by Devyn Jayse
"He would have told us if he had spoken up."
"Would he?"
My father was not the sharing type. He wouldn't have. He had no reason to come to me and tell me if he had words with the king regarding the prince's behavior. He would think it was none of my business. He wouldn't have divulged private conversation with the king to me. That did not soften my position toward him, however. He'd had plenty of chances to tell us he did not condone the prince's behavior, but he chose not to.
"Tobin's death should not have happened."
"You're right."
"It was my fault."
"That's where you're wrong. That's not what I think happened."
"Then what do you think happened?"
"He sacrificed his life for yours. Don't take away from the choice he made. You did not strike the killing blow or ask him to step in for you. Yes, you played a role in setting the events in motion, but wouldn't you say the prince did that himself by striking your sister? Would you have done anything had the king or queen spoken? Don't take the whole of blame and suffocate under undue guilt. Take your part of the burden and make sure you restore balance by making the most of the life you have been given with his sacrifice."
His words brought tears to my eyes, and I blinked furiously, wiping at them.
"Meet me tomorrow and let me show you how you can live your life."
I gave him a nod.
Garren stood smoothly, got out his pouch, and left some coin on the table. As he walked away, I thought about the new option he had given me.
20
As soon as Garren walked away, Blaze walked over to me, watching me intently.
I tried to out-silence him but couldn't. "What?"
"I'm not sure you should continue to accompany Penny."
I frowned. Of all the things I had expected him to say, that wasn't one of them. The fact that it echoed what I had recently thought didn't take the sting away.
"Why not? Do you still think I'm here just to get close to you? I'm not. I can't explain why I'm here, but I don't care about you. I do care about Penny, and I think she needs me. I'm not going to run out of her life just because of your whims."
He blinked once. Twice. He apparently hadn't been expecting that torrent of words. "We've found out that the attacks on her are intentional."
I frowned. "Who?"
"We don't know. We caught one of the boys that was seeking her out. We've tried everything, but he can't lead me back to the person who wants this done."
I shuddered to think of what they might have done to get him to talk.
He was angry, but a bit of fear was clear in his eyes. "And there isn't anything I can do about it."
I couldn't let anything happen to Penny. I would have to delay my return to the castle, but I couldn't abandon her. I decided to go with Garren the next day but tell him my move would have to be postponed until we could figure out who wanted Penny harmed and end the danger to her life.
"Please allow me to continue escorting her. Add extra people to make sure we're covered, but let me accompany her."
He watched me, contemplating. The anger and fear had faded from his eyes. He came to a decision and nodded. "Who was that man?"
I started at the sudden change in topic.
"He's the brother of a friend."
"He walks like a guard."
I stayed silent. No good would come out of me confirming his suspicions.
"And he looked like more than just the brother of a friend."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you've been here for weeks with no one visiting you, and suddenly a man shows up and brings you to tears and then leaves you alone in the Blights. Is he the reason you're here?"
I raised an eyebrow. He thinks Garren and I had a scandal, and that's the reason I'm here? "What's it to you?"
"Nothing. You don't want to be associated with guards in these parts. It's dangerous."
I snorted. "As dangerous as being associated with you?"
"That's not dangerous. That's protection. No one would presume to touch you."
I pushed away the thought that someone had just attacked me. I didn't state the obvious, that someone was trying to get at Penny. I didn't have to as he realized it, from the dark glower that settled back on his features.
"Fine. Accompany her. Ragum will join you. I had other men trail after her but he's one of the few I trust until this situation is resolved. You will be with her so that she doesn't realize how serious the threat is, and you're not to tell her."
"I won't, but does it have to be Ragum? Ragum doesn't like me." As soon as I said it, I realized how petulant I sounded. Either way, mentioning it was useless because Blaze chose him.
"He likes Penny."
"Fine." It didn't hurt to have a glowering male with us.
"You'll be walking her to school and the women's shelter."
I had never taken Penny to the women's shelter before. I didn't know her scheduled timings. "That may interfere with my work at The Fortune."
"You asked to guard her. Those are the places she will be going to. Either be there or don't show up."
A part of me realized how he had effectively trapped me using my own words. I scowled as I belatedly realized that had been his goal from the start. A lazy grin came over his face as he watched me figure it out. I had been outplayed. In one fell swoop, he'd ensured that I was going to be monitored more closely by people he trusted.
"Do you have any idea what kind of attack we can expect?"
"No."
All right, I would have to be ready for anything. I hoped I was capable of protecting Penny, I didn't want to let her down. More importantly, I didn't want her to get hurt.
"You'll start tomorrow."
"That's fine." I didn't tell him I had another errand before escorting Penny, knowing better than to alert him so he could set his spies on me. I couldn't afford for him to have me followed and to ferret out my secrets.
21
At early light I stepped outside The Rebel Hare.
"Good morning," he said.
"Is this considered morning?" I squinted at him. "Didn't you ask me to meet you at The Honeycomb Inn. What are you doing here?
