Missez

by Sherryl Hancock

  Billy wasn’t sure how to start, but she forged ahead anyway. “Look, Skyler, when you and I met, I was real independent and I didn’t think I’d ever give a real shit about any guy. But then I set my sights on you, and you didn’t even care about me at all. When I finally got you, I was sure you’d leave Theresa for me. You had to, because I was in love with you, and that had to mean that you were in love with me too. That’s the way little girls are taught it, you know. When you meet Prince Charming, he’ll always love you too. He never leaves you for his wife. But you did, and it hurt a lot. I couldn’t believe that you actually gave me up for some woman that obviously wasn’t making you happy, otherwise you wouldn’t have been cheating on her in the first place. I wasn’t kidding when I told you that you annihilated me. You did—you might as well have steamrolled me, for as much damage as you caused. I don’t know how, or when, but somewhere along that time that we were together, I fell in love with you. Deeply in love with you.” She paused, looking at him. His face hadn’t changed at all. And she didn’t understand it. “Are you hearing what I’m telling you?” Skyler simply nodded. “Doesn’t any of this matter to you? It has to, otherwise why would you be trying so hard to help me?”

  Billy stopped talking and looked at him, her anger evident on her face.

  Skyler was silent for a long time, then said, “Is it my turn to talk now?”

  “Don’t be an asshole, Skyler,” she said hotly.

  “Okay,” he said, holding up his hand. “Let me get this straight. You knew I was married. I told you I was married. I even had the wedding band on to back it up. I told you I wouldn’t leave my wife, that my two kids were too damned important to do that. And while the sex was incredible and we had a really great time together, I never once told you that I loved you. And somehow out of all that, you managed to become obsessed with the idea of loving me?” He shook his head again. “I think you are remembering things a bit differently than they happened, my dear.” When Billy started to shake her head, he held up his hand again. “Did I ever tell you that I would leave Theresa?”

  “No, but—”

  He made a halting gesture. “No. That was the answer, Billy. Now, did I ever tell you that I loved you?”

  Billy hesitated this time, seeing what he was doing. “No, but you were—”

  This time the cutting gesture was violent. “No! That was the answer. I never said that I loved you. I did tell you repeatedly that I would not leave Theresa, and that I was no good for you and that you should find someone else. Right?”

  Billy nodded solemnly. “Then why did you stay for so long?” she asked quietly, her head lowered dejectedly.

  Skyler hesitated. He stood up and walked over to where she sat at the other end of the couch. He knelt in front of her and lifted her face to his. “Because I did care about you. I didn’t want to, but I did. I really didn’t want to hurt you, but I knew eventually I would. I was hoping you’d break it off before I did.” His light green eyes searched hers. “Billy, I didn’t say all of this to hurt you. I just don’t want you deciding that I’m the cause for your addiction and problems, so you can take the easy way out. I think your problems go a lot deeper than me. I think I’m just an easy answer. And when that doesn’t work, what then? You actually succeed at killing yourself, and the show’s over?” His voice was soft, and Billy couldn’t help but be drawn to it.

  Skyler was surprised when tears actually came to her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. He pulled her into his embrace, feeling like a jerk for being as cold as he had, but knowing he was right. He just hoped they could figure her problems out before she decided to do something rash again.

  “But what about the cocaine?” she said. Her voice was muffled against his shirt, but she didn’t move from his embrace.

  “You’re addicted to the cocaine, Billy,” Skyler said. “I’m just an excuse to keep using. Every time your body thinks you’re really going to kick the habit, it thinks up a reason why you need just one more snort, one more hit, to get you by, and back you go again.”

  She moved back just enough to look up at him, not enough to be out of the circle of his arms. “How do you know all this stuff?” She sounded a lot like Chelsea right then.

  Skyler grinned. “I’m a narc, remember? I’ve seen a lot of addicts, and I’ve seen some give it up, and I’ve put others in body bags when they couldn’t kick the habit.” His tone was serious, and Billy nodded, looking appropriately affected by his words.

