Bentley didn’t try to kiss me again until we were back at my dorm. When he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, I kissed him back, but I pulled away quickly. “Thank you for a fun night.”
He took a step back and studied me. “But don’t call?”
I wished I could tell him he was wrong. I hated to be the person to kill the hope in his eyes, to take the smile off his face. “I’m sorry. I just—”
He backed up, hands in the air. “It’s okay, Remy, I get it. For what’s it worth, Worthy’s an idiot.”
“Thanks,” I said. “If I hadn’t met him first…”
“Yeah,” Bentley said, a bit wistfully. “Well, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”
I nodded and he left. I watched him walk away, and he checked out a girl in tight jeans as he passed her. He wouldn’t be sad or lonely for too long. I went inside and up to my room, determined to cancel all the rest of my dates with Byron’s friends.
Worthy stood from his seat on my bed when I walked into my room.
“I’m sorry, Remy,” Frankie said. “He said he had to see you.”
I gave Frankie a smile of forgiveness, walked into the room, and sat next to her on her bed. My heart raced and my chest felt tight. I hated that I had that reaction around Worthy when he obviously felt so little for me.
“I’m sorry, Remy,” he said. “I had to go home for a few days, and I—”
“Lost the ability to dial a phone or speak?” I asked. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I should give him a chance to explain, in case there had been some family emergency that had taken him home, but I didn’t care. I was hurt and I didn’t want to be understanding or nice.
“No.” He ran a hand through his dark hair and grimaced. “I should have called and I’m sorry. I can’t explain it all to you, now, but it has to do with my family.”
“Are they okay?” I asked, my anger fading just a bit.
He shook his head. “Yeah, they’re fine. I just…How are you doing? How are your nightmares?”
He looked so sad and vulnerable that a part of me wanted to cross the small room and wrap my arms around him, but everything had changed between us and I didn’t know what he was to me anymore. I sighed, not sure what to think or how to feel. “I’m fine, Worthy. I don’t understand how you could call me your girlfriend one moment and disappear with no explanation the next. I don’t need to know your family’s business, but I need something to understand why you couldn’t pick up a phone and call or text. I would have understood.”
He jiggled his knee under his elbow and looked toward the door like he was antsy and wanted to get away from me. “I can’t explain it, Remy, I’m sorry.” His gaze refocused on me. “I’m so sorry if I hurt you or caused you any pain. I never meant to.” He paused, ran his hand through his hair and swallowed hard. “Look, I get that you’re pissed at me and you have every right to be, but if you ever wanted to look into your past, into your nightmares, I have a friend who could help.”
“What do you know about my past?” I asked. He knew about the nightmares, but I’d never told him how little I knew about my father or Frankie’s suspicions that my bad dreams were based on reality.
“Nothing,” he said, dropping his eyes to his feet and shaking his head. “I don’t know anything. But when you stayed over you called out in your sleep, you called for your father. I just thought…I wondered if the nightmares might be based on some real experience you had as a kid, and I know someone who can hack into any computer system. He might be able to get you some answers.”
I glared at Frankie, but she shook her head. She hadn’t been talking to Worthy about her theories. “I know everything I need to know about my past,” I said. “My nightmares are better, and I don’t need your help.”
His grin was crooked and mocking. “Right, Remy. You don’t need anyone, do you? And you definitely don’t need me.”
He left and I let him go.
The door closed behind him and I looked at Frankie. “Am I wrong to be mad at him?” I got to my feet and started pacing. “And did he just break up with me?”
“I think so,” Frankie said. “I mean, I think you have every right to be angry with him, but there could be a really good reason he can’t explain himself.”
“What reason?” I asked. “What could have possibly happened, beyond him losing the charger for his phone, which he could explain, that would make it impossible for him to let me know he was still alive and would be back in eight days?”
Frankie frowned. “None?”
“None,” I said. “I may have been sheltered, I may have never had a boyfriend before, but I know how a guy should treat someone he cares about and that’s now how Worthy treated me.”
“But do you really think you can’t work it out?”
I stopped and stared at her, shocked at her willingness to forgive and forget. “No, Frankie, I don’t. And even if I did, he broke up with me after he acted like a jerk.”
My phone rang and I answered it before Frankie attempted to defend Worthy again.
“I want you to come home,” my uncle said. His voice was a bit breathy, like he was running.
“What’s going on?” I asked. I looked around at my little room, still piled with boxes on my side, and I had a sinking feeling that I wouldn’t be living there much longer. I wondered if that was the real reason I hadn’t unpacked, because I had suspected my uncle wouldn’t let me stay.
“I’m in the truck, sweetheart. I’m on my way to you.”
“What? Why?”
“Byron told me about the nightmares, sweetie. They aren’t getting any better and that means you’re in the wrong place. You aren’t ready to be out there on your own.”
I would interrogate Byron later, but for now I had to calm down my uncle.
“You don’t need to come here. I’m fine. I’m handling the nightmares.”
“But you shouldn’t have to, sweetie. You need to come home where you’ll be safe, where you won’t have the nightmares.”
