Why had she felt the need to create an entirely new persona to indulge in something she was naturally good at?
He leaned against the wall and watched her graceful movements as she got animated and used her arms to make points. He noticed her sexy smirk when she got asked a question she knew the answer to but didn’t want to divulge. He saw her eyes sparkle when someone went up to the microphone to ask a question they were almost too embarrassed to utter because she knew that would be the most fun to answer.
He also saw the woman who could completely annihilate him, but he was incapable of resisting her.
Hailee glanced over at Josh, and her eyes connected with his. He felt the immediate jolt of electricity run between them, and he prayed they’d actually be able to get through a conversation tonight without sleeping with one another.
Not that it would be totally awful to spend a night together.
Quite frankly, it was something he’d been thinking about from the moment she mistakenly stumbled back into his life. But he didn’t want to risk his sanity just yet. Right now, all of these feelings running between them had to do with what they had in the past, and neither of them could know if there was any shot at a future until they dealt with everything.
And the kicker was that Josh didn’t even know what everything was.
He’d driven himself nuts trying to figure out what drove her out of town, and now that she’d unwittingly come back into his life, he was no closer to finding out those answers.
The audience began clapping, and Josh realized her segment had already ended. He shifted his gaze away from the stage and attempted to gain his bearings. No matter how much he wanted to kiss her or feel her in his arms again, he needed answers.
Hailee rushed over to him, still giddy from the adrenaline pumping through her, and he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was with her rosy cheeks. Her breasts rose up and down quickly as she attempted to catch her breath, and all he could do was look away to reclaim his sensibilities.
“How’d I do?” she asked, smiling.
She licked her bottom lip, and he instantly wanted her.
“You were amazing.” He smiled, his eyes locking on hers. “You really know how to connect with your audience.”
“You think?” She seemed genuinely excited.
“I know.” Josh nodded, pressing his fingers in the small of her back as she made her way through the long corridor. “I made reservations for dinner at the hotel I’m staying at.”
She stopped walking and spun around. “Oh, I was planning on catching the evening flight out of here.”
“You agreed to dinner.” Josh’s brow rose in surprise.
“I suppose I did.” She crinkled her nose, still high on the excitement of the interview, and nodded. “Then I guess it does make sense to try for dinner here and not in Seattle.”
“Only if you want to eat before midnight.” He laughed and noticed she’d already started walking to her dressing room again.
He couldn’t help but let his eyes sweep along the curves of her body as she stayed a few feet ahead of him. She’d changed so much in the last eighteen years, and he couldn’t let himself imagine what it would be like to undress Hailee and feel her womanly body up against his.
The thought nearly drove him insane, and the very real truth of it was that he might never. He leaned against the door jamb and watched her fill up her bag with all her belongings and turn to face him.
“Okay.” She grinned. “I’ve got all my things. Lenny should be outside waiting, and he can take us to your hotel. What time is the reservation?”
“Five.” Josh took her bag from her, and she kept the roses.
Her brows shot up. “Oh, so I still might make my flight.”
He laughed and shook his head, hoping that wasn’t the case.
“So, how’d you get here earlier than me but not on my flight?” she asked, spinning around to see him as they made their way out the door.
The balmy air ran over his face, and he watched her stop to take in the warmth. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath with her arms out.
“California weather is always amazing.” She grinned, blinking her eyes open to see Josh taking in every inch of her. “So, how did you get here?”
“Private jet.”
“Seriously?” Her voice dropped about ten octaves.
“It’s like a time-share thing. Don’t get too impressed.”
“Sounds awfully expensive.”
“But worth it in some situations.” He smiled. “For instance, I bet if I waltzed onto the same flight you were on, you would have sat and stewed the entire flight.”
“I wouldn’t have.” She rolled her eyes and waved at a town car pulling up. “There’s Lenny.”
Hailee was so full of light that it would be so easy to let himself fall right under her spell again. She seemed as if there wasn’t a care in the world, yet he knew better. It was fewer than forty-eight hours ago that he was pretty certain she wanted to choke him.
He followed Hailee to the waiting car and put her bag in the trunk and climbed in after her. He told the driver which hotel he was staying at, and the driver gave a quick nod.
“I hope my agent doesn’t have any more appearances lined up for a while. I need to get some more chapters to my very demanding boss.”
“Are you sticking with the original project?” He knew he was skating on thin ice and certainly wasn’t going to demand she stay with it.
“Maybe partly. But I really want the book to be about hope, and I can tell you my story isn’t.”
His gaze slid to hers. “How do you figure?”
She shrugged and leaned against the car door. “I lived it.”
Josh studied the woman sitting next to him and couldn’t understand how she could go from light and airy to such darkness so quickly, but with a smile.
“I hope you let me in.” Josh waited for a reply but didn’t get one.
