The Secret Letter

by Kerry Barrett

  But Minnie was looking at me, suspiciously. ‘How do you know?’

  ‘He’s Joseph’s friend – the one I met in the park earlier.’

  ‘No!’

  I nodded, feeling gloomier than Gilbert.

  ‘Did he recognise you?’

  ‘Not sure. Don’t think so, but there’s always a chance it’ll come to him later, isn’t there?’

  Gilbert cleared his throat. ‘I’m not completely sure what’s going on here,’ he said. ‘In fact, I’m not sure I want to know. But I reckon we could all do with a cup of tea. Shall I put the kettle on?’

  Chapter 24

  Esther

  Gilbert proved to be a surprisingly supportive ally. He poured the tea and listened as we told him what had happened. Then he gave us a bowl of warm water and flannels to wash off the rotten fruit juice.

  ‘I’ll clean up your cuts. Let me fetch the antiseptic.’

  Ever so gently he cleaned the wound by my eye and then with a touch of tenderness, he bathed Minnie’s cuts and bruises too.

  ‘This makes me so angry,’ he said as he dabbed at Min’s grazed cheek. ‘What bloody right has anyone to treat you like this? All you want is what you’re due. Course women should have the vote. Of course.’

  He shook his head at the ridiculousness of it all and I smiled. There were many men who supported us – Agnes’s John for one – but it was always nice to meet another one. For the hundredth time I wondered if I should risk asking Joseph his opinion. Would he back our endeavours? I was afraid that if he didn’t, it would be the end of the relationship we were developing.

  ‘I’m going to see you home in the bus,’ Gilbert went on. ‘Because I’m not leaving you to be set upon again.’

  ‘Oh Gilbert, there’s no need …’ I began but Minnie put her hand on mine and I stopped talking.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said.

  He was as good as his word. He took us all the way to Agnes’s house and waited until we were inside the front door, before he tipped his hat at us.

  ‘Nice to meet you, Esther. See you at work tomorrow, Minnie,’ he said and then he strolled off down the street in the direction of Camberwell.

  ‘Well he is nothing like I expected,’ I said in astonishment, staring at Minnie. She looked bashful.

  ‘I think I might have made him sound worse than he is.’

  ‘Girls!’ Agnes came rushing out of the kitchen and wrapped her arms round us. ‘Are you all right? Let me look at you. Where have you been? I’ve been so worried.’

  ‘We’re fine,’ I said.

  But she took one look at our faces and shrieked. ‘What happened?’

  She herded us into the living room and looked us over with an appraising eye.

  ‘Someone cleaned you up?’

  ‘Gloomy Gilbert,’ Minnie said, with a hint of pride.

  Agnes threw herself against the overstuffed back of the settee dramatically. ‘Heavens above. I think you need to tell me everything.’

  I began, telling her about the man shouting at Minnie, and her standing up for herself. And then the fruit and veg being thrown.

  ‘It was all rotten,’ I said, showing her the stains on my dress. ‘It was horrible.’

  ‘And painful,’ Minnie added, gesturing to my eye, which was painful and puffy. ‘Esther was hit with a potato.’

  ‘Minnie was hit by a man,’ I said. ‘He gave her a right pummelling.’

  Agnes reached over and took Minnie’s chin in her fingers, carefully turning her face this way and that. ‘Nasty,’ she said. ‘But it will heal.’

  Minnie nodded, always the stoic.

  ‘And did the police come?’

  Ah. That was the question. Should we admit what had happened? While we were no strangers to militancy, the aim of the WSPU was always to damage property – not people. I wasn’t sure how my attack on Alf would be received.

  ‘I was sort of winded, with the bloke about to hit me again,’ Minnie said, obviously seeing I wasn’t about to talk. ‘Esther, bless her, realised I was having a bad time, and she jumped at this fella. Hanging off his back like a monkey, she was. But then these coppers arrived and I was so relieved, because I thought we were in real trouble there and they’d help us.’ She took a breath. ‘But what they actually did was lift Esther off him and let him run off.’

  ‘No,’ said Agnes, shocked. ‘They helped him and not you?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘But they didn’t arrest you?’

  I exchanged a glance with Minnie and she gave me a tiny nod.

