I’d thought I understood, but I hadn’t. The real prison he was afraid of was inside him. He carried it around with him, even out here in Alaska, knowing that it could suck him down into himself and seal him there at any time. He hadn’t been healing, these four long years. He’d just been avoiding his triggers. If he stayed up here on his own, sooner or later he would wind up in that catatonic state, and with no one to talk him out of it...Jesus, he’ll die up here. “I know,” I said, my voice catching. “But it doesn’t change how I feel about you. And if you can’t come back with me….” The words were on my lips before I even knew I was going to say them. “Then maybe I can stay here with you.”
I saw his hands tighten on the log he was holding. The muscles flexed all the way up his arms until I thought the wood was going to crush in his grip—
And then he hurled down the log and grabbed me.
Suddenly his weight was bearing me down to the ground, my shoulders slamming into the soft grass, his big body straddling mine. “Goddammit, Kate!” he snarled. “This is no place for you!”
“It’s no place for a woman?” I said defensively.
“It’s no place for anyone! Do you know how long it is since I read a newspaper? Saw a football game? Do you know how long it was, before you showed up, since I’d talked to another person?” He shook his head. “Don’t say what you don’t mean.”
I stared up at him. I was still reeling from what I’d just said: I was at least as surprised as he was. My head was full of New York: the FBI and shopping with my friend Erin and that little rooftop bar I knew where you could sip a glass of wine while you watched the sun go down and really freakin’ good coffee—
But if I went back, I’d never see him again.
“I do mean it,” I whispered. It scared the hell out of me. But in my heart, it felt right.
He drew in a deep, shaky breath, glaring down at me. I reached for him but he shook his head savagely, grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the ground. “Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn?” he snapped.
I stared right up into his eyes, unrepentant. “Because it’s what you need.”
He growled and turned his head, staring off into the distance. I could see him fighting to control himself. He was teetering on the edge….
He turned back to me, eyes blazing...and then he shook his head as if in disbelief at what he was doing. “You’re what I need.”
And with my wrists still pinned to the ground, he leaned down and kissed me.
42
Kate
The kiss took my breath away. His lips spread mine, demanding that I make way for him. All his strength and raw animal power blazed down into me through those hard lips and, just like at the cabin, I went weak. His tongue found mine and swirled around the tip and I felt all the layers of steel and rock I put up just disintegrate, crumbling from the inside out. They melted, vaporized, and I became soft as cloud, wrapping around him.
His hands slid down my arms. He cupped my cheek with one hand, controlling my head as his mouth took possession of me. His fingertips slid through the tight strands of my hair while his other hand moved down and—
I gasped as his warm palm slipped under all my layers of clothes and slid up to my breast. He pushed the cup aside and cupped my soft flesh, his thumb working across my nipple. I arched my back up off the ground, feeling the heat of him pressing against me. But then his lips left mine and I opened my eyes, panting up at him.
He was staring down at me, eyes narrowed with need. “You’ve been driving me crazy since the first time I saw you.” His hand ran down my side, smoothing over my skin. I could hear the frustration in his voice, like it almost angered him to be so attracted to me. “You’re just so…” One hand ran over my tightly-bound hair, then fingered my ponytail. “But so…” The hand under my clothes rose and found my breast, squeezing it.
What? I wondered. What does that mean?
He shook his head ruefully. Helplessly. “God damn you, Kate.”
I swallowed, heat blossoming inside me and sinking straight down to my groin. I’d never made anyone helpless before.
He growled, leaned down and kissed me again: a kiss that had rhythm, that rose and fell. One big hand scooped under my head and cradled it as he kissed me, his thumb toying with the band that held my ponytail in place. My lips pressed up against his, needing him. My hands grabbed the front of his shirt.
He rolled us over so I was on top. I sat up, my palms exploring his chest and—
“Whoah!” He caught me as I toppled sideways. “You okay?”
