by Arizona Tape
“It’s okay, I don’t want to talk about it.” I waved the conversation away, scared it would trigger another bout of anger. I never experienced that kind of black hatred and I didn’t want to feel it again. That uncontrollable rage left me paralysed in my step.
“If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Danny cleared her throat, as if to remind me that they were all still there. Red flushed to my cheeks and I hid my face in Ashleigh’s dress. I didn’t really want them to see us bicker but privacy was a luxury we couldn’t afford. Not with the looming threat of Coyotes or whatever was chasing the gang.
I CURLED MY FINGERS around the amulet weighing on my chest and resisted the temptation to throw it away. I wasn't wearing this for just me, no. Aspen needed to be away from the necklace and Ash needed my wolf to listen to the primary mating bond, the only mating bond I wanted to acknowledge.
"I'm fine," I lied, ignoring the last whisper echoing through the back of my head.
"If you're sure." Ashleigh gave me a suspicious look, but didn't say anything else. My other companions nodded, and even if it was clear they didn't believe me, they weren't pressing the matter. Good. I wasn't in the mood to rehash the whole thing, not when the mere thought awoke the same panic.
"It's getting dark," I murmured, hoping to change the subject.
"Looks like rain," Regan agreed.
"S-Should we set up c-camp or persevere t-to the city?" JP asked, peering up into the grey sky.
"Set up camp, I think." Danny curled into him, the adoration painted on her face. Their love made me ache and just a little bit jealous. Everything I did seemed to get me further and further away from achieving the same thing with Ash. I reached out to hold her hand, her skin soft and reassuring against mine. A sad smile graced her lips, the worry and concern painted deeply into her features.
"I'm tired," I admitted, the strain settling into my body. The amulet felt heavier than before, but that must've been from to the stress I endured. Things didn't just change weight, that wasn't how it worked. And yet, ever since I took it up as my burden, I could've sworn it’d grown heavier. But that was just my imagination... Right?
"Let's catch some sleep." Ashleigh’s hands were warm on my lower back, a welcome change to the cold leaking out of my bones. I let her push me away from the group to the flattest patch where we set up our tent. My miserably weak arms weren't much use in putting up our roof, but we managed to pitch the thing. The fabric shrieked under me while I crawled in. Ashleigh's distinct scent lingered within and welcomed me with an embrace. Despite everything that happened today, she was still the person I wanted to fall asleep with. The one I wanted to wrap my arms around and meet again in my dreams.
"You okay there?" Ashleigh fluffed up her coat and propped it under my head as a pillow.
"Not too bad." Every muscle in my body disagreed. My bones ached, my limbs shrieked. It felt like I hadn't slept for days and I knew that sleep would take me the moment I closed my eyes. But I wasn't ready for it, not yet. I wanted one more glance, one more look. One more glimpse of Ashleigh.
"What are you looking at?" she asked, a curious smile pulling her lips up.
"You," I murmured, fighting against the exhaustion threatening to whisk me away.
Ashleigh chuckled softly, amusement dancing in her eyes. "Why?"
"Because you're so beautiful."
"You're clearly tired. Go to sleep, Akira." She kissed my forehead, the scent of strawberries filling my senses. Fighting against the sleep no longer seemed like a battle I could win. With my mate's arms around me, I drifted into a slumber. Ashleigh's blue eyes were the last thing I saw.
Chapter 10. Me
A loud crack in the sky awoke me, my eyes shot open as I jolted up. The unmistakable sound of rain dripping on the tent captivated my mind for just a moment before I realised the spot next to me was empty.
"Ashleigh?" I voiced her name, wondering where my raven-haired mate had gone. Her pillow was cold under my palm. Had she been gone for long?
In the blink of an eye, the tent disappeared. Confused, I looked at the empty field stretched out in front of me. A flock of birds fluttered up from the golden grass, their chirps mingling with the thunder around me.
"Ash?"
"She's not here."
A dark figure emerged from the earth, their hood concealing their face.
"Who are you?" I called, panic fluttering in my stomach. "Where are my friends?"
