“Babe, when Ma gets that way, it’s just best to cut that shit short and save yourself more pain.” He chuckles, falling into the seat beside me and slinging one arm across my shoulders.
Jared is also smiling and I’m relieved to notice that he, like his family, does not seem averse to taking in my brother who happens to be… God, I hope he likes me enough not to go nuts. I’ve seen those programs on TV about kids with this condition, and it would really suck if he were to hate me.
“It’ll be okay, Clari. You’ll see. You’ll be lucky if Ma lets any of us near her newest baby, not to mention that Josh now has four uncles who’ll adore him and a grandpa who’ll have to fight Ma just to take the kid fishing and man him up a little.”
“You’re so sweet, Jared.” I sniffle, still reeling from it all.
How is it possible for me to have found this family? If any of this had happened a few weeks ago, I would be a wreck just wondering how I’d keep a roof over our heads and get my brother the care he’d need while I’m at work. Now it seems like they’re all lining up willingly to welcome us into the family, and…I’m just overwhelmed.
“Deep breaths, babe. There you go, just take some nice deep breaths and forget whatever nonsense is running around in that pretty head of yours, okay? We’ll do just fine, and if not, well we’ve always got Jude to fix these kinds of things,” Miah croons when I start hyperventilating.
I suddenly imagine Jude holding up paint samples in a guest bedroom and the thought makes me giggle.
“See, that’s better.” He pulls me closer and I start to feel a hundred times better.
I love kids. I can relate to them. I can guide them. I’m just not sure I know how to be a mother to them.
Chapter Twelve
Miah
The kid looks half-starved and crabby as hell when we finally get through all the paperwork and that uppity Chase woman brings him out to us. I love him immediately and can tell from the way that Clari’s face softens that she’s also in deep from just one look.
The kid’s hair is a messy shag of carroty brilliance and his eyes are the exact same shade of green that brings me joy every morning.
His mulish expression is priceless and a feat since he steadfastly refuses to meet our eyes or respond to anything being said.
“Hi, Josh.”
Clari keeps crooning and goes down on her haunches to try and catch his eye, but the kid just grunts and turns away with a sneer that I’d find amusing if not for the fact that Clari’s eyes just started tearing up and it looks like she’s about to start bawling all over again.
Like I need this shit after only just getting her sniffles under control. The way I’m feeling right now, Mary Elms is lucky she passed from an overdose or I’d have brought Ma down here to take care of her lying self.
“Hey, Josh, buddy, I’m Clari, your sister.”
She keeps trying and failing and the more he turns away, the harder it’s getting for me to just stand here and watch her shoulders sag in defeat. I’m just about ready to start pulling out my hair when Jared walks in.
And wouldn’t you know it, the little terror takes one look at Jared and runs past Clari’s open arms, making a beeline for my grinning ass of a sibling.
The kid flings himself at the meathead and starts babbling a mile a minute, his gibberish so high pitched and indecipherable that all I can do is shrug when Jared throws me a questioning look.
“Me Josh.”
“Good to meet you, Josh. I’m your uncle Jared. You ready to go home now, buddy?”
That gets a nod and Josh’s arms go around his neck like two clinging vines that I don’t see coming off anytime soon.
“Oh brother. That is not going to be a good combination,” Clari mutters, pursing her lips in chagrin. “What’s up with that?”
“Don’t hate the player, Clari,” Jared sings over his shoulder, grinning from ear to ear when Josh mimics him and finally looks down at Clari with a smile.
“Me Josh.”
Her smile finally bursts free and I decide not to beat Jared after all for that little betrayal. All I care about now is getting my family home and ensuring that they’re all okay while I wrap shit up as soon as possible.
I can’t have this shit still clouding the air now that we have a kid to look after and another one on the way with Ellie about to pop. And I know just what to do to ensure that I’m here for them and not lying dead.
It looks like my military days are officially over, but the thought doesn’t bother me.
“Me Josh.”
The tyke is grinning from ear to ear every time he says it, which is like every five minutes on the minute, and I groan at the thought of the flight home.
Since he seems so taken with Jared, maybe I can take my Clari to the little bedroom at the back and play hooky for at least an hour before Ma starts calling incessantly.
***
“You can’t quit in the middle of an operation, Lane.”
Jared rolls his eyes at me across the table and outright laughs at the colonel when the old fart starts blustering and throwing threats my way.
“It’s done and done, old man, so you can stop trying to threaten me with some bullshit or whatever it is you think you can do. I just told you I have a woman and kid who I can’t involve in this shit, and that, as they say, is that.”
I really don’t want to do this stuff anymore if it means being deployed at the drop of a hat and having to leave my girl.
The decision wasn’t all that hard to make. What I’ll do after this is anyone’s guess, but I’ve been mulling over the idea of staying on the force once this corruption business is settled.
“Goddammit, Lane, who the hell am I supposed to trust with this? You’re already in with your flimsy IA cover and that cousin of yours is practically a member of their little band.”
