I felt Becca slump next to me. I looked at her, and her face was very pale. She swayed on her feet, and fainted. The doctor said stress was bad for her, and this day had been chock full of it. I reacted in time to catch her before she hit the floor. I carried her to the couch where I sat her on my lap. This time I was rushing her to the hospital.
I tenderly brushed a lock of dark red hair out of her face. “Wake up Red,” I insisted. “Come on sweetheart don’t do this to me,” I begged. Her eyes fluttered open giving me a glimpse of her beautiful green eyes. “There you are,” I sighed in relief.
“What happened?” Becca asked confused. “You passed out again. You have to quit doing that. You’re going to give me a heart attack. Just lean into me, while I call the doctor,” I instructed. She nodded and snuggled into my chest. I’m sure she could hear the rapid-fire beat of my heart.
“A bit dramatic don’t you think?” my mother criticized. I tuned her out and called Dr. Williams. I quickly told him about her fainting, and he told us to bring her into the hospital again for a quick check up. Actually, he said, “Ok Aiden, now you should bring her in. We are going to have to chat again about her stress level. I don’t want to confine her to bed, but if this keeps happening I will.”
“Alright, let’s go to the hospital again. Maybe we should just rent a room there, huh? It would save us travel time,” I teased, desperate to lighten her mood. I picked her up and began to carry her to the car. “I can walk,” she insisted again. “I know, but it makes me feel better to carry you. At least while I still can,” I smirked, trying to make her smile.
She groaned dramatically, “Please don’t remind me. I’m gonna be big as a house.” I cocked my eyebrow at her. “It will be so hot seeing your belly swell, knowing my kid is growing in there,” I whispered so my mother couldn’t overhear.
My mother followed us through the house toward the back. “Don’t you think you are overreacting? She is obviously fine now.” “When I was little, what would you have done if I got sick, or fainted?” I asked.
“I would have rushed you to the emergency room. But, darling she is a grown woman, and alert. I’m sure she doesn’t need to go to the E.R.” “We're having a baby. I’m taking her to the hospital to make sure my baby is doing ok. Are you enough of a mother to understand that?” I snapped.
“Does she think that by trapping you with a baby you will marry her? I imagine she thinks she hit it big getting knocked up,” my mother derided. “I would imagine my proposal was enough of a reason to think I wanted to marry her. We were engaged before either of us found out about the baby. I’m leaving now. Don’t be here when we get back. I’ve got to go take care of my family,” I said dismissively.
“He won’t get a penny if he marries you. Remember that. All you’ll have will be him and this child,” my mother shouted after us. “That’s fine. They are all I want anyway. I don’t care about the money,” she answered honestly.
I carefully helped her into the passenger seat of my car, and before I shut her door I said, “I don’t care about the money either.” “We're young Aiden, we will make things work,” she spoke confidently. I smirked at her, “It won’t be as hard as you think.”
41
Rebecca
Dr. Williams cleared me to go home. He wanted to closely monitor my blood pressure, but it was fine now. He did not like our idea to go to Vegas in a couple of weeks. “We're going to the courthouse tomorrow,” Aiden announced when we got back in the car. “I don’t want to get married at the courthouse,” I said disappointedly.
Aiden gently rubbed the side of my face. “I know. We're only going there to get our marriage license. How do you feel about getting married in a large cabin in the mountains?”
I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder. “It sounds really romantic. How are we going to pull that off with so little time?” “Jeremy’s family has a cabin near Snoqualmie Falls. It has six bedrooms, a large great room, and a second sitting room on the second level. It will fit our families and friends to stay overnight for the ceremony, but the next day I am stealing you away to a resort,” Aiden explained.
“I must have been a good boy to have missed your mother’s visit. See, God doesn’t hate gay people,” Jeremy announced as we walked into the house. I plopped down on the couch next to him and ruffled his longish black hair. “Jer if anyone hated you it would be because you are too pretty, not because you’re gay.”
