He covered himself, and wrapped me in his arms. He kissed me deeply, until I was squirming against him again. I felt him push in slowly, and pull back. “Relax,” he whispered. His lips trailed down my neck, and he pushed in completely. I dug my nails into his back, and he froze.
“I’m sorry sweetheart. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.” I could feel his body vibrating with the effort to stay still. I fell more deeply in love with him in that moment. I ran my fingers through his hair, and coaxed him to kiss me again.
It only hurt a little bit, not like what I'd heard from Toni, but I was anxious. Slowly, what little pain there was began to fade, and I felt a need I couldn’t understand.
I rubbed my legs down his and up his torso. “Aiden,” I moaned. “Do you need me to stop?” he asked dejectedly. “No Aid, I need you to move.” “Thank god,” he moaned, and slowly began to move inside me.
His hand slid into mine, and he continued to roll his hips against me. I picked up his rhythm and drove him faster. I kissed him desperately and felt his control snap. His kiss became wild and he moved harder and faster. My thoughts left my head as I moaned his name over and over, driving him faster and faster.
I felt my body reaching, building, and then shatter in ecstasy. He kissed me gently and whispered, “I adore you.”
He studied my face. “Do you want to stop?” he asked tenderly. “Can you still…I mean you didn’t?” He chuckled. “No, I didn’t yet, but if you want to stop I will.” “I don’t want to stop,” I whispered.
He pulled my legs up around his waist, and I felt him go deeper than before. His movements were more frantic this time. I felt powerful, and turned on. I felt a second orgasm approach, which I realized was what I felt a few moments ago.
He pulled my nipple into his mouth and I moaned. I felt him groaning around my breast, and I pulled his mouth to mine. His muscles shook slightly under my wandering fingers. His breath gasped into my mouth. I felt his heart hammering where our chests were pressed together. I dug my fingers into his back, and his muscles tensed. I was afraid I'd done something wrong until he tipped his head back and moaned.
After several minutes he led me into the bathroom. He disposed of the condom and started the shower. “Come here Becca.” We stepped into the spray and he gently helped me wash. “How are you?” he asked gruffly. “Really good,” I sighed. “Did I hurt you?” he asked anxiously. “No, Aid. I’m a little sore, but really happy.”
Actually, I was embarrassed. I hadn't considered the blood. It wasn't a lot of blood, not as much as I expected, but there was some. I looked down at my feet, when my nerves took over, but Aiden tilted my chin up with his finger.
“Are you really ok?” he asked concerned. “I’m fine, better than fine,” I admitted. all of a sudden, I felt very shy. I wasn't being driven by lust, and I was naked in front of a man.
“Well I feel relieved. I was afraid I was too rough and I hurt you. I don’t care about the blood.” He kissed me tenderly again. “I’m going to take care of the bed. Take a few minutes and let the warmth seep in.” I nodded shyly.
After the shower, I curled up next to Aiden. He twirled a lock of my wet hair around his finger. I turned and rested my head on his chest.
“I like your tattoo,” I said tracing it. I had seen the outline of it through his t-shirts. It was a phoenix rising out of swirling ash and fire. The only color was the flames licking over the black and grey shaded bird. “Does it mean anything for you?”
“Yeah, it reminds me that I can pull myself up and overcome anything. Even if the pain feels like it will consume me at the time,” he said in a thick voice. “This is about losing your son,” I whispered. “Yeah,” he replied. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” “Thank you,” he said quietly. I fell asleep feeling safe and warm. It was the first time in years I didn’t wake up in a cold sweat.
20
Aiden
I woke up deliriously happy, and painfully hard. It took a few seconds for the fog to clear from my brain to realize I was wrapped around Becca. My hand covered her breast, and her soft backside was pressed into my groin.
I wanted her desperately, but she needed time to recover from last night. She promised me I hadn’t hurt her, but it was her first time and we needed to wait a day or two before doing it again. I felt her begin to stir, and grind herself against me. I reached down and held her hips still.