The nagging words of his sister and parents crept into his mind, but he shoved them right out. This time, he knew what he was in for with Hailee. He was armed and ready for her to run again. He didn’t actually expect her to stick around, and that thought was almost freeing.
In a way.
The driver pulled onto the large circular driveway of the hotel along the cliffs in Laguna Beach. The palm trees gently swayed as they drove along the cobblestone drive. Vivid orange and yellows flowers tucked in between the greenery peeked out like an ornate quilt pattern.
“Wow. I was expecting a Holiday Inn.” Her eyes whipped to his. “You must sell a lot of books.”
He laughed and shook his head. “A fair number.”
The driver came to a stop, and several bellmen came to help with Hailee’s bag. Josh’s luggage had already been delivered from the plane and placed in his hotel room.
“Would you mind holding that at the front?” Josh slipped the man holding Hailee’s bag a twenty. “And put these in water?”
Josh handed him the roses.
“Not at all, sir.”
Hailee slipped her hand into Josh’s, but he refused to let the comfort of what that meant sway his senses.
They walked into the hotel’s soaring atrium, and he led her to the restaurant overlooking the beach. The hostess immediately seated them on the outside patio with the crashing waves as the perfect melodic backdrop.
“A little different from Silver Ridge right now?” Josh smiled and watched Hailee take in the beach.
“A little bit.” She smiled, her eyes connecting with his. “It’s amazing how vast and diverse our world is. Here it’s gorgeous, sunny, and seventy-five degrees, and back home, it’s probably snowing.”
“I like hearing you say home.”
Her gaze dropped, and she took a deep breath and nodded. “Home for now.”
And so it began.
Josh shook his head and placed a drink order for both of them right when her phone beeped.
“A text? If it’s not me, it
can’t be that important,” Josh teased as she pulled the phone out of her purse.
Her expression immediately fell, and his heart dropped.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. Totally.” She dropped her phone back into her purse, but she didn’t meet his gaze.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “Anyway, what were you saying?”
“We were just talking about home.” He studied her features and noticed the tension suddenly running down her neck and the stress resting behind her gaze. Was whatever came over in the text the same thing that had chased her out of Silver Ridge so many years ago?
He would probably never know.
“Anything you want to talk about?”
“No, I’m good.”
“You don’t really look it.”
“Let’s just drop it.” She pressed her lips together, forming a tight line, and Josh nodded.
“Whatever you say. You call the shots.”
Her eyes flew to his. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that. You never did. It’s just that life has a lot of complexities, and the big things in my life always overshadow the little things.”
“How so?” Josh took a sip of the martini the server had just delivered.
“I don’t know. It just…” She didn’t bother to finish her sentence.
“Maybe you don’t stop and slow down to appreciate the little things in life.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Well, you didn’t even recognize Carrie until she giggled, and she looks exactly like she did in high school.”
A wry smile spread across her face. It was always so sexy when she smiled, and she seemed to get a kick out of his observation.
“True. I didn’t know Carrie worked there. I guess I didn’t expect to see anyone from school.”
Josh smirked and shook his head.
“What?” Her brows furrowed.
“You really don’t stop to notice the little things.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she grumbled. “I’m not that bad. I noticed the pretty flowers on the way in. I remembered to take my roses from the dressing room.”
“Carrie doesn’t just work there.” Josh smugly folded his hands. “She owns it.”
“How am I supposed to know that?” Hailee rolled her eyes and swiped her hands in the air.
“The store is called Carrie’s Kitchen Cozies.”
Hailee burst into laughter, and the sound was the most beautiful thing.
“I’m glad you can see the humor in it.” Josh couldn’t take his eyes off her.
She let out a pleased sigh and looked out over the ocean. The server came to take their orders, and Hailee didn’t say much after.
“Sometimes, I wonder if I’ve just enjoyed exploring the wonder of what could have been more than actually wanting it,” she said softly, turning her attention back to his.
Her words were like a dagger to the heart.
“What do you think could have been, Hailee?”
She smiled an empty smile, and his heart dropped.
“I don’t know,” she mused. “I could have stayed in Silver Ridge. You could have stayed and owned that bookstore you always talked about.”
“We wouldn’t be eating here.” He smiled.
“That would have been okay because we wouldn’t have known a here existed.”
“True.” He nodded, feeling his chest tighten with what she might say next. “Did you miss me?”
Josh couldn’t believe the words came out of his mouth.
“Of course I missed you.”
Josh saw her push down a swallow and her shoulders remained tense.
“Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was also the cruelest, and I recognize that.” She took a sip of wine. “It was cowardly.”
He didn’t know exactly what to say, so he said nothing.
“There were so many times I wanted to come back to Silver Ridge,” she continued.
“Why didn’t you?”
“What I needed was no longer there.” He could tell she was attempting to sound stern but failing miserably.