“Did Romeo talk to you about my offer?” Jeremy asked, his baby blues sparkling. “He did. Thanks for offering your cabin,” I said and kissed him on the cheek. “Alright gorgeous, I’ve got to get a date for a wedding,” Jeremy said and walked off dialing his phone.
There were lots of details to work out, and only two weeks to accomplish it. One of Frank’s law school friends had recently become a judge, and agreed to officiate our wedding. I found a beautiful long sleeved satin dress embroidered with iridescent beads in the shape of snowflakes at a large bridal warehouse in Tacoma. There were the flowers, food, and photographer to arrange, and this was for less than a dozen people. Aiden was amazing, he made most of the arrangements, and everything seemed to fall together.
A week before the wedding, Aiden came up to me and put my phone in my hand. “Call your mother and ask her to our wedding.” “What if she won’t come?” I asked insecurely. “You’ll never know unless you ask. If she refuses to come, we will still get married. I know we will make sure that our kids never feel the rejection we have felt from our parents.”
“Kids?” I asked anxiously. He chuckled. “You didn’t think one would be enough did you? We got such an early start I figure we could have at least five.” “Five?” I squeaked.
“Ok, how about two? I would be fine with two, as long as we keep practicing in case we do want more,” he negotiated and gave me a quick kiss. “Mmm, I like practicing,” I purred. “And I like your pregnancy hormones, but you need to quit trying to distract me and call your mother,” Aiden insisted.
I dialed my mom, and jumped when she answered quickly. “Hello baby girl, it’s nice to hear from you,” she greeted enthusiastically. I felt my eyes water. She hadn’t called me ‘baby girl’ since before she found out about what Dr. James had been doing to me. “Hey mom. Uhm…so…” I stumbled. “Just spit it out sweetie,” she encouraged.
I think aliens kidnapped my mom and left an imposter in her place. “Aiden and I are getting married next weekend. It is going to be in a cabin up Snoqualmie Pass. We are all staying there. Can you and Rick make it?” I rushed.
“I thought you two were waiting until after you graduate.” “Well I got sick,” I began. “Oh honey are you ok? It isn’t cancer is it? Do you need a kidney, because I’m sure I’m a match,” she rambled.
I felt a huge smile spread across my face. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her overbearing, overprotective mothering until it reappeared. “I’ve missed you like this,” I confessed. “I’m so sorry I’ve been such a shitty mom. I know I made you feel like I didn’t believe what you told us that bastard did to you," she tried to explain.
"No mom, please. I really don't want to talk about this," I protested. "Becca, I need to apologize to you properly. Please let me," she begged. "Ok, I'm listening," I agreed.
"It wasn’t that I didn’t believe you. Denial was easier, because if I admitted the truth then I had to admit I allowed a pervert to hurt my little girl. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to protect you, or strong enough to comfort you at least.”
“What happened to me wasn’t your fault, only your reaction to it. You don’t know what your apology means to me mom.” “I have a lot to make up to you baby girl, but answer me already are you all right?” she demanded.
“Yeah, but…I’m pregnant,” I told her. “Ah, I see what you mean. You were sick and the doctors prescribed antibiotics, didn’t they? Oh honey, did they forgot to tell you they affect birth control?” she asked sympathetically. “Does everyone know that except me?” I blurted out in
frustration.
“Well no, I don’t think everyone does. And baby girl, of course I’ll be at your wedding. How are you two handling all of this?” she asked concerned. “We are really great mom. Aiden is really excited.”
I looked around to confirm I was alone. “I’m surprised actually. I’m not used to life being this good. Honestly, I keep expecting him to change his mind about marrying me.” “Why would he do that?” she asked.
“Why wouldn’t he? I’m tainted mom. I’ve worked hard in therapy, and I don’t freak out when people touch me anymore. Well, most of the time. No matter how hard I try though, I still feel like there is something crawling on me, and everyone can see there is something wrong with me.