I fisted my hand so hard, my nails bit into my palm. “No. I’m not going to leave. I can’t live at home with you for the rest of my life, Uncle Leon. I have to get over my nightmares and live on my own sometime. I can do this. I’m strong enough for this.”
He sighed. “If you were ready, you wouldn’t be having nightmares.”
“Please,” I said. “Just give me one more week. If I’m still having nightmares, I’ll come home for the weekend.”
He huffed and swore, but he finally relented to letting me stay one more week. As soon as he hung up, I called Byron.
“Hey, Remington,” he said, sounding tired. “Is this about Worthy? Because I’d be happy to kick his ass for you. He’s only been back for a day and we’re already considering kicking him out because he’s so damn grumpy.”
“No,” I said, clenching my teeth to keep from yelling or cursing at him. “I’m calling because you told Uncle Leon my nightmares are getting worse.”
Byron sighed. “I’m worried about you, Remington. I just want to help you, and I thought Dad might have some ideas how to do that.”
“He thinks the cure for my nightmares is to move back home with him. He was in his truck on the way here to take me home.”
“Shit, I’m sorry, Remington. I didn’t think—”
“Who told you the nightmares were getting worse? Because the only person who might know that is Frankie and she wouldn’t tell you that, because it isn’t true.”
“Remington, it doesn’t matter—”
“I’m your cousin, Byron, but I will cut you out of my life completely. I will transfer to another school thousands of miles away if you don’t stop interfering in my life. And you tell whoever told you about my nightmares the same thing. I don’t need a babysitter, and I don’t need anyone to worry about me.”
“Remington—”
“Unless you’re going to tell me who’s running to you with stories about me or you’re going to apologiz
e, I don’t want to hear it.”
Silence reigned for a couple of minutes. “I am sorry, Remington, but I was just trying to help. I—”
I hung up on him and threw my phone on the bed. It bounced off onto the floor, but I didn’t care. There was no one I wanted to talk to. I looked at Frankie, who was pretending to study. “You didn’t tell Byron anything about my nightmares did you?”
She just gave me a look filled with disbelief and disgust in answer to my question.
I raised my hands in the air. “Sorry, I had to ask.” I grabbed my running shoes from the floor and headed for the door. “I’m going for a run. If anyone comes around looking for me, tell them I’m unavailable until further notice.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I didn’t see Worthy again until my biology class two days later. He didn’t sit next to me, but sat three rows ahead. He looked back at me once, but I pretended not to see him, and he turned back around. I couldn’t help the irrational anger that bubbled up. He disappeared, dumped me, and then he avoided me? How could this be the same guy who’d made me laugh, and held me so sweetly?
So, I chased him down after class. I grabbed his arm as he was about to walk into the student union. He turned, and when he saw me, he looked right through me, his expression blank and closed off. “Remy, I thought—”
“Yeah,” I said. “I get it, you dumped me. But we’re going to see each other, we have friends in common, and I just don’t want things to be weird between us.” Okay, so that wasn’t what I’d planned to say to him when I’d grabbed him, but I was proud of how calm and adult I sounded. Definitely better than the pound of crazy I wanted to unleash on him.
“I’ll lay low for a while,” he said. He dropped his eyes to mine and his expression softened, his eyes tinting amber. “I’m not sure I can be in the same room with you right now and not want to touch you or hold you.”
“So why’d you break up with me, then?”
He shook his head. “Because you deserve better, Remy. You deserve a hell of a lot better than me.” He walked away and I watched him go, feeling like he was taking a big piece of my heart with him.
“Want to tell me what that was all about?” Harrison asked.
“Want to tell me how you really feel about Frankie?”
He scowled. “What are you doing tonight? I feel like causing some trouble.”
Hmm, trouble versus sitting in my dorm room thinking about things I didn’t want to consider much less dwell on. It sounded like exactly what I needed. Unfortunately, I was an overworked student. “I’ve got a paper to write, tonight.”
He shrugged. “Some other time, then.”
“So what kind of trouble are you getting into tonight?”
He grinned wickedly and leaned in close to whisper in my ear. “It’s a surprise. You’ll find out if you ever go with me.”
“A man of mystery, huh?”
He grinned. “Not unlike your man, Worthy.”
“He’s not my man anymore.”
His grin widened. “Oh, he’s still your man, alright. Just cut the guy some slack. He’s going through some tough shit, but he’s a good guy.”
“What’s he going through?”
Harrison placed a large hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I don’t know the details, but it doesn’t matter. Think about what you know about Worthy and about the way he treats people. Really think about it and then decide if you believe he’s a bad guy.”
“Pretty words, Harrison. But pretty words can’t take the stink off a skunk. He vanished without a word. There’s no excuse for that.”
“There’s no excuse, but maybe there’s a good reason.”
***
I spent the afternoon at the library, working on my paper, but headed back to the dorm to see if anyone wanted to get dinner with me. I found Frankie and Duran cuddled up on her bed. He was on top of her when I walked in, so I cleared my throat really loudly. Another roommate might have turned around and walked back out, given them some more alone time, but I felt protective of Frankie and I didn’t like her boyfriend.
