“You mean you’re in love with him.”
Sasha shook her head. “No. No. It wasn’t like that. I mean that there was a chemistry between us.”
She thought back to the amazing times they’d had sex together, the way their bodies had fit together perfectly, like jigsaw pieces, the way their mouths had moved against one another’s in perfect symmetry. Thomas Lloyd was a sexual magnet, and she just couldn’t pull her body away from him. But there was no way she could explain that to her mom....
“He was...persuasive, I guess,” she concluded with a little shrug.
Her mom squeezed her hand and gave her a knowing look. “You fell in love with him.”
Sasha was going to protest again when her stomach sank. Had she fallen in love with Thomas Lloyd? Was that what that magnetism was, that feeling that no matter what she was drawn to him?
Yes, she and Thomas had shared some amazing times in the bedroom, but it was also true that they’d bonded on a deeper level. Sasha was the first woman to whom Thomas had shown his scarred body, the first woman with whom he’d made love in the shower and with whom he’d explored his kinky fetish. There had been more to them than just lust and sex. There had been genuine affection.
But the last thing Sasha needed right now was a broken heart to go along with her bruised ego.
She stood up, attempting to halt the conversation in its tracks.
“Coffee?”
Julia smiled. “It’s nice to have you home.”
Sasha patted her mom’s shoulder. “It’s nice to be home.”
But as she walked along the hall towards the kitchen, she couldn’t ignore the feeling of grief sitting deep in her stomach. She was in love with Thomas Lloyd. And she, not the world, had driven him away.
***
Sasha and Julia sat at the kitchen table together, sipping cups of steaming black coffee. Sasha had noticed that the house had gotten shabbier since she’d moved out. It had taken her a long time to find the cafetière, and when she had, she’d discovered it was covered in dust and grease. Her mom just wasn’t able to care for herself as well as she once had. And that meant the MS was progressing.
Sasha felt a wave of guilt wash over her. Though her mother had always wanted her to succeed and follow her dream of becoming a journalist, Sasha still felt bad for putting her own needs over her mother’s, especially since she’d given it all up in the blink of an eye for Thomas Lloyd.
“How are things here?” Sasha asked tentatively, her hands wrapped around the steaming mug.
“Fine,” Julia replied.
It was her stock reply, but Sasha knew better. She raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
Her mom shifted in her seat. “Well, it’s gotten a little messier since Chris stopped coming around.”
Chris. At the sound of his name, Sasha felt ice spread through her body. His betrayal hurt her more than anything she’d been through. Chris had always loved and supported her, even when she’d chosen her studies and career over him. He’d always been like one of the family. But that was something being with Thomas had taught her—sometimes, even family couldn’t be trusted.
She clenched her hands around the porcelain mug with anger. “Did you watch him on TV?” she said through her teeth.
She regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth. Part of her didn’t want to know. The things Chris had said about her, the sexy secrets he’d given away, the person he’d painted her out to be—a manipulator, a seductress, a cheat—they were things she never wanted her mother to hear about her. But she needed to know how clued up her mom was on the situation.
With her hands cupped around the coffee mug, Julia frowned. “Chris is on TV?” she asked. “Why? Is he an actor now or something? Is that why he stopped coming over?”
Sasha let out a huge sigh of relief. Her mother was clueless. She hadn’t seen the interview. The whole thing must have passed her by, but her relief was replaced swiftly by anger. Chris hadn’t just let her down, he’d let her mom down, too. He’d dropped them both in hot water.
“He did an interview, Mom,” she explained. “It was about me.”
“What about you?”
“About my relationship with Thomas.”
“Why would anyone want to watch an interview about you and Thomas…?”
“Mom, it doesn’t matter. Just do me a favor, will you? Don’t watch it. None of it is true, and it’s less than complimentary.”
Her mom looked even more bemused. “But I don’t understand. Why would Chris go on television to talk about you? He was always so fond of you, of the family. He was like a son.”
