Tony stood, naked, restrained in the straitjacket, his life no longer his own, his soul stolen and kept in a dark box that felt like hell. The little hope he had that the judge would set him free had been extinguished. Now his fear of staying in the detention center escalated. Tony finally opened that door in his mind and looked into the doomed life that waited for him.
***
When Roger saw Tony the next morning, he noticed something about his client had dramatically changed. Tony entered the courtroom, his legs were spread at a distance and he didn’t bend his knees as he walked. Tony’s eyes darted around as if he was expecting something to jump out at him.
Tony approached the table where he was to sit. “Where’s my ma?”
Roger was tense. He dreaded telling the boy, knowing what his mother meant to him. “She called last night. Something happened at home, and she can’t make it.”
“Oh.” Tony lowered his head, but the tears that Roger expected didn’t follow.
Roger looked into Tony’s eyes. “Are you OK, Tony? You seem jumpy.”
Tony lowered his eyes to the table. “I’m fine. Just get me outta here.”
The judge walked into the courtroom, and Roger looked over at the prosecutor’s table, which was still empty.
“Mr. Taft,” the judge began, “I just received a call from the prosecutor’s office. The prosecutor’s only witness to this horrible crime was found dead in his home early this morning. Given this information, I am dismissing the charges against your client.”
“Thank you, your honor.”
Roger turned to Tony, who was in a trance. “That’s it, Tony.”
“What?”
“You’re free to go.”
Tony made eye contact with Roger. “Great,” he said blankly.
“Is everything all right, Tony?”
“Do I have to go back to the detention center?”
“We’ll go back to go through some paperwork,” Roger explained.
“How long will I be there?”
“Not long. I’ll be with you the whole time we’re there.” Roger touched Tony’s shoulder, and the boy jerked away from him. “Come on, Tony. We need to leave. I’ll drive you back home after we are finished at the center. How do you feel?”
“Like I ain’t never gonna be the same again.”
“Is there anything you want to talk about?”
“No. I don’t wanna talk about nothin’. I just wanna go home.”
Tony had changed in every way possible. The damage was done. The boy was broken. As he walked out of the courtroom, Tony wondered if all the people sitting in the chairs could see all the horrible acts he had been subjected to by the guards. Tony thought he saw disgust in people’s eyes as they looked at him. Tony knew then that his time in juvenile detention would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Chapter Thirty-One
True to his word, Roger Taft stayed with Tony while he was processed out of the juvenile detention center. Roger worried about Tony’s sullen state even after hearing the good news. Tony’s eyes roamed around as if he was waiting for something bad to happen. As they left and were walking to Roger’s car, Tony noticed Officer Geltz coming in for his shift. Tony stopped dead in his tracks, fear gripping him at his core.
“Is there something you need to tell me?” Roger asked, looking at the officer.
Tony shook his head. “Just take me home.”
Roger drove toward Philadelphia. In his heart he knew something bad had happened to Tony, something that was beyond repair.
“Your family is going to be really happy to have you home,” Roger said, trying to get Tony to talk.
“Yeah, sure. My mother will be happy.”
“Tony, you haven’t been gone that long. I want you to go to school and learn everything you can. You stay out of trouble and choose your friends wisely. You’re a good kid. You have your whole life ahead of you, and this is your chance to show the world what you’re made of.”
Tony leaned his head against the passenger-side window. “I ain’t never did nothin’ wrong. I always been a regular kid. I ain’t never gonna forget how bad it was to be locked up.”
“That’s good, Tony. That should keep you on the straight and narrow so that you never put yourself in a situation where you’d have to go back to prison. You have a lot to offer the world.”
As Roger drove through South Philadelphia, Tony looked around him. Nothing had changed in the short time he’d been gone other than him, he was a different person. The familiar places that had once given him joy seemed foreign to him.
