by Terri Nixon
She pulled away, and her face was suddenly cold. ‘I’m not doing this for you. This is your fault as much as this is.’ She gestured at her belly. ‘You seem so nice, Evie, but you just destroy everything. My family will never speak to me again, and now Oli and Archie may both die. You shouldn’t have told them, I begged you not to, but you knew better! You don’t care whose lives you trample on, or who gets hurt. No wonder your husband couldn’t wait to get back to the trenches.’
I sat in complete shock, my insides twisting in anguish, but Lizzy was not going to stand idly by. ‘Kitty Maitland, how dare you! Evie has done everything she can to help you; that one night she left you, she was trying to save her marriage. Besides, you said yourself, you’re not a child! Evie has worked alone on that road before, many times. All the other drivers do, she told me so, and you wanted to be just the same. If something had happened to her, and it might just as easily have done, would you have stood up and accepted the blame the way she’s doing?’
Kitty stared, her mouth open, but Lizzy hadn’t finished, and her voice was pure fury. ‘She has taken you under her wing, taught you everything you need to know to save countless lives, brought you here to be safe, and now she’s risking her health to make sure you get back to France and put right what your brother has done!’
‘Her health?’ Kitty managed.
‘Oliver tricked Archie and Evie into helping him desert! Evie wanted him to come here and talk to you, persuade you to tell the army what happened. Not just for your sake, you selfish little madam, but for the sake of every single girl out there. And now, when she should be resting, she’s putting herself through all sorts on your account.’
‘Lizzy,’ I protested, as she stopped for breath, ‘Kitty’s not selfish, she’s right.’
‘She is not! She had a right to feel a little let down at first, but you have more than made up for your small part in what happened, you know you have.’
I didn’t know what to say, and neither did Kitty, we just sat next to one another on the unmade bed, looking at Lizzy who, despite her diminutive stature, seemed to fill the room. Her hands were braced on her slender hips, and her bright blue eyes blazed at the two of us, waiting for one of us to speak.
I was the first to find my voice. ‘Well, it’s no wonder Uncle Jack is scared of you.’
Lizzy looked back at me, amazed, and then gave a yelp of laughter. Kitty’s hand crept into mine, and when I looked at her she was blinking back tears.
‘She’s right, I’m sorry,’ she said in a quiet, hiccupping voice.
‘Don’t be,’ I said. ‘Just try and think about where Oli might have gone. And promise me you’re going to tell the truth about what happened.’
‘I will.’
‘It will be hard, and people will accuse you of awful things.’
‘My family have already disowned me, I’m ruined. It can’t hurt now.’ Her words were brave but her voice shook, and I smoothed her hair, the abundant red curls springing back under my hand. I remembered Oliver’s hair, so similar, and at the reminder of his youth my anger towards him faded a little. Still, he had abandoned his sister just as surely as her parents had, and the anger did not retreat far.
It struck me then that the three of us in this room had all had our own youth torn away far too soon; by different things, but just as surely as one another. Lizzy to Holloway, myself to the war, and Kitty to the terrible experience that had turned her, at the age of nineteen, into a middle-aged woman with too much knowledge in her sad green eyes.
‘We’ll look after you, sweetheart,’ I said, my voice cracking, ‘both of you.’
‘But you’ll be going back to Flanders, and I’ll just be here getting in the way once the baby’s born.’
‘You won’t be in the way, love,’ Lizzy said, calmer now. She sat down on Kitty’s other side. ‘You’ll be amongst real friends, just remember that.’
Kitty looked from Lizzy to me and back again, and took a deep breath. ‘Do you promise?’
‘I swear on Mrs Adams’s bread pudding,’ Lizzy said solemnly, and was rewarded with a weak smile. ‘Right, now let’s give you a hand with these beds since we’ve kept you talking. Not you,’ she said to me, as I rose, prepared to help. ‘You don’t want to put any strain on that shoulder.’
‘All right. I’ll go and make some tea instead, shall I?’