"Which friends?" The hooded figure circled me, a cold laugh pouring out of them. "You're all alone."
"No. No, that can't be. They wouldn't leave me!" The empty field proved otherwise. The last coals of a fire, cracked branches from pitching a tent, Darren's serving spoon. Whatever happened, they left in a hurry. As if not to disturb what was chasing them. Or not to wake... me?
"Ashleigh wouldn't leave me," I spoke, my voice reflecting the doubt growing in my heart.
"Wouldn't they? You're just a burden," the figure hissed.
"No, I'm not... That's not true!" Wasn't I though? I was only stirring up trouble for Ashleigh, fuelling the conflict between her and her brother. Danny was dealing with her own issues with Chesca and I was just making that worse... But they wanted me around, they must do. They fed me, they protected me, they cared for me.
"Do they? Do they really care for you?" The shadow clawed their hand into my arm, their fingers digging deep into my tender skin.
"They do, of course, they do! I'm Ashleigh's mate, she wants me."
"Even after what you did with Aspen? How you look at him? How you think about him?"
"I'm not doing anything wrong," I protested, the accusations and words batting me down faster than I could build my defense. "I'm not doing anything wrong. I care for Ashleigh, I love her."
"Love her?" The hooded figure cackled, lightning striking the trees behind me. "You don't know what love is."
Shadow leaked out of the figure, the darkness tainting the ground as it spread to my feet. I darted backwards, but the fallen tree behind me made me stumble. The ditch swallowed me and earth trickled onto my body as the shadow crept near.
"Stop it! Stop!" I yelled, batting the dirt away. Panic restricted my throat, the words freezing on my tongue. "Why are you doing this?"
"To teach you a lesson."
"Teach me what? I don't even know you!"
The hooded silhouette burst out in laughter, the thunder dancing with their cries. "You don't recognise me?"
"No! Go away! Ashleigh? Aspen? Help me!" I shouted into the void, but to no avail. The figure flew to my throat, their fingers curled around my neck. The rotting stench of perdition and ruin clashed in my face as they threw the cape back. "Shut up, you silly girl."
"Let go of me!" I kicked as hard as I could, trying to fight the corruption seeping into my bones.
"Let go of you? I could never let go of you." Their fingers twitched as they squeezed the life out of me. The lack of air coiled in my lungs, the tightness threatening to blow up my chest. Lightning struck as they threw their cape back. "I am you."
Chapter 11. Weak
EYES WIDE OPEN, BREATH ragged in my throat, I shot up from the nightmare and stared into the dark. The night hugged me like an old friend, the soft chirping of cicadas a warm welcome after the silence of my dream. The tempered breathing of the beautiful woman next to me calmed my spirit.
With a shaking hand, I caressed her arm, just to ensure that she was really here. That I was really here.
Ashleigh murmured, a whimper falling from her lips. Even in her sleep, her wolf reacted to my touch. Her serenity soothed my thundering heart and I fell back into my furs. The soft hair of deer tickled the back of my neck as I fought the unease creeping back into my thoughts. The lone shriek of an owl, the wind tugging on the tent, the snap of a branch. Anything and everything agitated my paranoid mind. The tossing and turning didn’t stop the doubt seeping back into me and I knew sleep would only bring back more terrors.
&
nbsp; With a lingering glance, I kissed Ashleigh’s cheek before I crawled out of the warmth of her embrace. The cold air caressed my skin as I slipped into the night. Last time I did this, I got in trouble with Chesca. But things were different this time around. I felt different. Even with the strange voices silenced, I was very aware of the dormant power it awoke, a force inside of me that I didn’t know I had. Anger. Self-preservation. The will to live.
“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” Darren pushed himself out of the shadows of the tree and joined me in the open field. The night’s dew had fallen onto the leaves and was refreshingly cold against my sweaty limbs.
“Incredibly beautiful,” I agreed, studying his features in the silver glint of the moon. Without Danny by his side, he lost some of his boyish charm. His ever present smirk gave way for a deeper, melancholic smile. There was a roughness to his voice, to his eyes, a sadness that the redhead seemed to chase away. “Why are you still up?”
