by Allie Hayden
When he didn’t offer, I extended the invitation to him instead. Sebastian said he was busy that night and had other obligations; he couldn’t cancel on them, and he apologized to me for not being able to take me out. Not wanting to press matters more, I told him it was okay and that we would find time another day.
This made the day go by even slower for me—almost agonizingly.
I was flipping through my phone on auto-pilot mode when suddenly, I got a surprising text message from an unknown number.
Hey, it’s me.
I instantly knew who it was. But to verify, I shakily typed back, my fingers trembling…
Who is this?
It’s Ash.
My heart was beating outside of my chest. I couldn’t think straight, and the anxiety grew even more. I was feeling a mixture of confusion, happiness, and wonder. Why was Ash reaching out to me right now? And how did he get my number?
The mixed feelings were too powerful for me to contain, and I couldn’t help but reply to his text with a smirk across my face, although a bit in shame.
Hi, Ash. How can I help you?
Are you free tonight? I was wondering if you’d like to do something.
I could not believe my eyes. Was Ash asking me out to do something? For what purpose? There were feelings of confusion inside, but I was also taking all of the precautions I possibly could.
For me, Ash had been my kryptonite. Seeing him, again—like that—so suddenly, caught me off guard. The butterflies seemed to return to my stomach, and I could feel that uneasiness return from days past.
With a bit of trepidation, I replied.
Sure.
20. (Bella)
By the time I got to Sebastian’s place, he was ready to make the magic happen. This time, he made himself take things more slowly. He knew he didn’t want to lose himself again; our relationship seemed like it was hanging by a thread, and that was felt by not only me.
I had called me the afternoon prior to us meeting, so I had plenty of time to get ready and make myself presentable for him. I was dressed in the finest, thinnest slip of silk that hugged my curves like it was made exactly to fit my body. It flowed on me like gold, and I knew he wanted to tear it off immediately.
He backed me up against the wall and leaned down to whisper in my ear. “You look like you need to be ravaged tonight.”
I giggled, giving him a little peck on the cheek before slipping out of his grasp and heading over to the bar.
“No pancakes tonight?” I teased, taking a seat on one of the barstools.
I crossed my legs in such a way that allowed Sebastian to glimpse the lack of clothing underneath, and he held back an aroused growl.
“I can make some later if you want.” He stalked towards me, already stripping himself of his coat and loosening his tie. “But only if you’re good.” He bit his lip, and this made my lady parts become soaked.
“Oh, you know I’m always good.” I looked up at him from beneath thick, dark lashes in a way that turned him on even more.
He grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him, keeping a tight grip on me as he kissed me passionately. I groaned into him, seeming to melt as he raised one of his arms to keep my body upright.
“You look so good tonight,” he whispered in my ear, trailing kisses down the side of my neck. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice your little scheme, though?”
I gasped as one of his hands slipped up my skirt, playing with the exposed labia as he continued to kiss me. I squirmed against him, grinding against his hand as he found that most sensitive spot and worked it until I was gasping for breath against him. I was so wet, and I could tell he was becoming hot with desire.
Leading me over to the couch, he began unbuttoning his shirt. Then he pinned my hands to my sides firmly. I felt him become harder as I tried to resist him. It sent a clear message. He was in charge here, and he didn’t need any of my help.
I shuddered against him as he slid his belt out from its loops, casting it aside with his shirt. He slipped my dress up and over my head then, knowing that he hated it when he was more naked than me. It was a position of power to be dressed when someone wasn’t, to have them be vulnerable in front of you when you didn’t give the same to them. It was something he enjoyed.
The only thing I wore that night was that dress, so when I was bare before him, I could see in his expression that he was pleased with my choice of attire. We breathed for a second, just taking each other in, and then he grabbed me, pulling me onto the couch with him.
“You know what I want, lovely,” he said, guiding me gently down to where his sex stood, erect, throbbing, waiting for sweet release.
Keeping eye contact with him, I took it in between my lips and my hands, working a bit of my small magic as Sebastian groaned in pleasure. God, it felt good. It felt so good that for a moment, I lost myself in front of him. I was pleasuring my king, the man who would bring me so many erotic pleasures. I could do my best to make sure he was satisfied.
He quickly, and maybe a little roughly, flipped me over, and he started to thrust into me with quick strokes, fingering that knot of pleasure as he did so that I might experience that wonderful release first. But it wasn’t enough. Or rather, maybe it was.
Because, I could feel my sex close and contract around him, thinking of the close and intimate contact between human bodies, and I let myself drift to another planet. As he continued to pump in and out of me, I was beginning to feel myself climax.
He didn’t know if he whispered or screamed it, but one thing was for sure: I heard it. Because he rarely spoke during sex, and most certainly never said my name, and the syllables that had just passed his lips were Lillian.
Immediately, I pulled away from him, pushing him off me. Sebastian had to sit back, ashamed of himself, not quite sure how to explain what had just happened.