Roger parked his car in front of Tony’s house. He looked up at the neglected home, sandwiched between two well maintained row homes. On the window frames, the once-red paint was peeled away, revealing the dry, rotting wood beneath. The small porch was cluttered with broken chairs, and the roof was dangerously sagging in the middle. Roger stood at the front door with Tony and knocked softly on the door.
Teresa appeared a few seconds later. “Oh, Tony. Thank God.”
Roger stood in the doorway unable to inhale. Teresa’s split and swollen lip paled in comparison to her blackened eye.
“Is everything OK, Mrs. Bruno?” Roger asked, staring at her mangled face.
Teresa put her hand up to her face. “Oh, this? Yeah, I’m fine. I came down to get a drink of water in the middle of the night. I slipped on the stairs and smashed my face into the railing. It’s not as bad as it looks.” She giggled nervously.
Roger didn’t believe one word. He turned to Tony. “Well, this is it. You’re home now.”
“Does Tony gotta do anythin’?” Teresa asked.
“No, Mrs. Bruno. The charges have been dropped. All Tony has to do now is go on with his life and make us proud,” Roger said, patting Tony on the back.
“Thanks, Mr. Taft,” Tony mumbled.
Teresa gave Roger a hug. “Thank you for takin’ care of my boy.”
“Sure thing, Mrs. Bruno. I’m happy I could help.”
After Roger left the Brunos’ home, Teresa took her son into the small living room. She sat on the sofa next to him and took his hand in her own.
“Tony, I gotta tell ya somethin’.”
“What?”
“Your father said he don’t want cha livin’ here no more. He said what cha done to that Rex boy is unforgivable. I argued wit’ him the best I could. That’s how this happened,” she said, gesturing to her face.
“What am I supposed to do, Ma? Where am I gonna go?” Tony practically choked on the words as they fell from his mouth.
“I talked to Vincent’s mother. She said ya can sleep on her sofa for a while till we figure out where ya can stay for good. I told her I’ll give her a little money to help wit’ the food and all, but you’ll have to get a job, something ya can do after school so ya can help earn your keep,” Teresa explained.
Tony started to cry.
“What is it, baby?” Teresa asked.
“I ain’t got nobody in this world. There ain’t no place I belong and no one who wants me around. I ain’t done nothin’ to make this happen. Why, Ma? Why does bad shit always happen to me?”
“Ya can’t look at things that way, Tony. Sometimes bad shit happens to good people. Ain’t no tellin’ what the future will bring. Maybe you’re gonna need to be stronger for somethin’ else in your life and this is God’s way of toughenin’ ya up. I don’t have the answers, but I want ya to know that I love ya. If I didn’t have Macie to worry about, I would fight your father harder.”
“Ain’t ya afraid he’s gonna hurt Macie too? What if he tells ya Macie can’t live here?”
“I don’t know. I just gotta take it one day at a time.” Teresa took a deep breath and put on her most fearless face. “Look, ya ain’t a baby. You’re thirteen; you can figure this out. I’ll help ya. We just gotta be careful your father doesn’t find out. I’m afraid he’ll kill me next time.”
“Did he say he’d kill ya?”
Teresa nodded. “He
said if he comes home tonight and finds ya here that he’ll kill both of us.”
“And you believe him?”
“I wouldn’t put anything past your father. I think his heart is black, made of stone. I done all that I could to change his mind about ya, but he won’t listen. Ya understand, don’t cha, Tony?”
“All I understand is that I was born to a father who hates me, a father who beats my mother just ’cause he can get away wit’ it. I understand that I can’t live here no more and that I ain’t got a family no more. I understand all of it,” Tony growled.
“You’ll always have me and Macie. I swear. I love you, Tony.”
In pure desperation, Tony fell to his knees and put his head in his mother’s lap. “Please Ma. Please, don’t make me leave. I’m scared. I don’t wanna be by myself. I wanna stay here wit’ you.”
Tony sobbed. His chest went in and out in rapid succession. He cried for all that he’d lost, not just on this day, but for the piece of him he’d lost in prison as well. Teresa put her hand on Tony’s head. “Ya need to be brave. It’ll all work out, but right now ya need to be strong, like a man. You’re gonna be fine.”
