Too much pressure, a turn-off, girlfriend. I think I hate men, and I wasn’t their biggest cheerleader before he started talking. Why wasn’t I born a lesbian? Damn men and their wide shoulders and hard stomachs. Maybe I should add Alanis Morissette to my iPod too. But shots of tequila were calling my name. My old coping mechanism might be self-destructive, but it did help me cope with the rising rage that was choking me. I forced myself to turn my attention back to Aiden.
It’s too bad he is really good looking. Like possibly the hottest guy I have ever laid eyes on. Totally not my normal type either, too masculine. His dark blonde hair had streaks lightened by the sun. His eyes were the darkest most hypnotic blue I'd ever seen.
I had to crane my neck to look into those midnight eyes. Sure, I'm a little short at five-four, but it wouldn't have mattered because he is a few inches over six feet. He wore a fitted black t-shirt, that rippled over what I would assume is a very nice six-pack. I forced my eyes away from their perusal, before I did something humiliating like drool.
“Thanks for the warning. I’m going to go back to the party.” I turned to walk away and he grabbed my elbow. “Are you going to be ok?” he asked genuinely concerned. “Yeah, sure. Nothing tequila won’t fix. See ya around.” I barged through the door without bothering to look back.
I saw Toni dancing with Jeremy. I’m pretty sure after spending the afternoon with him he is gay, but he is hot as hell and a fantastic dancer. Maybe I can take a turn when she is done. It isn’t like I’m going to drag the guy upstairs and have my way with him. I laughed a little hysterically before I reigned myself back in.
Nick came around behind me and draped an arm across my shoulders. Without saying a word he tilted my head to the side and slowly licked the side of my neck. I felt something sprinkling onto my skin, and then he licked me again. He downed a shot of tequila and shoved a lime wedge into his mouth. I should be grossed out. Believe me I’m working up to it, but Nick has this confidence and swagger that flipped a switch in my head.
I've missed this. Losing myself in action. Finding closeness without actual intimacy. The emotional pain and physical pleasure push away all other feelings. It's oblivion and I love it. If he wasn’t hooking up with my best friend for the last week I wouldn’t even be trying to be grossed out.
“Make her do one,” Toni demanded. She saw what he did and she isn’t pissed. I cocked my eyebrow at her examining her expression, and she smirked at me. “Coming right up,” Nick agreed. I’ve had a few beers already. Enough that some guy licking me doesn't seem offensive, but not so much that I felt that meat head on the porch was entitled to anything. Maybe I’m just pissed off and feeling the urge to tear apart my carefully lived boring life a bit.
Toni leaned toward my ear, swaying a lot. “It isn’t serious with Nick and I. I talked to Miguel today, so…” she whispered really loud. Ah, Miguel her on again off again first love, her first everything. And, if they are on-again, she wants me to fix this Nick mess by distracting him.
Even in her inebriated state she still had the scary ability to read my mind, “He says he wants to try again. I don’t want him coming here and getting jealous about a non-existent thing with Nick. Look Becca you need a distraction, and I saw you checking out Aiden. But, Nick says Aiden has a really serious girlfriend. He also says she is a bitch who is screwing every guy at NYU, but if he is going to stay with her he is not available. Have some fun tonight, and please keep Nick off me.”
As if on cue, Nick returned with a shot glass filled with tequila. The burn was followed by sweet numbness. I'm not sure why Toni was encouraging me to return to my former ways. Maybe she was right. Maybe I'd gone too far the other way. In that case, why the hell not?
4
Aiden
I was a dick. I knew I was during the entire conversation with Becca, but I had to push her away. I’m fairly drunk, lonely, and I think my girlfriend is screwing around. I think the hickey she had when she picked me up at the airport last week was a pretty good clue. But shit, I’m not perfect. I’ve messed around a couple of times since she moved to New York. I draw the line at sex though, somehow that feels like real cheating.