I blinked. I’d gone suddenly light-headed. “Yeah,” I said breathlessly. “I just went spinny for a second.” I leaned down to kiss him.
He put a hand on my shoulder, peering intently at me. Then he shook his head. “Dammit. I’m a moron.” He picked me up by the waist and gently set me down on my ass.
“What?” I was bemused...and still ready to go.
“How long is it since you ate something?” he asked.
I thought back. I’d had an energy bar when we stopped that morning and…. I frowned. Come to think of it, that was all I’d had, all day. “A while,” I admitted. I started to get up. “But back in New York, I skip meals all the time.”
He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me firmly back down to the ground. “Back in New York you’re sitting at a desk. You’ve been running and climbing all day. You’re running on empty.”
I wanted to tell him he was wrong. Every time I looked at him, I couldn’t stop my gaze from going down to that huge, broad chest and those big shoulders. I wanted him pressed against me, wanted that feeling of being soft and vulnerable under him. I wanted it so bad it was almost frightening.
But...now that I thought about it, I did feel weird. I’d been running on adrenaline so long, I’d gotten used to it. Now that we’d stopped I just felt utterly wiped out and I was so hungry my stomach was cramping.
I met his eyes and he gave me a look. See?
I nodded grudgingly. “But—”
He put one huge finger to my lips, silencing me. He put his face close to mine, his stubble grazing my cheek, and said, “Stop arguing. I’m going to get some food inside you and then I’m going to do every damn thing to you I’ve been wanting to.” I felt him smile. “So just be patient, you damn hussy.”
I flushed. “I’m a New Yorker,” I mumbled. “We’re not good at patient.”
He slid an arm around my waist and guided me over to where he’d laid the fire. “Then get over here and help me get this lit. We need to keep you warm.”
He got the flint and steel out of my pack and showed me how to scrape a little dry wood from inside the log to use as kindling. Then he took my hands in his and guided me, showing me how to strike flint against steel to make a spark. I couldn’t get it at first. I looked up at him in frustration.
“Keep going,” he said firmly. “I want you to know how to do it. Just in case.”
I focused...and after three more tries, I got it. The kindling caught, we blew on it until it flared and I saw a flame lick up against the logs. A little surge of pride hit me. I made fire!
Boone dug in his pack and pulled out some brown plastic pouches. He tossed them to me. “Choose.”
I blinked down at them. “What are these?”
“MREs. Military rations.”
There was no logo, no colorful branding or shots of the prepared meal, just some plain black text. Meal. Ready-to-Eat. I had a choice of Chili with Beans, Beef Stew or Chicken Chunks. I handed him the Beef Stew. “This is what you lived on?”
“When we were out in the field, pretty much.”
He opened the pouch and tipped the contents into my lap, then showed me how to put the entree bag into the flameless heater bag and top it up with water to trigger the chemical reaction. Meanwhile, I sorted through the rest of the ration: there was a candy bar, peanut butter and crackers, fruit drink powder, a spork, seasonings and— “Wait, there’s a matchbook?” I looked at him a
ccusingly. “Why did you make me use the flint and steel?”
“Because it won’t run out. It’s good as a last resort. Put it in your pocket.”
I stuffed it in my jacket pocket and kept looking through the ration pack contents. Instant coffee! I fingered the little packet lovingly. I’d save that for the next morning.
By now, the food was heating up. I sniffed the pouch experimentally. It smelled sort of like beef stew.
“Don’t expect too much,” Mason warned. “It’s meant to keep you alive. It’s not gourmet cooking.”
I dug in. Maybe it was just because I was so hungry but it actually wasn’t too bad: salty and very processed, but I’d eaten worse things back in college. I couldn’t imagine eating food like that for weeks on end, though. I devoured the stew, then the crackers and candy bar. I was so busy eating, I didn’t realize until the end that he was watching me. “What?” I asked self-conscious.
He shrugged those massive shoulders. “I just like looking at you.”
“You like watching me eat?”
