As Danny went through projections and costings, I felt sick. The whole thing was obviously cut and dried. Vanessa and Danny knew all the right people at the council, Elm Heath was a money pit, and the cash Texo and Vanir could make from the site didn’t talk so much as bellow.
I’d failed to save Elm Heath, and I’d been humiliated by Danny. I was done.
Danny finished talking and the man in charge gushed his thanks.
‘It’s been extremely useful to hear all the options,’ he said. I snorted and had to pretend to blow my nose. There were no options – that was clear. With budget cuts and belt-tightening everywhere, no council in the country would turn down the chance to make money just to save a few kids a longer journey to school. Would they?
I gathered my papers and stuffed everything back in my bag, eager to leave. And as soon as the man wrapped up the meeting, I murmured thanks to Denise and legged it down the corridor and into the lift, jabbing the button frantically to shut the doors before Danny could emerge from the meeting room.
When I was safely on the ground floor, I virtually threw my security pass at the receptionist and charged out of the door.
‘You need to sign out …’ she called after me, but I ignored her as I raced across the car park and into my car. As I drove towards the exit, Danny appeared in between two parked cars and stood in front of the barrier, blocking my way.
I wound down my window. ‘I need to go back to school,’ I said. ‘Please move.’ I half expected the windows to frost over, so icy was my tone.
‘Lizzie, I want to explain.’
I pushed my foot down on the accelerator slightly so the engine revved. Danny didn’t flinch.
‘Please, Lizzie.’
‘Move.’
I revved again and moved the car forward, just a fraction.
‘I thought you’d overheard me talking to Vanessa,’ Danny said, his words tumbling over each other in his eagerness to fill me in on the whole sorry story. ‘I thought you’d put two and two together and realised what was happening.’
I glared at him through the windscreen. ‘I thought you were seeing someone else. Not that you were busy dismantling all the hard work we were putting into saving Elm Heath.’
Danny looked like he wanted to cry. ‘I didn’t have a choice, Lizzie. I need the money. I’m a single parent, remember.’
‘Well your difficult single-parent life is about to get harder, isn’t it? When you have to cart Cara to school in Blyton every day.’
‘Blyton Primary’s actually right by my office,’ he said.
I banged my palms on the steering wheel. ‘Oh so you’re all right and the rest of us can just go to hell?’
‘No. That’s not it at all. Look, can we go somewhere and talk?’
‘No way. Absolutely not. I don’t want to talk. What is there to say? That you’ve let me down and humiliated me in the same exact way as my sodding ex-husband did? Only this time it’s almost worse because I told you how much he’d hurt me and you went and did it anyway?’
‘Lizzie …’
‘Or that you’ve sat and watched while Nate, and Paula, and the people who are meant to be your friends, Danny, have worked their socks off coming up with new and creative ways to try to save the school, knowing all the time that it’s pointless?’
‘No, that’s not what’s been happening,’ he said. I pushed my foot down again and the engine growled.
‘Did you get close to me just so I’d give you insider info on what we were planning?’ I said, raising my voice so he’d hear me over the sound of the car. ‘Were you some sort of industrial spy? Recruited for your good looks? How many other women have you seduced just so Texo can make a quick buck, eh?’
I was starting to sound hysterical, and Danny looked bewildered.
‘I didn’t want to take on this project,’ he said helplessly. ‘But they wanted me because of my local knowledge, and my boss agreed. I have been trying to get out of it – that’s what you overheard on the phone. That’s all this is, Lizzie. Bad luck.’
‘No,’ I said. ‘What was bad luck was me getting involved with you in the first place, and me trusting you to be the good person that you pretended to be. And, actually, what was also a bad idea was me thinking the kids and staff at Elm Heath, and even Esther bloody Watkins, meant anything to the stinking bean counters at the council. Because it’s become very clear that none of it counts for anything.’
‘Lizzie,’ Danny said. ‘Lizzie, please stop shouting and get out of the car.’
