“God, Terry,” Skyler said, feeling the weight of what she’d just said press in on him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say… I didn’t realize I was putting you through all of that.”
“I think Billy had you wound so tight, you didn’t remember your own name half the time.”
Skyler visibly flinched from her words. It bothered him that she was confirming what he had felt since hooking up with Billy again. Billy was the kind of person who could swallow a person whole with her intensity. “Is that what you think is happening now?”
Theresa looked at him for a long moment. “Maybe. I don’t know. Here she is, a big star, all hot and flashy, and now she has a problem and she wants to blame you for that problem. She’s saying that it’s because of you that she started doing cocaine in the first place, to get over you. How’s that supposed to make you feel, Skyler? She’s trying to draw you in, and it’s working.”
Skyler didn’t say anything. He pulled into the parking lot of a Chinese restaurant and shut off the engine. Then he turned to her, his eyes searching hers.
Theresa reached out, taking his hand. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know this isn’t really any of my business anymore. But I still care a lot for you, and I don’t want to see you caught up in something that will hurt you. Billy Montague is like a freight train barreling through a crowded town, heading straight for a brick wall, and I don’t want her to take you out with her.” There were tears in her eyes now as she looked at him. Skyler couldn’t contain the impulse to lean over and kiss her softly on the lips. He put his arms around her then, hugging her.
“Thank you,” he whispered into her hair. “I’m glad you at least care.”
A few minutes later, they went inside the restaurant and had lunch. They talked about other things. He told her about Michael’s ride-along time with him, and she told him about Chelsea’s new boyfriend. They enjoyed lunch, and when he took her back to pick up her car, he gave her a long hug, thanking her for getting him out of the office for a while. Theresa left feeling better about her relationship with him, and Skyler went back to work with a lot to think about.
It was Wednesday the following week when Billy was allowed to have outside visitors. Skyler wasn’t sure he was welcome until the night before. He was called not by Billy but by her doctor.
“Mr. Kristiani,” the doctor said, sounding very direct. “Ms. Montague has a number of issues to deal with where you are concerned. I think it best that she deals with them here.”
“Versus where?” Skyler said, obviously flustering the doctor.
“I… well… she… Mr. Kristiani, is it possible for you to come down?”
“I’ll be there,” Skyler said, grinning and shaking his head. The man really needed to learn to loosen up.
He drove to the center dressed in black chinos, a black-and-green-striped shirt, and black boots. He’d felt a little on the dark side that morning, but he figured the green lightened things up a little. He’d lain awake half the night wondering what Billy had told this doctor, wondering what he was walking into.
Skyler went in through the front door, oblivious to all the stares from the nurses, heedless of one young nurse’s tongue-tied inability to answer when he asked where he could find Dr. Houser.
“He’s down the hall to your left, handsome,” answered an older nurse, who didn’t get tongue-tied anymore.
Skyler gave her a brilliant smile. “Thanks, doll,” he said, and gave her a cavalier wink. Then he turned and walked down the hall.
Skyler didn’t know it, but it made the senior nurse’s day, especially when the younger nurses around her seemed so impressed. Skyler never did realize his effect on women.
Upon entering Dr. Houser’s office, he was met with a bland stare.
“I’m Skyler Kristiani,” he said, striding forward, his hand outstretched. The man, who was eight years his junior, took it limply, having to stare up at Skyler even as he stood.
“I’m glad you could make it, Mr. Kristiani. I wanted to talk to you before Ms. Montague joins us. She is very difficult, as you might imagine. She doesn’t think much of our methods.” The doctor gestured to an area that contained a couch and two chairs. Skyler opted for a chair, thinking the couch held way too much symbolism for him here.
“I tried to explain that to the admissions officer when I called,” Skyler said evenly. “Billy isn’t your average hyped-up user—she’s very intelligent, and a lot of psychobabble makes her pretty tense.”
“Yes, well,” the doctor said, looking a little nervous, “we try to get to the root of the problem here. If psychobabble becomes part of the explanation, then that’s what we tell the patient. In Ms. Montague’s case,” he said, pausing to pick up a folder that sat next to him on his desk, “she has a definite problem with commitment.”
Skyler shook his head, grinning. “Now, see, that’s what all three of my ex-wives would tell you about me, and I’m normal.”
The doctor stared back at him blankly. “Normal?”
“Never mind,” Skyler said, waving away the statement. “Go on, Doctor.”
“Yes, well… Ms. Montague has fixated on you as the hub of everything in her life, whether it be going right or going wrong. You are the center of everything for her, and that is, I’m sure you know, not healthy.”
Skyler stared back at the man, sure he was wrong. How could he be the center of everything for her? They’d only been back together for just under three weeks, and most of that time she’d spent at the center. “Doc, I hate to contradict you, but you gotta be kidding. I haven’t seen Billy in ten years. We just met up again about two and a half weeks ago.”
“I’ll let you see for yourself. But I think you should know that she has been progressing well in all areas of her rehabilitation. She readily admitted she was an addict. Sometimes that takes longer to get out of a person than the actual recovery time.”