“I like watching you do anything.”
I flushed and stared at him. Could this really work? Once we’d made it to a town and raised the alarm about Weiss’s escape, could I really stay here with him? Part of me was still reeling from what I’d done. I’d never come out with something so impulsive in my entire life. And staying with him was a half-solution, at best. He’d still be a fugitive, unable to have any contact with anyone. He’d still be denied justice and the man who’d actually killed that family in Afghanistan would still be free. He’d still relive the horror he’d been through every single night. And I’d never see my friends, my family...I’d never see anyone again.
But a half solution is better than no solution. We’ll make it work. Because every time I looked at him, every time I felt his touch, I just felt...protected. In a way I’d never felt my whole life.
He was still gazing at me. “Stop it,” I mumbled, embarrassed. “I’m all—” I lifted my arms, indicating my outsize, borrowed clothes, my bedraggled hair.
“You look great.” And I could hear in his voice that he meant it. Somehow, that made me feel better about myself than any number of compliments during a fancy date.
“I feel like I haven’t washed in a week,” I muttered, looking down at myself.
A smile slowly spread across his face.
“What?” I asked. Part of me was just drinking in that smile: big and honest and just a little bit dirty, a smile that went right to where I lived. When I’d first met him, he’d never smiled.
He stood up. “You feeling okay, now?”
I nodded cautiously. The light-headedness had gone.
He reached out his hand. “Then come with me.”
I took his hand and he hauled me up, then led me through the trees. Every few steps, he’d squeeze my hand as if he was excited to show me something. We emerged into another clearing and—
Now I knew what the roaring I’d heard was. A stream was fed by a waterfall which crashed down from a towering cliff. A white mist rose up from where the water hit, soaking the rocks around it.
“It’s beautiful,” I said. Then I looked at him questioningly because I couldn’t figure out why he’d brought me there, in the middle of talking about—
I froze. “Oh no. Oh, hell no!”
He grinned. And unbuttoned his shirt.
“No. No. Are you kidding? Tell me you’re kidding.”
He undid his pants. “You said you needed a wash.”
I glanced at the waterfall. “Do you know how cold that’ll be?” My voice was shrill. “You cannot be serious.”
“This is where I wash, when I come through here.” He took off his pants and boots.
“I’ll freeze!”
“You’ll warm up. That’s what the fire’s for.” He pushed his jockey shorts down his legs and just stood there, grinning at me and—
I couldn’t take my eyes off his groin. His cock was swelling and hardening, rising up...just from looking at me.
“Come join me,” he said, eyes eating me up. And he turned and strode towards the stream.
I stood there, flushed and uncertain. The water would be freezing but the thought of the two of us in, it, naked….
If I’m going to live in Alaska….
I cursed and took off my clothes. The sun was just beginning to set and it was still warm where it hit my body. I picked my way carefully over to the stream.
As I watched, Boone plunged in. The water was knee-high, for him, and he didn’t wince or even grunt, just strode in as if it was a heated pool. He turned and looked at me over his shoulder and the look he gave me sent such a deep, hot throb down to my groin that I crushed my thighs together.
I saw his cock jerk in response. Then he was under the waterfall, the water half-hiding him as it cascaded down his muscled back.
It can’t be that bad, I reasoned. It’s probably like swimming in the sea, where it’s sometimes warmer than the air. I took a deep breath and stepped down into the stream.
The cold rushed in from every millimeter of skin. My leg felt as if it had been flash-frozen to a lump of hard, blue ice. It was so cold it hurt. The feeling rocketed up inside me and came out of my mouth as a long, agonized moan of horror.
The foot which was still on the bank pressed down instinctively to lift me out...but then I looked at Boone under the waterfall. The water sluiced down the muscles of his shoulders and back, making them shine, before flowing down over the taut cheeks of his ass. I wanted to be in there with him.
He turned around and looked at me again and, this time, he gave me a grin. Gentle and just slightly mocking: if it’s too cold for you….
