Cash’s eyes widened when he saw what Rupe was holding. “What the fuck, Witters? Where the hell are we supposed to put that?”
“Duh,” Rupe said. “Darcey’s nursery, of course.” He shoved the bear in Cash’s face. “Here, hold this. I need to see my girl.”
Cash tossed the bear to one side, where it rather unfortunately landed with its arse in the air. He looked over at Tally with an amazed expression. “At least it’s better than Gary the fucking hideous Gorilla. Although we’re going to need a bigger nursery.”
“Am I the first?” Rupe said, swinging Darcey in the air. She gurgled happily, and he pulled her close, covering her face in sloppy kisses.
“You are,” Tally said. “Drink?”
“Please. God, she’s changing so fast.”
“Tell us about it,” Cash said. “Every day, something else is different. And I used to think all babies did was sleep, cry, and shit.”
“She does plenty of that too,” Tally said, passing Rupe a gin and tonic.
“Thanks, darling. No, you sit,” Rupe said when there was a knock at the door. He laid Darcey in her Moses basket, where she groused at the loss of contact. “I’ll get it.”
“It’s probably Em or Rachael. I asked Meredith to come half an hour after I invited the rest of you.”
“It’s both of them,” Rupe shouted.
“Jesus,” Em said as she walked into the living room and spotted the huge bear. “Who bought that?”
“Me,” Rupe said proudly. “Isn’t he amazing?”
“Are you trying to make up for something else lacking, Rupe?” Em said, earning a dig from Rupe’s elbow.
“Not that you’ll ever find out, Fallon, but I definitely don’t have an issue in that department.”
“Bullshit,” Cash coughed out. Rupe stuck up his middle finger.
“Now, now,” Rachael scolded, giving Tally a hug and then leaning over Darcey’s cot. “Can I hold her?”
Tally nodded. Rachael was the only one who ever asked. Everyone else seemed to think Tally’s daughter was their property, and while she loved the people in this room to bits, it sometimes irked her when they assumed it was okay to maul Darcey.
Rachael settled her granddaughter into the crook of her arm. She hummed softly to Darcey, her eyes full of love. Occasionally, she’d glance at Tally and Cash and nod as if to say Bloody well done. Tally couldn’t have agreed more. All mothers had to feel the same about their own children, but Darcey was utterly gorgeous. From birth, she’d looked so much like Cash, and as she grew, her features became even more like his but with a femininity that took the masculine edge off. She was going to be a heartbreaker.
“There’s nothing quite like holding your baby’s baby,” Rachael said, her expression a mix of love and awe. “You’re going to have a queue of boys at your door when this one gets older.”
“No, we won’t,” Cash said firmly. “Because I’m locking her up until she’s at least thirty.”
“Have you spoken to Meredith this week, babes?” Em said.
“Yeah, a couple of times.” Tally pulled a face. “It’s a bit weird, like trying to make small talk during your first week at a new job. That’s why I’m glad all of you could make it this evening.”
“What’s she like?” Rupe asked.
“The complete opposite to me,” Tally said. “She wears the ravages of years of drug abuse, but she’s quite attractive beneath all that.”
“She seems genuine,” Cash said. “Which is another reason we wanted you all here.”
“To suss if she is as genuine as she’s trying to make out?” Em said.
“Precisely,” Cash said. “Because if she isn’t, we need to know.”
“Good job you invited me,” Em said. “Nose like a bloodhound. If she’s taking the piss, I’ll know.”
“Why else do you think you’re here?” Cash drawled.
Em narrowed her eyes until she saw that Cash’s were sparkling with laughter. “Your son is a little shit, Rachael,” she said, poking her toe at Cash’s shin.
The doorbell rang, saving Rachael from responding. Tally stiffened, but Cash rested a soothing hand on her arm. “It’ll be fine, baby.”
As he went to let Meredith in, Rachael, Rupe and Em were focused on the door that led to the hallway, their faces full of curiosity and suspicion in equal measure. Tally laughed nervously. It was as though they were expecting a circus freak to walk in.