“Was,” Sasha said with a sigh. “But he’s not anymore. When Thomas fired his publicist for me, she wanted to get back at me. The best way was through Chris. Let’s say she helped stir up some ill feelings between us, and then Chris took the easy way out, he went for the money.”
“Well, then, maybe you should sell your story as well?” her mom said with a shrug. “Counter sell, if such a thing exists. Your story is certainly more interesting than his!”
“Nice idea,” Sasha replied. “But for legal reasons, unfortunately, I can’t.”
There was a gag order, stopping her from speaking to the press. Pippa had tricked her into signing it. There had been plenty of offers, but she couldn’t take any of them up without risking getting sued. And without a job or Thomas backing her, a lawsuit would financially cripple her.
Julia shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t understand the world these days. Are people really willing to pay Chris money because he once had a relationship with you and you once had a relationship with an actor? And you’re not able to talk about it, but he is? It’s madness!”
Hearing her mom sum it up like that made the gravity of the situation hit Sasha all at once. Tears started creeping up her throat.
“I can’t believe I ruined my career for…”—she had to stop herself from saying ‘mind-blowing sex’—“...him.”
“Well, he is very handsome,” her mom replied. “And very rich.”
“Mom!” Sasha cried. However, she couldn’t help smiling. She’d needed a light-hearted reprieve.
The older woman reached across the table and squeezed Sasha’s arm. “You’re home now,” she said. “Everything will be okay.”
But Sasha couldn’t help feeling that it wouldn’t, that nothing would ever be okay again....
Chapter Twenty Three
It was dark. Sasha lay on her old childhood bed, staring at the ceiling. This had been her room before she’d left for college, and now, here she was again. It was like a regression, a step backwards. She’d gone from an independent career woman living alone in Chicago to a pampered Hollywood girlfriend sleeping on silk sheets and taking private jets. Now, she was back where she started. No, it was worse than where she’d started. She’d lost her career and she’d lost the man she loved. She was so disappointed in herself.
Sasha wondered whether there was any chance of a reconciliation between her and Thomas. The undeniable attraction between them had led them back to one another’s arms on more than one occasion. It had pulled them through numerous misunderstandings and setbacks. But Thomas’s last words to her had felt so final: “This was all a disaster. From start to finish. I should never have pursued you. This was all a huge mistake.”
Ever since she’d left England, Sasha had mulled those words over and over again in her mind. Did he really mean it? From his perspective, had it really been a disaster from start to finish? What about all the good times they had shared? Had he erased them from his memory, or had she built them up into something better than they were? Had she been so dazzled by his fame and beauty that she couldn’t see the situation for what it really was…a disaster?
Or, was this just one of the infamous outbursts Thomas was so prone to have? The man blew hot and cold—she’d experienced that firsthand—and his temper could flare at a moment’s notice. However, that didn’t stop the fact that she’d broken his trust,
the one thing that meant the most to him, by lying about what had happened with Chris. In fact, she hadn’t just broken it, she’d smashed it to pieces. After Crystal and Pippa’s deceit, to have her lie to him was the worst thing she could possibly have done. Hell, she probably could have slept with Chris, so long as she told Thomas the truth. However, pretending the kiss hadn’t happened, that was the real problem.
Even though she pleaded with Thomas, trying to get him to see that it was the world that was driving them apart, he’d made it perfectly clear that—this time—she’d driven him away all on her own. This wasn’t the sort of rift that would heal overnight. She couldn’t just dive into a swimming pool and get him all hot under the collar by showing off her glistening wet skin and hair. She had to accept the fact that Thomas Lloyd might never forgive her. He hadn’t even said goodbye as she’d left his hotel room. He’d just let her go.
She’d taken the flight back to her lonely apartment and saw the thousands of missed calls and texts from everyone under the sun…but there was not a single call or text from Thomas. Nothing from him at all. He hadn’t even checked on her. He hadn’t even asked if she’d returned to America. He’d just let her go, like she meant nothing to him at all....