"I rethought it. It's safer if I walked with you. It's easier to get into the castle when there aren't many people at the gates."
"I would have thought it was the opposite--go in with a crowd, get lost in them, and all that."
"No, they'd be more focused on identifying who's going in. As long as we get acknowledged by one guard, the others will be happy and not think too much of it."
"I'll take your word for it." I was also trusting my life to his hands, which was a lot. I didn't want to get caught and thrown into a cell.
We walked out of the Blights and through the town. My shoulders itched as we crossed the area where I had been ambushed the day before. Garren gave me a glance as I moved over the place I had killed the man.
As we made our way through town, activity was just starting. The townspeople were stirring, preparing for the day ahead. At the base of the mountain, I looked up at the long winding road. The castle stood dark and foreboding against the morning sky. If I was caught inside, I would face a death sentence.
I was very aware that I was being led into the castle by Tobin's brother and I was the reason Tobin was gone from the world. If Garren wanted to exact his vengeance, that would be the way. The rational part of my mind whispered that he could have also let me die when the attackers came at me--he didn't need an elaborate scheme for my demise, but I still worried.
As if hearing my thoughts, Garren glanced sideways at me and said, "It's all arranged. Don't worry."
I pulled my hood closer over my head, leaving my face in shadows.
We made our way steadily up the road as the sky lightened around us. The day was beautiful, a gentle breeze sending fluffy clouds sailing across the sky. The smell of dew on the green around us was strong. Before long, we reached the main entrance of th
e castle. I came to a stop, following Garren's lead.
"Good morning, Amer," Garren called out to one of the guards along the perimeter.
The guard raised a hand in greeting as he made his way over to where we stood. He wore a plain brown uniform issued to those in the regular guard. A pang went through me. I missed seeing the familiar gray uniforms of the King's Guard. I wondered what Justus and Alana were doing at that moment.
"Hello, Garren, you've been gone a few days. Business go well?" Amer asked him jovially. He spared me a curious look.
"The King's work is true." Garren replied.
Strange. Usually, guards said, "The King's work is good." That was the first time I had heard that version.
Amer didn't react, but I noticed a sharper intensity. He waved us through. I was tense, expecting the guards to lay hands on me, but nobody made a move toward us. We walked through the gates, and I stepped onto the grounds from which I'd been exiled. I let out a breath.
After we had walked some distance to ensure none of the guards could overhear me, I asked, "That's it?"
"Yes."
Huh. This could actually work. I followed Garren as he made his way confidently across the grounds. We reached the outer city, and Garren wove through the alleyways in such a haphazard fashion that I lost all sense of direction. We reached an area of small homes nestled next to each other. Smells of baking and cooking wafted through the air. Some people were out on the streets, but none of them gave us a second glance, seemingly used to strangers appearing in their nook. In return, I didn't look too much at them, either.
Garren and I finally reached our destination. He pushed open a door and stepped over the threshold. I ducked through the doorway after him. We were in a small room empty of all furniture except a wooden chair. I followed Garren as he moved across the floor and through another door.
He turned and asked, "Well?"
I lowered my hood and looked around. The room we were standing in was bigger than my room at The Rebel Hare. Even in its abandoned state, it lacked dust, showing that someone was making sure to clean the place. Light was streaming in through glass panes situated high along the wall. A closed door was set in the wall across from me. One corner of the room held a fireplace. By it was a solid wooden table surrounded by four sturdy-looking chairs. The other corner of the room had another small doorway. I walked in and saw a smaller room and another doorway. That room was big enough for the bed inside and a small wardrobe. It was smaller than my room at The Rebel Hare, but as I stepped into that area, I soon saw its size was due to the room giving up space for a bath area. I walked back out from the bath through the bedroom and into the main room. I pushed the closed door open and blinked as bright sunlight assaulted me. Around me was a closed area full of sweet, earthy smells. Inside, greenery was beginning to grow in a few deep beds. With pleasure, I realized it was a herb garden. As I touched the leaves and recognized mint, basil, parsley, and many others, I breathed in their beautiful scents.
Throughout my inspection, Garren waited patiently without comment, standing in the same place. The only sounds in the house were my boot heels on the stone floor.
"It's not much, I know, especially after what you're used to, but you'll be within the castle walls. There's a bakery nearby, and you'll be able to get most of your needs without having to go very far. None around here will ask who you were. Most of them have come from similar situations. The prince has always been heavy-handed in his punishments, and loved ones have made a tremendous effort to save them."
Who is it that wants me saved? Certainly not Father. My sister couldn't interfere. Her husband was the one who wanted me gone. Furthermore, all my extended family members and friends were too wary of court favor to risk themselves in the matter. I had no one.
"Many years ago, Tobin made me swear to do my best to protect you." Garren said, answering my unasked question.
My heart clenched. Tobin was still looking out for me.
I managed a weak laugh. "He was so certain I would get into trouble?"
"He always thought ahead."
"Your sister would be able to visit you under the guise that you're a healer."