Meredith seemed a little taken aback by the welcoming committee. As her gaze sought Tally’s, one eyebrow twitched upwards, but her expression was soft and warm, and she didn’t appear to be offended. “It’s good to see you again, Tally.”
Tally stood to greet her, and the two women awkwardly shared a brief air kiss.
“Let me introduce you. This is Emmalee Fallon, my best friend since, like, forever. Rupe Fox-Whittingham, who is Cash’s lifelong friend, and Rachael, Cash’s mother.”
Everyone shook hands and murmured greetings. Tally caught Em’s eye. Her friend mouthed, “Relax,” while nodding encouragingly.
“And this is Darcey,” Tally said, taking the baby from Rachael.
“Oh my goodness, she’s stunning,” Meredith said, twisting her head to glance over her shoulder at Cash. “No denying you’re the father.”
Cash laughed. “So everyone says.” He draped his arm around Tally’s shoulder and gazed down at Darcey. “But she has Natalia’s eyes. And her temperament, thank God.”
Tally grinned and squeezed his waist. “Yeah, let’s just say, I’m the calmer out of the two of us.”
“That’s Tally-speak for ‘Cash is a bit fiery,’” Em said.
“Okay, let’s eat,” Cash said. “Before everyone jumps on the bash-me bandwagon.”
The dinner went off without a hitch. Everyone did their best to make Meredith feel at home, and Tally began to relax. When Darcey’s cry echoed over the intercom, Cash started to ease out of his chair until Tally stopped him. “I’ll go,” she said.
“Can I come?” Meredith asked, her eyes pleading for Tally to agree.
“Sure,” Tally ground out, her voice raw and her throat tight as a nervous knot formed in her stomach. She wasn’t sure how she felt being alone with Meredith. But it was too late to say no. She’d agreed.
They walked to Darcey’s nursery in silence. Tally lifted her daughter out of the cot and settled in the rocking chair that overlooked the small garden at the back of their house. Midsummer’s day had passed, but the sun was still high in the sky. It would be a couple of hours yet before it disappeared behind the houses.
She lifted her shirt and unfastened her nursing bra. In seconds, Darcey had found what she was looking for and began noisily suckling. Tally met Meredith’s gaze. Her mother’s expression was a mixture of regret and wonderment.
“I can see already you’re a wonderful mother,” she said, her lips turning upwards in the beginnings of a smile.
“Not sure about that,” Tally replied. “I’m doing my best, like most mothers out there.”
Meredith’s eyes drained of the smile. “I’m so sorry, Tally. I can apologise to you every day for ten years, and yet I know it won’t make up for what I did.”
Tilting her head back, Tally studied Meredith’s face. Then she softly sighed. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Were you thinking of Dad and me at all when you allowed those men to fuck you in search of a fix?”
Meredith’s head flinched as though she’d been slapped across the face. She sucked in a breath, making a whistling noise through her clenched teeth. “Wow, you don’t pull punches, do you?”
“You said I could ask you anything.”
Meredith’s lips twitched. “Yeah, I did say that. Probably wasn’t prepared for a question like that, though.”
“You don’t have to answer.”
Meredith glanced around the room. Realising the only chair was the one Tally occupied, she perched on the windowsill instead.
/> “It was so long ago it’s hard to remember what I was thinking at the time. But what I do know is the draw of heroin chased all other thoughts from my head. The rush was all I thought about, all I craved.” She shook her head. “If I could have my time again, I would never have tried it. Heroin ruined my life—and it ruined yours.”
“No, it didn’t.” Tally glanced down at her daughter, happily feeding and oblivious to the tension in the room. “I think I’ve done okay.” She laughed then. “Managed to snare the hottest guy this side of the Atlantic, although if you ask me how I did it, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.”
Tally expected Meredith to chuckle at her self-deprecating comment, but she frowned instead. “You think Cash is too good for you?”
Tally shrugged. “Sometimes. Looks like I am my father’s daughter. Pete told me Dad thought he was punching above his weight when it came to you.”
