by K J Bell
When we open the door to the garage, my eyes find Liv. My best friend. My sister. She’s sobbing on Harrison’s shoulder. When she sees me, she rushes to me and throws her arms around me, squeezing the air out of me. I don’t let go. I embrace her, hold her just as tight, and together we cry. We cry for the loss of her mother and we cry for the loss of a family, but more than that, we cry at the connection we have as lifelong friends. She needs me now more than she ever has, and I need her, too. Her life as she knows it has changed forever, and I hope our friendship can survive.
Brady speaks with the emergency personnel and leads them into the kitchen.
How does a family survive this? How do they put one foot in front of the other and get past it? The worst thing my family has faced was my mother’s affair, and I’m still not sure I’m over it, but it’s nothing compared to this. The three of them having to handle the betrayal and lies will be difficult, but the memory of today will haunt them for the rest of their lives. It will haunt all of us. I’m so angry with Sheila. She took the coward’s way out and left this nightmare for all of them to endure. I only hope they can stay together to do it, that they embrace how much they need each other.
When the paramedics come through the door with Sheila on a stretcher zipped in a black body bag, Liv jumps to her feet and drapes herself over her mother’s body. The two men wheeling the stretcher step aside and turn from Liv’s grief.
Liv is crying and screaming, “Why? Mommy, why? You didn’t have to do this. Goddammit! Why?” Liv begins punching the bag over and over, her rage fisting into the black plastic. “How could you do this to us, Mommy? I hate you. I fucking hate you.” The raw display of emotion is gut-wrenching. Liv is never going to get past this.
Harrison moves up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. He has to lift her to pull her away. As he backs up, Liv’s arms and leg flail as she tries to reach for her mother, all the while screaming the one thing everyone wants to know. “Why?”
The paramedics wheel the stretcher to the ambulance, and I watch as the men lift it inside. Tears fall from my eyes, and a warm hand clutches my shoulder. I reach up and grab Brady’s hand and melt into him. I don’t even have to look to know it’s him. He leans in and whispers in my ear, “I’m so sorry, Sunshine.”
I cry harder and turn to face him, staring directly into his eyes. “Never apologize for what that woman did, Brady.” Putting my arms around his waist, I hold him, and we cry together. It isn’t a long time, but enough to reassure each other that while life has changed drastically, our feelings for each other remain the same.
“The police need to speak with all of us. I’ve already spoken with them, and I told them I would send you inside next,” he says, and kisses my cheek softly.
I nod and go inside to tell them how Sheila Hunter murdered an innocent girl and devastated her family by taking her own life in front of them.
Brady
As we drive toward my apartment in L.A., the silence in the truck is insufferable. I hold Tori’s hand. She grips my hand tighter occasionally, but neither of us speaks. What is there to say? We ride out the drive in a thick, painful silence. The only thing I know for sure is I will never let go of this woman by my side.
After the police had spoken with everyone, they informed us they had to seal up the house because it’s a crime scene. We haven’t even showered. Tori and I are still stained with Sheila’s blood. The thought crosses my mind to check into a hotel, but how the hell do you do that covered in blood?
Tug didn’t speak to any of us. Just got in his car and drove away. Liv was still so emotional she could barely speak. Harrison took her to his place. I offered to bring her with us to my apartment, but she wanted to stay with Harrison. She wanted to be close to her mom. I understand.
A detective had me call Nate. They needed to speak with him. As Tori and I drove away from the house, we passed his Mercedes. As we slowly rolled past each other, we made eye contact. He’ll probably be arrested. He was an accessory. I almost feel sorry for him. He was never able to stand up to Shelia – any more than I could. Now it seems he’ll be the one to pay for her crimes.
When we arrive at my apartment, I take Tori to the shower immediately. We don’t talk, our breathing the only communication between us. I slowly undress her and then myself. I step into the shower, and she takes my hand, stepping in after me. I have the water as hot as it will go, like it will burn the memories from our skin, and wash them down the drain along with the crimson swirls of blood circling our feet.