I could have built another life there. I would have been able to see my sister and watch her child grow up. Truth be told, it was tempting.
A knock sounded on the outer door. I raised my hood up quickly even though I knew it would be a useless disguise if the visitor was anyone from the King's Guard.
22
Garren walked out of the room. I heard him open the door then a soft murmur. A woman stepped in through the archway.
"Gwen!" I rushed to my sister, my hood slipping off my head.
"Dare!"
I hugged her fiercely, clutching her close. "I thought I would never see you again."
I leaned back to look at her, and my eyes stopped at her belly. Only a few weeks had passed, but her body had undergone vast changes. "Look how big you've gotten! How are you feeling? Are you okay?"
"Am I okay? Are you okay? You have no idea how worried I've been about you!" She laughed through her tears. "I know I've gotten large."
"You look beautiful."
She did. My eyes couldn't get enough of her. I gave her a fierce hug again. I didn't realize until that moment that part of me hadn't believed Garren when he said he could bring my sister to me. Part of me wanted to remain shielded and didn't want hope to be crushed. I turned to Garren, gratitude brimming in my heart for what he had done.
Gwen brushed her hand through my short strands. "Why did you cut off all your beautiful hair?"
I smoothed it over and rubbed the back of my neck self-consciously. "Is it terrible?"
"No, it suits you. It brings out your face."
"It feels wonderful. I didn't realize how heavy my hair was until I got rid of it."
"Why did you?"
"I thought I would make it a little more difficult for people to recognize me. Also, it wasn't practical. This is so much easier to manage."
Gwen looked at my hair. "I'm sure it is. There isn't much to do with it."
"Well, now that I don't have maids and have to do things myself, I thought I'd save myself the trouble." I grinned at her.
She looked at the rest of my outfit. "So you're finally running around like you did back with Tobin."
"You knew?"
An unladylike snort escaped her. "Of course I knew. Do you think I'm blind? I knew where all your hiding places were."
I looked at her, astonished.
She gave me a grin. "Also, Tobin once told me by mistake, and I shook the rest of the story out of him. I threatened him that if he didn't tell me when you'd be going out, I would deal with him in my own manner."
I could barely close my jaw to talk. "He told you every time we left the castle?"
"Yes," she replied, the expression on her face smug.
I thought back to my conversations with her after my outings. I had thought myself so clever, sneaking out and masquerading as a boy.
We sat at the table, and Gwen caught me up with all that I had missed during my time in the Blights. She reassured me that Mara was doing well, reassigned to her household now, and that she regularly saw Justus and Alana. My exile hadn't remained the biggest scandal, much to the relief of my father. Apparently, my exile had merely opened the door for others to follow suit with their own dramas. I told her all about my adventures in the Blights so far and how I'd managed to stumble across and befriend the notorious leader of the Blights and his sister.
"You've always had the strangest luck! To think that you'd meet them the second you set foot in the Blights and he'd offer you room and board."
"Well, it's helped."
"Is he as bad as all the rumors we hear around the castle? Does he have his own rival kingdom set up in the Blights?"
"No, not that I've seen."
I told her about Ragum and how he'd encouraged me to work for Miss Ruby. Gwen was scandalized and stuffed her fist into her mouth to keep
herself from laughing so much.
"Oh please, stop! Stop! My stomach is hurting me! I can't believe it!"
"Yeah, he doesn't seem to like me so much."
"He will. What's not to like?" Gwen gave me a smile. "I'm glad your time in the Blights wasn't as horrible as I have been imagining it to be. But I'm glad you'll be safe again."
My expression made her sit up.
"Dare, you do want to live here, don't you?"
I wondered if I did want to. I wasn't so sure anymore. Before I had seen my sister, all I wanted was to be close to her again, but as she told me about the scandals that I had missed, I realized how nice it was being away from the drama of court life. Also, as I had been telling her my stories about being in the Blights, I realized I was telling her the stories with a measure of pride. I had managed to make a living and enjoyed a comfortable routine in the brief time I had been there.
Gwen noticed the shifting of my emotions. "Dare, please move in here. It would make a world of difference to me to know that you're no longer living in the Blights all by yourself. I'd know you were safe. You could live comfortably here. I can give you money from my monthly stipend. It wouldn't even be noticed."
The spark of happiness I'd felt upon first seeing her died away. I could move there, and I would be able to see my sister regularly. I could even see her child grow up. However, I would be trapped in a cage, just like before. I wouldn't have the freedom to make my own choices. I wouldn't have the freedom to go as I pleased. I would be living on my sister's charity. I would forever have the risk of discovery hanging over me. I wouldn't be able to be honest with my neighbors, wondering if the day would come when they would give me up. I wasn't so foolish as to forget that times change and people always seek to promote themselves.
If I stayed in the Blights, I could be myself.
"I can't," I said.
"But why? You have everything here!" my sister pleaded. "Don't you want to see me?"
"It's not that. You know it's not that. I would love to be able to see you every day, but I can't live like this."