“You’re killing me Red,” I groaned. “I want you,” she said in her husky sleepy voice. “Becca, we have to wait,” I said, praying she would see reason. “Why?” she pouted. “You’re probably sore. We should wait.” I sounded like I was trying to convince myself now.
“Aiden, can you do something for me?” she asked. “Anything,” I promised. She smiled seductively. “Good, make love to me.” “I’m never going to win a fight with you am I?” I teased. “I’m fine Aiden, except I need you inside me now. Do you really want to talk me out of it?” “Well when you put it that way…” I’ve never loved losing an argument so much.
A couple of hours later we headed to a popular restaurant on Main Street. “I shouldn’t be introducing you to them,” I muttered nervously. Her green eyes widened. I realized she didn’t understand what I was saying. She tried to hide her distress behind her curtain of dark brown-red hair.
I pushed her hair back from her face. “I want you to meet my dad, but I’m worried my mom is going to be nasty. I don’t want to subject you to that. If she is mean, we are leaving. I won’t allow her to speak disrespectfully to you,” I explained what I meant. “Now I’m really nervous,” she said quietly. “Don’t be. No matter what she says I will still love you,” I promised.
We arrived and were shown to their table. “Mother, Father I want to introduce you to my girlfriend Rebecca Scott. Becca this is my mother Nadine and my father Frank,” I introduced.
“Mr. and Mrs. Ryan, it is nice to meet you,” Becca greeted politely. I could tell my father liked her immediately, and that my mother was determined not to. She confirmed that with the next words out of her mouth.
“Aiden darling. I confirmed with Vanessa’s parents that our family will join them for Christmas break at Whistler for skiing. She is looking forward to seeing you again, even though I know you two just had a lovely visit in New York.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. I might have been concerned about her tactic if I hadn’t confided everything to Becca before we got together. Becca’s small hand slid across my thigh and squeezed reassuringly. I smiled at her, and held her hand.
Through clenched teeth I answered my mother. “I. Am. Not. Going.” My mother waved her hand in dismissal. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course you’re going.” “Dad?” I asked for his intervention.
“Nadine the boy is twenty-four, we can hardly force him to go skiing with us,” my dad said trying to end the conflict. My mother glared at me icily. “Aiden, I expect this unfortunate situation to be resolved. I am very disappointed in you.”
I looked at Becca and noticed her trying to withdraw into herself. Fuck this. I tossed my napkin on the table. “Mom, I love Becca. I’m not going to get back together with Vanessa. I’m not going skiing. I won’t go anywhere she is going to be. If you try and trick me into seeing her I will leave and not speak to you again."
I paused to give her a chance to withdraw her comments, but she stared back at me unconcerned. "You will respect my relationship with Becca or don’t call me. I don’t understand why you would want me to continue with Vanessa when I was slowly dying with her. What kind of mother tries to force her child into a life that will make him miserable?”
I started to get up, but my father stopped me. “Aiden, just a moment please." He turned toward my mother. "Nadine, I have overlooked this far too long. Does Becca know?” My father asked me before continuing. I nodded, and he continued speaking.
“That girl tore my son’s heart out. I can’t stand her, nor do I want to go skiing with her social climbing mother or her manipulative
bastard of a father. I have to work with the guy. I don’t want him to be a member of the family. Have I made myself clear?”
My mother stared blankly back at him. “Frank, seriously, you know it's expected for Aiden and Vanessa to marry. Think of what people will say if he abandons her for some low-class slut he met at the lake.” I heard Becca gasp, and I lost my cool.
“That’s it, we're out of here. Dad I wished we could have spent more time together. Next time leave her behind and we’ll visit. When Becca and I get married leave her behind then too.”
“You’re engaged?” my mother choked. Becca was really panicked now. Shit, I really stepped in it this time. I decided to just tell the truth. “I would marry Becca tomorrow, but I think she would like to have a real wedding after she graduates in two years.”