‘No, I won’t. It may be the end of Elm Heath, but those kids still need me to work. So I’m going back to school now and if you won’t move, then I’ll drive right over you.’
I revved the engine and pulled forward enough so I could put my ticket into the machine. Behind Danny the barrier lifted.
‘Goodbye, Danny,’ I said. I put my foot on the pedal and accelerated – possibly a bit too much – out of the car park.
Danny dived out of the way just in time.
Chapter 43
Lizzie
I was still shaking when I got back to school. I parked on the road and skulked round the back, hoping that as it was lunchtime I could sneak into my office without seeing anyone. I couldn’t face Paula’s enthusiasm at the moment, and winced at the thought of having to let everyone down.
‘How was it?’ Paula’s cheery voice stopped me in my tracks as I crept along the corridor.
I turned towards her, and she took one look at my face and lost her smile.
‘Oh bloody hell,’ she said. She took my arm and steered me into my office, sat me down at the desk, and shut the door.
‘Spill.’
‘I honestly don’t know where to start.’
‘Was it that bad?’
I let out a mirthless laugh. ‘However bad you think it was, multiply it by ten and you’re getting close.’
She leaned across the desk and took my hand. ‘Tell me, or I can’t help.’
‘I don’t want to,’ I groaned. ‘I don’t want to have to say the words.’
‘Let’s go step by step,’ she said. ‘You arrived?’
‘It was fine when I arrived,’ I began. I took her through the beginning of the meeting, right up until the Texo team came in, along with someone from the company handling the investment.
‘What?’ Paula demanded. ‘What did they do?’
‘It wasn’t what they did, but who they were.’
‘Who were they?’
‘A woman called Vanessa from Texo,’ I said. Paula looked blank. ‘And Danny.’
It was vaguely gratifying to see Paula looked almost as shocked as I had done.
‘Danny?’
I nodded, lips pinched together tightly. ‘Danny.’
‘Why was he there?’
‘His company is finding investors for the development of the school site.’
Paula’s jaw dropped.
‘And let me tell you,’ I carried on, getting into my stride. ‘He’s very good at his job. Excellent, in fact. His financial projections for the money the council can make from developing this ramshackle building are eye-watering. There’s no doubt that he’s signed Elm Heath’s death warrant.’
‘Shit, Lizzie,’ Paula said. ‘You didn’t know?’
‘Of course I didn’t know. He did half-heartedly attempt to tell me something at your party the other day, and he rang me just as I was going into the meeting, but he didn’t try very hard to confess.’ I put my head in my hands. ‘I feel like such a bloody fool.’
‘It’s not your fault,’ Paula said. But she didn’t sound very sure.
‘I don’t know what to do next.’
Paula shrugged. ‘We carry on.’
‘What’s the point?’
‘It’s not a done deal yet, is it? You said they weren’t making the decision until March.’
‘No, but Paula, the money involved is crazy. I just don’t see how they can turn it down.’
‘It’s not all abou
t money.’
‘But it is. In the end, it always comes down to money. We can’t compete with that.’
I felt exhausted at the thought of even trying.
‘Did you speak to Danny?’
‘Ha, no,’ I said. ‘He chased after me in the car park but I wouldn’t stop.’
I dropped my head into my hands again and looked at Paula through my fingers.
‘I almost drove over him.’
She smiled. ‘Sounds like he deserved it.’
I smiled back. ‘He did.’
‘But seriously, Lizzie. Danny’s not a bad guy. You should talk to him.’
‘You’ve changed your tune. It wasn’t so long ago you were warning me off him.’
‘I just think there’s probably more to it.’
‘He said he was only doing his job,’ I said. ‘Which is exactly what Grant said when he was found to have faked SATs results, and tweaked budgets, and whatever else he was up to.’
‘Ah.’
‘What?’
‘Do you think you’re projecting a bit?’