  ‘I kicked him,’ I muttered, staring at my shoes. ‘I brought my knee up between his legs and while he was bent over, we legged it.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘You kicked a policeman?’

  ‘A sergeant,’ Minnie said proudly.

  ‘I shouldn’t have done it.’

  Agnes nodded. ‘You’re right, you shouldn’t have,’ she said. Then she leaned over and squeezed my hand. ‘But it sounds like you had absolutely no choice. If they could look at a man hitting a woman and side with the man, who knows what they would have done to you. Well done for being so brave, my darlings. I shall tell Mrs P how bold and daring you have been. She will be thrilled.’

  ‘I thought she would be cross,’ I said. ‘She’s so determined that we harm no one.’

  ‘But you wouldn’t have had to harm him, had he done his job right,’ she said. ‘He brought it upon himself.’

  ‘I suppose.’

  ‘And how does Gilbert fit into this story?’ Agnes said, frowning. ‘I thought he was your friend from the shop, Minnie?’

  ‘He is,’ she said. ‘But he lives in Camberwell. When Esther ran I realised we were close to his house and I knew he’d help us.’

  ‘What a good man he must be.’

  ‘He is,’ Minnie said. ‘He didn’t even hesitate when we turned up on his doorstep, battered and bleeding. He just let us in and patched us up.’

  ‘How did you know where he lived?’

  ‘I’ve been there a couple of times actually,’ Minnie admitted. Was that a slight blush on her cheeks?

  ‘Are you hungry? I can fetch some food for you.’

  ‘I’m starving,’ Minnie said. ‘Bet Esther is too. We had some tea with Gilbert but nothing to eat. Lord, I really am hungry.’

  Agnes hurried off to the kitchen and both Minnie and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  ‘Sounds like we’re off the hook with Mrs P, then,’ she said.

  I groaned. ‘Now I just have to hope Alf didn’t recognise me.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  I shook my head, at a loss. ‘No idea,’ I said. ‘It will be so awkward for poor Joseph if word gets out that his girl is a suffragette.’

  Minnie snorted. ‘You think he’d still want to be your fella if he knew the truth?’

  My stomach turned over. ‘Yes,’ I said, but my voice sounded uncertain to my own ears. ‘He’s such a kind man, Minnie. Clever and thoughtful. I’m sure he’d be on our side.’

  Minnie made a face. ‘Right. Why not ask him then? Why not tell him the truth?’

  Why not indeed? Because I was frightened Minnie might be right, that was why. Wanting to move on, I forced a smile. ‘So what’s the story with you and Gilbert? I thought you weren’t interested?’

  Minnie gave me a shove. ‘Don’t change the subject,’ she said. ‘Gil and I are just mates, that’s all. He’s a miserable bugger but he’s nice enough. I’m not all wide-eyed over him like you are with Joseph.’

  I felt my heart plummet into my boots again as I imagined Alf announcing to a group of coppers that Joseph’s new sweetheart was a violent suffragette, fresh out of Holloway.

  I put my head in my hands. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ I wailed. ‘What if you’re right? What if Joseph finds out who I really am and doesn’t want anything more to do with me?’

  ‘It would mean the end of his career in the police, if he stuck by you, I reckon.’

>   ‘For now,’ I said, thinking. ‘But I still think if I can keep it quiet until this bill goes through parliament then I’m home and dry.’

  Minnie gave me a disbelieving look. ‘I don’t think Alf knew it was you,’ she said. ‘He only met you in the park, for a few minutes and I bet he didn’t really pay too much attention to you. And don’t forget, in Camberwell, you were wearing different clothes, your face was covered with rotten fruit, and he wouldn’t have been expecting to see you. There’s no reason to suppose he’d put two and two together.’

  ‘Do you really think so?’

  She nodded. ‘I do. But, that doesn’t mean this is over.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘We don’t know that the bill is going to happen, and even if it does, it won’t be the end,’ she said, telling me nothing I didn’t already know.

  I felt like I was going to cry, suddenly. It all seemed so hopeless.

  Minnie took my hand. ‘I hate to say this, Esther, but I think you’re going to have to choose. The WSPU or Joseph. Because I don’t think you’re going to be able to have both.’

