned up we can send them over there. You tell them they work hard and fast and they get bonuses that sound about right? Don't go being a tight ass and maybe we can get a couple more jobs in. They'll be down here for a week though I can almost guarantee you, sir.”
Shaw had already written down in large numbers the dollar figure the man from Missouri had quoted him. He knew that was one hell of a week's pay even if he had a large group of men working. He dreaded talking to his ex again but knew he had little choice and he wanted to make sure he was damn clear about what it was he was looking for.
Shaw got up from his desk and opened the office door leaning on the frame. He said, “Sarah do you think there's a chance you could try and move some things around and maybe we could swing a crew of four to be gone outta town for a week?”
She smiled and stroked a fingernail polish brush down her manicured nail, holding it out to admire the ruby red color. She said, "Oh sugar there's a lot of things I could do for you to make you happy. Unfortunately, you know how I kind of hate your guts with a passion. I just can't see myself doing anything nice for you. You know the idea of being kind to you just makes me want to puke. Now is there anything else I can do for you hon?"
Shaw looked at her with eyes that burned red.
“I can't see if you have actually done anything for me yet today sweetheart. Now this job is a big goddamn payday. The kind that could lead to more if we don't fuck it up. Now for someone that enjoys having half of my damn paycheck I think maybe you'd be a little bit more – oh, I don't know how would we say it, interested in making money.”
“What kind of money are we talking about darling?”
“The kind of money that makes it so you don't have to come in here no more, and you can just sit at home on your ass taking what's mine, so basically it'd be your dream come true.”
She found herself smiling and said, "Oh my the idea of not seeing you. I can't imagine a life any better. But as bad as it is for you to not get to see my darling face every day I think I could make that work staying at home. Unfortunately for you honey you just don't have any men to spare, everyone on our list is a week behind right now and those boys are working from sunup to sundown and some of them past that."
Shaw punched his hand with a meaty fist. He said, “Why is it every goddamn time I get the opportunity to make a little extra money that I don't have anybody to do the damn labor?”
"Sugar you don't think that, you know, it might be because you're too damn cheap to hire extra people? Or the fact that you'd have a heart attack if men were waiting around here not having something to do and maybe God forbid, you know, working on some of the equipment that is here and not just cutting down dumb old trees."
"That's just idiotic. I don't know what you're talking about. You know what, never mind, as usual I will figure out what it is that needs to be done to keep this glorious facility thriving in America's heartland."
Sarah pointed to her face, “Did you see that right there? That was a little bit of puke coming up in the back of my throat. It tends to happen to me when you speak, you see, you’re the only man that can do that sugar. I just don't understand what I did in another life to deserve to have you in mine.”
Shaw looked at her intently nodding his head. He said, "I know exactly what you mean honey. I think of that every goddamn day when I wake up. Of course, that initial moment when I wake up and you're not in bed lying next to me is kind of a nice few moments."
She opened her mouth ready with a quick rebuttal, but he had already slammed the door and was strutting in victory back to his desk. Shaw stared at the clock for a few minutes realizing every tick of the second hand was one less second he had to get somebody lined up and on their way down to Missouri. He opened up his personnel file checking it and seeing that everyone he had really was on a job. He went down the men who had left in the last few years and when he saw Jude's name he remembered that he had left the company on good terms. He knew he could handle it; the man had been one of his best foremen until his wife had become too ill. He decided he wasn't above paying a couple extra bucks to Jude, knowing in the end he'd still be making more money than the entire crew would be for the week.
He punched in the man's phone number already smiling and leaning back in his chair. He was trying to kick his feet up on the desk but between his large legs and even larger gut it would have been a miracle had he actually accomplished the feat.
He held the phone between his ear and shoulder and wound his finger around the telephone cord as the phone connected on the other end and started to ring. He wondered if he still had the man’s CB radio channel number lying around anywhere but realized there's probably a pretty slim chance of that given it had been a couple of years since then. When the ringing stopped he sat listening, all he could hear were what sounded like dishes being moved around.
Shaw cleared his throat and said, “Hey is uh somebody on the other end of this here line?”
A young voice on the other end of the phone came back, “Well if not sir I think you're talking to a ghost.”
Shaw actually laughed at that realizing the boy had a good point. Shaw said, "No one likes a smart-ass son, but yep I think you got a point there. Is your daddy around to talk to bud?"
He did not ask for the kid’s mom because he knew the exact reason why Jude had left the company. The boy answered quickly, “No, he's not here he's out cutting trees. He said he was going to be dropping them all day long. He even said that we were going to have ice cream tonight because he was having such a good time and the firewood he was going to be able to sell was going to put us on something called easy street, but I don't know where that is. I hope it’s in Adel because I like it, and I don’t want to move.”
Shaw thought about that laughing again and realizing if it wasn't for the fact of how much he did not like kids, this might actually be the one that he enjoyed.
“So your dad’s been busy out cutting down trees?”
"Oh yes, sir he's been very busy. I hardly see him at all. Just about the time I wake up all I see is his pickup truck backing out with the lights on."
Shaw mouthed shit at the phone knowing if he was making that kind of money it was going to cost him even more money to get him to go on any kind of trip.
“So he's doing pretty good huh, well you can't beat an honest days work now can you son?”
“I'm only four sir I don't think that that would be something I could answer for you, sorry.”
“Is there by chance an adult there that maybe I could talk to buddy?”
"Yes, my aunt is here. You want me to go try and find her? I think she's hanging laundry outside right now. I can go check though."
Shaw was ready to say yes, but he had already heard the phone being dropped on the floor and the patter of little feet running away screaming at the top of his lungs. A moment later a slower set of footsteps came back and Shaw could hear a woman's voice yelling at the boy for dropping the phone on the floor. She put it up to her ear speaking softly, "Hello you have reached the Grimes residence if y'all are calling to sell something we ain't buying."
Shaw cleared his throat again and said, “No ma’am I'm not selling anything other than opportunity.”
“Opportunity huh? You sure you aren't trying to sell nothing? Sounds like you're trying to sell a load of bull to me. Who is this anyway?”
"This is Mr. Shaw over at the tree removal service. The one that Jude used to work for back before … before he had to take leave," he knew he did not need to tell whoever it was watching Jude's son what had happened to his wife. He started back up, "Well anyways he used to work for me, hell of a worker."
She said, “Yes until he couldn't get the time off he needed to take care of the only woman he ever loved.”
He could hear a coldness in her voice and of course he could not remember, being a man of the Bible, that he had told anyone no when he had been asked about extra time off. He said, “Well I can't say as I remember that, but right here and now I got a job for him. Now he'd probably need to throw wood for a month to make the kind of money I’m going to offer him.”