‘No. What does that even mean?’
‘I mean maybe you were so hurt by Grant that a whiff of Danny doing something similar and you go off on one.’
I sighed. ‘That would make sense. And I wish it was what happened. But the horrible truth is that Danny is right in the heart of the team that’s going to ruin all our hard work. He’s working out all the finances that are going to make it impossible for Blyton Council to keep Elm Heath open. And he did all that while he was pretending to have feelings for me.’
‘I don’t think he was pretending about that,’ Paula said. ‘I saw him at New Year. He’s smitten with you.’
‘Doesn’t matter, though, does it? Because even if he’s totally in love with me, he’s ruined it by lying. I can’t be with him now.’
Paula shook her head. ‘I suppose not. God, Lizzie, what a mess. Are you going to be okay, seeing him round the village?’
Up until then, I’d mostly been angry. Furious, in fact; feeling a sort of impotent rage. But now, at the thought of carrying on with my life around Elm Heath for the few months until the school closed, seeing Danny every day, I simply dissolved. I just crumpled right there at my desk, into loud, gasping sobs.
Paula looked horrified. ‘Oh my goodness,’ she said. She leapt up from her chair, crouched down next to me and gathered me into her arms.
I laid my head on her soft shoulder and cried into her baby-pink cardigan.
‘It’s going to be fine,’ she soothed. ‘It’s all going to be fine.’
Eventually, after an embarrassingly long time, I managed to get myself together, or at least control the huge honking sobs so they were more just hiccups.
‘Sorry,’ I said, blowing my nose. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Paula stood up, putting her hand on her lower back as she did. ‘Ooh, that’s not as easy as it used to be,’ she said. She put her hand on my arm. ‘You’ve got through worse than this before. You’ll do it again. We just do what we have to do, don’t we?’
Like the clouds had cleared and the sun had come out, I had a sudden realisation. I didn’t have to do anything.
I looked at Paula. ‘I’m going to resign,’ I said.
She gasped, theatrically, putting her hand to her mouth. ‘No, Lizzie.’
‘It’s the only thing I can do, Paula. You said yourself, it’s not going to be easy seeing Danny around every day.’
I nodded, mind made up.
‘It’s so early in the term, I bet I could hand my notice in now and still be allowed to leave at half-term. You can take over until the summer. It’s right that you take charge for the end of Elm Heath.’
‘Oh, Lizzie, that’s not what I meant at all. What about the rally? And the final meeting of the council?’
‘You should still go ahead with the rally,’ I said. ‘It’s a fitting celebration of the school.’
‘Please don’t make any decisions today. You’re understandably upset and angry, and you shouldn’t act without thinking about it for longer.’
I opened my mouth to argue, then shut it again. Paula was right.
‘I’ll sleep on it,’ I agreed.
The bell rang and I winced. ‘Shit, I’ve got to go and watch year three’s assembly,’ I said. ‘Do I look awful?’
Paula screwed her nose up. ‘Bit blotchy and tear-stained,’ she said. ‘I’ll do the assembly if you like. I’ll take the reception kids along – they’ll enjoy it. You wash your face and get yourself together. Have a think about what you want to do next.’
I nodded, grateful, and Paula headed for the door.
‘For what it’s worth, I think you should stay and fight. But I’ll understand if you decide to go. I’ll be sorry, but I’ll understand.’
She headed out and closed the door behind her, leaving me in silence. I sat for a moment, drumming my fingers on my desk. Then I got up and wandered round my office, looking at my corn dollies on the shelf and the framed picture Mum had made me.
Esther Watkins gazed at me as I paced. I looked at her.
‘What would you do, Esther?’ I said, knowing full well that someone who was willing to go to prison for a cause she believed in wouldn’t run away at the first sign of trouble. I walked over to the wall and studied the portrait, noticing for the first time that the frame was cracked along one side.