Tony’s mother helped him to his feet and embraced him. He quivered in her arms, and she wished that she had the courage she told Tony he needed. She was putting her son out of her home—or Carmen’s home, as her husband put it.
Tony composed himself and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. He stood and walked to the garbage bags on the other side of the room. “Is this my stuff?”
Teresa nodded. “I’m so sorry.”
Tony went to his mother and held her tightly. “I know ya don’t want this, Ma. I know what it’s like to want to have control of somethin’ that ya just can’t. I learnt it in prison.”
Tony left his mother and headed to Vincent’s house. On his walk, the chilly night air bit at his face and crept under his clothing. The pain from his broken heart threatened to burst out of him in vicious anguish. He thought about how much his life had changed in the past two weeks. The memories of the guards raping him and forcing him to perform sexual acts on them ran like a horror film in his head. He couldn’t feel real physical pain anymore. His manhood had been ripped from his body by three men paid to take care of him. As Tony walked up the porch steps of Vincent’s home, he wiped the tears from his cheeks and opened the door.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Vincent pulled the front door open and practically jumped into Tony’s arms. Feeling ashamed, Tony pulled away and lightly patted Vincent on the back.
“Tony! I’m so glad you’re here. Your ma called my ma, and you’re gonna stay here for a while. A lot a shit has happened over the past couple a weeks.”
“Oh yeah? What kinda shit?” Tony asked, trying to show interest.
“All kinds a shit. Salvatore’s gonna meet us at Jim’s Steaks tonight. He’s been real worried about ya, just like me. Anyway, bring your stuff in, and we’ll get going.”
Tony dumped his plastic bags in Vincent’s bedroom, and they left the house to meet Salvatore. The cold of the night air chilled Tony to his bones. Vincent had been chatting at Tony since he’d arrived and kept on going as they walked to South Street.
“So what was it like in prison?” Vincent asked.
“It was like shit. It was the worst place I’ve ever been in my life. Bad stuff happens in prison.”
Vincent cocked his head to the side. “What do ya mean? What happened that was so bad?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Well, if ya can’t tell me, who are ya gonna tell? I’m your best fuckin’ friend.”
“I know ya are, Vincent. This ain’t got nothin’ to do wit’ bein’ friends.”
Tony’s resentment toward the guards who had abused him bubbled in his belly. In juvie he’d had Dooley to talk to about the sexual abuse. But now, back on the streets of South Philadelphia, he would have no one.
“Let’s just say that people ain’t so nice. Most of the kids there were a lot older than me. I got my ass kicked by one of ’em. A guy called Dooley who ended up being my cellmate. We sorta became friends before I left. The people who run the place, though, are worse than the nastiest people that roam the streets. They’re fuckin’ sick whacks that don’t even deserve to live,” Tony said.
The two boys had walked another block when they spotted Salvatore standing outside of Jim’s Steaks. Salvatore extended his hand, and when Tony took it, Salvatore pulled Tony to him and hugged him, just the way he sometimes saw his father do with his top men.
“I’m sorry about everything, Tony. I’ll never forget that you kept your mouth shut about what really happened that night. You’re a good friend. I know you’ve been through a lot.”
The sadness in Salvatore’s eyes made Tony’s insides twist, and a low-grade nausea took root. The boys walked into Jim’s Steaks and stared at the line that snaked through the ropes.
Salvatore handed Vincent a twenty-dollar bill. “Tony and I are going upstairs to get a table. Get us three cheesesteaks. OK?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever. I’ll be up when I get ’em.”
Tony and Salvatore sat at a table that overlooked South Street.
“We don’t have much time before Vincent comes up with our food. I know what happened to you in prison. I mean, I don’t know everything, but I know what that guard did to you.”
Tony flushed. His ears felt like they were on fire. His shame was so profound that he thought he’d implode. Salvatore’s words hung heavy in the silence between them. Tony watched Salvatore, waiting to see the repulsion and judgment he was sure would come.