“Couldn’t sleep. The moon is almost full and it makes me restless.”
“Why?” I stared at the silver orb that graced the dark night.
“It always reminds me of home. I used to watch the full moon with my younger brother.”
“You have a brother?” I wasn’t sure why I sounded so surprised. When I thought about it, Darren was totally the older-brother type.
“I do. Lander. He’s a king to my people.”
“Sure,” I mused, entertaining the young man. If he thought his brother ruled a kingdom, it seemed silly for me to disagree with him. That was something that could really bite me in the ass.
“I miss him,” he admitted, a somber look gracing his features.
“I don’t miss my siblings at all.” I grimaced, the thought of my brothers and sisters a sour note.
“Why not? Aren’t you close?”
“No, not at all.” I sighed, the faces of my family dancing in front of me. The beloved face of my poor mother, stuck in a mateless marriage. The dark eyes of my father, the man who always resented my existence. The envious glares of my older siblings. “They never forgave me for being born with a wolf. Father tried to hit her out of me. Of course, it didn’t work, but that never stopped him from trying.”
“Didn’t your mother protect you?” Darren veiled his horror badly, the compassion seeping into every word he spoke. His sympathy brought goosebumps to my arms and I wasn’t sure why I was telling him this. I never talked about this, never admitted how badly I was treated.
“No, she never had the strength to stand up to him. I don’t blame her, he is a scary man.”
“Don’t defend the weak. Instead, pity them for they have nothing, not even themselves,” Darren said, mystery riddled in his voice.
“That sounds personal.” I turned my head, wondering what it was about the night that made it so much easier to speak freely. I never imagined I’d be having this conversation and certainly not with Darren, but something about it felt right. It was nice to confide in a friend.
“I used to be weak.”
“You?” I stared at the man next to me. Even if his muscles didn’t bulge out of his shirt like Aspen or he didn’t command the same respect like Regan, he certainly wasn’t powerless. With the same kind of intelligence JP held in his eyes and the courage I recognised in Danny, I would never think of him as weak. Not when his heart was capable of the same love as Ashleigh.
“Yes, me.” He gritted his teeth, the pain flitting across his features. “Before Danny, there was someone else. She was...” He paused, the words escaping him.
“Awful?” I provided.
“Awful is a kind description of her. She loved power, she got drunk on control. She broke hearts, tore people apart, stole confidence, ripped apart my sanity. And I let her.”
I swallowed a lump. “Why?”
“She’s my mate.”
A stone sank to my stomach, empathy flooding my senses. “I’m so sorry.”
He chuckled humorlessly. “Well, I suppose she was my mate. Now I’m with Danny.”
“Danny is your second mate, right?”
“Who told you?”
“I have eyes.” I grinned, amused by his surprise. “But JP.”
“Of course, he did. Please don’t tell Danny.”
“Why not? Isn’t that great that you found her?”
He ran his hand through his short hair, exhaustion clear in his movements. “It’s a wonder that I found her and an even bigger miracle that she fell in love with me. Despite already loving JP, despite being mated to Regan, she doesn’t treat me as a second choice. And I don’t want her to ever think she’s mine. That’s not why I love her.”
“That’s so sweet.” I smiled at the adoration and love in his voice. Despite his worries, there was no mistaking that he was absolutely head over heels with his woman. “But why are you telling me this?”
“Because I understand your struggle. Not every relationship can be like Danny’s, not everyone gets that luxury. Some people have to make a choice. People like me, and you.”
I sighed, the stress balling in my stomach. “Tell me about it. I know what I want, I do. But it’s just so hard when my wolf wants something else.”
“What do you want?” Darren’s eyes bored into mine.
“Ashleigh.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s the one for me.”
He smiled, his hand briefly touching my shoulder. “Then why are you conflicted? It’s easy to be weak, like I used to be, like your mother. Don’t let things happen to you, don’t make excuses. If you know what you want...” He glanced at the tent where I knew Danny was sleeping. The smile that curled up his lips brought the boyishness back to his features. “Chase it.”