‘Good idea,’ Lizzy said, ‘and then we’ll talk to Jack about where to start looking for Kitty’s brother.’ She picked up the clean sheet from the basket. ‘Right, Miss Kitty, blow your nose, get your thinking cap on, and in the meantime let’s get this job done before Mrs Adams gets home.’
Later that afternoon Lizzy looked at me with amused exasperation. ‘I don’t understand you, Evie. You’re out there –’
‘Don’t,’ I warned, but she ignored me.
‘Out there facing bombs, bullets, gas, goodness knows what else –’
‘Lizzy…’
‘You’ve been shelled, frozen, half-starved, wounded –’
‘All right!’
‘Are you going in, then?’
‘Yes!’
‘Good girl.’ She held the door open for me and, taking a deep breath, I went in.
The doctor spent a long time looking, making tutting noises, and prodding around my gum. Now and again he would touch a bit of sharp tooth and I would squawk, causing him to draw back and raise one eyebrow; no doubt his thoughts echoed Lizzy’s. It was all very well, but when one is in the thick of things there’s no time to anticipate pain, which is the hardest bit. Sitting in this chair, however, all I could think about was how it would feel when he picked up the forceps and applied them to the shattered mess at the back of my mouth.
Lizzy picked up my hand, sensing the time for good-natured teasing was past. ‘Soon be over,’ she said. ‘Doctor, it’s very good of you to see Evie at such short notice.’
‘Glad to be of help. Can’t have her going back to fight the Hun if she can’t even eat,’ he murmured. ‘Are you sure you don’t want any Procaine?’ he asked, before he carried on. ‘I know I said it’s in short supply, but we do have some.’
‘If it’s in short supply, then you need it,’ I said, trying to sound firm. I’d seen boys put up with infinitely worse treatment without crying out; I must be as strong as I willed them to be, and this must be over soon, in any case.
I could sense Doctor Nichols being careful not to jog my shoulder, but in all honesty a good jolt of pain there might have provided a welcome distraction; I have always loathed, beyond measure, the necessity for dental work, which is why I looked after my teeth to an almost obsessive degree and was glad Will was the same. I turned my thoughts in his direction, picturing his strong, white teeth showing in his dimpled smile. It helped a little.
Lizzy stayed at my side while the doctor bent and picked broken shards of tooth out of my swollen, sore gum. I had my eyes closed but I could hear the breath hissing between her teeth in sympathy whenever he tugged a bit and made me whimper. There were pieces that had driven into my gum, which had begun to heal over the top, and when these came free my whimpers turned to little yelps and Lizzy’s hand tightened on mine.
The doctor paused now and again to let me swill my mouth out with tepid water, before pressing me gently back down and setting to work once more. When he had pulled all the shattered fragments out, he put a wad of cotton into my mouth and gradually the coppery taste of blood subsided. It seemed to have taken hours, but a glance at the clock told me it had been less than twenty minutes. Jack would be outside with his car, waiting to take us back to Dark River Farm, and a night’s rest before setting off with Kitty in the morning in search of Oliver. I looked forward to just sitting, talking to him and Lizzy, putting the frightening situation to the back of my mind for one blissful night, maybe sipping a warming drop of whisky…
But the doctor hadn’t finished. I saw Lizzy catch his eye, and she reluctantly let go of my hand. ‘I’m going to tell Jack we won’t be long,’ sh
e said, but she wouldn’t look at me. My clenched hands tightened until my short, ragged nails bit into my palms, and as the doctor picked up the forceps I knew the worst was far from over. The door closed quietly, the doctor leaned in and removed the cotton wad, and I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes tightly shut.
Chapter Twenty-One
Dark River Farm, April 1917.
Kitty rubbed at her tear-streaked face while Jack and I struggled to contain our frustration. Lizzy sat next to the younger girl, and kept shooting looks of remonstration our way, but things were getting desperate.
‘I’m sorry to sound so harsh, love, we’re not trying to frighten you.’ Jack was pacing, and I felt like joining him. Surely Kitty must have some idea of where her brother might have gone? She was clearly unwell, and not all her sniffles were a result of her weeping, but this was Archie’s life at stake, and if she really loved him…but at the expense of her brother? Her dilemma didn’t fail to touch me, and to elicit a deep ache of sympathy, but she must do the right thing. She must.