  Billy slept for a few hours, with Skyler checking on her frequently to make sure there was no repeat of the last time he’d left her sleeping. When she awoke, she put on one of Skyler’s shirts and wandered down the hall to look for him.

  She found him sitting on his back porch, staring off into space. She sat down next to him, feeling hesitant around him. Feeling like they were just starting out again.

  Skyler glanced over at her, taking in the shirt.

  “Why do you keep stealing my shirts?” he said mildly.

  Billy looked back at him for a long moment, then shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess they make me feel closer to you.”

  Skyler’s expression flickered, as if he couldn’t fathom the concept. Finally he shook his head.

  “So, what are you thinking about out here?” she asked softly.

  “You.”

  She glanced over at him and saw a grin cross his face.

  “Well, why don’t you sit there and keep thinking of me, and I’ll work on some dinner for us?” Billy said, standing.

  “Can I think of anything but you?”

  “No.” She leaned down impulsively and kissed him on the top of the head.

  His laughter followed her into the house.

  An hour later she had dinner prepared, and they ate. She’d managed a fairly decent salad and some garlic bread. Skyler was duly impressed. Afterward they relaxed, watching TV. Billy started out sitting on the couch with Skyler not too far away. Eventually, she was lying down with her head on a pillow in his lap. Billy had the remote and was flipping through channels when Skyler told her to back up.

  He had her stop on MTV; a band he liked was playing. “Hey, maybe I’ll even see someone I know on here.”

  Billy simply rolled her eyes and shook her head.

  A little while later a Def Leppard video came on and he turned it up, utilizing the stereo hookup to its fullest capacity. The song was “Bringin’ on the Heartbreak.”

  “This is you,” Skyler said as the song began.

  Billy listened to the words. The lyrics talked about a woman always looking for something she couldn’t find, and because of that she was causing her own heartbreak.

  As the song played on, Billy looked up at Skyler. “Is that what I’m doing?” she said. “Taking all the best of you?”

  “Maybe,” he said quietly. “Maybe that’s all you want—the best—and you don’t want to see the rest of it.”

  “Like I have you on some pedestal?” She was seeing a different angle now.

  “Yeah, and what you think I am and what I am are two different things.”

  “No, I know you’re incredible, Skyler. But maybe you were right about remembering things from the past in a better light than they were really in. You might be right about all of it.”

  “Go figure.”

  “Shut up.”

  They continued to watch TV in companionable silence. Eventually Skyler could see that Billy was getting tired. “Come on,” he said, moving carefully out from under her head and then gently pulling her to her feet. “Bed time, little girl,” he said, sounding fatherly.

  Billy nodded tiredly and let him lead her down the hallway. In his bedroom, he laid her carefully on the bed and then gave her a stern look. “You’ll be okay if I take a quick shower?”

  Billy nodded. “I’ll be good,” she muttered sleepily.

  Twenty minutes later, when Skyler climbed into bed next to her she was fast asleep. When she felt the weight of his body next to hers, however, she moved
to curl up next to him. Skyler kissed her gently on the forehead and hugged her close.

  The next morning, Skyler woke to the feeling of Billy’s fingers on his chest. She was stroking his skin and watching him sleep. She was still lying in the circle of his arms, and when he looked down at her she smiled up at him warmly.

  “Good morning,” he said softly.

  “Mmhmm,” she said, nodding. “I didn’t wake up in some cold, sterile hospital room. I woke up in your bed, laying in your arms. I’d say it’s a good morning.”

  “What can I say to that?” he said, an amused smile on his lips. “So, what do you want to do today?”

  “You mean now that I’m free?”

  “Free? That’s a real nice way to put it.” Skyler grimaced. “I didn’t sentence you to jail—I wanted you to get help.”