Sasha logged on to her laptop. Since being thrust into the limelight, she’d gained a new compulsion to check on how the media was portraying her. Pippa’s engagement scandal had made it to the gossip websites, presumably via someone at Amore. Realizing she was on the losing team, Pippa had switched allegiance to Chris, turning him into her media puppet. Through him, Pippa had successfully steered the attention away from any kind of scandal and made it appear as though Sasha had been the manipulator and master schemer, and that she’d been the one to blackmail Thomas into proposing to her through the sex tape.
According to Chris, Sasha was in it for the money and nothing more. The fact that Thomas’s sister, Crystal, was the real leaker of the tape had been completely hidden. Pippa had done incredibly well at minimizing Thomas’s association with his drug-addicted, porn-star sister, but in doing so, she had left only one available villain: Sasha.
The world had lapped it up. No one wanted to see Thomas Lloyd end up with some young nobody, some silly floozy playing at being a journalist. It made more sense—and sold more magazines—for Sasha to be some kind of seductress who’d tried to milk Thomas Lloyd for everything he was worth.
Though Thomas had come out of the whole thing better than she had, it still must have caused him extreme embarrassment. Sasha could only hope it wouldn’t be detrimental to his career. But what kind of man would create a false engagement to someone, just to bury a sex tape, and, more importantly, what kind of movie producer would want to hire such a man?
Sasha’s first place to check online was the celebrity gossip website, Chit-Chat, the place where Chris’s video had first surfaced. There were now over five hundred comments on the video, a large portion declaring such things as Chris ‘is the perfect man’ or ‘sexier than Thomas Lloyd.’ Then, there were the vile comments, the ones that called Sasha a ‘slut’, a ‘fame whore’, and a ‘greedy player.’
Somehow, reading those words about herself never got any easier. It didn’t matter that they were wrong; the fact that there was a consensus amongst so many people hurt Sasha deeply. That Chris had been the one to cause it hurt even more.
Pippa had told Sasha she’d be reviled after Chris’s interview got out, and she was right. Someone had taken stills from the leaked sex tape and drawn huge, red arrows highlighting all of Sasha’s imperfections—her cellulite, a spot on her left thigh, a visible vein. But even now, looking at shots of Thomas’s head between her legs reminded Sasha of the ecstasy she felt being with him.
She felt a tingling sensation spread up through her legs. Thomas had made her come harder than she ever thought was possible. That the moment had been picked apart by total strangers still couldn’t take away from the reality that she’d experienced.
Feeling aroused at the memory and craving what Thomas had once given her, Sasha found a link to the original sex tape. She’d never willingly watched it; she’d just seen flashes of the grainy footage that Kelly had shown her back in the Atomic office. Realizing it was the closest she was going to get to Thomas, she hit play.
Thomas’s kitchen appeared before her. The footage started at the point where he took her face between his hands and kissed her deeply. It was a passionate kiss, one that should have proved to the viewer that there was a real connection between them. If Sasha had just been using Thomas, there was no way she’d have been able to fake that kind of arousal…unless she was a better actor than he was!
Sasha watched on, feeling the vicarious arousal she’d experienced at the time. A thrill of excitement ran through her, as she watched from a new angle the moment Thomas had swiped his arm across the kitchen countertop, sending items crashing to the ground. Even though it had happened to her, Sasha could hardly believe that he’d had such an insatiable desire for her body. Her lips parted, and a little sigh escaped her mouth as she watched him lift her in his strong arms, inch her back onto the countertop, and hitch her dress up to her hips.
Watching her own joy on screen didn’t alarm Sasha or make her feel embarrassed like she thought it would. In fact, it aroused her. She felt the wetness grow between her legs as she remembered what Thomas had done to her body, of the things he’d made her feel. She slid her fingers down to her clit, as she watched Thomas sink to his knees and pull her panties down to her ankles.