“Not my problem anymore, dude, and you know it. Keep threatening me and I’ll let my pop call the vice president. They’re golfing buddies, you know, and Pop contributes to their campaigns, so…”
I leave the statement trailing and roll my eyes at Jared who seems to be enjoying the colonel’s obvious distress. Leave it to Jared to tag along when he shouldn’t even be privy to the mission.
That’s my brother for you. He enjoys rocking the boat and watching the idiots inside struggle to stay dry. To top it off, I had to sneak out of the house at four to lose Roman, who seems to think that being a cop gives him military privilege or something.
“Fine. At least give me access to Roman, you little shit,” the man says, throwing me a seething glare.
I’ve known the guy since I joined the navy after dropping out of college. My parents still don’t know that the only reason I earned that degree in business communication was because this man gave me special consideration and pulled a few strings while still keeping me in the field.
Hardest two years of my life juggling all that work, but I made it. Hey, maybe I could go into business with Wyatt…but nah, I’d never survive a suit and tie five days a week and we all know it.
“You can have Roman if he agrees, and only under the condition that you take care of my brother,” I warn.
Roman would love this, but I would never sacrifice him just to make my life easier, and definitely not to take down a few corrupt cops and kill a militia.
If the colonel wants this so bad, he’ll play by my rules, and to hell with what he wants.
“Deal. Now get the hell out of here and tell your gorgeous mother I said hello.”
“You want George to kill you, old man?”
“Some things are worth dying for, son, and don’t you forget that. Now skedaddle, I have an op to plan.”
Jared follows at a slow pace and sits silently all the way home before turning to me with a questioning look.
“You’re sure you’re okay with this? You loved being a SEAL.”
“Bro, I’m more than okay. Clari needs me to keep things together, and that kid is not going to be easy to get to kn
ow if he doesn’t trust me because I’m never home.”
“That’s just it, Miah. You always said you would never leave the SEALs, and you don’t want kids, and now what? You’re willing to give it all up for them?” he argues, watching me closely as we pull into the garage and I cut the engine.
“I’d give everything up to keep her, bro. I love Clari, and with the right effort, I’ll get Josh onboard, too. What, you don’t want Clari and Josh—”
“Don’t be an, asshole. I love them both and you know it. I’m just worried that you’ll look back and regret this is all. What will you do now?”
I understand his doubt, hell I’ve been struggling to figure it all out myself before I decided to just let it go and go with the flow. This just seems so right that I can’t bring myself to doubt it.
“I might stay on the force with Roman, or maybe open a business. I don’t know yet. What I do know is that if those assholes find out who I really am, my family will suffer for it and I won’t have that,” I tell him, exiting the car with a huff.
“Good. Now go do something with your woman while I go spend some time with my nephew. That kid is wicked smart and he’s teaching me how to build these cool 3D puzzles that look like real buildings.”
I wave him off and run into the house with a smile. It’s Saturday, and if Jared’s willing to stop stalking Paulette Hayes long enough to keep Josh occupied, I know just how I want to spend the afternoon with my girl.
“Clari!”
“Yeah?” she asks, popping her head around the living room door with a frown. “What? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Jared wants to steal Josh for the afternoon, so…”
She starts smiling and throws herself at me, giggling when I start smooching her and almost dump us both down the stairs in my zeal.
“You want to play hooky with me all afternoon?” I purr, biting gently into the din of her neck while kicking the bedroom door closed behind us.
She sighs and licks over my lips, moaning low in her throat.
“Always.”
We fall onto our bed in a tangle of arms, legs and tongues, and I’m inside her minutes later, groaning at the pleasure to be found only here with her, inside her warm and welcoming body.
“Love you.”
I love her, too. So much. I just have to figure a way to make things right so she can live without looking over her shoulder.
***
Clara
The next few weeks are claimed by work, getting Josh adjusted to his new environment, and trying to keep track of Miah. His caseload seems to have doubled, and we’re lucky to see each other at all lately.
Roman’s also missing in action, and Jared only ever smiles when he’s with Josh. The Lane family seems to be falling apart right before my eyes, and it’s starting to give me an ulcer as I wonder what’s happening.
I’m drifting and ashamed of myself for feeling angry about Miah having to work, while also trying to bond with Josh at the same time. Part of my unhappiness stems from the fact that he doesn’t seem all that taken with me.
He adores Jared and doesn’t stop chattering from the time the guy walks in the room to the time I manage to get him to bed. He loves Jude, too, and while he’s not as animated with her as he is with Jared, he spends a lot of time with her in the garden and sorting through color swatches or her next big project.
Wyatt and Ellie aren’t even present most days, because she’s about ready to drop and spend a lot of time in bed as per doctor’s orders. That leaves me at loose ends most of the time, and it’s starting to wear on me not knowing what’s happening with Miah.
The bed dips beneath me and I snuggle back when his lips meet my neck and he starts kissing his way to my lips.
“Hey, babe.”
“Hi. You look tired.”
He sighs wearily and kisses me before falling to the bed beside me with a groan.
“I am. Dobson’s got me pulling doubles ever since I told him and Cates to go bugger themselves last week. I hope Roman catches that old asshole with his hands so deep in that militia cookie jar, they slam it shut at the wrist.”