Frankie and Duran sat up as soon as I cleared my throat, and Duran grinned like the cat who’d just discovered a rabbit warren. Frankie blushed and gave me a weak smile.
“Hi, you two,” I said. “I’m looking for company for dinner, you want to join me?”
Frankie looked to Duran, who kissed her cheek and smiled. “It’s up to you, babe. We can go out like we planned or we can go with Remy. I don’t mind either way. Just as long as you go to that party with me, later.”
Frankie’s eyes widened and she bit her lip, unsure.
I couldn’t help my instinct to rescue her. “You two should go out together,” I said. “I’ve already interrupted one of your dates.”
Duran smiled and Frankie’s shoulders relaxed. “Want to have breakfast together in the morning?” she asked.
“I’m working the breakfast shift, tomorrow,” I said. “How about lunch?”
Her smile brightened and looked more genuine. “Sounds great.”
“Good,” I said. I left the two of them alone and dragged Bell and Selene to dinner with me at the cafeteria.
***
The nightmare was familiar and yet different. I woke gasping for air and terrified, trying to stay calm and not wake Frankie. She didn’t move in her bed and I glanced at the red numbers on my alarm clock to see that it was two in the morning. I was exhausted, but I didn’t want to sleep and risk another nightmare. So, I got up, gathered my things as quietly as I could, and headed down the hall for an early shower. I didn’t have to be at work until six, and my shower was done by three. I sat in the common area, my brain whirring a hundred miles an hour, and waited for the sun to rise. As soon as I figured it was a decent hour, I picked up my phone and I called him.
He answered on the third ring, his voice husky with sleep. “Remy?”
“I want to take you up on your offer,” I said. “If it’s still good.”
“Offer?”
“You said you have a friend who can help me learn more about my past, can he still help?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll set it up and call you. Are you okay? Did something happen?”
I remembered the dream, remembered my father, bloody on the ground staring up at me. I remembered how much it had hurt when he’d said my name in a pleading tone, begging me with his eyes and his voice to help him. “I had a name,” I said. “And it wasn’t Remy.”
“What was it?” Worthy said, a desperation in his tone that made no sense to me.
“Rachel. My father called me Rachel.”
***
Worthy drove down a short, tree-lined driveway, near where we’d had our paintball battle, and parked in front of what appeared to be a museum or a fancy hotel. I couldn’t imagine anyone lived in that ornate, stone building with so many windows it was hard to look at as the evening sun reflected off the glass. A large fountain in front of the house shot water into the cool evening air, the sun making rainbows in its spray.
I didn’t look at Worthy. Couldn’t look at him. He’d tried to talk to me when he’d picked me up, but I told him I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted his help. I didn’t need any more drama in my life. I had enough of my own. And that drama, having seen my father in a dream, looking at me and calling me Rachel, having felt not just a recognition but a sense of certainty that Rachel was me, made me feel nothing. I felt hollowed out and numb. I wanted to go back to sleep and wake up and pretend none of this had ever happened. But sleep only brought more nightmares.
I opened my car door and stepped out. Worthy was by my side in an instant, his hand warm on the small of my back, hot even through the cotton of my t-shirt. I should have pushed him away, but I couldn’t find the strength. I needed that comfort and support, even if it was false.
Together, we walked up the sweeping stairway to the front door of the house. With each step, I started to feel things. My stomach flipped with the first step and a sick sense of betrayal s
tabbed. Betrayal from my uncle for lying to me about the most fundamental aspect of who I was. Betrayal from Worthy for being able to walk away so easily. With the next step, sadness arose. Sadness that my life, and everything I thought I knew about it was false and needed to be stripped away, to be replaced by a reality where fathers lay on concrete and bled onto the street. Step. Loss. The family I’d always known might not even be mine. Step. Fear of who I might really be. Step. Fear of what my life had once been. Step. Fear of a life alone, without the support of an uncle who’d lied to me and cousins who weren’t really mine. Step. Fear of—
Worthy raised his hand to knock, but the door opened before his knuckles touched the wood. I had seen big muscular guys before, Worthy, my cousins, but the man standing before us was like a different breed. He was Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime, Lou Ferrigno as the hulk, John Cena at his most pumped. His hair fell to his shoulders in messy waves and it looked like he hadn’t shaved in days, his face sporting a stubble that failed to hide an ugly scar that bisected his face horizontally, from ear to ear, across his nose and both cheeks. He smiled at us and I took a step back. His smile was scarier than most people’s scowls.
“Hey Worthy,” the man said, his voice scratchy and low, like he didn’t use it much. “Who’s the piece of ass?”
Worthy’s hand tightened on my back, but he smiled at the big man. “Play nice, Herc, or I’ll take my money and go.” I recognized the name. This was the guy who owned the property where we’d played paintball, no wonder his house was close to the same location. I wondered why I hadn’t seen him at the game.
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