Meredith’s face crumpled, and she bent at the waist as though absorbing the pain of a blow to the stomach. “Your father was not punching above his weight. He was kind, funny, caring, a wonderful provider. He did everything for me and for you. It was me.” She poked herself hard in the chest. “Me punching above my weight. You think because Cash is so handsome, that makes you lacking in some way?”
Tally ducked her head. “Not exactly model material, am I? You could have at least left me with your figure before you buggered off.”
Meredith jumped down from the windowsill as blood rushed to her cheeks. “Don’t.” She gently nudged Tally’s chin up until she had no choice but to meet Meredith’s gaze. “Have you any idea how attractive you are? And I don’t just mean physically, although you are pretty as a picture. I mean in here.” She tapped four fingers over her heart. “Goodness pours out of you. I can see how you draw people in. They want a little piece of your warmth to touch them because then, they might feel worthy of being in your presence.”
Tally’s eyes widened, stunned at the strength of Meredith’s outburst. The air caught in her throat, and she gulped through an airway that had closed over.
“It’s Cash who’s the lucky one,” Meredith continued, seemingly unaware of Tally’s struggle to breathe properly. “Sure, he’s beautiful. I mean, you’d have to be blind not to see that. But so what? Beauty fades eventually. In the end, it’s what’s inside that matters. I know that sounds shit, like a trope of a line trotted out for effect, but it’s not. It’s true.”
Hot tears pricked behind Tally’s eyes, and she blinked several times. She didn’t want to cry. Meredith’s vehement support of her was exactly what she’d craved all those years. Because of heroin, she’d been robbed of a mother’s love and that confidence building only a mother could give. It was time to tell Meredith the long-lasting impact of her choices, and then she could choose whether to stay or to leave. If she did the latter, well, Tally would be no worse off.
“I’ve struggled with a lack of confidence my whole life. I used to think there must be something wrong with me if my own mother didn’t love me enough to stick around. Over time, that low confidence morphed into body-image issues.”
Meredith gave her a horrified stare. “What have I done?” she whispered. She dropped to her knees in front of Tally and cupped both her cheeks. “My beautiful girl who now has a beautiful girl of her own. None of this is your fault. It’s all mine, and I live with the reality of what I’ve done every day.”
“It’s okay,” Tally said, her voice breaking as a rush of empathy for Meredith swam to the surface. “Really, it is.”
Meredith shook her head vehemently. “No, it’s not. But I promise you this. I’ll spend every day of my life making it up to you if you’ll let me.”
Tally glanced down at her daughter. Darcey had eaten her fill, and her eyes began to droop. Tally laid a towel across her shoulder and gently patted Darcey’s back before putting her back in her cot. She tucked the covers around her sleeping daughter. Darcey’s full lips were parted, her tiny chest puffing in and out, her breathing slow and even. Leaning over, Tally kissed her soft cheek.
When she turned around, Meredith’s eyes slid away, her head cast down.
Tally closed the gap between them and gently touched Meredith’s upper arm. “Let’s give it a try.”
Meredith exhaled on a shudder, and she lifted her gaze. “I won’t let you down.”
There was an awkward moment where neither of them quite knew what to do next, and then Tally chuckled, breaking the tension.
“They’ll think we’ve got lost. Ready to go back down?”
Meredith nodded, and Tally had one last check on Darcey before she quietly closed the door to the nursery.
When the two of them walked into the kitchen, all eyes turned to face them, and then everyone began talking at once. Tally frowned and caught Cash’s gaze. His hand moved slightly towards the baby monitor, and she caught his drift. They’d heard every word.
Every. Single. Word.
Shit.
Meredith seemed to be none the wiser to the undercurrent swirling around them. Her shoulders were relaxed, and she’d struck up a conversation with Rachael, their heads close together as they chatted. It was only then Tally realised how on edge Meredith had been all evening. It had taken guts to turn up after years of absence and admit to her daughter that she’d been a drug addict and a prostitute.
