‘Are your parents okay with you moving back in?’
I stopped walking and stared blankly at the wall opposite. ‘I haven’t had chance to ring them yet, to be honest with you. They don’t know about any of this. I’m sure they’ll be fine though. My room’s still there waiting for me.’
Rachel laughed. ‘Wow, that really will be like stepping back in time. Well then, let’s get this stuff into the cars, shall we?’
***
‘Hello, love!’ My mum looked astonished to see me standing on her doorstep, holding a bin bag and a lamp. She pushed her hand through her short dark hair and peered at Rachel, who was standing behind me holding a yucca.
‘Hi, Mum!’ I said, as cheerfully as possible. ‘Is it all right if I come and stay for a while?’
‘Of course it is!’ She leaned forward and kissed me before taking the lamp from my arms. ‘But why? Are you having your flat decorated?’
Wrinkling my nose, I shook my head. ‘Alex and I split up.’
Mum’s mouth fell open. She looked appalled. ‘Really? I had no idea you were having difficulties. Come in, come in. You may as well take everything straight up to your room. Lord knows, there’s enough clutter downstairs without you adding to it. Have you got much?’
‘Loads,’ I said, grimly, starting up the stairs after her. ‘Where’s Dad?’ I dragged the bag into my old bedroom and looked around. Everything was still the same as it had always been. The bed was made up with my old pink-check duvet. Even my ‘lunar eclipse over Stonehenge’ poster was still on the wall.
Rachel looked around in amazement. ‘This place is like a time capsule,’ she whispered.
Mum placed the lamp reverently on the bedside table. ‘Your dad’s outside in the garden. Shall I call him to help?’
I peeped out of the window to see him on his knees, weeding his borders. He looked completely immersed in what he was doing.
‘No, we’ll manage. He’s happy out there.’
‘He’ll be happier to see you. And you, Rachel.’ She turned and smiled at Rachel, who was positioning the yucca in the corner of the room.
Mum opened the window and yelled into the back garden, ‘Derek! Come and help Elena with her stuff.’
Dad’s head shot up in surprise and he got to his feet. I leaned out of the window and waved to him. ‘Hi, Dad.’
‘Hello, love.’ He beamed up at me, steel-grey hair lifting in the wind. He had mud all over the knees of his stonewashed jeans. ‘I’ll be there in two ticks.’
‘No worries, Dad.’ I turned back to Rachel. ‘Come on then, let’s get the next lot.’
I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Rachel. She’d been at work half an hour ago, arranging flowers and chatting to customers. Now she was wrestling bin bags out of her car and dragging them upstairs. I wanted to empty Rachel’s car first so she could go home, but she insisted on staying until my car was done too, and then stayed for a cup of tea and a chat with my mum and dad. It was both strange and comforting to be at home. I sat on the sofa, stroking Muriel the cat and feeling grateful my parents had just accepted me back without any fuss at all. I was lucky to have them.
I felt buzzy, like I’d drunk too much caffeine, and my mind couldn’t settle on just one thing. While everyone else chatted, I kept wondering what Alex’s new woman was like. Was she very different to me? Was she thinner and prettier? Was she more interesting? Did she make him laugh? I felt a pang in my stomach. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d made him laugh. When had it all gone wrong for us? Why didn’t he like me any more? What was wrong with me?
‘So, what’s happened with Alex, Elena?’ Dad asked, dunking his biscuit into a steaming mug that said Head Gardener on the side. Rachel stopped talking to my mum and stared at me. ‘I take it he knows you’ve moved out?’
‘I told him I was moving out this morning,’ I said, stroking Muriel’s black and white fur with quick swoops of my hand. She narrowed her eyes and hissed. ‘After he told me he was seeing someone else.’
‘Who?’ Mum demanded, as though she might know the girl herself.
‘Someone at work. I don’t know who. He said I didn’t know her. I suppose I should have asked more questions, but I just walked away.’
There was a collective intake of breath and three sets of eyes gazed at me in shock. The soggy end of my dad’s biscuit, which had paused halfway to his mouth, suddenly broke off and plopped back into his tea. He didn’t even blink.