I’m nearly certain she doesn’t have the same standards, but I feel like I owe it to her to stay somewhat faithful. She doesn't love me, but I owe her. I've destroyed enough of her life. We are shackled together by guilt, and our families' expectations. I didn’t even confront her with her noticeable cheating. It seems easier to let things go over the phone and in person. I didn’t want to spend the week fighting with her. I didn't want to spend the week with her either, but my mother insisted.
I won’t see her again until Christmas. Even then I’ll probably avoid the topic, she’ll only be here for a few weeks. I'm not sure why I keep trying to force a real relationship. No, that's a lie. I'm weak. I screwed up royally, and I've been paying for it for the last seven years. But, if we are going to be forced together through our circumstances we should make the best of it. At least that is what I tell myself.
As much as I would like to see if Becca would be interested in a friends-with-some benefits situation with me, she seems like the kind of girl you date exclusively. The kind you actually look forward to introducing to your family. Actually her virginity, and my reluctance to take it might make this work for me at least. I know Vanessa is stepping out on me, why should I suffer? I could at least get some relief with a really hot girl. Now, if I could actually convince myself relief is all I want from Becca.
Motherfucker, I'm going to kill Nick. I just walked through the door looking for her, even though I hadn’t made up my mind yet that I was going to, and saw my best friend lick her neck. Shit, why was she letting him do body shots off her? She is too fucking innocent for her own good. Someone needs to look out for her. Nick was handing her shots. He prides himself on giving girls just enough that they are willing, and not so many that they puke on him. Why am I friends with him?
I’ll worry about that later. Right now I am going to remove the very drunk Becca from his clutches. “I’ll take that,” I said grabbing the shot of tequila Nick handed her. She stuck out her bottom lip and that was it, I was done resisting her. I grabbed her waist, pulled her away from Nick and sucked her plump lip into my mouth. She grabbed a handful of my hair and began to kiss me back. Holy shit this girl could kiss. I feel like I’m on fire, and I love it.
The voice in the back of my head started screaming, “She’s drunk shit head!” Reluctantly I pulled away. I really wanted to keep kissing her, and maybe I would again, but not while she's drunk. I couldn't let her lay down now though. She had to work some of this alcohol out of her system. Which reminded me of her dancing earlier.
“Hey Ya” by Outkast began playing over the stereo. Becca started doing a sexy wiggle without thinking, so I led her to where her friend had pushed the furniture aside to make room for dancing. “Toni hates new music. She only listens to stuff from the 90’s and early 2000’s,” Becca whispered. The tequila made her voice become husky and was going to trash the rest of my self-control.
I grabbed her waist and pulled her body tight against mine. My hips started to sway us back and forth. Her upper body turned and undulated across my chest and stomach. Her tiny hands slid across my chest and around my neck. I could tell she was slender looking at her, but holding her I realized her clothes were hiding a fantastic body. She had soft curves, but she also had tight muscles pulling while she danced.
I looked into her jade green eyes. She was really very pretty. All peaches and cream skin surrounded by dark red hair. I’m sure girls have a different name for the color, dark red softened by tones of brown. It was so thick and soft. I love long hair on girls, and hers fell most of the way down her back.
I might be a bastard, but my resistance was slipping. I leaned in and gently nibbled the tender skin of her neck. I felt her try to suppress a moan. I took my right hand from her waist and buried it in the hair at the back of her neck and went in for a kiss.
> First I gently brushed my lips across hers. Then I traced her plump lower lip with my tongue until she opened for me. I slipped into her mouth and our tongues danced in time with our bodies.
My hips ground into her against my will. I’m sure if she weren’t drunk she would be pulling away from me right now. Unfortunately she became really cooperative when plied with alcohol.
Good thing I got her away from Nick when I did. I think she would let me take her right here on the floor in front of the entire party right now. Lucky for her I’m not a complete bastard. I might steal a kiss or two, and lead her in a really sexy dance, but I won’t violate her like he would.
I would just have to keep her close to me while the party was still in full swing. Then I could safely leave her alone, away from my douche bag best friend.
“Come on take a walk with me,” I said finally pulling my mouth off of her. Maybe some fresh air would sober her up a bit, and cool me down. She smiled shyly and allowed me to lead her away from the crowd into the dark. Fuck, I’m glad it’s me, but she is too damn trusting.