“But I was there.” He knew she was referring to her grandparents, but he refused to believe she fled the only real community she’d ever known because of their passing. There was something more.
“You were,” she agreed. “And Dakota, and everything and everyone I’d grown to love.”
“So why leave?”
She let out an exhausted sigh and shook her head.
“I’ve always tried to outrun the memories—and the past—that collected them all.” Her eyes darkened, and she took a sip of wine.
“Were the memories so awful?”
She pressed her lips together and placed her wineglass on the table.
“The ones I created. Yes.”
“I don’t understand.” Josh shook his head. “What have you been running from?”
Hailee’s phone buzzed again, and she took it out of her purse. A scowl covered her delicate features, and she let out a heavy sigh.
And that was when he realized he’d lost her again.
Only this time, he never had her.
Chapter Nineteen
Emilia knew she owed Josh an explanation, but it was too involved.
Too complicated.
Too exhausting.
For once, she just wanted to live in the moment and not be carried back under the sweeping waves of sorrow and regret.
Here they were, reunited high school sweethearts, sitting above the Pacific Ocean, sharing laughter and memories…and then her parents barged right into her life again. Only when it suited them, of course.
They probably ran out of money again.
She brought her gaze back to Josh’s and saw the hurt she caused him, but this time it wasn’t from eighteen years ago. This time, the pain came from this very moment, and her inability to connect with him.
What Josh didn’t realize was that it wasn’t him. She had built such a wall around her heart that she connected with absolutely no one, which was why her online persona was perfect. She called the shots.
Their meals were delivered, and Josh threw her a friendly gaze, but he realized she was building her fortress at this very moment.
“Listen, Josh.” She drew a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m just not cut out for this.”
“Which this, in particular?” he asked, cutting into his steak.
Josh’s gaze sliced right into hers and her stomach knotted.
“Because it’s really exhausting trying to keep up with all your personas. You’re happy. You’re mad. You’re sad. You’re excited. You’re grateful. You’re venge—”
She held up her hand and nodded. “I get the picture, and I’m not trying to show my split personalities all at once, but they sneak out.”
He took another bite of steak as her joke fell flat, and she wondered how she could get them back to better—safer—ground.
“What can I do to make it up to you?” she asked, chasing an elusive string bean on her plate.
“How about you start with the truth?”
“About what?” Her heart started hammering in her chest.
“Let’s start with who texted you.”
Emilia’s breath caught in the back of her throat.
Josh knew too much about her childhood to be accepting of what she was about to tell him. Emilia knew him too well. He was a man who believed in the three strikes and you’re out system, which was why she was surprised they were even having dinner together.
“Well?” His brows rose, and the look in his eyes told Emilia she needed to be straight with him.
“It was my parents.”
Saying the words somehow felt like a hundred-pound weight had been lifted.
“They’re still alive?” He looked completely shocked.
She cocked her head. “Why wouldn’t they be?”
He shrugged and shook his hea
d. “I just assumed with the lifestyle they lived, they might not be. That kind of living can take a toll.”
She nodded in agreement, which was part of why she wanted to stay connected to them.
He drew a deep breath. “For how long?”
“How long what?”
“How long have they been back in your life?” he asked.
“Less than a year.”
He nodded and reclined his chair.
She could see the math spinning behind his eyes.
The very set of numbers she’d refused to calculate herself.
“And all is well with them?” His voice was hollow, already knowing the answer.
“It was,” she confessed. “When we first connected again.”
She could see the displeasure boiling up behind his gaze. The same look he had eighteen years ago when she confessed to searching for her parents.
It was as if the restaurant was spinning around her. Tables, chairs, customers, all rotating in an endless circle, but she refused to let herself faint. She already did that once in front of Dakota, and she didn’t intend on going down in front of Josh.
He continued to look at her, kindness slowly replacing the disapproval that had been there.
“And then what happened?”
She let out a cutting laugh.
“What hasn’t happened?” She shook her head and felt the disappointment wash over her entirely. She’d been tricked by her addict parents yet again. “I wanted to be forgiving, hopeful, and encouraging, and I was. I have been.”
“You always were, even after they abandoned you.” His expression was covered in sympathy just like she feared. It was that look on his face that she dreaded to see on the fateful night eighteen years ago. She didn’t deserve sympathy, and neither did her parents.
The people who deserved compassion were now dead, thanks to her. Mama Cam and Papa Jack had lost their lives because Emilia believed that her parents had changed. She’d put her grandparents’ lives in jeopardy, and her actions took them away forever.
And she never told a soul.
Never would.
But of all the people in the world, Emilia didn’t deserve Josh’s sympathy, and she’d been running from it for eighteen years.
“Well, being naïve and tolerant has cost me a lot in my thirty-plus years of living.” She bit down on her anger and glanced toward the ocean.
A Funny Thing About Love (Silver Ridge Series Book 3) Page 13