I shrugged. ‘We haven’t been getting on that well anyway,’ I said, stiffly.
‘But didn’t you argue about it? Surely you must have given him some stick? Thrown a few plates? Wailed a bit?’ Mum frowned at me.
‘Not really. I just went to work. I suppose it shows how dead our relationship had become.’
‘Oh well, I suppose you’ve never been one for drama.’ Dad sniffed, while Mum moved her head around like a chicken, looking bewildered. ‘There’s no point yelling and shouting if the outcome’s just going to be the same. Let him go. I always did think there was something off about him,’ Dad muttered. ‘Too pretty by half. Too interested in himself. What kind of man moisturises?’
Rachel looked at him with interest. ‘Plenty of men moisturise these days. You should try it, Derek.’
My dad grunted. ‘Don’t need no bleeding moisturiser,’ he muttered. I could tell by the murderous glint in his eye that he was thinking dark thoughts about Alex.
I stared silently at the brown liquid in my mug. My throat ached with unshed tears and I felt empty and sore inside. Maybe a good cry would make me feel better? But half of me still couldn’t believe this was happening, and the other half felt like I had no right to be upset about a relationship I’d known was pretty much over anyway. Maybe this was just hurt pride I was feeling. Really, it should be a relief to be out of that flat and away from Alex. At least I didn’t need to worry about what mood he was going to be in when he finally came in from work, or what sarcastic or disapproving comment he might make next.
Rachel glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece and got to her feet. ‘I’d better go,’ she said. ‘Patrick’s ringing me at six.’
All three of us went to the door to wave her off, then returned to the lounge. My parents still looked troubled by the unwelcome news.
‘Thank you for letting me stay,’ I said as soon as Mum opened her mouth to say something. ‘I’ll go and finish unpacking my stuff.’
I left her in the kitchen and climbed the stairs to my childhood bedroom. Instead of unpacking, I sat down on the bed and gazed around at the old familiar space. It had never occurred to me I’d end up living back here. I’d gone away to university at eighteen, come back at twenty-one, met Alex a year later and moved in with him. I remembered how claustrophobic I’d found living back at home with my parents after all of the freedom I’d had at uni. How would it be this time round, I wondered. Would they drive me mad? Maybe I’d drive them mad? It felt a bit like defeat to be moving back home at my age, like I’d failed at being a grown-up. Still, I was grateful they had let me come back. Imagine if they’d downsized and there was no longer any room for me. Imagine having to stay living with Alex until I had somewhere to go. It didn’t bear thinking about. At least this way I had time to search for my own flat.
Collapsing sideways on the bed, I rested my head on my pink-checked pillowcase and thought about Alex. A sharp pang of loss sliced through me and I drew in a deep breath. It was strange to think we’d never eat together again or sit together in the evening watching TV; that we’d never share the same bed. It was the loss of these small things that made my heart jolt. They’d been my way of life for the past two years, and now I had to find a completely new way to live. I told myself it would be new and exciting; an ideal opportunity to make a fabulous new life. But I also knew it might not be that easy. I might never find a flat I could afford to rent on my own. I might never meet anyone new. I might never move out of my parents’ house again. Tears slid f
rom beneath my closed eyelids and seeped into my pillow. Wrapping my arms around myself, I let myself cry, falling asleep eventually to the whirr of next door’s lawnmower and the smell of newly mown grass.
***
Mum brought me another cup of tea a little while later. I felt the dip of my bed as she sat down next to me and laid a gentle hand on my leg. I blinked up at her, eyes gummy and hair stuck to my face.
‘You haven’t got very far with your unpacking,’ she said, looking around the room at my stuff, which was strewn all over the place. My suitcase sat next to the wardrobe, still full and unpacked.
‘Mmm… sorry,’ I muttered.
‘It doesn’t matter, my love. You do it in your own time.’ She chuckled, gazing around. ‘It just looks like how your room was when you lived here anyway.’
Raising myself up onto my elbow, I reached for the tea on my bedside table. Sunlight slanted through the open window and I could hear birds chirping and scratching in the eaves above. It took me right back to my childhood. The tea tasted good, hot and wet on my dry tongue.
