“I love you,” she said so softly, it was almost imperceptible.
He waited several breaths, his heart slamming into his chest, but she didn’t speak again. And he said nothing. There was nothing to say. Had she thought him asleep?
She loved him? He cared a great deal for her.
He knew one thing, he’d never before experienced anything like that with another woman. And he never would.
“Mia, would you like to talk about what happened?” Rachel asked her. She had been reading, they were nearly done with Jane Eyre, but she’d stopped midsentence to ask that question.
Mia shook her head. “Where did that come from?” she asked. She had not realized she was so transparent. After she had spent the better part of the night in Alex’s bed, she’d woken, after a brief sleep, to thoughts and questions about what had transpired between them.
“You’ve been pensive all day. And well, you’re not normally quiet unless you’re weighing a situation in your mind. I thought perhaps you’d want to discuss it,” Rachel said.
“You do know me so very well.” Mia considered what she should say. She knew no matter what she told Rachel, she would be safe. Her secret would stay just such. But no matter how carefully she considered her words, she ended up merely saying, “I seduced Alex.”
“You seduced the Duke of Carrington?” Rachel asked.
Mia could hear a mixture of humor and surprise in her friend’s voice. “I most assuredly did.”
“And?” Rachel asked. “What happens now?”
Mia shrugged. In all honesty she had thought that one night would be enough for her. It would appease her curiosity, slake her desire and give her a memory to last a lifetime. But it seemed all it had done was make her want Alex all the more. “I don’t suppose anything happens other than the fact that he will marry Juliet and I am to be introduced into Society, properly.” Then Mia released a tight chuckle. “Though there is nothing proper about me, I am thoroughly ruined.”
Rachel was quiet for a few moments before she spoke again. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m afraid I am ruined as well.”
“Ruined?” Mia asked. She knew it could only mean one thing, that Edward had seduced Rachel. Oh, how she hoped it meant a happy reunion for those two, they so clearly still loved one another.
“Well, perhaps not to the extent of your compromise,” Rachel replied. “But Edward has most assuredly taken liberties with me.” She paused a moment before adding, “We’re a sorry lot, aren’t we?”
In spite of the gravity of their conversation, Mia started to giggle. “Perhaps we were holed up too long in our tiny cottage that the first men we met were able to convince us to drop our drawers.” Then she paused. “Pardon my crudeness.” Mia stopped there because frankly she didn’t know what else to say.
“Are you his mistress now?” Rachel asked.
Mia sat back and sipped her tea thoughtfully. “No, we’ve never even discussed such an arrangement.” She nearly told her friend about Alex’s previous proposal, but kept it to herself.
“But would you be open to it, if he did approach you?”
“Yes,” she said immediately. There was no thought to it. Though she knew it would never be enough, she would accept having Alex that way.
Rachel waited a breath before asking, “Would that be enough for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Clearly you have tender feelings toward the Duke,” she said, her voice softening, and Mia knew her friend smiled. Rachel’s voice was warm when she smiled, and it usually brought a smile to her own face as well. Except now as she considered her friend’s words.
Tender feelings for Alex, Mia supposed that wasn’t too far off the mark. But how tender, and to what extent? Would being his mistress make her happy? She’d never before contemplated being anyone’s mistress, but when asked she certainly hadn’t hesitated. She’d be well cared for, she knew that, Alex wouldn’t let her want for anything.
And perhaps it would be better than him hiring hoards of servants to take care of the jobs he didn’t think she could manage as his wife. But as his mistress, there would be no such expectations, and, therefore, no such limitations. And he’d love her body.
Mia could get used to that. Having Alex hold her and touch her, make love to her on a regular basis. But eventually he would leave and go back to his house where his wife would live, where his children would be. Still she’d have him in some capacity, more than she’d ever imagined in her life with any man, let alone one who made her feel all the myriad of wonderful emotions that Alex evoked.
“I suppose you haven’t given it much thought,” Rachel provided. “It’s a difficult situation, I imagine.”
“What would you do?” Mia asked.
Rachel released a slow breath. “I don’t know. I walked away from love a long time ago—”
“And seeing him again?” Mia interrupted.
“Brings it all back. But he’s changed. I’ve changed. Though I won’t deny that there are still feelings there. He is infuriating, though.” She was quiet for several moments before she continued. “I suppose if I had to do it all over I wouldn’t have made the same choice I did. I wouldn’t have sacrificed my happiness, my chance at love, to support my family. It wasn’t a worthy trade.”
“So you would follow your heart’s desire,” Mia said.
“I believe I would.”
Again silence settled around them for a few moments before Mia spoke again. “Do you believe you could share a man you love with another woman?” she asked.
“I can’t answer that, Mia. Another woman was never the issue. I walked away from a perfectly good marriage proposal simply because the man had no money and my good-for-nothing father needed some. Now my father is dead and he died penniless, I might add, despite the monies I sent him on a regular basis, and Edward is richer than Croesus.”
Mia shook her head at her foolishness. “It’s all a moot point, I don’t suppose Alex will ask me to be his mistress, so what does it matter how I feel about the matter?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
In the two days that followed, Alex had made good on his promise and provided Mia with an entirely new wardrobe complete with undergarments and sleeping gowns. She even had new hair ribbons and slippers fit for dancing. He had also purchased some new garments for Rachel so she could attend functions with Mia as her companion. Seven years ago this would have been Mia’s debut into Society. It would have been the culmination of years of dreaming. Now it felt ceremonial, and false.
Still she couldn’t deny that she loved the way her new dresses and undergarments felt on her body. She hadn’t had anything custom-made in many years and she’d forgotten how soft, quality fabric could feel against her skin. No more rough wool that itched and hung heavy on her frame.