Tori sobs, and her shoulders shake. When she looks down and sees the blood, she lets out a heart-wrenching sob, hopeless and overwhelmed. I pull her to me, hold her head tight against my chest, and cover her eyes with my hands. Like somehow that will help to remove everything from her mind. The water refuses to change color no matter how long we stay under the stream. I need soap. Letting go of her, I remove the cap from the bottle of body wash and pour some into my hand. I rub the suds all over her. The lather turns red, and I scrub harder. I squeeze the bottle above her head, and a ball of body wash plops onto the top of her hair. My fingers scrub her scalp and hair until the lather is bright red. Her eyes are closed, refusing to look, but her mouth is open and her lip quivers. Why did I let this happen? I should have kept everything to myself.
I move her under the water and rinse her hair until finally the water runs clear. I did this to her, and I hate myself for it. I destroyed another person I love. She looks up at me and I turn from her. She still doesn’t speak, and slides the shower door open. She reaches for a towel, wraps it around her body, and leaves the bathroom.
Sinking to the floor of the tub, I scream. I scream for myself, for Tori and Vanessa. I scream for Liv and Tug, my real mother and father. I even scream for Nate.
Chapter 37
Tori
Brady’s finishing his shower. I realize I’m in his apartment for the first time. It’s not how I pictured it would be. I’m not exploring and learning about him. I sit on his bed, my towel barely wrapped around me, my body sedated, numb. He’s screaming, a harrowing cry for help. I want to go to him, but I’m frozen. I don’t know why I left the shower for sure. I just know I couldn’t stand the guilt that was radiating from him like heat from a raging furnace. That bitch is gone, and he’s still blaming himself.
Brady enters his room and walks straight toward me, wearing only a towel around his waist. His eyes are red and swollen, yet determined. Determined to what, I have no idea. He falls to the floor in front of me and wraps his arms around my waist. My heart breaks for him, for everything he’s been through. What they’ve all been through. A sob tears through me.
Brady looks up, directly into my eyes.
“Brady, I’m so sorry.” I’m bawling now and stroking the hair on the side of his head. My body is wracked by tremors, and I don’t know what else to say or what else to do for him. I’m completely helpless, unable to offer him anything to remove what’s happened from his memory.
Brady is crying, too, and shaking his head. “No, Tori. Don’t. This is why I never wanted to get involved with you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I love you.” My tears stop, and I look right into his eyes and tell him, “I’m strong, Brady. I never believed it, before you, but I am. And you are, too. It’s over. She can’t hurt either of us. Not anymore.”
“It’s not over. I have to live with what I did. I killed her.” He rests his head in my lap, face down, and begins to cry, violently cry. For several minutes, I let him, and then I can’t take it any longer.
“Brady, you didn’t kill her. She killed herself because she was a coward.”
He keeps his head buried. I hate that he thinks he can’t look at me.
“I’m not talking about Sheila.”
I gasp softly and cover my mouth with my trembling fingers. What did he just say? Who is he talking about? He begins to shake wildly, and he won’t let go of me. He holds me so tightly that I can barely breathe, crying
so hard he starts to heave and cough.
“Brady, what are talking about? You didn’t kill anyone.”
“I did, Tori,” he shouts through his tears. “I did.”
“What?” I scream, and slide up the bed away from him. His words confuse and frighten me. I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them, rocking back and forth, and I cry out. He killed somebody? He said he killed someone. Did he do something to cover this up, too? Oh, my God. I want to vomit, but I can’t move.
Brady throws his head into the blanket and fists the covers. He removes them from the bed right out from under me. He punches his fist into the bed repeatedly. Standing, he reaches for two bottles of cologne on the dresser. He throws them, first one, and then the other. The smell of soap and spice fills the air, the brown liquid staining the wall. He’s growling, and he reaches behind the dresser and pulls on it until it falls over. Spinning, he punches the wall, putting a hole right through it. His screams are so loud, his voice tears through my chest and pierces my heart. I am absolutely frightened.
“I hate you. You fucking bitch. You ruin everything. I fucking hate you!” He sinks to the floor and buries his head in his hands.