‘So, have you spoken to Alex yet? Do you think he’ll have discovered you’ve left?’
‘He usually doesn’t get back until eight.’ I rolled onto my back, staring up at the round paper lampshade above my bed.
‘Your dad’s spitting mad, you know. We both are. I just can’t believe it.’ She patted my leg.
‘There’s no point feeling angry about it,’ I said. ‘We were over anyway.’
‘Well, that’s no excuse. He needs to tell you it’s over before moving on to someone else. Although, goodness knows why he’d want to cheat on you! You’re kind, clever, beautiful.’
I gave her a small, sad smile. ‘You’re biased, but thank you.’
‘It’s toad in the hole for tea. I hope that’s all right.’
‘Lovely. Thanks.’
‘I bet you haven’t eaten today, have you?’
‘I had breakfast.’
Mum patted my leg again. ‘Well, tea won’t be long now. Do you want any help unpacking your stuff?’
‘No, I can do it. Thanks anyway.’
Getting up, I heaved my suitcase onto the bed and opened the wardrobe doors. There were still some clothes in there from before I moved out. An old denim jacket and the bridesmaid’s dress I’d worn to my cousin’s wedding. I pushed them to the end of the rail before unzipping my suitcase and hanging everything up. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would, and just over an hour later all my clothes were put away in the wardrobe and drawers, books neatly stacked on my old bookshelf, lamp and ornaments arranged on the dresser, and dressing gown hung on the back of the door. All that was left was a big pile of toiletries, waiting to go into the bathroom. It was oddly satisfying to have everything sorted so quickly and I looked around the room, amazed I’d managed to cram everything in. Putting the stuff away had made me feel less displaced and more positive. This was my home, and I had happy memories of growing up here. My parents were great, and although I’d found them stifling after university, I had a sneaking suspicion they’d be far easier to live with than Alex had been recently.
Chapter Five
It was strange getting ready for work in my parents’ house. Dad was still asleep, but Mum got up to make me breakfast as soon as she heard me moving about. I felt bad I’d woken her but also incredibly grateful. She also made my lunch, wrapping a chicken and mayonnaise roll in tin foil and placing it in my dad’s sandwich box with a Penguin and a packet of roast beef Monster Munch. It was the best gift ever.
‘Thank you,’ I said, humbly, as she opened my handbag and placed the box inside. Then she kissed me goodbye and waved me off at the door.
It was lovely and moving all at once. I felt like I’d gone back in time and should be going to school, not work.
I parked in my usual spot in the office car park and opened the car door. It was another lovely spring morning, with blue sky and sunshine, birds singing in the trees. A cool breeze rustled the blossom above my head and petals floated down around me, settling in my hair.
Sonya, the girl on reception, waved cheerfully as I entered the building, and I smiled and waved back. Then my colleague Ann appeared behind me, brushing at my shoulders and chuckling about me looking like I’d just got married or something.
‘Nothing could be further from the truth,’ I said with a wry smile.
‘Ooh!’ Ann gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t think!’ Obviously word had got around about why I’d left early yesterday.
‘Don’t worry, Ann. I’m fine.’
I went to my desk and sat down.
‘Morning, Elena!’ Hilary boomed over the partition. She’d had her hair done and the frizz had been transformed into giant sausage-like curls all over her head. I blinked up at her in amazement.
‘Morning, Hilary. You’ve… you’ve had your hair done, I see.’
‘Do you like it? I fancied a change.’ She patted it, looking pleased. ‘I’ve sent you an email about some things I’d like you to deal with first thing. Best to keep yourself busy at times like these.’
‘Very true.’ I started up my computer, wondering why I felt a giant weight settling onto my shoulders. Ordinarily I loved my job, but today I wasn’t in the mood.
My phone rang, making me jump.
‘Hi! Just me!’ said Rachel, brightly. ‘Just checking you’re in work.’
‘I’m here.’
‘Well done. How are you feeling?’
I breathed in deeply through my nose and held my lungs full of air for a moment. ‘I don’t know,’ I said.
‘Have you spoken to him yet?’