Skyler nodded. He knew too that Billy was an excellent actress, and could bullshit this whole place if she set her mind to it.
After a few more minutes, the doctor buzzed his assistant and asked her to get “Ms. Montague.” Billy walked in a few minutes later. Skyler had stood automatically, and she all but threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.
“Skyler, Skyler, Skyler,” she whispered in his ear, over and over.
“I’m here, Billy. I’m here,” he said, surprised at her display of weakness. She usually at least tried to put on a good show for him.
“Get me out of here, please, Sky,” she whispered, still clinging to him, her arms wound tightly around his neck.
“Okay, babe, okay. But you gotta let me breathe,” he said, his voice holding humor as he reached up to disengage her arms from his neck. Still holding one of her hands, he walked her over to the couch and sat, pulling her down next to him. They both looked at the doctor, who had watched the whole scene with interest.
“How do you feel today, Ms. Montague?” the doctor asked, sounding like he was talking to a child. No wonder she hates it here, Skyler thought.
“I feel,” Billy said, doing a perfect impression of a schoolgirl, “like getting the hell out of this place.” She’d smiled winningly as she said it, but her tone could have cut glass.
“Now,” Dr. Houser said appeasingly, “we’ll discuss your release after we finish this session.”
Skyler felt Billy tense beside him, and a moment later, he felt her relax as she blew her breath out quietly. He knew she’d just resolved to tell the doctor anything he wanted to get out of the center.
The doctor proceeded to ask questions, and Billy answered them.
“Ms. Montague, when did you start taking drugs?”
“Ten years ago.”
“And why did you start taking drugs?”
“Because I am a weak-willed individual,” she recited.
Skyler looked down at her and saw her lips twitch, and he knew she was playing a part.
“Ms. Montague, that’s not what you said in your
sessions. You told me that you missed Mr. Kristiani here, and that you wanted a way out. Is that true or not?”
Billy tensed, and Skyler sensed that he’d said something she didn’t want Skyler to hear.
“Ms. Montague, I asked you if that was true,” the doctor said evenly.
When Billy didn’t answer, he stood and walked around his desk, sitting in the chair right across from Billy and looking her straight in the eye. “Ms. Montague, is it true that you started taking drugs because you missed Mr. Kristiani?”
Billy shook her head, and Skyler could feel her starting to tremble.
The doctor leaned forward, pinning Billy with a sharp look. “Answer the question, Ms. Montague.”
“Hey,” Skyler said, his tone even but his look threatening. “Back off. Give her a little room to breathe, okay?”
Billy’s head snapped around at the sound of his voice, as if she’d actually forgotten he was there. “Skyler?” she said, her voice choked.
“It’s okay, Billy. Answer the question for him. I already know about the drugs when I left—just answer it for him.”
Her blue eyes searched his face. He wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but he thought she looked worried. Then she looked back at the doctor, her composure regained. “Yes, it’s true,” she said tonelessly. “I started doing drugs to forget Skyler.”
“Why did you continue doing drugs?” the doctor asked mildly.
“Because I’m an addict.”
“Have you ever tried to kill yourself?”
Billy was silent for a long moment. Then she nodded.
“How many times?”
Again Billy was silent. Then she surprised Skyler by saying, “Three times.”
“When were these times?” the doctor asked, looking pointedly at Skyler.
Billy stared at a blank spot on the wall just above Dr. Houser’s head as she answered the question. “The first time was the week after Skyler left me. I was really low, coming down for the first time from cocaine, and I was depressed. The second time was three years later, when I found out that Skyler had moved up here and had gotten a divorce anyway—one of his cop buddies told me when I ran into him. In fact, he was the one that found me and got me to the hospital just in time. Lucky me…”
“And the third time, Billy?” the doctor said. “When was the third time?”
Again Billy was quiet for a long time. Skyler squeezed her hand, trying to hide his shock at this information. He wanted to tell the doctor to just let it go, because he didn’t want to hear it anymore. Right about the time he opened his mouth, Billy began to speak again. “The third time was a year ago, when we were in Sacramento for a concert. I wanted to find him, but Kid told me not to be stupid. So instead I locked myself in our hotel bathroom and tried to take a lot of sleeping pills. Kid found me and dragged me to the hospital, just in time…” She trailed off, looking so dejected Skyler wanted to leave the room. He couldn’t believe he’d had this effect on her life. Why? It was all he could think.
“All of this because a man left you?” the doctor said, sounding cynical.
“Skyler’s more than that,” Billy said defensively, sitting up straighter on the couch.
“No, I’m not,” Skyler said softly.
Billy turned to look at him, her eyes glistening with tears. “You are, Skyler. You really are. Please take me out of here. I don’t want to answer any more of these questions. I just want to go back to your house and get away from all this. Please, Sky, please…”
Skyler looked down at her, wondering where this terrified child had come from. This wasn’t the Billy he knew, and he knew that her addiction and problems went far deeper than she was allowing this doctor to uncover. He wondered if he’d just chosen badly—maybe she needed more help than these people could give her. She was a different sort of person, after all. She was able to act her way out of just about anything, and he wondered if this was all a show for them, to make them think she could be so easily cured and then they’d let her out. But the look she was giving him now went straight to his heart, and it made him long to pick her up and carry her out of there.