One of his former friends drugged me. It was like he knew what happened to me and thought it was ok. His mother hates me. She seems to even hate our child, and he or she isn’t even here yet. What if she’s right? What if I ruin his life?”
I heard my mom sniffle. “Oh my baby. I should have been there for you. I pushed you aside and made this worse. Don’t try and deny it. It is probably too late, but I am telling you now, there is nothing wrong with you. You aren’t tainted, dirty, or any of the horrible things you might tell yourself. He is sick and dirty, not you baby, never you.”
I was shaking and crying quietly. I had perfected the art of crying quietly after, well everything. It came in handy during my freshman year of college, when I wanted my roommate to believe that I was a normal happy co-ed. It always worked, until now.
Aiden’s strong arms wrapped around my middle and pulled me firmly into his chest. He took the phone from my hand and put it up to his ear. “Becca, oh honey,” I heard my mom sob. “Alice, it’s Aiden. I need to talk to Becca.” “Yes, of course. Take care of her, please,” she begged. “I plan on it,” he promised.
Aiden looked sad and tired. It made me cry harder. I kept thinking, I put that look on his face. “Stop,” he ordered. “I didn’t know you felt that way. You’ve just been waiting around for me to leave you? Do you trust me at all?” he asked sternly.
He turned me in his arms, and tenderly wiped the tears from my face. I took a deep breath and explained. “I know I love you, and I only want to be with you. I just don’t understand why you want to be with me. Every day I spend with you brings me more happiness than I ever imagined having in my life.”
I slouched down. Finally, I was able to unload and share this fear. He carried so many of my burdens already, what difference would one more make? But, in the back of my mind I always worried which one would cause him to leave.
“If you believe I’m eventually going to leave you, why did you agree to marry me?” he demanded. “Why would I stop the best thing ever to happen to me?” I challenged.
“I hate the way you see yourself. I wish I could love you enough for both of us,” he said with a sigh. I nodded solemnly. My head kept repeating, this is it. He’s finally realized he is marrying me. Dirty, used, and broken me.
“Even right now you are expecting me to leave, aren’t you?” he asked quietly. I peered up at him through my lashes. My heart was hammering in my chest, and my stomach was rolling. Hot tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t even squeak out a plea for him to stay. He was waiting for my answer, so I nodded yes.
“I can go against my family and yours. But I don’t know if I can also fight to prove to you that we belong together.” He shook his head in disgust or frustration, I wasn’t sure, and he left the room.
I crumpled to the ground. Why couldn’t I just believe him? He might leave someday, but I knew I was driving him away now. I rubbed my belly. “I won’t use you to keep him,” I whispered to my unborn child. “I know your grandmother thinks I will, but I would never do that.”
“I’m mad at you,” Aiden said from the doorway. “I know,” I whispered. “You still aren’t getting rid of me,” he stated. “I would never want to,” I admitted. “We are getting you a therapist,” he commanded. “That’s probably a good idea,” I agreed.
He scooped me up in his arms, which was becoming a common occurrence with us, and carried me toward our room. “You at least believe that I love you, don’t you?” he asked me softly. “Yes,” I answered.
“You are still going to marry me next week, aren’t you?” he asked apprehensively. “I’m insecure not stupid,” I confirmed. “What can I do to convince you I’m here forever? I’ll spend the rest of my days proving to you I’m not going anywhere,” he vowed.
“That’ll do it. Time, give me time to understand what I did to be blessed with you when everything else in my life has been so hard,” I responded.
“You have made me feel like I'm living again and not just surviving. You are sweet, loving, smart, and ungodly sexy. I feel like I need to spend forever deserving you. Stop thinking so hard right now. Doctor’s orders are to rest. Shutdown that overactive brain of yours for now,” Aiden pleaded.
He set me down on our bed, and got up to let me rest. “I do love you, Aiden. So much it scares me.” He crawled in next to me, and tucked me in next to his solid body. “I love you too. Rest now, I’m not going anywhere. I’m never going to leave you.”