My father reached out and squeezed Becca's hand. “I’m terribly sorry Rebecca. I can see that my son is happy with you. I'll come back in a couple of weeks alone. That will give the three of us a chance to get to know each other better.” “I would like that,” she answered and smiled her angel's smile.
We walked out to the parking lot and I pointed us toward my favorite Chinese restaurant in town. “I believe I owe you lunch,” I said trying to lighten the mood. “Let’s get take-out and go back to bed,” she suggested. “Woman I love the way you think.”
21
Rebecca
I put on a good show pretending that what happened with Aiden’s mom didn’t bother me. Now, laying in the dark, with Aiden’s arms wrapped around me, I couldn't stop thinking about it. My breath became shallow, as I fought the urge to cry.
“Hey, talk to me,” Aiden urged in a sleepy voice. “I…I‘m sorry about lunch today,” I said holding back tears. Aiden stroked my hair.
“No, Red. I’m sorry. I knew it was a mistake to introduce you to her. Not because I was ashamed of you, but I was afraid she would act this way. I had hoped she would see how much I love you. You make me happy. If she can’t see that, I don’t really give a shit.”
“I don’t want you to have to choose me over your family. I’m afraid you’ll regret choosing me when you realize I’m not worth it.” Aiden pushed me back gently so he could look at me. “Don’t ever say that again.”
Fat tears raced down my face. “Aiden. I’ve done things that I’m not proud of. Your mom wasn’t completely wrong about me. She said I was a slut, and she isn’t wrong. I mean, I’m not anymore, but there was a time,” I said fighting a sob.
“Stop Becca. Don’t do this to yourself,” Aiden begged. “Please, just let me get this out," I pleaded while I had the courage to tell him. "When we moved to Washington after, you know, I had a need to shut down. I started drinking. I was in seventh grade, but I got invited to lots of parties, and I drank a lot. I let boys touch me. I’ve kissed so many guys that I don’t even remember how many. I felt nothing.
It didn't take long for rumors spread. They said I was easy. I don’t really know how I remained a virgin. I guess it made me feel in control that I could stop it. But I honestly expected someday that control would be taken from me.
It got really bad two years ago. During my freshman year I was trying hard not to repeat my past, to be normal. God, it was hard. I hadn’t really made any friends. I didn’t have anyone. I considered killing myself. Actually, I started to plan it.
I fell into a pretty deep depression, and probably would have gone through with it if it weren't for Toni. At that point was just a girl in my English class, but she demanded I go to lunch with her. She was nosey, and insisted I tell her about myself. I didn’t really say much, but it was a hell of a lot more than I had said to anyone else in a long time. We spent more and more time together, and I kept waiting to kill myself.
She dropped by unannounced one day, a couple of weeks after we became friends. I had talked to my mother earlier that day, and she brought up what had happened in Colorado. Suddenly the urge to escape was unbearable. I started drinking, and didn’t stop. The drunker I got the more I started to wonder why I hadn’t taken the pills I had hidden in my desk.
I drank more and dumped the pills on the desktop. Thankfully I left my keys in the door, and she let herself in. She found me sitting at the desk, drinking vodka straight from the bottle, and staring at a mound of pills.
She forced me to throw up, and she kept me awake until I had sobered up enough she thought I wouldn’t die of alcohol poisoning. She started pressuring me to see a therapist, but I refused. I refused even after we became roommates and she knew how self-destructive I was. I was still drinking and partying regularly until one night I went home with a guy and he heavily pressured me to have sex."
"He didn't...uh...you weren't forced, were you?" Aiden asked his voice laced with anger. I flinched, and he rubbed my shoulder to reassure me. "Red please don't misunderstand me. I'm not mad at you. I would like to bash in the face of every fucker who ever touched you when you weren't enjoying yourself. And the idea of anyone forcing you, just makes me homicidal."
I smiled sadly. "No, he got pissed, but he stopped. I ran home and started scrubbing myself in the shower. Toni came in and found me huddled on the floor of the shower rubbing my skin raw. The next day she forced me to speak to a counselor. It took a while, but I started to come to terms with what happened to me and stop punishing myself."