“Billy,” he said, feeling weak, and knowing he shouldn’t.
“Mr. Kristiani, I have to advise against removing her at this time,” Dr. Houser said, sensing Skyler’s failing defenses and happy that someone like Billy Montague wasn’t testing him the way she was Skyler Kristiani.
Skyler glanced at the doctor, but Billy touched his cheek and brought his face back to look down at her. “Skyler, please, take me home,” she said softly.
“Billy,” Skyler said, after taking a long moment to regain his composure. “Babe, you have to get better, and you won’t if you’re with me.”
“Yes, I will!” she said, her voice rising slightly. “Skyler, I didn’t take anything the whole time we were together two weeks ago… and I only thought about it a couple of times. Please, you can get me over this. I don’t need all this psycho shit—I need to be out and free…”
Skyler looked at her for a long moment, thinking about what she’d said. She had been off the drugs for at least the three days they’d been together, and she hadn’t been high when he’d met up with her at the police department. She’d only tripped up when she was alone in the hotel room, but she hadn’t fully gotten over the cocaine then. Now she’d dried out for over a week and a half. Maybe if she had someone around to keep her straight for the next two weeks, he could turn her over to Jerith, and then she’d be okay. He knew she took Jerith’s threat seriously, and he knew that being Billy of Billy and the Kid was important to her. Maybe she could do it without all this therapy stuff. He’d seen other people do it.
He gave her a stern look. “Okay, Billy, you win. But I swear to God, if you cross me on this, I will personally put you away. You got it?”
Billy held up her right hand. “I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God,” she said, grinning at him.
Skyler looked over at the doctor, who was shaking his head ruefully. “I’m sorry, Mr. Kristiani,” he said sympathetically as he stood and extended his hand to Skyler. “I do believe that I wouldn’t have been able to withstand that assault either, though. Please stay in touch. If you have any questions, or need any assistance, please call me.”
“I will. Thank you, Doctor.”
A half hour later, Skyler escorted Billy out of the center and to his car. Skyler was quiet on the ride home. Twenty minutes in, it was driving Billy crazy.
“Are you just going to give me the silent treatment for the rest of my life now?” she said, exasperated.
Skyler gave her a measured glance. “I’m not giving you the silent treatment.”
“So what are you doing then?”
“Honestly?” he said, his tone less than humorous. “I’m trying to convince myself I didn’t just do the dumbest thing I’ve done so far in my life.”
“You didn’t, Skyler. I promise.”
“Save it, Billy,” Skyler said, more sharply than he had meant to, but then he continued. “Don’t you think I know you were playing me?”
“I was not,” Billy said incredulously, her blue eyes wide.
Skyler looked over at her, and to her surprise, started to laugh. But once again, there was no humor in the sound. “I don’t think you even know when you’re lying anymore.”
“If you think so much of me,” Billy said, her tone growing sharper, “why am I here and not back there?” She gestured behind them in the general direction of the center.
Skyler shrugged. “I knew we were wasting those people’s time and my money,” he said simply.
Billy was taken aback. She hadn’t even imagined that he’d paid for her time at the center. She’d assumed he’d made some sort of arrangement with Alan or Jerith. “Wait a minute,” she said, putting her hand on his arm, her eyes searching his profile as he drove. “You paid for that?”
Skyler just nodded, not looking at her.
“Why?”
/> Skyler didn’t answer for a few seconds, then replied while keeping his eyes on the road. “Why’d you try to kill yourself three times? Over me?” He shook his head to indicate he didn’t believe it. “That’s what you want the doctor to think, and that’s what you’d like me to think, but I don’t buy it.”
She stared at him for a long minute, not sure how to reply. She thought she had made some sort of discovery in the center when she analyzed the times she’d tried to kill herself. She’d been elated to learn that her instability as a whole person related to one thing, one person. And now Skyler discounted it as a mere whim on her part. She couldn’t believe it. The doctor had agreed with her that Skyler seemed to be the hub of her existence—why didn’t Skyler? Maybe she needed to explain it to him better. Yes! Her mind grabbed that thought. Yes, if I explain how his leaving made me feel, he’ll understand how much I need him.
Billy said nothing for the rest of the drive. She simply sat staring at Skyler, trying to decide what she’d tell him to make him understand.
When they got back to the house, he opened the door for her and led her inside. It felt good to her, being in his house again. It smelled like him; it even felt like him. She glanced over at him, and saw that he was watching her from the doorway. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said.
Billy moved to sit on the couch, picking up one of the overstuffed pillows and hugging it to her. Then she patted the couch and looked up at him. “Come here,” she said, and then laughed at his hesitation. “I want to talk to you.”
Skyler narrowed his eyes slightly, as if sensing what he was in for, but then dropped his keys on the entryway table and walked over and lowered himself down on the couch. He sat with his left arm thrown casually over the back, one leg up, his other foot planted on the ground as if he didn’t want to get too comfortable just yet. “Okay, talk.”
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