I led her down the path towards the lake. I laced my fingers with hers and watched the way the silver light of the moon made her pale skin glow. “Do you have a boyfriend,” I asked, trying to break her spell over me.
God, I hoped she didn’t have a boyfriend. I know I’m an ass, but I don’t want her to be one of those kind of girls, a girl who promises love and fidelity, only to cheat behind his back. A girl like Vanessa.
Her eyes opened wide with shock, but there was a hint of rebellion burning there too. Her mouth quirked up. “Does it really matter if I do? I mean you have a girl friend right? For like…what was it… oh yeah seven years.”
Yeah, I deserved that. “I just hope you aren’t the kind of girl who would kiss me like you did, and take a moonlit stroll along the water if you had a boyfriend.” She laughed, “Wow, you’re a hypocrite. I really don’t think it's any of your business.”
Becca ripped her hand away from me and began to wander away. I instantly missed the connection. “Hang on there Red,” I said pulling her back. She was still really drunk, and it was too dark to risk her falling in the lake. “I don’t feel like going into my relationship right now. We’ve been together a long time, but we’ve lived apart for a long time now too. Ok, now that I’ve spilled, tell me about you.”
“No,” she responded. “No you won’t tell me? Or no you don’t have a boyfriend?” She sighed. I could tell I was pissing her off, but that was actually a little fun too. Everything with her has been fun.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” “So there isn’t anyone back in Ellensburg who would object to you being out here with me?” Why was I trying to press this? I’m not available. I should quit acting like a lovesick teenager chasing after this girl. But I couldn't, I had to know.
“Probably not,” she shrugged. I narrowed my eyes at her. What the hell did probably mean? “Probably not, as in maybe there is?” “There was someone, but I don’t think that is going to work out. So, like I said, probably not.” “You don’t know for sure?” I deserved to be kicked in the nuts for acting like a possessive ass, but I really wanted to know.
“No I don’t know for sure. Look we aren’t serious either way. We’ve hung out for the last few months, and went out to dinner the other night, but things ended weird. I don’t think it's going anywhere,” she rambled.
“Define weird,” I demanded. If he hurt her I was going to hunt him down and bash his face in. “I don’t know. Everything was going great. He suggested we play this game where we ask a bunch of personal questions and see who would back off first. Then he asked where the craziest place I’d ever done it was…” she shrugged again, this time in defeat.
“I see. He couldn’t handle the fact that you’re a virgin.” Its official I’m an ass. I wish I hadn't rubbed salt in that wound earlier today. I turned her to face me. “Listen, I think it's sweet. I would rather date a virgin than a slut.” I swallowed hard, because I was dating a slut. “If he cares about you he won’t let some weird hang-up distract him.”
“It’s fine really. I would rather find out now. I think it is more of a convenient excuse than anything. Maybe he realized I wasn’t going to be his fuck-buddy and decided to bail. All of which saves me from wasting time on him.” Her face fell, like she expected this reaction.
“How did you leave things with him?” I couldn't seem to stop my interrogation. “He fed me some bullshit line about respecting me enough not to try and seduce me. Then conveniently he had to leave town for a week to go to a wedding. He said he would call when he got back in town.”
“After all of that he still said he would call you?” Shit, maybe this guy was interested in her. Yeah, I’ve told girls I would call when I had no intention of ever calling, but I didn't work to make them understand why I haven’t called for a week. I sure as hell didn't give them a time to expect me to call.
“Toni said he was definitely not going to call. She ordered me to get my ass here and stop being pathetic. It doesn't matter. She’s right he’s too old for me anyway.”
That got my attention. What did she mean about being too old? How old was she? My guess, she was twenty or twenty-one. “Too old for you? How old is this guy?” I was being pushy again, but I felt like this girl would be easily taken advantage of. “Uh, he’s twenty-eight. Which makes him eight years older than me. Why how old are you?”
“I’m twenty-four. I have to say I agree with Toni. He is pushing thirty. He’s probably thinking about marriage and babies and shit. You should be thinking about classes and parties.”