Tally accepted then that she’d made the right decision to allow her mother to have a part in her life, but she knew by doing so, she was handing control of her fragile heart to someone who had already crushed it once in the most awful of circumstances.
She prayed Meredith would take care of it this time.
40
“Night,” Tally said waving their guests off. She clicked the door shut and bolted it. Dead on her feet, she trudged back into the kitchen.
Cash was loading the dishwasher, a job he still hated and used as an excuse every time he told Tally they needed a housekeeper-cum-nanny. She was digging her heels in over that issue. Anna, their housekeeper in Northern Ireland, was different. She’d been with Cash for years and was a trusted member of their extended family. But the thought of having to put that trust in a stranger—well, she wasn’t up for it.
“Thanks, ace,” she said, pulling out a chair from the dining table and sagging into it. “So tell me, how much did you all hear?”
Cash switched the dishwasher on and turned around. He leaned against it, one foot crossed over the other, his arms casually folded across his chest.
“Everything.”
Tally touched a hand to her neck. “Meredith would be mortified.”
“No one will tell her.” He held out his arms. “C’mere, baby.”
She staggered to her feet and snuggled into the warmth of his embrace.
“I’m glad you don’t look like a model,” he said, chuckling in her ear. “You know how much I adore your curves.”
Tally smiled against his neck. “Why didn’t you switch off the monitor when you realised we were chatting?”
“And miss all that?” Cash said, a hint of mirth in his voice. “Not a chance. Besides, I’m glad I heard Meredith take full responsibility for what she did.” He pulled back and studied her face. “She was right about one thing. I’m the lucky one. No contest.”
Tally cupped both hands around the back of his neck and urged his mouth towards hers. She kissed him. His lips were so warm and comforting, taking her to a place of safety, a place where nothing could hurt her. As Cash deepened the kiss, those feelings of warmth and comfort ramped up into heat and desire. She moaned softly as his hands moved around her back, pulling her closer to him.
He broke off the kiss, and as his eyes met hers, he smiled.
“What are you up to?” she said, recognising that cheeky grin anywhere.
He showed her his watch. “It’s past midnight.”
“I know. That’s why I’m knackered. And your daughter will be awake in three hours for her feed.”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “Six weeks. She�
��s six weeks old today.” He leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. “How tired are you, sweetness?”
It took her a couple of seconds, but she finally caught on. “You can’t remember we need milk or cereal, but you remember that?”
“Baby, that is way more important than either of those other things.”
He bent his knees and swept her into his arms. She squealed in surprise and then clapped a hand over her mouth so as not to wake Darcey.
He took off upstairs, holding her with ease. At the foot of their bed, he gently deposited her back on her feet. He set the baby monitor—which he’d somehow managed to carry as well as her—on the bedside table. Flicking her hair over her shoulders, he gazed at her intently.
“If this is too soon or you’re too tired or it hurts, you have to promise to tell me. I know what you’re like, and I don’t––”
“Shhh,” she said, placing her index finger over his mouth. “Stop talking. I want this. I want you.”
Cash undressed so quickly, Tally couldn’t help laughing, but when he took much more time removing her clothes, one piece at a time, her laughter faded. When they were both naked, his body skimmed past hers as he moved behind her, and she exhaled on a shudder as his erection nudged against her backside.
His hands settled on her abdomen, and she dredged up every bit of willpower not to react and pull her belly in. The skin across her stomach was still baggy from being stretched for nine months, and she doubted it would ever revert to its prebaby state, but after his reaction at the hospital, she owed him the respect of believing him when he said he didn’t care.
His lips felt cool as he kissed across her shoulder blade, and her knees trembled as he worked his way down her back, his mouth warming as they absorbed the heat from her skin. Once on his knees behind her, he nudged her legs apart, and in that instant, she was swamped with fear and embarrassment. She’d pushed a baby out of her vagina and been stitched back together when Darcey’s entrance into the world had torn Tally’s tender flesh. And it didn’t matter how good the surgeon was—she couldn’t possibly look the same as she had before giving birth.
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