I nodded wordlessly, awed by the wisdom in his words.
“Goodnight, Akira.”
“Goodnight,” I replied, but he didn’t hear me. The fabric of his tent rustled as he crawled in Danny’s embrace. I stared at the moon, the conversation echoing through my mind. His words were refreshing, as if a gentle spring tumbled through my mind and smoothed out the rough edges. He was right. Choosing Ashleigh should be the easiest thing I’d ever done in my existence.
I glanced at the smallest tent at the far back, the soft murmur of Aspen’s Alpha beckoning for me, like it always did. I grasped the amulet resting on my chest and curled my fingers around it until my knuckles turned white.
No.
I tore myself and my wolf away, banishing any thoughts I had of him to the back of my mind. I wouldn’t be my mother, I wouldn’t do what was easy. I knew what I wanted and despite the voices, despite the rage, despite the horror living in my soul, I was ready to fight for it. To fight for her.
Chapter 12. Ash
The morning treated me well. The faint rays of sun tickled my skin through the tent and Ashleigh murmured in my arms. I pressed a chaste kiss on her shoulder blade, the innocence of the moment overwhelming me. She was so beautiful, so special. Waking up next to her brought a unique joy to my heart, to my soul. Even my wolf couldn’t deny how wonderful it was to have our mate in our arms.
“Morning.” I smiled, kissing her eyelids gently as they fluttered open.
“Mmmm... Morning?” Ashleigh’s voice was thick from sleep, and somehow it was adorable.
I pressed a soft kiss on her lips, hoping to affirm that I really wanted to be with her. That I was hers. Her warm arms snaked around my neck as she pulled me back into her. A smile stretched across my face as I welcomed her kiss, the tenderness sending all sorts of sparks down my back. The way she felt in my arms, the way she moved her lips, the joy it drew from me, it was all surreal.
“Did you sleep okay?” she murmured, her voice soft against my skin.
“Yes, not too bad.” I grinned, avoiding the nightmare. I didn’t want to worry her with my paranoid thoughts and superstitions. “You?”
“Like a baby.”
I brushed a lost strand of hair behind her ear and let my fingers wander over her cheek. "You're so
beautiful."
"Not as beautiful as you," she said, the adoration dancing in her eyes. Why was I having trouble with my wolf? The way she looked at me, the way she held me, how she touched me... they were everything and anything I could've ever imagined. I just needed to remember this whenever her brother smiled at me, whenever someone else tried to taint the beautiful thing I had with Ashleigh.
"Why are you smiling?" Ashleigh perked herself up as she traced my collarbone with her finger.
"Because you're here with me."
"I should be the one smiling then."
I giggled as her finger reached a ticklish spot. "Why?"
"Because you are here with me and not with my brother."
I caught her hand and brought it to my lips. There wasn't much I could promise in this world, but I could give her my heart. "I'm never going to be with your brother, Ash. I want you."
A massive grin spread across her delicate face, lighting up all her features with a beauty and joy that made my heart ache.
"What?" I studied her, wondering what brought out that smile.
"You called me Ash."
I chuckled. "I've done so before."
"No, you haven’t." She pressed her lips against mine, sealing a kiss between us. Excitement bubbled up in my gut, the unspoken promise tickling my brain. I wanted this, I wanted her. And nothing, not Aspen, not this amulet, nothing would stop me from getting what I wanted.
"Will you two lovebirds cut it out and come here?" Danny screamed from outside the tent. Ashleigh and I burst out in laughter and I hid my snickers against her shirt.
"I keep forgetting tents aren't soundproof.” I giggled, searching for my jacket. The fabric hugged my bare arms and I blew hot air between the layers, hoping to warm myself up. If I was lucky, one of the guys started a fire and I'd be able to warm myself with some hot soup.
Ash stumbled out of the tent, a frown curled between her eyebrows. "What's the rush?"
I crawled after her, the wet grass of the morning greeting me. "We're here."