by JL Brooks
“Open your eyes, Violet. Stay with me.”
The pressure was too much to bear; everything was falling apart and I had no control. I tried holding on as long as I could. Every synapse in my brain fired in a rapid succession until the warmth spread from my heart to the tips of my fingers and toes. Shaking my head while I screamed loudly, I felt every atom in my being connect with the universe as I died in his arms.
La Petite Mort.
He still liked to watch me. Now he always wanted me to look back…to hold his gaze as long as possible before coming undone. I liked watching him, too…even while he wasn’t being serious.
“Stop smiling like that; it’s creeping me out.”
His hips rotated softly between my legs, knowing how painfully sensitive I still was, while making a chipmunk face with his cheeks puffed out to the sides. “Better?’
“No, that’s worse!”
Shepard grabbed my hands and held them above my head as he leaned in closely and pulled his neck muscles tight, flicking his tongue like a lizard.
“Oh my God, stop it!”
As I yelled again, writhing beneath him, he laughed like a maniac while pushing me back to the edge.
“You really want me to stop, Violet? I will.” Withdrawing slowly from my hungry center, taunting the entrance, he made me plead with him for mercy.
“No, please don’t stop.” I held my breath as his hips sank back down, feeling every inch fit exquisitely within me. Each heartbeat shared with this man made me complete, the void unbearable as we parted. “What?” His thumb traced my jaw before taking a gentle bite of my bottom lip. He could tell I was starting to drift away. Pulled back into his vibrant blue eyes, I couldn’t get close enough to him. “How could I be so foolish? How are you able to forgive me?”
He lowered down to rest on his elbows, kissing me softly while he remained snugly between my knees. “Violet, everyone who enters your life is there for one of two reasons. To bring you closer to the person you can be, or distract you from fulfilling that potential. What no one realizes is that we choose what role that person plays. I knew who you were from the moment I laid eyes on you. When I thought I didn’t have a shot in hell, you still made me want more in life. That never went away. The only thing that changed was I wanted you back at any cost.
Good people make bad choices every day. Sometimes those choices hurt people, people they love. We can choose to stay angry and remain imprisoned, or we can forgive and let go. Once again, it’s a choice. I chose to forgive you. That’s what love does.”
My lips trembled underneath his as the tears flowed down my cheeks, soaking his palms. When he tilted his hips slightly, I remembered we were in the middle of an intimate encounter, and suddenly felt guilty for ruining the moment.
Determined not to stay bogged down in the somber mood, I asked him to let me up for a minute. Appearing somewhat concerned, he watched closely as I quickly ran into the other room and plucked a book of sonnets by Shakespeare from the shelf.
“Violet, what is that for?”
Crawling back into the bed I gave my most coquettish smile. “Revenge, darling.”
I pushed Shepard on his back and straddled his waist. Lowering myself down, I hissed at the delicious sensation that never failed to overtake me. While handing him the book, I smiled. “Pick one.”
He licked his thumb before turning the pages, eyeing me with mischief – no doubt scheming about everything he planned to do. He turned to the middle of the book, and returned it to me while lifting his hips slowly as his thumb lightly circled my clitoris. Ignoring the pleasure with all of my might, I began with Sonnet 23.
“As an unperfect actor on the stage
Who with his fear is put besides his part,
Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,
Whose strength’s abundance weakens his own heart.
So I, for fear of trust, forget to say
The perfect ceremony of love’s rite,
And in mine own love’s strength seem to decay,
O’ercharged with burden of mine own love’s might.
O, let my books be then the eloquence
And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,
Who plead for love and look for recompense
More than that tongue that more hath more express’d.
O, learn to read what silent love hath writ:
To hear with eyes belongs to love’s fine wit.”
Making it through without stumbling, I handed back the book and smirked, although I knew I was in trouble. He quickly turned through the pages to Sonnet 140 before resuming his slow torture.