Touching herself now reminded her of the feel of his tongue on her clit, of the way he licked her like an ice cream, so gently, so precisely, as though savoring the taste of her. Her eyes widened, as she watched Thomas slide his fingers into her and the way she responded by pulling her knees up either side of his head and flopping backwards onto her elbows. Her body responded in the real world, too, by heating up, throbbing, wanting more. She began rubbing herself faster.
Sasha watched herself climax on-screen, throwing her head back and crying out. It looked amazing and brought the memory rushing back to her, edging her closer towards an orgasm in real life.
She could hardly tear her eyes away from the sight of Thomas rising to his feet and using his fingers and thumb to bring her racing towards another immediate climax on-screen. She watched herself remove her dress and bra and lay—completely naked and willing—in front of Thomas. Her fingers began to move quicker against her clitoris, as she realized she was racing towards a real life orgasm.
Then she watched the moment Thomas slowly ran his tongue across her nipple. It had been enough to push her over the edge back then, and it was enough to do so again today.
Her body quivered and spasmed, as the climax hit her hard and fast. She threw her head back, reveling in the sensation. Thomas Lloyd could still make her orgasm—even when he wasn’t in the same country as her.
Her orgasm faded, and she tipped her eyes back to the screen to see her past-self slumped forward into the arms of Thomas Lloyd. Jealousy bit her. She watched the screen enviously, as Thomas slung his arms around her ass, pulling her into him like a prized possession, and her legs circled around his waist, as though never wanting to let him go. She watched, as he carried her out of shot to what she remembered as one of the most amazing moments of her life.
However, in the real world, Sasha was completely alone. There was no Thomas to hold her in her afterglow. There was just her, in her dark bedroom, alone.
Chapter Twenty Four
Feeling lonely and ashamed, Sasha was about to shut down her laptop when she saw something that made her stop. Through the blur of filthy, disgusting, and downright abusive messages beneath the video, one comment struck Sasha. It was from a user called ‘Mrs. Lloyd.’ It said: ‘Once I find out where that woman lives, I’m going to decapitate her.’
Sasha remembered a similar comment that Thomas had shown her once before. She was certain it was from the same user. It had said: ‘Whoever that bitch is, I’m going t
o cut her head off with a rusty chainsaw. Thomas is mine.’
Sasha felt cold all over. Though the original message had rattled her, she’d felt somewhat safe with Thomas. He had security and drivers and a team of people to look out for him. But now she was alone, and a total stranger wanted her dead. How could someone get so wrapped up in someone else’s life—a person they’d never even met—to such an extent that they wanted to harm them?
The more Sasha looked, the more she saw threatening comments from the same user. They popped up on every spin-off article on Chit-Chat, on every YouTube reposting of the original video, even on previous videos of Thomas Lloyd from way before Sasha had even met him. ‘Mrs. Lloyd’ had made her online presence known in the comments section of every single article, picture, and video of Thomas Lloyd on the internet. That meant she was more than just a fan, she was a stalker. Her comments also appeared progressively angrier and more threatening. One said: ‘I’m going to hunt you down and make you suffer.’
Sasha slammed her laptop shut. Her heart was racing. Without the electronic blue glow, she plunged into total darkness.
She lay back on her bed, trembling. She had to remind herself that it was just bravado, that it was probably just some pathetic person feeling powerful behind the protective anonymity of the internet. But what if they did hunt her down? Chris had made it clear that he and Sasha were high school sweethearts. If he blabbed about which high school that was, it wouldn’t take long to narrow down which town Sasha grew up in. That she’d returned to her roots to escape the media circus was inevitable. She might as well have left a trail of breadcrumbs.
Suddenly, Sasha was gripped by anxiety. Had she put her mom in danger by returning to her home? Should she leave just in case? But if she did, where could she go? She’d already written to the landlord of her Chicago apartment, saying she was breaking her lease and moving out. There was nowhere else to go, no one else to whom she could turn. Unless…
Miah (Lane Brothers #2) Page 101