‘Kitty, please,’ I said, urgency making my throat painfully tight, ‘Oliver has done wrong, you can see that, surely?’
‘He’s just frightened!’
I tried not to snap, to keep my voice even, but it was difficult. ‘And all those front-line Tommies aren’t? Will isn’t? Oliver’s got it good out there by comparison!’
She gave me a blistering look. ‘Good? How can you say that, seeing what you’ve seen? Don’t forget I’ve seen it too. Just because he’s an officer doesn’t mean he’s safe – officers die too. Every day.’
‘But they don’t run away!’
‘Look,’ Jack said, sitting down again and leaning towards her with his hands linked, and I could tell it was in an effort not to reach out and shake her. ‘I understand your brother’s very young, and if we can get him back soon enough to prove he wasn’t seriously trying to desert, he may get away with punishment detail. I’ll speak for him, I promise, and your testimony will go a long way too. But if he stays away until they send someone for him, and they will,’ he said, fixing her brimming eyes with his, ‘he’ll be lucky to escape with his life.’
‘I’m sure he’s just giving himself a good talking to,’ Lizzy said, ‘time to come to terms with things.’ She frowned at Jack, but I was firmly alongside him.
‘He doesn’t have that luxury, and why should he, any more than any of the others out there? More than that boy whose mother was ill, and who came back to see her?’
Jack looked away and I realised that was a bad example. I’d never even asked what had become of that boy, but it was clear Archie hadn’t been able to help after all. I fought down a surge of sorrow, and tried to sound friendlier as I hurriedly pushed on. ‘Skittles, sweetheart, you know we just want to give Oli the best chance of putting this right. If you can tell us where to find him, where to begin looking even, Uncle Jack will do his best to help.’
Lizzy touched a wrist to Kitty’s forehead. ‘You don’t look at all well, darling. How are you feeling?’
‘A bit achy but it’s just a cold. I’m used to it.’ She turned to Jack again. ‘I know you’re both right and I’ll try to think, but my mind is so fuzzy.’ She concentrated for a moment, while we waited and even Lizzy tensed, then shook her head. ‘He’d never go home, I know that. He has friends in Liverpool but I can’t remember where they live.’
‘Their name?’ Jack sat up straight, looking interested.
‘Something short. I…I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t cry,’ Lizzy said, and put her arm around her. ‘Jack, she needs to sleep. Maybe she’ll remember in the morning.’
‘We’ll have to leave first thing, whether we have any leads or not,’ Jack pointed out.
‘I’ll be ready.’ Kitty coughed and winced, and Lizzy sighed.
‘Leave her alone for now, she’s doing her best.’
I wasn’t convinced, but took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, I know you are, Kitty. At least you’re agreed you must speak up, to name that vile dr…’ I caught Jack’s eye, and changed the word that had hovered on my lips, ‘man who did this to you.’
She nodded. ‘I will do that, I promise.’
‘We’ll find him,’ Jack said, and leaned over to squeeze her hand. She looked surprised, but I wasn’t: Jack Carlisle had the forbidding and slightly distant look of the secretive man he’d had to be, but inside that chest beat a heart of pure gold. Lizzy’s expression softened to see it evidenced, and she put her own hand over theirs. He raised his face to her, and I saw the apology in the creasing of his brow.
‘You’re right, and trying to force this is getting us nowhere. Go to bed, Kitty, a good night’s sleep might help you clear your head. And try not to worry,’ he added, and drew her to her feet. ‘We’ll find your brother, we’ll explain everything, and as long as we get to Archie before he sends that telegram it’ll be all right.’
I went with Kitty to her room. ‘Are you going to be all right if I don’t come back to Flanders with you?’
‘Of course. I’ll have Elise to take care of me, and your uncle. You need to get some use of that arm back.’
‘Not to mention my jaw,’ I agreed with a rueful smile. It felt as though I had a tennis ball tucked inside my cheek, but Lizzy had assured me it didn’t show too much.