“Be wise as thou art cruel; do not press
My tongue-tied patience with too much disdain,
Lest sorrow lend me words, and words express
The manner of my pity-wanting pain.
If I might teach thee wit, better it were,
Though not to love, yet love, to tell me so,
As testy sick men, when their deaths be near,
No news but health from their physicians know.
For if I should despair, I should grow mad,
And in my madness might speak ill of thee.
Now this ill-wresting world is grown so bad,
Mad sland’rers by mad ears believèd be.
That I may not be so, nor thou belied,
Bear thine eyes straight, though thy proud heart go wide.”
As I finished the last line, his left arm reached behind me, sliding his fingers down the aperture and began to massage the soft opening, causing me to jerk. The intrusive feeling caught me by surprise and completely unhinged me. As I started to shatter, his hands grabbed my hips and aggressively began seeking his own little death. Once our breathing calmed, we started laughing hysterically at our newfound use of poetry.
“That was hot, Violet. We’re doing Macbeth later!”
Slapping him lightly on the chest, I had no desire to attempt a play under those circumstances. As I snuggled deep into his chest, his hands caressed the skin on my ribcage gently as the morning sunlight poured through the windows.
Nearly a month had passed since we had disembarked off the blood-spattered yacht. Police were waiting at the port to arrest everyone onboard. My aunt was waiting there for me with open arms; if it weren’t for her, I wasn’t sure I would be alive. Everything had to work perfectly, and by some miracle, it did. We were all taken into custody until everyone could be interviewed and the others tried for attempted murder among other things. Shepard managed to severely wound David, but not kill him. It was not until then that I found out how intricately woven the plan was.
While Kimberly was alerted of my activities, she also came across a deleted email with my name encoded in it. Not knowing what to do with the information, she immediately went to Alessa. Despite working for Gladstone under a facade, nothing prepared her for what she read. There were press release instructions, along with accounts to divert the funds after the auction, as well as confirming both Shepard’s and my demise.
Alessa risked her life and reached out to Shepard to save mine. He knew about the auction and the hit because of her. Sending me to Florida was not just about keeping me sane; she was buying Shepard time.
I felt my voice hum in his chest as I let out a deep sigh. He didn’t ask what I was thinking. He knew…he always knew. He simply kissed the top of my head and continued to dance along my skin with his fingertips.
“Don’t be mad at me, Violet; I have to go out of town again. I found positions for some more people I am able to help settle. I won’t be gone but a few days. Besides, you have Ingrid, and with Alessa coming in tomorrow, you won’t even miss me.”
I hated knowing that taking down Robertson meant thousands of people losing their jobs. Good people got hurt because of my choices. Thankfully, the company making the antibiotic I reformulated had locations around the globe and was more than willing to hire all the employees who were willing to relocate. Some did not want to or couldn’t, and Shepard was w
orking non-stop to find them new jobs.
“Stop it; I know what you’re thinking. Big picture, Violet. We’re doing what we can.”
I blew out a deep breath and sank back into his chest. “When do you leave?” I could go with him, but I was really looking forward to spending more time with Ingrid and learning how to cook, and simply spend time wandering around Salzburg. “I’ll miss you, and so will my vagina. I might open a spelunking business while you’re gone with the walking cave you have made of me.”
Shepard started laughing so hard he began to cough, rolling me off to the side. “Well, don’t worry love, I’ll chase the bats and clear the cobwebs the moment I return.”
***
Alessa had only been with me for three days before I received the call from Vivienne I had been dreading. Connor had been made an offer on the property and wanted to sell it. Although I now had the money to buy it back, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I still needed to take my grandmother’s ashes up to the mountains, and being early summer, the gypsies would be in town for the festival. Alessa pulled out her laptop and immediately booked two flights to Colorado. Refusing to let me go alone, she reminded me that she too no longer had a job and wouldn’t be starting her new one for another few weeks.