  It was with real trepidation that I set off to meet Joseph the next day. There had been more than enough time for Alf to get in touch with him and reveal that I wasn’t the girl he thought I was. I wished I shared Minnie’s conviction that he wouldn’t have recognised me.

  ‘We all look the same to them,’ she said with disdain. ‘Stick a Votes for Women sash on and that’s all they see.’

  She had a point, but that didn’t stop me approaching the tearoom with a slump to my shoulders and a tickling feeling at the back of my throat that warned tears weren’t far away.

  Joseph was there already, and the look of delight on his face when I walked in lifted my spirits slightly. He’d surely not seem so pleased if he knew?

  He stood up as I got near the table and gripped my hands in his.

  ‘Esther,’ he said. ‘You look lovely. Your hair is different. I like it.’

  I’d arranged my hair to cover the cut to my brow but he’d obviously not noticed that bit. I almost swayed, because I was so light-headed with relief. He didn’t know, my heart sang. He didn’t know.

  Trying desperately to act normally, I ordered tea and a cake, and asked Joseph about his day. He told me some funny stories about a drunk man he’d arrested, and I laughed uproariously. He looked delighted to have amused me, and told more silly tales about petty criminals he’d come across.

  I watched him as he talked, delighting in the passion in his eyes. He loved his work, I thought. And I could love him, if only circumstances allowed me to.

  Eventually, he paused. ‘I’m talking too much,’ he said. ‘Look, I’ve not taken one bite of cake, nor drunk more than half a cup of tea. It’s your turn. What did you do yesterday?’

  I coughed as my mouthful of tea went down the wrong way. Was this a trap?

  ‘Yesterday?’ I said, pretending not to remember while I thought of something plausible I could have done. ‘Yesterday?’

  ‘You said you had chores to do for Agnes.’

  ‘Oh, that’s right. I had to deliver a package for her.’

  ‘Exciting?’

  If only he knew.

  ‘Uneventful.’

  ‘No rude drunken men?’

  ‘Fortunately not.’

  ‘And no cheeky widows stealing apples?’

  I almost winced at the mention of apples, but managed to refrain. ‘No cheeky widows. Just my friend Minnie, who tagged along.’

  ‘I’d like to meet her,’ Joseph said.

  ‘She’d like to meet you,’ I lied.

  ‘I heard there was some trouble down your way, with suffragettes starting a fight.’

  I froze, my teacup halfway to my mouth. ‘Is that right?’

  ‘Apparently they were causing trouble in the market, knocking over crates of fruit and veg.’

  I put my cup down in case my shaking hand made me spill my tea, and put my trembling fingers on my lap so Joseph wouldn’t notice.

  ‘That doesn’t sound like the suffragettes.’

  Joseph laughed. ‘No, you’re right,’ he said. ‘Not their style.’

  I looked at him. Now would be the perfect time to ask him what he thought. If he agreed that the lies he’d heard about what happened in Camberwell weren’t the usual suffragette activity, he’d be bound to admit he believed in our fight. Surely? But I choked on the words, and instead – hating myself slightly – I told him all about Gilbert.

  ‘Minnie is always complaining about him. She says he’s miserable and she calls him Gloomy Gilbert. But I think she’s sweet on him.’

  Joseph chuckled. ‘That’s nice,’ he said. ‘Since I met you, Esther, I want everyone to find a sweetheart.’

  I melted once more at his words. He was such a sweet man. Not afraid to show his feelings. So different from my father – which was a good thing, as far as I was concerned.

  Feeling bold, I reached across the table and took his hand.

  ‘It’s strange isn’t it, when you think what a short time we’ve known each other?’

  He nodded. ‘Just a matter of weeks. And yet I feel I’ve known you forever.’

  ‘I feel the same,’ I said. ‘Like we belong together.’

  Joseph laced his fingers through mine and I looked down at our interlinked hands.

  ‘We belong together,’ I said again.

  But as I spoke, I remembered Minnie’s warning and my happiness began to fade. Did I really have to choose between Joseph and the WSPU? I was afraid she might be right. It seemed an impossible choice – I had strong feelings for Joseph and wanted to spend all my time with him, but the WSPU were my family. They had stood by me when I needed them and they gave me a glimpse of a future where women wouldn’t be forced to submit to men’s rules. How would I ever make such a terrible decision?