I don’t understand what’s happening, but I have to go to him. His pain is fierce and terrifying, but I love him, and I have to help him heal.
Kneeling beside him, I put my hand on his shoulder. “Brady, you’re scaring me. Please talk to me.”
He puts his hand over mine and looks up at me. So much sadness in his eyes, I want to die. He’s broken, and I’m so afraid it’s irrevocable. “I’m sorry, Sunshine. I told you I was toxic – I’m fucking poison.”
His head is on my chest. I put my arms around him and hug him close, embracing him, giving him comfort. I want to fall apart, but he needs me to be strong. “Brady, you’re not poison. Please tell me what you’re talking about.”
He pulls away from my embrace and scoots away from me. Tears fall from his eyes, but there are no sobs. His fight is fading away. I want him to fight because if he doesn’t, he’s giving up, and then I’ll lose him. “My mother, Tori.” He chokes out each painful word. “I killed my mother.”
Realization sinks in deep and I suck back a sob as I crawl over to him. I can’t allow him to own the guilt for something he had no control over. “Oh, Brady. You didn’t kill her. Your mother died giving birth to you. It’s tragic, but you didn’t kill her.”
“Sheila told me everything. There were so many complications with the pregnancy. My mother and I weren’t compatible. I was toxic to her, poison in her blood. Towards the end of her pregnancy she had headaches and her blood pressure was high. I killed her.”
Fucking bitch! Even dead she continues to torment him. I grab his face and grip it tightly in my hands. “Brady, please, God, baby, listen to me. You did not kill your mother, and don’t you dare let that bitch ruin you. Do you hear me? Do that for your mother. Give her that.”
He nods in my hands, and I let go of his face. I can’t bear the look in his eyes, so I yank on the terrycloth towel wrapped around me, baring myself to him. It falls to the floor, and I throw myself at him. He catches me and tightens his grip around me. He holds me with a sense of desperation. We cling to each other for what may have been hours, sharing a closeness we both need.
I will be strong for him, help him heal. He will never be alone again in this world.
He cries into my neck, and I let him. He’s crying for a mother he never got to know, grieving for the first time since he found out. I don’t move, and I don’t interrupt. He needs this.
His lips move on my neck. His kisses get thicker, linger longer, breath hot on my skin. He pulls back, his chest rising and falling slowly, desire overcoming grief. His eyes travel my body, gazing at my breasts, then moving lower. Quickly he’s on his feet, and just as swiftly, he lifts me into his arms and sets me on the bed.
He moves up my body with urgency, slides his hands around my neck, and devours my lips. His heartache rolls out of him in waves, desperate yet hopeful. His hand slides down my thigh, and he pulls my leg up around his waist. I kiss him back and let him use me to dispel his grief. I’m using him, too, to forget everything I’ve heard and seen today. Right now, we have each other, and we can forget about everything else.
With his body pressed into me, his mouth is everywhere, kissing my lips, my neck, and my breasts. I slip my arms under his and claw my nails into his shoulders. “Brady,” I breathe. “Tell me you’re okay. Tell me you know it wasn’t your fault.”
He stops kissing me and lifts his head. Looking directly into my eyes, he says, “As long as I have you, I’m okay. You’re the only one I need.”
I melt back into the bed, and his lips continue exploring my body. His mouth travels over my breast, down my body, over my navel, finally stopping just before my sex. His kisses land on my hips, and he licks my inner thigh. He nudges my thighs apart and runs his tongue down my other thigh.
“I need you, Sunshine. I need to taste you.”
“Oh, God, Brady.”
I grip his hair and lower his head. His tongue barely touches my sensitive nub, and I lift my hips off the bed. He palms my belly and presses my body back down, grinning against my skin. His tongue begins circling my clit, and I let my head sink onto the bed. I stretch my hands above my head and allow myself to feel the intense physical pleasure he brings me. Brady grips me at the waist and digs his fingers into my skin. He’s frantic, passionate and unrelenting as he brings me to orgasm.
Brady prowls up my body and, without stopping, slides into me. I feel a brief sting from the pressure and then relax as he begins to move slowly. He stops suddenly, and his eyes search mine for something. “Tori, I need to apologize.”