The trip took us nearly two days of travel, yet sitting in first class again made it a whole lot easier. It gave us time to catch up and talk about the future. I smiled at the irony; transatlantic flights were becoming therapy sessions for me. After arriving back in Colorado Springs, a cold chill raced up my spine despite the eighty degree weather. The sky was perfect blue; the mountains towering along the Western slope. I took Alessa around my old neighborhood and dared a drive into Manitou. Even if Connor were home, he wouldn’t be expecting me to be walking around. I pointed out his apartment as we made our way down Ruxton Avenue; I could see in her eyes that she was ready to buy a baseball bat and destroy a few things. After a little coercion, I was finally able to get her to try the mineral water from the fountains where she promptly proclaimed, “This needs some gin.”
As the afternoon sun began to shine down upon us, we took the half hour drive north to my grandparents’ ranch. Vivienne was already there waiting for us to arrive, sitting in a wooden rocking chair on a newly painted deck with a beer. I stepped out of the car, cautious at her nonchalant behavior. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the entire house had been meticulously restored. She simply smiled as I walked up to the front door and opened it.
Before going inside, I observed that the entire house was empty, cleaned and refinished. Both women followed behind me as I slowly stepped along the freshly stained walnut floors. I shook my head; none of it made sense. I had come to clean the house out, yet it was not necessary. Vivienne stopped as I circled the wall into the dining room and nearly fainted. Before me lay a recently tuned Stradivarius violin, casually perched on the table next to the replica of the Esperanza. I was unable to speak; all I could do was look at the women before tearing out of the house, screaming his name.
Not knowing where to start, I ran to the back of the property where the trees grew thick along the babbling brook. It was relatively flat and the perfect place to rest. I remembered I told him about it several times. My lungs hurt from running so fast in the thin air, yet I was unable to stop. Only pausing to lift the metal latch off the heavy wooden gate, I saw the blanket’s corners peeking out from behind the trunk of the massive oak.
He’s here! Unable to tell if he was actually napping, I crept along, my steps masked by the sound of the water flowing nearby. Surely enough, his hat was pulled low over his eyes, as he was lost in a deep slumber. Careful not to startle him too much, I leaned next to his ear and whispered, “Open your eyes.”
A large smile drew across his face upon hearing my voice. Reaching out to pull me close, he whispered back, “I was just dreaming about you.”
He was only pretending to sleep, waiting for me to find him. Shepard quickly flipped me onto my back and kissed me passionately in the warm breeze. Lifting his hat away, I stared into the eyes of heaven.
“How did you do this?”
Gently nipping along my neck before responding, he started to chuckle at the millions of questions pouring into my mind. “All in good time…just enjoy the moment; don’t over analyze it.”
His tongue dipped into the hollow of my neck before returning to my lips.
“As much as I want to spend the day with you down here, there are a few things we need to take care of, okay?” Pulling me into a standing position, he took my hand and we slowly started to walk up to the trail leading to the house. Stopping at the gate, a shadow came across his face.
“Violet, I can’t take credit for this. It was like this when I contacted Vivienne to pay off the debt. I promised him I would give you this before the day was over. He’s on his way to deliver some additional papers; you don’t have to see him, but you should.”
I knew it was killing him to say it as much as it was for me to hear it. I didn’t need to open the faded yellow piece of paper he was holding out towards me. I knew what it said.
“Did you read it, Shepard?”
As he nodded yes, I took the paper and placed it in my pocket. A short while later I could see Connor’s figure walking towards us slowly through the tall grass. Shepard stood in front of me, holding my hand as he led me up the hill. Stopping about twenty feet away, he turned around and held my face gently.
“It’s a choice, Violet.”
Kissing me softly, he closed the gap between him and Connor and stood face to face with the man who nearly destroyed me. Anticipating punches being thrown, Shepard reached his hand out to him and shook it briefly before looking back at me in reassurance as he headed into the house.
