by Jenika Snow
Evernight Publishing
www.evernightpublishing.com
Copyright© 2013 Jenika Snow
ISBN: 978-1-77130-529-7
Cover Artist: Sour Cherry Designs
Editor: Karyn White
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.
This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
DEDICATION
Don't ever think you are not good enough. If it feels good and right take hold of it and don't let go.
Thank you everyone who has stood by me and given me your support and love. You have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
THE EDGE OF FOREVER
Jenika Snow
Copyright © 2013
Chapter One
December 1998
“I’m going to marry Poppy when I’m older, Blake.” Jon looked up at his older brother and smiled.
“Sure you are, buddy.” Blake ruffled his hair, and Jon ducked out of the way. He hated when Blake did that.
Jon smoothed the now messy strands and puffed out his chest. “I am, you’ll see.”
“Says the seven-year-old with the missing front teeth.”
Jon felt his face heat at Blake’s words.
“I’m just teasin’, buddy.” If Blake wasn’t older and bigger Jon would have put him in a headlock and messed up his dark hair. “Look, Jon, there’s the girl of your dreams.” Jon followed Blake gaze and saw Poppy Matthews step into his home with her parents behind her.
“She’s so pretty, Blake.”
“Kiddo, you got a lot of years ahead of you, but go for it.” Blake walked away, but Jon didn’t bother watching. He let his feet carry him over to the prettiest girl in the world.
“Hi, Poppy. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews.” Jon kept his eyes on Poppy. Her blue eyes reminded him of the big blue stone on his mom’s ring.
Everyone made their way into the dining room, but right before Poppy followed through the doorway Jon grabbed her hand, stopping her. She looked down at her hand, and he saw her cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink.
Don’t chicken out. Don’t chicken out.
Glancing up, he saw the little piece of green with white berries hanging from the doorway. He had seen his mom and dad kiss under it a lot. They called it mistle-something or other. Jon moved in closer, and Poppy gave him a funny look.
“What are you do—”
He pressed his mouth to hers, but the next thing he knew he was on his butt looking up at her.
“Gross.” She wiped her mouth on her shirt then turned around and went into the dining room. He could hear her telling on him, but he didn’t care because he just kissed Poppy Matthews.
Yeah, Jon was going to marry her, and no one would tell him otherwise.
****
June 2001
“Dude, if you don’t quit staring at her she’s going to think you’re a freak.”
“Shut up.” Jon didn’t pay attention to Zack or Mike as they continued to give him shit. In all honesty, Jon didn’t care what anyone said. He loved Poppy, and sooner or later she’d come to realize that she loved him, too.
He couldn’t have imagined all the shy looks she cast his way, or the way her arm brushed up against his. He had known her for thirteen years, and he knew without a doubt she was the girl he would spend the rest of his life with.
Jon couldn’t remember exactly when that one, perfect moment of realization had occurred, but the wheels had been set in motion the moment his seven year old lips had touched hers underneath the mistletoe.
“Why don’t you just quit being a douchebag and ask her out already?” Zack nudged him in the shoulder, and he pushed him away.
“If you don’t, I will.” Mike went to stand, but Jon pulled him down and stood.
“Try it, and I’ll kick your ass.” Mike and Zack laughed, but they knew Jon wasn’t joking. He may not have asked Poppy out on a date, but he spent a hell of a lot of time with her, thanks to their parents being good friends.
Gathering his courage, Jon took the ten or so steps until he stood behind Poppy. The bikini she wore had parts of his body threatening to come to attention if he didn’t keep himself in check.
For several minutes all he could do was stand there and stare at the slender slope of her shoulders. Her skin looked so damn soft that he had to curl his fingers into his palm to stop himself from touching her. Poppy spoke to her friends, but he couldn’t focus on their conversation, not when the scent of sunblock and baby powder surrounded her and did crazy things to his head.
The conversation around her suddenly stopped until all he could hear was the erratic pounding of his pulse in his ears. She looked over her shoulder, and his blood coursed through his veins as adrenalin and testosterone filled his system.
There were probably close to seventy-five people at his graduation party, but only one person held his attention. She turned around to face him, and he was struck by her beauty. His friends and family were in the pool, and splashes of water covered them. It took all his willpower not to watch those droplets of water cascade down her body.
“Hey, Jon.” Her smile could bring him to his knees.
Bright, clear blue eyes regarded him, and he realized he hadn’t responded. “Hey.” He sounded nervous. Hell.
“Cool graduation party.” She brought her drink to her mouth and took a drink. Her friends started giggling behind her, and Poppy cut them a dirty look. When she turned back to Jon her cheeks were pink.
“Yeah, thanks.” He looked at the pool and ran his hand over the back of his head. His short hair scraped across his palm.
“You okay?” she said softly.
Jon looked back at Poppy and took a deep breath. “Would you like to go out with me?”