That did it. Gritting my teeth, I put the other leg in the water. Ahhh! The second leg wasn’t any better than the first. Before I could change my mind, I began wading towards Boone, every movement sending fresh waves of cold up my body, my eyes going wider and wider. As I reached him, he stepped aside a little to make space for me under the waterfall.
I looked up at it. At the moment, only my legs were freezing. Did I really want to?
Maybe that’s the trick. Maybe it’s better when you’re fully under. I steeled myself. It’ll be bracing and fresh and—
I stepped forward and the water hit me. My jaw dropped open and I attempted to suck every molecule of air out of Alaska in one huge inhalation of horror. Then I exhaled every curse word I’d ever heard.
“Goddamn, Lydecker.” Boone sounded impressed. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”
I punched him on the arm and tried to speak but I was shaking too hard to form words. “You b—b—b—bastard! How are you not cold?”
“I am cold. I was just hiding it. I wanted to see you come in.”
I punched his arm again and turned to get out. But suddenly he gathered me up, one arm under my naked ass and one under my arms, and lifted me up out of the water. An instant later, his lips were on mine and our bodies were pressed together.
I panted in shock and then opened up to the kiss, drawing warmth and strength from him. My nipples had gone as hard as pebbles and were scraping across his chest. He had one leg slightly bent and his thigh was pressed up between my legs, grinding in just the right place. The whole back of my body was freezing, the fast-moving water sucking the warmth from me. But the whole front of my body was tight against Boone and his hard body throbbed with heat. His kisses were hungry, now, urgent and primal. Full-on wild.
I suddenly remembered what he’d said, before he made me stop to eat: I’m going to do every damn thing to you I’ve been wanting to.
He hefted me a little higher on his body and my legs wrapped around his waist. The cold was still making me breathless, but with every kiss I filled up with fire. I felt him pull off the hair band that held my ponytail and then my hair was hanging long and loose and being drenched by the waterfall.
He clutched me tight to him and started walking us out, still kissing me. As soon as the water stopped
hitting my body, I became aware of every millimeter of my exposed skin. Everything was tingling and new, as if the cold had washed away not just the dirt but years of stress and grind. I was still shivering and gasping but I felt amazing.
And very, very turned on. My groin was hard up against his and, with every step, his cock ground against me. By the time we’d waded to the bank I was a hot mess. Then he stepped up onto the bank, carrying my weight effortlessly, and strode towards the fire.
43
Kate
I finally broke the kiss and pulled back a little so that I could look at him.
The last light of the day was hitting him from one side, making his wet body gleam like burnished copper. Every muscle stood out, highlighted by warm, golden light and deep black shadow. I couldn’t stop myself. I covered his lips and cheeks with kisses, feeling his stubble scrape against me. My hands ran over his shoulders, his biceps, his chest. Just as at the cabin, I could feel something unlocking, deep inside me. This man made me frantic. I couldn’t get enough of him, wanted his whole hard form against me now.
He crouched and lowered me to the ground. The grass beside the fire was warm and the flames bathed my chilled body in glorious heat. I lay there panting, looking up at him as he knelt between my legs and gazed at me. I still couldn’t get used to the way he just watched me. Like I was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.
“I’m nothing special,” I thought, embarrassed. And then, as I saw his expression change, I realized I’d said it out loud.
His brow knitted. “What stupid son of a bitch made you think that?” he growled.
I just stared up at him, flushing. He planted his hands either side of my head and slowly lowered himself down on arms that were so solid, so deliciously thick, that they made me shiver the last of the cold out of me. He kissed my forehead. “I love your brain,” he told me. “You’re smart and you can talk to people—a lot better than I can. You can make anyone do any damn thing.” He kissed my eyelids. “I love your eyes. I love the way you look at Alaska, seeing everything for the first time. I love it when I see you getting turned on and those eyes go all big and wide and you start panting—like right now.”
Alaska Wild Page 17