“I thought you were going to keep these things out of it,” I said, looking more frustrated than sad.
“I know, I don’t know what to—”
“Just…don’t. I think you’re a lot less mature than you realize, Sebastian. When you figure things out, you know where to find me.”
Hurriedly, I grabbed my slip and dressed myself with haste as I left his apartment without another word.
21. (Lillian)
The rest of the workday went by slowly, and I found myself counting the hours before getting off. Ash was on his way to pick me up. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, nor was I sure what my initial reactions would be.
I did another check of myself in the bathroom mirror, making sure I was looking presentable. Although Ash and I had been broken up, I didn’t know what his intentions were, at the same time, not quite knowing what mine were either. All I knew was that I was missing him, and these feelings were undeniable.
It was approaching five minutes to the meeting time, and I made my way down the stairs of the office. I didn’t want to be late for our meeting and being punctual was a trait I prided myself on. Ash was waiting downstairs, looking as dapper as ever. His red convertible matched his leather jacket and shades.
I couldn’t help but check him out a little—but I stopped myself when I remembered who he was—my ex, Ash Bennet. When I approached the car, he grabbed the handle and opened it for me. It was a nice gesture, and I couldn’t help but hide my blushing face.
“Thank you,” I replied as I got into the car.
He popped into the driver’s seat beside me, and things were feeling like they were back to normal. I snarkily commented, “No motorcycle today?”
“I thought I would take you in something a little more ‘safe,’ princess.”
That name made me feel a bit uneasy, and the fact that he was bringing it up now really irked me. What was he thinking, and what were his intention? I decided not to get ahead of myself and to just enjoy each other’s company.
“Tonight will be my treat,” Ash leaned into me, almost becoming too close. “There’s this beautiful lookout spot I want to sho
w you.”
I hid a smile, using my hair to hide my face as I looked out the window. It really felt like things were back to normal and that everything was falling into place. It was almost too good to be true.
Ash wasn’t kidding about this beautiful lookout spot. We had driven out of the city, past the land-locked grid of buildings, and out onto Interstate 95. The hills were rolling, the environment became lusher and grassier, and the light pollution seemed to disappear from where we stopped the car.
We had driven up this windy road that stretched out for miles overlooking all of New York in the distance. And from where we were standing, the night sky engulfed the city in a scene that seemed almost dream-like.
I looked up at the sky in awe. “Wow…”
Ash came up beside me, with his hands in his pockets, a bit of apprehension in his voice. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I told you it would be worth it.”
“Ash. I don’t know what to say. This is a lot.”
“I know, Lillian.” He held a finger to my lips.
And we looked into each other’s eyes, lost in the moment we were currently sharing.
“Ash. I’m not sure. I don’t know.” I shied away from his glance.
And he grabbed my hands. I had been waiting for this moment for such a long time now. All of the agony I had felt in the past several months seemed to lead up to this point. And for a moment, I forgot about everything, about everyone. It was just the two of us up here, on this hill.
Ash leaned in and kissed me.
It was as if our souls were colliding and forming into one. Like everything in that moment was right, the only two people that were made for each other right there for God to bring together. And for a moment, I believed that maybe that was the case, that maybe this was perfect. And that maybe Ash was ‘The One.’
But almost as quickly as it seemed that our relationship was about to mend, I stopped myself from feeling anything more. I pulled away from Ash as the second thoughts came flooding into my brain involuntarily, quickly, much too quickly for me to catch them.
“Ash. Take me home.”
His hands were still caressing mine, and he was startled.
“Why?”
“This…just…doesn’t…feel right. I’m sorry.”
I pulled away from him, retracting my stance as to fit myself back into my bubble. There was a deep sense of disappointment in my eyes. A feeling of remorse rushed into me. The fleeting moment of serenity escaped us, and he nodded back at me.
The car ride home was quiet. Awkward. We both not dared say another word to one another, and the only sound that broke the air was the humming of the radio. We drove back into the city, and Ash stopped in front of my apartment. He looked at me with eyes that seemed to well up in misunderstanding. Without another word, I left the car.
On Sunday, I sent a message to Sebastian.
Hey, did you want to have that dinner? My treat.
It felt like it had been too long since I had seen him—we had no contact since Friday—and I wanted to be able to celebrate my accomplishments with him.
It took a while for him to respond, almost long enough for me to start feeling concerned.
But then, finally, Sure, what time should I pick you up?
Seven is fine. Shall I make reservations?
That would be lovely, as I have no idea where we are going.
I giggled and set my phone down to find where I had written the phone number for the restaurant one of the seamstresses had recommended. I was always eager to try out new foods, and I was sure that this was going to be a wonderful opportunity to do exactly that. It was a smaller Korean restaurant that had wonderful soups, as well as good vegetarian options, though neither of us were vegetarian.