‘No.’ My computer asked for my password and I tapped it in, listening to the whirr of the fan as it began opening the start-up items. ‘But then I didn’t expect to really. Not yet anyway. I suppose I should take his key back at some point.’
‘Hold on to it for a few more days, just in case you remember something you’ve forgotten,’ she said. ‘Are you going to call him? Or will you wait for him to call you?’
‘I hadn’t really thought about it,’ I said, checking if the spider plant on my desk needed water. The soil was dry and flaky and I reached for my water bottle with a guilty grimace. ‘Do I need to speak to him? I’m not sure I want to just yet. I’ve moved out and he’s got a new girlfriend. What else is there to say?’
‘It must feel strange though, to go from living with him to not seeing him at all.’
I hesitated as I poured water into the pot plant. ‘I think it’s probably better this way. It’s not like I’m heartbroken, is it?’ Lowering my voice, I cast a furtive glance over the partition to check if Hilary was listening in, but spotted her chatting to someone on the other side of the office. ‘I mean, I feel sad and hurt and a bit… tired, I suppose. But then I sometimes feel like that when I finish a jar of Nutella.’
Rachel laughed. ‘Nutella? Elena!’
‘You know what I mean; I think the end of anything is a bit sad. But that doesn’t mean I want to phone him up and beg him to let me come back. I know it’s over and our relationship was pretty much dead anyway, so there’s no point crying and wailing, is there? I’ll be all right. Did you speak to Patrick last night?’
‘Yes, I did. He’s coming back on Friday. Oh, I’d better go, I’ve got a customer, I’ll phone you later, okay?’
‘Okay.’
***
Lunchtime came quicker than expected, Hilary’s list having kept me busy all morning. The weather outside had changed and it was now raining, so I was pleased I didn’t have to go to the shops and buy myself a sandwich. Pulling Mum’s Tupperware container from my bag, I opened up my Facebook account, wondering if Alex had put anything on his page about us breaking up. There was nothing on his profile, but I had one new friend request. Wondering who it might be, I clicked and there, waiting for me, was Daniel’s smiling face. I felt a rush of joy and smiled into
my hand.
Clicking the confirm friend button, I had a quick look at his profile page. It was really about his work. Daniel Moore, Tree Surgeon was written on the banner along with a picture of him smiling in a white hard hat. Scrolling down, I read some of his posts about his work before clicking on his photos.
There were pictures of him in a checked shirt with rolled-up sleeves, hard hat and ear protectors. One of him in a T-shirt that revealed impressive biceps. Pictures of him high up in a tree wielding a chainsaw, a harness around his body. It didn’t look very safe, but my stomach fizzed with excitement. I gazed at it for a while, wondering where the boy from college had gone.
I clicked about among his photos, then nearly choked on my mum’s mini pork pie when I saw he had a folder of old college photos of him messing around with his mates. My mouth fell open as I stared at him in wonder. He looked so young and thin and… well, a bit spotty. But, for some reason, I still swooned a bit. It was the long blond hair that did it, the full lips in that insouciant smile, perfect white teeth and the long, long eyelashes. He was there with the school band, his guitar resting on his knee.
Hold on a minute. I remembered watching this photo being taken. I’d been on my way to history when I’d seen him sitting on the low wall of the fountain in the sun-drenched courtyard, his band mates arranged around him while someone else took a photograph for the student magazine. I remember stopping and staring. There were other people staring too, so I wasn’t alone, but if I squinted and looked into the back of this photograph… yep, there was me. Completely dressed in black and lurking in the shadows, but unmistakably me. Clutching a folder to my chest, bag over my shoulder, face half hidden by my long black hair. I winced. Jesus. He even had photographic evidence of me stalking him. That wasn’t cool.
There were some comments underneath from the other band members. Luke had been the lead singer and everyone had a crush on him. He always had the same girlfriend though: Catherine, a blonde-haired, sweet-faced girl with endless legs, who went a bit feral if she caught anyone so much as glancing in her boyfriend’s direction. Girls found it hilarious at the time, but I felt sorry for her. She must have been so churned up with jealousy. No wonder she was so thin; she probably couldn’t eat for stress.
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