‘I should get that replaced before I go,’ I murmured. I reached up and unhooked the frame from the wall. It was heavier than I’d expected and as I braced my arms under its weight a shriek from the playground made me jump. The picture overbalanced and toppled face down on to the floor, and I heard the glass smash.
‘Oh bloody hell,’ I said.
I bent down and carefully plucked the frame from among the broken shards. The back board came off in my hands. Gently I laid the pieces of wooden frame and the back on to my desk and peeled the photograph away so it didn’t get damaged. And to my surprise, underneath was an envelope, yellowed round the edges but still in good condition. It had no name on the front but I could feel it had something inside. Intrigued, I left the broken glass on the carpet, and sat down at my desk. I slid my finger under the seal and carefully pulled out the paper inside, smoothing out the pages, and I took a sharp breath as I realised the address at the top was Orchard Farm, where Esther had stayed and where she’d had the inspiration to start Elm Heath Primary.
‘Dear Joseph,’ the letter began.
Chapter 44
Esther
1910
I liked this time of the day most of all. As the sun was beginning to set and I could hear the men shouting to each other outside, while they settled the animals down for the night. I’d been surprised to discover how much work there was to do on a farm even in the depths of winter, but Kenneth had assured me that his was a year-round job.
I had been in Blyton for a month now and every day I was surprised anew, and filled with gratitude, at how welcome Kenneth and Mary had made me. They’d welcomed me into their home and I felt like part of the family already.
John had found me the lodgings at Orchard Farm. He’d contacted a friend of a friend of a friend – people like him knew everyone I’d realised – who knew Kenneth and Mary had been struggling a little, and could use the extra income a lodger would bring. And it was all arranged in what felt like an instant. Before I could even really think about everything that had happened, Agnes and I were on a train – John too, because he didn’t want to leave Agnes’s side until he knew she was all right – and travelling down towards Canterbury.
Agnes was doing well. The convalescent home was warm and cosy, and the staff were caring. There were other women there whose babies had died, a few who’d been ill and were recovering, some who had trouble with eating, and others who were just sad – I didn’t know why. It was calm and quiet, and Agnes was – I thought – beginning to come to terms with what had happened.
I was coming to terms with everything too. I was
surprisingly happy in the countryside, for a girl who’d never left London. Kenneth and Mary had two children – George and Harriet – who were bright sparks, full of energy. They were both quick with numbers and though he was only ten, George already helped his father with the farm’s accounts. Interested in their abilities, I had questioned their mother about how much education they’d had.
‘Not much.’ She had shrugged. ‘There’s no school nearby and no one checks. I do what I can with them, but they’re sharper than me already. Harriet’s almost twelve anyway so she’s too old for school now. She’ll be looking for a position next year.’
Unable to resist, I’d started giving the children little challenges. Setting George sums to do in his head disguised as questions about milk yields or the price of apples at market, or asking Harriet what she thought of ethical dilemmas – she had a way of seeing solutions in problems that I found inspiring.
And just this week, they’d cornered me one morning, after they’d done their early chores on the farm, both of them gripping old-fashioned school slates.
‘We thought if you’re not too busy you could give us some work to do?’ Harriet had said, her bright eyes shining. ‘Proper work. Not just pretending you’re chatting or telling us stories.’
I’d looked at them both, standing there eagerly, seeing through my silly attempts to trick them into schoolwork, and thought of Agnes’s children happily going to dance classes, and music lessons and complaining about me giving them sums that were too hard. I adored those children of course, and they were always a joy to teach, but there was something about Harriet and George that fired me up inside, just as the WSPU had done.
‘Let’s sit down,’ I’d said.
And so we’d sat together and I’d given them some lessons, with Mary watching, and then the next day another boy with a shock of red hair and an ear for poetry had joined them, and then yesterday there were two more boys – both friends of George and red-headed Lester – and today Harriet, fed up with being the only girl in my makeshift schoolroom, arrived with a skinny child named Delia in tow.
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