42
Aiden
Why did I think getting married at the courthouse was a bad thing? I paced in front of the makeshift altar waiting for the sign we were going to start. It was taking a really long time for her to come out. What if she ran off while I was arguing with Toni over where to put the flowers? When did I start caring about floral arrangements?
We definitely should have gotten married at the courthouse. I tugged on my collar to loosen my tie. I knew why I insisted on making today special. I was terrified she was going to look back one day and feel cheated.
Last week I accidentally overheard Becca talking to her mom. At first I was pissed she had such little faith in me. Later that night, while I held her in my arms, I realized it was herself she didn't trust.
She didn't trust she was enough for me. She was afraid she would do something to ruin my life. She felt like a burden to me, and it broke my heart. I would show her every day how much she made my life worth living, and in time she would believe it. She had to.
Right now I wanted Kate to start playing the wedding march on the violin. I wanted to see Becca walk down the aisle and make her my wife. I scanned the room again. My dad was sitting with Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, Jeremy’s parents. Jeremy and I have been friends since we were in pre-school, and I was really close to his parents.
Reed, our neighbor, drove up for the ceremony. He had come over for a beer a couple times a week since the run-in with those slime ball defense lawyers. I suspected he had a thing for Kate, but she was seeing Jake. I didn’t really want that guy around. Kate was a stunner, which meant Jake probably wouldn’t pursue Becca, probably. God, I really needed her to come out and end my anxiety.
Becca’s parents, Alice and Rick were on the other side of the room. Brett Scott, Becca’s dad, sat next to her step-dad, or at least he would after he walked Becca down the aisle. There was obvious tension between Alice and Brett, but the two guys seemed to get along fine.
Becca’s grandparents flew in from Colorado. Of course our friends, Kate, Toni, Cameron and Jeremy were running around making sure everything was ready. Toni went to help Becca get dressed, after she stopped busting my balls about decorations. At least I assumed she was helping Becca get dressed and not helping her escape into a getaway vehicle.
Kate started tuning her violin, while her twin brother Cameron adjusted lights and his camera equipment. I planned on taking some photos tonight as well, but I couldn’t exactly take photos of my own wedding during the ceremony. Luckily, I discovered Cameron was also a gifted photographer. Jeremy was standing next to me, rapidly texting someone.
“Dude, will you cut that out it is making me nervous,” I hissed. He ignored me and continued texting. Right before I grabbed his phone planning to chuck it across the room, he sighed, “Finally.”
I scowled at h
im, but he only smiled in return. “That was Toni. I was telling them to hurry the hell up. You're like a caged tiger up here. I told them if they didn’t hurry their fine asses up you were likely to hold the ceremony while consummating your marriage in front of everyone.” I shook my head. That was a typical crass response I should have expected from my best man.
My head jerked up as I heard the first notes from Kate’s violin. Toni walked down the short aisle in her silver bride’s maid dress. Becca stepped out, and I had to remember how to breathe. Her long dark red hair was half piled on her head, and the rest fell in soft curls down her back. She had on a soft looking veil with tiny silver beads on the edge.
Her dress had long sleeves, a full skirt, and lots of cleavage. I’m sure it wasn’t supposed to be a lot, but pregnancy was making her boobs huge. Not that I was complaining. I felt the blood rushing south just thinking about taking it off, and had to focus so I wouldn’t embarrass myself in front of an audience.
It was both the longest and shortest few seconds of my life watching her walk toward me. I wanted to live this moment forever, but I was anxious to make her my wife. Suddenly she was right in front of me, her hands in mine, and staring at me with those warm green eyes.
I barely noticed her parents mention their approval. Neither did I pay much attention to what the judge said. I heard him, and it seemed profound, but it didn’t stir as much of a reaction as looking at my bride.
Jeremy elbowed me in the ribs, and I realized I was supposed to say my vows. "Rebecca the first moment I saw you I was drawn to you. Every moment I spent with you made me long for the next one, until I wanted your forever. You are everything I want, and everything I need.
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