It didn’t take long to make the reservations, and then that just left the rest of the day until Sebastian picked me up at seven. It was a few minutes past seven and I had hurriedly fixed my makeup and hopped around on one foot trying to get my shoe on. I knew Sebastian hated it when I wasn’t punctual, but I was usually was…there had just been such a series of spontaneous events that happened over the past weekend, and all I wanted right now was to have a bit of stability in my life.
“Sorry about that,” I said, a little out of breath, as I slid into the passenger seat of the car. “I wanted to make sure I looked my best.”
“You look lovely,” he said with a smile. “Now, will you stop being cryptic and tell me where this place is?”
“Of course!” I said with a laugh, typing the address into his phone’s GPS. “I got it recommended to me by one of the seamstresses, so it should be good.”
“I certainly hope so,” he joked.
“What, you that hungry?”
“Most definitely. Don’t you know me by now, Lillian?”
We joked and teased as he drove us to the restaurant, and if I didn’t know any better, I could say that we had a certain type of chemistry going on. But it was long past the time for that. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
All throughout dinner, I wasn’t sure if it was me or not, but Sebastian couldn’t keep his eyes off me. The food was delicious, and the conversation was wonderful. I was hyper-aware of every touch, every glance, every laugh as the two of us finished up my congratulatory dinner.
“Shall we get dessert?” I asked when the waiter offered us the menu for the next course. I wanted to spend some more time with him.
“I have some wonderful pie at home if you want to come back with me,” Sebastian said. “I don’t think I can finish all of it alone.”
“Sure, that sounds lovely. We’ll have the check now.” I directed the last part at the waiter, who hurried away to grab our bill.
“What kind of pie is it?” I asked.
This was the perfect opportunity to get Sebastian alone. I wanted to spill everything to him, to tell him about my weekend, and about a little someone.
“Oh, a coworker brought me some apple pie from a local bakery.”
“Sounds delicious.” I smiled as I said this.
22. (Sebastian)
I had no idea how to process what I had just done.
I didn’t know what had come over me. There was no way I could deal with having Lillian in my home again, especially not now, when all these feelings were coming up again and I had no way to control them.
But I almost couldn’t contain it. I felt like my fifteen-year-old self again, watching her beam with radiance, wondering if she might be in love with me once more. It had been me, all those years ago, who had made the first move. But I wasn’t as confident now, and it terrified me. The butterflies in my stomach were involuntarily jumping about, and it wasn’t the dinner that was making them do that. I looked over to Lillian and wondered if she was feeling the same way.
I felt like that boy again, unsure of how to work things out but knowing now that I had to get those feelings under control somehow. Otherwise, I was sure I would combust. And I would rather have rejection than uncertainty.
The two of us headed back to my apartment, and I did his best to seem normal, trying to figure out what might be the best time, still painfully aware of every single move that she was making. She seemed like a goddess somehow. A figure of light. Shining with radiance every time she so much as turned her face slightly.
I wanted to bring her down from her place in the sky. Kiss her passionately and let her light burn me, burn away everything that had ever happened as we consumed each other. When we arrived back at the apartment, I took the pie out of the fridge and watched as she sat on one of the bar stools. I pulled down a couple of plates and silverware as I noticed the way she crossed her legs beneath her.
God, she was perfect.
And so unaware of it too.
I knew that she probably had no idea what effect she had over me, even from just sitting there, fully clothed, no hint at nudity, no glimpse of her body beneath. It was difficult to contain my praises of her beauty as I cut her a slice, sliding it across the co
unter as I came over to sit next to her. The pie was good, but as not as good as the prospect of spending extended time in her company, especially as she smiled to herself at the taste of the classic dessert.
“You’ll have to get the name of the bakery for me; this is delicious,” she said, and I could only nod. My gaze was fixated on her lips and the small bit of sugar syrup that was smeared across them.
I thought of kissing her to get rid of it but then thought better. Instead, I reached out my hand and used my thumb to wipe it off. She looked up at me with wide, questioning eyes. Lillian struggled not to show emotion as I reached out to her.
There was an attraction between us recently. I was doing my best to suppress it, but at the same time, I could tell that there was something else on her chest. Something else bothering her.
Instinctually, she leaned into my touch, and I couldn’t help but shiver. As I withdrew my hand, she leaned forward, bringing her hand up to my face to kiss me, slowly, gently.
She stopped herself in the midst of it all. There was a reality we needed to face, and I thought I should be the one to explain myself before she opened her mouth and—
“Sebastian. I—”
“What is it, Lily?” I was a little disappointed that she had broken the moment between us before kissing.
“I need to tell you something.” She looked down in defeat.
I could tell she was trying to choose her words carefully, making sure she was being as tactful as possible, not knowing where the words would take her. The future was suddenly very uncertain, and the restlessness in my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I waited until she was ready to continue with her train of thought.
After some silence, she spoke again.
“I…I met up with Ash over the weekend…” Lillian looked up to see if I was paying attention. And for the first time since Lillian knew me, I knew she could see the look of sadness on my face. She continued. “We kissed.”