I could see a pained look cross over Aiden's face, and I reached out to offer him the comfort he was freely giving me. I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down like he was trying to swallow.
"The thought of you dying, of losing you before I found you, it scares the hell out of me Becca. I think I would have missed you even if I didn't know who I was missing."
"I haven’t tried again. I stopped drinking so much. I stopped dating, or whatever you might call what I was doing before. I’m better than I was, but don’t you see Aidan? That stuff is still there. I was that person.”
I held my breath. I knew any minute he was going to be disgusted with me and want me to leave. My heart would shatter, but I would understand. I wouldn’t even hate him for it.
“I think I’m even more pissed at my mother now than I was this afternoon,” Aiden said venomously. “She’s your mother Aiden,” I whispered. “You. Are. Not. A. Slut. You have been through hell. I wish your family had put you in therapy after you moved. You should not have had to deal with figuring out those feelings alone.”
I started crying, and I couldn’t stop. Aiden pulled me into his arms. “I think Toni is now my second favorite person.” “What?” I asked confused. “She made sure my favorite person was still around to save me from myself.” He wiped the tears from my face.
“You did you know. Save me from myself. I was drowning in misery. You weren’t the only one that was trying to numb away the pain. I was planning on drinking myself unconscious at the lake, and then I saw you trying to ride a jet ski. You were very bad at it, but were having so much fun. I wanted to teach you. I wanted to do anything to just soak up some of your happiness.
When I met you I realized it was just who you are. Every time I talked to you I wanted to talk to you again, for longer. When you went to that wedding, I thought you would move on. I was scared you would, and when you texted me it was like I could breathe again. You gave me the courage to do something I have wanted to do for a long time.
It wasn’t enough to leave her just for myself, even though I was desperate to. I wanted to be with you, love you, and take care of you. I know you don’t need me to, but I need to. My mother, Vanessa, and her family have held me down for too long. I’m a symbol to them, nothing more. Don’t let my mother’s words destroy what we have. I promise you I don’t give a shit what she thinks.”
“I love you Aiden. I’m sorry I freaked out. I tried not to, but,” I broke off. Aiden kissed me softly, “Tell me Red. You can tell me anything, haven’t you learned that?” I whispered, “The thought of loosing you scares me to death.” “I know the feeling,” he admitted.
“Did you mean what
you told your mom?” I asked timidly. “Which thing? I told her a lot before we left,” he asked. “What you said about marrying me?” I asked.
“The part where I said I would marry you tomorrow?” he asked amused. “Don’t laugh at me,” I playfully protested. “Yes, that part,” I continued. “I meant it," he reassured. "Aren't you afraid that things are moving too fast? We've been together a little over a week. How could you possibly know so soon?" I asked seriously.
"I never believed in love at first sight. I definitely lusted you at first sight. I fell a little in love with you when you told me off by the lake during Toni's party. I knew I was falling for you when I shared my past with you and you accepted me. I fell more when you trusted me with what happened to you.
I'm sorry I blurted it out that way in front of my family. I meant to give us time until I knew you felt the same way before I started talking about marriage. I don't want you to feel pressured about the pace of our relationship. I want you to graduate without me getting in your way. But if you wanted to get married sooner I will provide for us. Hell, I want to be able to provide for you regardless.”
“I’m not looking for a provider Aiden. I want us to work together.” “I know. I’m a little old fashioned, but it's practical too. I want children Becca, two or three of them. I’m not saying I want you to be a stay at home mom, but if you wanted that, or if you had a difficult pregnancy I want us to be secure. I want us to have more together than we would apart. Money isn’t really that important to me.”
"It's way to early to be talking about this. We haven't even known each other for a month," I pointed out. "Logically I know you're right. But being with you feels right. It's like you are a puzzle piece I had been missing, and with you I feel complete for the first time in my life. I only meant to let you know what my intentions are. I mean to marry you someday. I can wait until you're ready," he explained.
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