  Billy immediately looked chastened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I know you were only trying to help me…” She trailed off, then glanced up at him, looking a bit impish. “You really want to know what I want to do today?”

  “I don’t know—do I?”

  Again she gave him a mischievous grin. “I want to go flying.”

  Skyler looked surprised, and he started to shake his head. “Why do you want to do that?”

  “I’ve never been flying with you. I want you to take me up in an airplane. I want to see you fly.” She pouted. “You did ask…”

  Skyler nodded, knowing he wasn’t getting out of this one. “Okay, you win. I’ll take you flying. The next question is, what do you want to go up in? A plane or a helicopter?”

  Billy hesitated. “Which one is less likely to make me sick?”

  “A plane.”

  “Then let’s go with that one,” she said, again sounding very young.

  “Okay.” Skyler moved to get out of bed.

  “Where are you going?” she asked, pulling him back down.

  “You said you want to go flying—arrangements have to be made. I don’t own my own plane, you know.”

  “Why don’t you have your own plane yet?” Billy tilted her head to the side. He’d talked about owning his own plane someday, ten years before.

  “A decent airplane costs real money, Billy,” Skyler said, sounding fatherly. “I’m stretched pretty tight right now, financially.”

  “Okay, make arrangements, and I’ll take a shower.”

  “Okay…” Skyler said, still not sure what to make of her comments. Billy could be pretty obtuse when she wanted to be, and he figured now was one of those times.

  He went to call one of his friends from the unit. The younger man was single and had the money to have his own plane. “Hey, Huff,” Skyler said when the pilot came on the line.

  “Yeah, Skyler, what’s going on?”

  “You still renting out your plane?”

  “Yeah. You want to rent it?”

  “Yep.”

  “You got it. When?”

  “Today?” Skyler said, sounding a little hesitant. “You still have it there at the hangar?”

  “Sure do. Where’re you headed?”

  “Don’t really know, just want to do some flyin’.”

  “Okay. Well, I’ll get her fueled up, and I’ll see you when you get here.”

  “Thanks, man,” Skyler said. They hung up, and Skyler went to get his shower out of the way.

  Two hours later, they were in a Cessna 182 and preparing to take off. Billy watched as Skyler ran through his pre-flight checklist. He explained things to her as he went along. She was surprised when he opened the side window and shouted “Clear!” before starting the single propeller, even though there didn’t seem to be anyone around to hear his admonition.

  “Why do you do that?” she asked.

  Skyler looked over. “Before you start your engines and get the prop turning, you yell ‘Clear.’ That way, in case someone has walked up that you didn’t see, they’ll know you are getting ready to turn the prop.”

  “Prop?” Billy said, looking confused, but then she started to nod. “Propeller. I get it.” Skyler smiled at her. “You all strapped in?”

  “Yep,” Billy said, looking down at the shoulder harness and lap belt he had helped her fasten. She’d been surprised by the care he took in explaining what she should do in case they had to make an emergency landing. He had even gone over the procedure for exiting the aircraft if they had to make a water landing. At first Billy had thought he was kidding, but as she listened, she understood that he meant it. She remembered that Skyler took his flying very seriously, and it impressed her that he could maintain that level of professionalism even in a personal situation.

  They had decided to fly up toward South Lake Tahoe and then circle around in the Nevada area to see what they could. During the flight, Skyler told her about the instrument panel and what things did. He managed to explain things to her in a way she’d understand. He would use the appropriate term first and then give her a layman’s explanation. He told her about the air currents, highs and lows, and how that predicted weather changes, and so on. Billy came away from the experience feeling even more impressed with Skyler than she had been before. She realized he knew a lot of things, and that she could actually learn a lot from being around him.

  That night, they went out to dinner, and Billy questioned him about his flying.

  “So, how much does an airplane like the one we flew today cost?”

  “About sixty grand,” Skyler said, taking a drink of his wine. “And that doesn’t include a good GPS system.”