She shuddered as if what I said sunk in. “Like I said we have only hung out for a few months, as friends. I have no idea what his thoughts are on marriage or babies."
She twisted a lock of her hair, a nervous gesture. "I may have dodged a bullet there, because I am never going down that road. And parties really? I hate parties. Too many drunk people dry humping in front of virtual strangers.”
I tried not to laugh, but it was a wasted effort. The memory of us "dry humping in front of virtual strangers" had me doubled over laughing. When I gained control over myself, I leaned in close to her again and pressed my chest against her back.
I hadn't touched her for several minutes and it was hard. I was clearly becoming addicted to her. I brushed her hair over her left shoulder and leaned in on her right. I teased her neck with the tip of my finger and felt her tremor slightly. At least it wasn’t just me.
“Sweetheart, you were one of those people tonight. You would have let me take you anyway I wanted to with a room full of witnesses. Promise me to be a little less trusting. You're safe with me, but that might not be true of the next guy who leads you out of a party into the dark.” She began to shiver. I don’t think she realized the danger she could be in if I were anyone else.
“You’re right, I should head back to the party.” She pulled away from me and began heading back toward the cabin. I grabbed her wrist to stop her. “Wait. I brought you out here because I was trying to keep you away from Nick. He's one of the types of guys I'm warning you about. He won’t think twice about pressing his advantage if he thinks he could get laid.”
“I hear the disgust in your voice. Why are you friends with him if you don’t respect him?” Damn good question. “I honestly don’t know. I had this epiphany when I saw the way he was going after you earlier. I knew what he would do to get you into his bed. I also knew that the next morning he would want you to leave. I didn’t want him to use you like that.”
She smiled at me, flashing her perfect white teeth, and arching her perfect bow shaped lips. “That’s sweet. You know for a cheating jerk you’re kinda nice.”
I chuckled. The girl had spunk I’d give her that. “I deserve that. If I can promise to try and keep my hands to myself can we be friends?” Please say yes, I silently begged.
She bit her bottom lip while she considered my request, and I already wanted to break my promise by su
cking it away from her teeth. “Yeah, friends, I can handle that.”
5
Rebecca
I hate geese. Like really freakin’ hate them, especially when the little bastards were honking near the cabin. It probably had a lot to do with the fact I had a drum line marching through my head and my mouth tasted like moldy cotton.
I don’t remember going to bed last night. I know I stayed with Aiden until I started to feel sober. I think I might have fallen asleep outside. But I’m here in Toni’s cabin, in bed alone, and still fully dressed. It was a relief. I couldn’t have done anything too bad last night.
There were flashes of Nick licking me. Gross. And, oh shit did I really grind on Aiden and try to suck his face off? Oh just kill me. I’m never leaving this room.
I am not a cheater, and I do not hook-up. Well not anymore, and especially not with guys with long-term serious girlfriends. Hell, any kind of girlfriend. I’m pretty sure I agreed to be friends with him too.
Toni was right though. A distraction was a good idea. I’ve been so preoccupied with the situation with Aiden, I haven’t thought about Jake once. Until now. I’m going to stop thinking. Maybe it was time to shake things up a bit.
“Becca get your lazy ass out of bed!” Toni hollered. The bitch never gets a hangover. I don’t get it. She says my Scottish ass can’t take alcohol the way her “superior” Mexican genes can. I think she was just trying to make being a lush sound scientific. “I’m up,” I grumbled.
She tossed my door open flooding the room with bright sunlight that attacked my poor eyes like dozens of needles. “Ah!” I moaned and tossed covers over my head. She tossed my cell phone onto my bed. “You have a call.”
I picked up the phone, and realized she had already answered for me. I failed to look at the caller ID, like usual.
“Hello,” I answered. “Hey Bec.” I threw my hand over my mouth to keep myself from squealing like a junior high girl. Holy shit, it was Jake! “Oh, hey Jake. How’s the wedding stuff going?” I asked as nonchalantly as possible.
Self Destruct Page 3