His words sound reasonable, and while I don’t believe he’s lying, exactly, I think he’s using it as an excuse to cover up his real goals, which Ellie confessed seems to be trying to get some resolution on this whole family versus militia thing.
“You’re still going after the militia, aren’t you?”
That gives him pause and I feel him tense beside me.
“Clari—”
“Miah, don’t lie to me. I’m not mad, and if you’ll recall, I was against you leaving the SEALs and giving up on this mission. You’re the one who insisted you quit and drop it all. If you’re back to that, then just say so so that you’re not sneaking around trying to get it all done. You’re killing yourself keeping it all separate. Plus, I hate that you never tell me anything anymore.”
His yawn is loud enough to wake the dead, and I smile despite my annoyance at his tactics.
“Go to sleep, Lane. It’s already three thirty. We’ll talk later in the morning.”
He complies with nothing more than a sigh and an arm wrapped around me that pulls me closer. I’m the one left sleepless while he snores softly beside me, and by the time I drift off just as dawn is coming, I have a plan that I think may work.
If the Lane boys are willing to listen, that is.
Chapter Thirteen
Miah
I feel like shit and not just because I’m exhausted by all the double-dealing and running around, but because I hate lying to Clari as I try to supervise intelligence gathering and spying on the Lanes while Jared helps Roman infiltrate the freaking militia.
After being called out last night, and the way she’d understood my exhaustion and let me sleep, I feel better than I have in a long time.
Well I would if not for the fact that she woke up beside me full of purpose with her mouth set in a determined line that makes me nervous. If she’s planning to leave me, she can just forget about that, and that’s final.
I know I’ve gone back on my word about quitting altogether, and I feel like an ass for thinking that I could just drop everything and be okay with staying at home with the family.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy spending time with them. It’s just weird going from working all those jobs at the same time, to waking up and not knowing what I’ll do when my job with the force comes to an end.
For that reason, I’d finally buckled and let it slip that I was quitting IA due to a lack of evidence. I didn’t want Dobson getting too suspicious, so I kept my shit together and gave him as much hell as I always have.
Seems to be working, because they invited me and Roman to a poker game last night and we ended up dropping enough hints about our trust funds just not cutting it and the cost of keeping up the lifestyle without our family money.
Chief Dobson seemed open to us after that, and I know it’s just a matter of time before they start trying to bring us in. Time is the problem, though, because this is just dragging on too long for me.
And then there are those damned assholes who want revenge on my family. Jared managed to plant a few bugs in Veronica’s house after posing as the capable guy and finally meeting his long-lost love, Paulette.
I swear the guy has absolutely no game for someone who seems to get as much tail as a male stripper. But that aside, I get to hear about how much they despise us all and how they’ll get revenge for those assholes Lynn and Bolton.
Part of me would love to walk right up to them and tell them that they’re not dead but rotting away in places they’ll never be found.
But I won’t do that to Pop, not after having seen him mourn his sister this past year and coming to grips with her betrayal. A man can dream, though.
I snap out of it when Clari comes striding back into the room and plants herself beside the sofa with her hands on her hips.
“We need to talk.”
Here we go.
�
�No. We have nothing to hash out, so you can get that right out of your head, Clari.”
Her eyes narrow and I instantly regret wanting her to pick up some of Ma and Ellie’s attitude. Things were easier when she didn’t enjoy arguing so much.
“Yes, we do,” she says with a stamp of her sneaker-clad foot. “I took the freaking day off work for this, so you can just sit there and listen, Miah Lane. Now, I get that you think that you’re some sort of superman or something, and I find that part of you totally hot, I do, but I’m tired of never seeing you while you kill yourself trying to piece everything together.”
“Clari—”
“No, Miah! I get that you think that everything will be just fine, but the truth is that you’ll still be exactly where you are now in a few months. The cops will only be ready to show their hands when they’re ready. The family stuff, well you can only wait for them to either lose interest or do something about it. As for the militia they’re funding, that’s the government’s problem and you know it.”
Dammit, why does she have to be so right? Jared said the same thing, backed by Roman, Jace, and Wyatt. They’re all telling me that rushing stuff will only get us hurt or killed, and I fought them all, not wanting to hear it.
With Clari saying it now and basically begging me to just relax and let things fall as they may, I feel a weight lift from my shoulders. With her saying that I don’t have to have results right now, and that my lack of progress in finding the ones who wanted to hurt her isn’t upsetting her, I feel like I can breathe again.
This is why I tried so hard to avoid her. I knew that my shit would affect her and our life together.
“I wanted to fix it all now that you’re here and Josh and just…I can’t stand the thought of something bad happening to you or any of the family, Clari.”
She plops down into my lap and kisses me once before taking my face in her hands and looking deep into my eyes.
“You’re enough, Miah, and you’re doing more than enough not to have to kill yourself trying to be this robot. I don’t want you roaming the streets at night following some fat asshole who’s smuggling drugs, or whatever it is they do. You do what you can and come home to us, Miah, and leave the rest up to someone else. Jared wants to help more, and Jace was so pissed off last night when your phone went to voice mail. Please, just slow down.”
Miah (Lane Brothers #2) Page 9