“No, you don’t, Brady.”
“I do. You saw it, and I need to apologize. When we were in the kitchen and Sheila said you asked for money.”
I turn my head. I don’t want to hear him admit he thought that about me.
“I’m sorry if you thought I believed her. My mind ran with questions, I admit, but I never once believed her. Tell me you believe me, please, Sunshine. I need you to say it.”
“I believe you, Brady.” I’m so thankful he told me, because when it happened, it crushed me.
As he begins to move, our breathing comes in soft gasps and our eyes stay fixed to each other’s, drowning in the moment between us. Sharing the familiar rhythm of our bodies blending together. Reveling in a show of love where everything else falls away and is infinitesimal. Only satisfying the other is important.
One year later…
Tori
People often say so much changes in a year. For us everything has changed, yet none of it ruined any of us.
Within a month after the awful morning that changed all of us, Brady and I moved to Mexico to be close to the Center and help Rodrigo. It’s the one place where we’re undeniably happy. The gym that Brady started on his last visit has been completed, and we’ve begun other projects to improve the Center.
If anything good came out of learning the truth about Sheila, for me, it’s been the knowledge that perfection doesn’t exist, and if something looks flawless, it’s usually far from it. My family has its own problems, and my parents have made plenty of mistakes. Our relationship is much closer now. My bond with my mother is stronger than it’s ever been because I no longer have unrealistic expectations of her. I realize that I’ve always held her to a standard of what I thought a mother should be, when in fairness, she should be who she is, and I should love her unconditionally. My parents have visited a few times. They weren’t thrilled with the idea of me being in a relationship with Brady. His reputation as the bad boy you should hide your daughter from had proceeded him. To my surprise, they kept an open mind and put any judgment aside. After spending time with us, they came to love and adore him as much as I do.
Liv moved down here about three months ago to be close to us, her family. Harrison came with her. Tyler wanted to stay with Liv,
but it didn’t work out. She and Harrison bonded through all of this and ended up together. She’d gone with him the night Sheila died, and they haven’t spent a day apart since. Liv spends a lot of time tutoring and helping the kids with schoolwork. Of course she instantly fell in love with Camilia. She dresses her up and does her hair. In a way, I think mothering Camilia offers Liv some much-needed comfort. Learning about her mother has been a painfully difficult thing for her to endure.
Brady, Tug, and Liv went to see Nate after his sentence was handed down. He’d pled guilty and was sentenced to fifteen years. I’m proud of Nate for admitting his wrong and refusing to put his children through a long, drawn-out trial. Nate told Brady, Tug, and Liv the truth about everything. I can tell it warmed Brady’s heart learning his real father wasn’t the heartless abandoning bigot Sheila had portrayed him to be. Brady found peace in the knowledge that his father had wanted him.
For Tug, the truth was difficult, but he’d overheard enough conversations to realize something was going on. He’d figured out Brady was Mona’s. He never brought it up because to him, it didn’t matter. Brady was his brother, period. The most affected was Liv. Her mother, next to me, was her best friend. She’d never seen the manipulative, greedy side that consumed her mother.
Liv was in a bad place for months after watching her mother kill herself, living in a hole of heartache and despair, struggling and clawing her way out slowly until eventually Harrison was the one to pull her through. Never did I envision the two of them as a couple, but watching them together, they’re truly a perfect fit. He’s the right to her left shoe. He grounds her in a way she needs, and he supported her when she needed it most.
I love having her here. She’s now and forever my BFFAA. We spend many nights together, crying, laughing, and healing. There’s nothing better for the soul than friendship. I love Liv like a sister. I’m grateful our friendship and love for one another pushed through the emotional mountain forced upon us the morning her mother left us. Liv learned about my confronting Sheila, and I was terrified it would be the end of our relationship. That Liv would blame me in an attempt to heal. I had my own guilt about it and felt a sense of responsibility. Instead, Liv demanded that I not take any ownership for her mother's actions. Liv was angry but accepted that her mother made many bad choices. Liv loves me unequivocally.