“I’m right here, Violet.”
Connor’s head dropped low as I approached him. I could see him shaking slightly the closer I got. His hands were cracked and dry, no doubt from working on this house for hours on end. His hair looked like it hadn’t been cut in a while. It wasn’t just me being set free. He knew I wasn’t coming back, yet still he persevered at trying to make it right. The house didn’t change anything. He couldn’t earn my forgiveness; it was a choice I had to make.
It’s what love does.
The tears were falling hard down both of our cheeks as I waited for him to look at me. Even standing nearly head to head, he couldn’t do it. I reached down for one of his weathered hands, brought it up to my chest, and held it close so he could feel my heart racing.
“I forgive you, Connor.”
With bloodshot eyes, he finally met my gaze as if he wasn’t sure what he just heard, so I repeated it.
“I forgive you.”
He closed his eyes and raised his face to the sky. Feeling the sun shining down upon him, I could see the weight lifting off his soul. It only took three small words to change his whole world in a split second. He swiftly pulled me into a tight embrace, and I consoled him as his chest rattled in quiet weeping.
“Thank you, Violet.”
As we broke apart, he gave a half smile while looking at the house.
“He worships the ground you walk on; he told me how he got this for you.”
Stunned for a moment, I never stopped to think what was really happening. Shepard came here to get back the ranch. How he could afford it never crossed my mind.
“How?”
Connor looked at me and started to laugh. “The man sold his Maserati and had the money wired in from Austria. It arrived at the bank a few days ago. That’s true love.”
Shaking my head, I couldn’t believe Shepard actually sold Violet. The thought made me laugh myself.
“What’s so funny?”
“You know what that car’s name was? Violet.”
His face dropped a little when he heard what Shepard named his car and instantly I knew why. Shepard told me it was a poor substitute for the real thing. Now that he had me, he didn’t need the car.
Nothing more was said as I
walked Connor back to his Jeep. Before driving off, he rolled down the window and kissed me on the cheek.
“I’ll love you forever ,Violet Phillips.”
Then he was gone. The others had moved to the kitchen and had a few bottles of champagne out, waiting for me to return. Between the three of them, two bottles were already gone. Shepard poured a glass and asked me if I was okay. Nodding yes, I took the glass and held it for a moment. As we went to raise a toast, everyone looked at Shepard in expectation.
“Since you told me not to ever buy you any crappy jewelry or expensive purses, I hope this key ring will serve as a decent engagement ring.” Dropping down on one knee, he slid the silver beer bottle opener with a house key attached over my left ring finger. “I’m kidding; I have a real ring for you.”
He winked at me, and I heard the stairs creak as heavy footsteps made their way down. Everyone turned around to see who was coming and I heard Vivienne let out a whimper. My father approached us, holding a small velvet box and handed it to Shepard. His eyes were red and misted over at witnessing his little girl being proposed to.
“I asked your father for permission first, and he’s here, so I am pretty sure he consents, right?” He turned to my dad who was holding onto Vivienne’s shoulders; he smiled and chuckled out “yes.”
I frowned and looked down at Shepard. “Isn’t that supposed to be my response?”
Seeing how nervous he was made me disintegrate on the spot. He wanted my heart to be open and unburdened so I could give it wholly to him. His fingers slid the beer opener key ring off my hand and into his pocket. Cracking open the small black box, he pulled out a simple gold band, shaped like a double helix with micro pave diamonds as the sugar backbone. To the untrained eye, someone would simply think it was a pretty infinity style ring. To me, it was the blueprint of life, and it couldn’t have been more perfect.
“Violet Phillips, will you be my wife?”
After sliding the ring on my finger, I tackled him on the ground and kissed him with abandon. I could care less about forcing the others to watch us frolic sensually on the tiled floor. They grabbed the champagne and sat on the porch until we were finished having our moment. A little while later, we idly wandered outside as the sun was starting to set behind the hills.