I sat down on her bed and watched as she filled her bowl for washing. ‘Skittles, about Archie –’
‘I’m sorry about what I said.’ Kitty frowned and rubbed at the back of her neck, arching to relieve an ache. ‘I understand about you and Will. At least,’ she amended, ‘I understand how much you love him.’
‘I do, and although Archie is a dear friend, and has helped us both no end, I want you to know I could never turn to him…in that way. No matter what happens with Will.’ And what would happen? I had no idea, all I knew was that I couldn’t give up on him no matter what he said.
I left her to undress and climb into bed, and Jack, Lizzy and myself returned to Lizzy’s mother’s cottage. As we walked, Jack’s hand found Lizzy’s and they exchanged a wordless look of understanding for one another’s conflicting roles in that evening’s conversation; their natural approaches had complemented one another, and I was glad for Lizzy’s tenderness, which had also balanced out my own rising frustration.
As for Kitty, my respect for her, despite that frustration, had soared. Not yet out of her teens, and going back to Flanders to face not only shells and bullets, but also disgrace, and the possibility of sending her own brother to court-martial. Courage like that was rare and precious, and I could only pray it would be rewarded.
I was brought awake in the early hours by a hammering on the bedroom door.
‘Come in,’ I mumbled. The door opened, and although it was still dark, the height and breadth of the silhouette in the doorway told me instantly who was there.
‘Uncle Jack? What are you –’
‘Is she here?’
‘Who?’ I struggled to a sitting position, trying not to groan at the chorus of pain that sang from shoulder and mouth.
‘Kitty.’ Jack came in, and now I could see his face I recognised a mixture of annoyance and worry. ‘She’s not at the farm.’
I blinked, trying to organise my thoughts, but could only repeat fuzzily, ‘Not at the farm?’
‘No one’s seen her since last night. Has she been in to see you? Said anything about going somewhere before we leave?’
Worry cut through my sleep-addled confusion. ‘The last time I saw her was when she went to bed.’
Jack ran his hands through his hair, his annoyance growing. ‘I went up to the farm early, to make sure she had plenty of time to get ready. No one saw her leave but she’s not there. I hoped she’d come to see you, to say goodbye.’
‘No.’ I shoved the eiderdown back and prepared to get out of bed.
‘It’s all right, Evie, stay there, rest. We’ll find her.’
‘I’ll be down in a minute,’ I said firmly. ‘You can’t de
lay your departure, every minute counts.’
‘If I’d thought there would be a problem this morning I’d have insisted on leaving last night.’
‘You couldn’t have guessed she’d wander off,’ I said, then couldn’t help trying to raise a smile. ‘Although it is starting to look like a family trait.’ His brief grin lightened his face for a moment, and I was glad to see it despite the panic gnawing at my insides; if she had, after all, placed Oliver’s safety above Archie’s, who knew how it might end? I stood up and ushered him from the room. ‘Let me dress, and I’ll help you look.’
Good Friday was already announcing itself as anything but good. The sun was creeping over the horizon. Lizzy and I searched the cottage and its garden, and the surrounding gardens as well, while Jack took his car to the village. Then, to half-hearted protests from Lizzy, I urged her into the passenger seat of the new ambulance and drove back up to the farm.
We spoke to everyone we could find. Belinda had overslept, and her sister Jane, and the other land girl Sally,both said the same thing: they’d been up early with the lambing and hadn’t been in the house to see if anyone had left.
‘I hope she’s all right,’ Sally said. ‘Have you checked the outbuildings?’
We had. I was starting to get really worried now, she must have gone in the middle of the night – a thought hit me, and I groaned, wondering why I hadn’t considered it before.
‘What?’ Lizzy wanted to know. I took her arm and led her away from everyone else. It was going to be hard to put into words, but I tried. ‘Look, Kitty might be worried about her brother, but she loves Archie too. She wouldn’t deliberately put him at risk, I’m sure of it.’
‘Then what made her leave?’
‘Well, she went through a terrible ordeal with Potter.’
‘I know. And I have every sympathy, but…’ Her words faded and her mouth tightened as the implication sank in. ‘You’re saying that sending her off across the country, in the sole company of a man she’s never met before, might have terrified her to the point of running away?’