  “GPS,” Billy said, narrowing her eyes for a moment. Then she snapped her fingers. “Global Positioning System.” She looked very proud of herself for remembering.

  Skyler nodded, smiling. “But what does it do?”

  Billy looked blank for a moment, then pursed her lips in thought. After a few long moments she shook her head. “I forgot,” she said, sounding apologetic.

  “It lets you know where you’re at in the world, by using satellites.”

  “Up in space, I remember that part,” she said, smiling.

  “Then you get half a point for your answer.”

  They were sitting at a cozy table, with a candle burning between them. It was local steak house that had a lot of charm. Skyler had picked it because he didn’t think anyone would notice or care that she was Billy Montague.

  “Okay, so what do you like to fly more, helicopters or airplanes?” she asked as their salad was brought to the table.

  Skyler waited politely for the waitress to finish serving them before answering, smiling at the young lady and thanking her. “I guess I’d have to say helicopters.”

  “They’re more fun?”

  “Fun?” Skyler said, bemused. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

  “That’s what you learned to fly in, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where, again?”

  “Lebanon and the Middle East, mostly.”

  “And that was when?”

  Skyler thought about it for a moment, then gave her a direct look. “Right about the time you were born,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

  “Oops!” She laughed. “That’s right. You were eighteen, huh?”

  “Nineteen,” Skyler replied, giving her a mockingly sour look.

  “Okay, so you flew helicopters. You flew… um… what’s it called again?”

  “Medevac and transport.”

  “Yeah, that’s it,” Billy said, nodding.

  “I know, I was there.” Skyler sat back to look at her. “But I don’t remember telling you all of that.”

  “You didn’t,” Billy said blandly. “I talked to one of your cop buddies way back when.”

  Skyler gave her a suspicious look. “I see. So you were spying on me, were you?”

  “Shit, I had to. You wouldn’t tell me anything.”

  Skyler looked chagrined then. “Yeah, I know.”

  Billy shook her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up. I know you were trying
to keep me at arm’s length then. But I wanted to know about you—I wanted to know you.”

  “I know, and I was a real asshole.”

  Billy reached across the table, touching his hand. “Skyler, don’t say that.” She lowered her voice so the people at the next table wouldn’t hear her cussing. “You weren’t an asshole. You were a married man, and I didn’t want to believe it would never be more.”

  “Still,” Skyler said, feeling particularly low.

  “Stop it. Aren’t you the one that reminded me you were honest with me from the beginning? And you were.”

  “To the point of being brutal, right?” Skyler said, his tone not losing its self-effacing edge.

  Billy nodded. “Sometimes. Shit, even then I didn’t listen, did I?”

  “Okay,” Skyler said, smiling finally. “You win. We were both jerks, and we deserve all the terrible things that have ever happened to us.”

  Billy rolled her eyes. “I don’t think I’d go that far.”

  Later that night, Billy lay against Skyler in bed while they watched TV, her nails tracing a lazy pattern on the arm he had curled around her.

  “I just realized something,” she said, glancing back at him.

  “What?”

  “We’ve been together now for at least thirty-six or so hours, and you haven’t even kissed me once,” she said, sounding amazed.

  “Imagine that.”

  Billy turned around to look at him. “You mean you realized that, or is it that you planned it that way?”

  Skyler laughed, holding up his hands innocently, although the look in his eyes told a different story. “There are other things in the world besides sex, Billy.”

  “Ha!” Billy said haughtily, grinning all the while. “That means a lot coming from a man!”

  “Oh, excuse me, our lady of chastity,” Skyler said, pretending to bow.

  Billy laughed, slapping him on the arm. “You are such a brat!”

  Skyler nodded, waggling his eyebrows at her.

  “So,” she said, looking at him seriously. “Were you avoiding me on purpose?”

  Detecting no anger in her voice, he didn’t answer her at first, then finally nodded. “In a way I was. I just don’t want to complicate things further, you know?”