Poppy laughing in his face or telling him she wanted nothing to do with him had been the reaction he expected, but not the warm, sweet smile she gave him or the yes that fell from her lips.
“I didn’t think you’d ever ask, Jon.”
****
August 2008
“You ready for this, little brother?” Blake said as he adjusted Jon’s tux jacket.
“I’ve been ready for this day since I first saw her.” Blake took a step back, and Jon turned around and looked at himself in the mirror.
“I know, Jon. I know.” Blake slapped him on the back. “Come on. Don’t want to keep your blushing bride waiting.”
Jon took his place at the altar and faced the wide double doors. Their families and friends filled the pews, the hushed murmurs of excitement filling the church. The soft, organ music started to play, and his heart raced. The doors opened, and everything else faded until the only people in the room were Poppy and him.
God, she was so beautiful.
Poppy’s waist-length hair was coiled atop her head in intricate curls and braids. Her veil partially hid her face, but it sure as hell didn’t hide her smile. Bliss spread through him when she started walking toward him. Her father turned her toward him and brought her close enough to whisper in her ear. Jon didn’t doubt he told her all the things he would do to Jon if he ever hurt his little girl.
Taking the two steps it took to get to her, his smile widened when she placed her hand in his. Before he could lead his soon-to-be bride to the officiant, her father stopped him and pulled him in close.
“You take care of my little girl, Johnny.” Her fath
er gripped him behind the neck and locked eyes with him.
“Always, Stewart. Always.”
He gripped Poppy’s hand again and led her up the steps. Jon didn’t let go of her hand, wouldn’t ever let go of her hand. Blake stood beside him, his older brother’s happiness clear on his face.
They turned to each other when it was time to say their vows. Poppy’s words had his heart clenching deep in his chest and his love for her growing exponentially. This was the woman he loved, the woman he would give up everything for. She was his soul mate, and he had known the first time he laid eyes on her.
Jon reached in his tux pocket and pulled out the folded piece of paper that had every feeling, every emotion he felt for her. He put the piece of paper back in his pocket because everything he wanted to say was already engraved in his heart. Taking a deep breath, Jon looked into Poppy’s blue eyes and said what he had wanted to say since he first saw her in that pretty pink dress all those years ago.
“Poppy Shay Matthews, I have loved you since I was five years old and you walked into Mrs. Hailey’s kindergarten class. I loved you even more when you pushed me on my ass for kissing you under the mistletoe when we were seven.” He took her hand and placed it over her heart. Even through the veil he could see the tears in her eyes. “My heart beats for you. Every second of every day I breathe for you. I knew I would be standing beside you at the altar one day, but no matter what I say words will never express how much I love you, and how much you mean to me.”
Jon took a step closer and gripped the edge of her veil. He hadn’t been given the all clear to get to this part yet, but he didn’t care. He had been waiting for this moment his entire life.
He lifted the delicate material until her glassy eyes and tear-stained cheeks came into view. “I have dreamed of this exact moment, over and over again. I love you, and will spend the rest of my life proving to you exactly how deep that love goes.” They stared at each other, her watery grin like a fresh ray of sun just peeking over the horizon.
The rest of the ceremony commenced, but Jon only had eyes for Poppy. He brushed her tears away with his thumbs, and loved the way her smaller hands gripped his wrist, holding him to her.
“You may now kiss your bride.”
That was all Jon needed to hear before he dipped his head and kissed his wife, his love, his Poppy.
****
October 2011
The freak storm that had hit earlier that day made the roads unbearably difficult to drive in. Poppy sat beside him, her body tense and her lips sealed tight. Jon exhaled and tightened his hands on the steering wheel.
“Honey, I said I’m sorry.” He cut his eyes to her and saw her back straighten from her anger. When Poppy was upset she tended to hold that damn grudge for eternity.
“Jon, you lied to me.”
“Honey, I didn’t lie, not technically.”
He felt her icy glare but couldn’t bring himself to meet it. He knew he had been in the wrong, but really, it wasn’t that bad.
“Purposefully not telling me that you had lunch with a female co-worker, one that has been after you since you started working at the firm, is a lie in my book, Jonathan.’
Fuck, she’s bringing out the full first name.
“Honey—”
“Don’t honey me, Jonathan.” Her words sliced because deep down he knew she was right. “What if I had gone to lunch with Alex?”
Just the mention of that prick’s name had his knuckles turning white and his jaw locking tight. “That’s completely different, and you know it.”
“Really?” She sounded incredulous. “Because last I heard, from you, Michelle has been flirting with you so thick you were drowning in it.”
Yeah, Poppy was right, like always, but still. “Alex is in a whole other category, Poppy.” He looked at her but found her staring out the passenger side window again. “Honey, please let’s not fight. I promise you it was only lunch.”