  Chapter 25

  Lizzie

  2019

  I was strolling round the tiny Tesco in the village after school the next day, when I saw Danny and Cara.

  ‘Hello, Miss Armstrong,’ Cara said. ‘We’re buying biscuits for Brownies.’

  ‘You should buy them brownies,’ I said.

  Cara frowned. ‘I’m bringing biscuits. My name was on the list.’

  Behind her, Danny laughed. The sound made my heart lift a little bit.

  ‘You must never deviate from the Brownies list,’ he said.

  I was absurdly pleased to see him. ‘Have you learned that to your cost?’

  He leaned forward and checked behind him before he spoke, secret-agent-style. ‘Once, we made small cakes instead of one big cake for the teddy bears’ picnic. That’s not a mistake I’ll be making again.’

  I laughed. ‘So what’s on your calendar for this evening?’ he said, peering into my basket. ‘Got a busy night planned?’

  I was embarrassed. I had a bottle of wine, some more chocolate hobnobs, and a packet of stir-fry vegetables.

  Danny looked up and met my eyes. ‘I’m not sure this is a balanced meal,’ he said. ‘Perhaps we need to go out for dinner?’

  Cara bounced up and down. ‘Can we go to Nando’s?’

  Danny pulled one of her wonky bunches gently. ‘You’re going to Brownies to eat biscuits,’ he said.

  ‘And I have work to do,’ I added, genuinely regretful.

  ‘Really?’

  I made a face. ‘Really.’ I tapped Cara on the shoulder. ‘Cara, I’ve forgotten to get milk. Could you run and get me a small carton of the one with the green lid, please?’

  ‘That’s called semi-skimmed,’ she said.

  I hid my amusement. ‘Is it?’ I said. ‘Then please could you get me a small carton of semi-skimmed?’

  She skipped off and I pulled Danny to one side of the aisle so we couldn’t be overheard.

  ‘The council are making a final decision about Elm Heath Primary in March,’ I said.

  ‘Jesus.’

  ‘Apparently there are already developers sniffing round.’
A thought struck me. ‘Could you find out what’s going on? Use some of your contacts again? You must know people who do property stuff?’

  Danny looked uncomfortable. ‘Well, yes, but I’m not sure …’

  ‘Just if you hear anything,’ I said, not wanting to put him on the spot.

  ‘So what’s happening now?’

  ‘We’re launching a campaign to save the school,’ I said quickly. ‘We’re going to follow in the footsteps of Esther Watkins and the other suffragettes. Deeds not words.’

  ‘Okaaaay.’

  Cara was coming back.

  ‘I’ll fill you in another time,’ I said. ‘Over a drink, perhaps?’

  Danny grinned. ‘Thursday? Cara’s with Sophie.’

  ‘Sounds great.’

  He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I breathed in the smell of him, enjoying his closeness.

  ‘Daddy, Brownies is starting now,’ Cara said.

  ‘So let’s go.’

  He gave me a last grin over his shoulder and let Cara lead him away towards the checkout, while I was left behind with a pint of milk I didn’t need, feeling slightly deflated.

  The feeling of mild disappointment stayed with me at home, while I made my sad stir-fry and drank a glass of wine. I did some school admin and flicked through Netflix without finding anything I wanted to watch. When my doorbell rang, I jumped to answer it, hoping it was Danny. But it was Nate.

  ‘Sorry to bother you,’ he said. ‘I wondered if I could show you some ideas I’ve had for the rally? There never seems to be a good time at school.’

  ‘Of course.’ I stood back to let him into the hall and showed him into the living room.

  ‘This is cute,’ he said.

  I felt a tiny swell of pride in my little – rented – cottage and nodded. ‘I like it,’ I agreed. ‘Glass of wine?’

  I poured us both a glass and we sat together on the sofa. Nate pulled out a folder and launched into an excited spiel about what he had planned.

  ‘Like I said, I think the thing to do is win hearts and minds,’ he said, his words tumbling over each other in his enthusiasm. ‘If we can do that, get everyone on our side – locally and further afield – then the council won’t want the bad publicity that will come from selling the building.’