Salvatore shifted in his seat. “I’m sorry that happened to you. When I found out, I told my father if he didn’t do something to help you, I would go to the police.” He lowered his voice to the slightest whisper and said, “And tell them that I killed Rex.”
Tony nodded. He forced back the burning tears. “It was pretty fuckin’ bad, man. I mean, it wasn’t just one guard—there were three of them.”
Salvatore gasped. He locked eyes with Tony. “I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but we’ll get even with those pricks. We might only be teenagers now, but we aren’t ever going to forget what they did to you. Do you hear me?”
“Yeah, I hear ya. I lost a piece of myself in that prison. I don’t feel like I can be a real man no more. They did shit to me that was really fucked up. They made me do shit to them too. I don’t even know who I am anymore, Salvatore. I got jacked up by a bunch of perverted assholes, my father won’t let me live at home, and I ain’t got nothin’ but my mixed-up brains. I can’t think right no more. You know, since I was a little kid, it seems like everything that I ain’t makes me who I am. That’s pretty fucked up.”
“I don’t get what you mean.”
“I ain’t loved. I ain’t wanted. I ain’t needed. I ain’t good enough. I ain’t normal no more. I ain’t got a place to call my own. It’s all about what I ain’t. See what I’m sayin’?”
Salvatore reflected on Tony’s words and then spoke with the wisdom of a fifty-year-old man. “You are a good friend. You are loyal. You are the bravest dude I know. You paid the price for something that I did. You got two great friends. You got a mother and sister that love you and a father that is an ass fuck. Come on, Tony, you have a lot going for you. Can you see that?”
Tony hands fidgeted with the napkin on the table. “Yeah, sure, I see it.”
But, even though Tony understood all the good things that Salvatore had said to him, he felt as though any good had been ripped from him. Tony was lost, and his need to belong somewhere, to something bigger than just himself, became ravenous.
“My father would like you to stop by and see him tomorrow.”
Tony’s fear antenna went up. “Why’s he wanna see me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he wants to thank you. But he wants you to be at our house at noon. You’ll be there, right?”
“Yeah, sure, I’ll be there.”
When Vincent joined them, they ate their steak sandwiches and filled Tony in on a new hot girl in their grade who’d just moved to Philadelphia from Chicago. Tony listened to his friends. He was happy to be with them again, but knowing he had to go see Johnny the next day gnawed at him. What now? Tony thought.
Chapter Thirty-Three
When Tony arrived at the Morano house just before noon the next day, his hands were sweating. He told himself that Johnny would thank him for taking the heat for Salvatore. When Alessandra opened the door, she smiled at Tony. Her sympathetic eyes made him relax slightly.
“It’s good to see you again. Johnny is waiting for you in his office,” Alessandra said.
“Nice to see you too. Is Salvatore in the office?”
“No, Salvatore had to run an errand for his father. Follow me.”
Alessandra tapped lightly on Johnny’s office door and opened it so Tony could enter, and then she pulled the door closed behind him.
As Tony waited for Johnny to acknowledge him, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans to keep them from trembling.
Johnny looked up from the paper he seemed to be studying. “Hello, Tony. Come in and sit down.” He gestured toward the leather sofa.
Tony sat gingerly on the edge of the seat. “Salvatore said ya wanted to see me.”
Johnny took a seat on a leather chair across from Tony.
“Yes. First, I want to let you know that you did the right thing by keeping your mouth shut about my son. The consequences would have been grave if you had said anything.”
“I would never rat out Salvatore…or Vincent neither.”
“Good. Now, you may have been wondering why the judge set you free.”
Tony shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno. My lawyer said the guy who lied about seein’ me killing Rex died.”
“That’s right. The man died so that you didn’t have to stay in prison. Do you understand what that means?”
Tony reflected for a moment. His eyes grew wider. “That you got me out?”
Mean Little People Page 12