When she looked at him all words failed him when he saw by the hurt in her gaze. “It wasn’t just lunch, Jon. I wanted to talk to you today. I wanted us to go to lunch because I had some news to share.” Her lips thinned, and her hurt became replaced by frustration. “But you told me you couldn’t go because you had a lunch meeting.” Her voice rose on the last part. “Why did you lie when I asked who you ate lunch with?”
Jon sighed and rubbed at the back of his head. “Because if I told you I had lunch with Michelle this is the reaction I would have gotten. Honey, please, you’re overreacting.”
“Overreacting!” Jon winced at the high-pitched squeal that came from his wife.
“I love you.” Maybe saying those three little words would make her forget she was mad at him. The narrow-eyed look she gave him told him his answer. “I swear it was a completely innocent meeting. We were going over the Anderson account. Poppy, love, you know we’re working on the account together.”
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Let’s just stop talking about it, okay.”
“Okay.” He drove home, the silence stretching wide and getting under his skin. “What did you want to talk to me about?” She shifted in her seat and after a prolonged moment looked over at him. Her hand went to her belly, and he followed the act.
“Jon, I’m—”
The sound of metal bending and glass shattering filled his ears, and then there was nothing.
****
October 2013
The headstone was a marker for death. A fat tear slid down Poppy’s cheek, and she angrily brushed it away. Poppy didn’t want to cry anymore. Exhaustion filled her from the sadness that consumed her and wouldn’t let her rest. Two years had passed, and it still hurt so damn much.
When will the pain end?
Poppy looked at the headstone for what had to be the millionth time in the past twenty-four months.
Jonathan William Ellis
Beloved Husband, Son, and Brother
March 1, 1983-October 5, 2011
She had traced the engravings so many times she could close her eyes and see the exact placement of each of the letters.
“It’s time for me to go, Jon, to move on.” The ground was cold and frozen beneath her ass, but she didn’t care. A gust of wind whistled past her, rustling the bare tree branches and scaring a flock of birds. Tilting her head to the sky, she watched the cloud of black twist and turn, as if ink had been spilled into water. The birds squawked high above her, but disappeared across the murky greyness of the sky.
It had taken her two years to finally have the strength to make the decision to move out of Ohio. Being around their friends and family was just too hard, even years after his death. Looking at them, at the home they shared, and the possessions they had bought together, was a reminder of what they had, and everything that she lost.
Poppy was sick of the sympathetic looks everyone gave her, and the whispers they thought she couldn’t hear. Yeah, she had one hell of a time dealing with Jon’s death, but what the fuck did they know? She would take all the time she needed to heal, at least that’s what the shrink had told her. Honestly, Poppy didn’t know if she would every feel whole again, or if the emptiness that now lay in her heart would ever be filled.
Getting away from everything seemed like the perfect thing for her to do at the moment. Jon and his family had been an integral part of her life growing up. Their parents had been close friends, and their families did everything together. But since Jon’s death she felt pulled away from them and disconnected from her own family. All she wanted to do was be alone and try to heal on her own terms, without everyone telling her what they thought would help her. She didn’t want any more help. Did they not understand that she may never be okay?
Jon would have wanted her to move on, to find happiness again. They had certainly talked about it during their marriage. He wouldn’t have wanted her to keep the pain inside until it ate at her from the inside out.
“I love you, but it’s time for me to press forward.” She lifted h
er hand and rubbed it along the smooth granite top. “I’m sorry I never got to tell you about the baby, and I’m sorry our last conversation was me acting like a jealous bitch.” The tears fell harder, and she swallowed. “I should have told you that I loved you.” Poppy squeezed her eyes shut as the ever-present pain filled her. Whoever said it would get easier with time should be shot because they were a damn liar.
“I’m going to Alaska of all places.” She laughed because she knew Jon would have thought she her crazy as hell. “Don’t worry, I promise to watch out for bears.” She couldn’t help but tease since she knew that would have been something Jon pointed out … all the damn bears in Alaska.
Making the decision to move so far away hadn’t been easy. “I just want to escape, Johnny, and Alaska seems like the perfect place to do that.”
After Jon died every single person in his family had come out of the woodwork to give their condolences. When Blake called her something inside of her had shifted. Poppy couldn’t explain it, and it made no sense. Up until that moment she had just wanted to keep to herself, but hearing Blake’s voice brought back good memories of her time with Jon.
She had seen Blake enough times growing up that she considered them close, but he was ten years older than Jon or she and had gone off to college while they were still in elementary school.
Of course he had moved out of state once he got his degree, so the visits from him had lessened significantly. Now, after two years of talking every day and unloading all her pain and worries on the one person who had been just as close to Jon as she had, Poppy had made the decision that would forever change her life, she hoped for the best.
She gave one last touch to Jon’s headstone and stood. She gripped the lapels of her jacket and pulled them together. The knit hat she wore did nothing to stop the cold that seeped into her bones.