Alex had had London’s most popular modiste come to his house to do the fittings and brought fabric samples to check their coloring and make the best choices. Mia didn’t know one dress from the next as far as what they looked like, but she could feel the luxuriousness of the fabrics and the details of the beads, embroidery and lace. The gowns were by far the most beautiful things she’d ever owned. And the way Rachel described their aesthetics, Mia knew she would turn heads. She hoped, though, that it wasn’t merely for people to stare at the poor blind girl.
Tonight she would attend the opera with her sisters. Alex was also attending, but he was going with his betrothed; their first outing since their engagement was formally announced in The Times. Mia very much wanted to meet her, but knew that would probably be inappropriate. Should she ever become suspicious of Alex and Mia’s relationship, Mia doubted Juliet would want to know the woman her husband had lain with. Not that Mia had been his first. No doubt Alex had a long line of previous lovers, though he never mentioned them. And in his arms, Mia had felt like his only.
At the moment Mia stood in the center of her bedchamber while her newly acquired ladies’ maid laced up her corset. The young girl tu
gged tight on one of the laces, jerking Mia backward. She inhaled sharply as the thing was secured into place. Mia had forgotten how confining these were. She hadn’t worn one in years. Ever since moving into the cottage. Rachel still donned one herself and managed to lace it alone, but Mia had given it up. It was too confining and made her sculpting more challenging.
Earlier Rachel had sat in here and helped her select a gown for the evening. They’d chosen one the color of scarlet, velvet with black accents. It was a bold choice and Mia knew it. Everyone would be looking at her tonight anyways, she might as well make the most of it, give them something to talk about. The maid pulled the dress over her head and was shifting it into place when Mia heard the door open behind them.
“Are you certain you won’t reconsider?” Alex asked.
“Begging your pardon, Your Grace,” the maid said suddenly. “I’ll return in a few moments to finish fastening your dress,” she told Mia.
Mia situated the gown over her shoulders and smoothed her hand down the front of the dress. She could tell that despite her slight frame, the corset and cut of the dress worked well together to show off what little cleavage she possessed. “I’m going tonight, Alex. We’ve already discussed this,” Mia said.
He came to stand behind her, ran his hand along the back of her arm. His fingers worked the buttons on the back of her dress into place. Warmth spread through her. It did not escape her attention, the intimacy here. Unbuttoning was the job of a lover, but buttoning, that was the task of a husband. She took a sobering breath.
“Damnation, there are a lot of buttons on this thing.”
Mia chuckled. “It’s not designed for a woman to fasten alone.”
“The unfastening would go much faster,” he said, his voice warm with desire.
Mia wanted to tell him to unfasten them then. Make love to her again, but she knew that their time had passed. She’d had one incredible night with him. But now it was time to let him go. He belonged to Juliet and she would not stand in the way.
She didn’t want to put him in a position where he was asked to choose, mostly because she knew which choice he would make. And she didn’t think she could stand having him walk away from her to choose a woman she knew he didn’t love. Juliet would be his wife and Mia would simply be some woman who’d once shared his bed.
“Why are you so insistent on going?” he asked. “You know your sisters are merely using you.”
“Of course I know that. I am no fool. But I haven’t ever been to the opera, yet I’ve always wanted to go. This is my opportunity.” Again she ran her hand down the front of her gown, the soft velvet felt warm and plush beneath her palm.
“If you’re so determined,” he continued, “sit in my box. Ignore your sisters publically. It is the very least they deserve.”
“With you and your intended?” Mia released a humorless laugh. “No, she deserves better. Besides, my sisters invited me, so I should sit with them. There is no need for me to publically reject them. I have no particular interest in pursuing a relationship with them. I am using them as protection to go on an outing I wish to go on.”
He finished buttoning her gown. His hands gripped her arms and she wanted to lean back into him, but didn’t trust herself to be able to walk away.
“I shall be safe, I will stay with my family the entire evening. And Rachel will be with me.”
He moved closer to her, pressed her back to him and placed a warm kiss on the back of her neck. “This color looks incredible on you as I knew it would.”
“Thank you for buying them. It was very generous of you, though unnecessary.” She bowed her head. “Still I am grateful. It’s been far too long since I’ve worn a pretty dress.”
“And one that actually fits you,” he added. He was quiet for a moment before adding, “So I can’t persuade you, convince you not to go tonight?”
“No, I am going.”
“You will be the most beautiful woman there tonight,” he said. And she knew he meant it, even though he’d be sitting right next to his betrothed. Despite that, to Alex, she’d be the most beautiful woman in the room. She let the feeling settle around her.
“Thank you,” she said.
“I brought something for you,” he said.
“I don’t need anything else, Alex, you’ve done too much already,” Mia said.
“I saw these and knew they’d match this dress perfectly. I couldn’t resist.” His arms came around her then and she felt the cold weight of metal as he clasped on a necklace. Her fingers reached for it, running against the cut stones—there were so many of them. One large one in the middle, and then a line of smaller ones extending from either side and encircling her neck.
“What are they?” she asked.
“Rubies.” He clipped the earrings into place. “They look stunning on you.”
“Alex, I couldn’t possibly accept such a gift. It’s too much,” Mia said. She moved her hands around to unfasten the necklace.
“No, it’s not.” His hand stilled hers. “Please allow me this, they look perfect on you.” There was something edging his voice, melancholy, perhaps.
She wanted to argue more, but held her tongue. His hand held hers for a moment longer before he released her and stepped away. Was this not much different than her being his mistress? She had entertained him in bed and he presented her with expensive gifts and saw to her well-being. It seemed important to him, though, that she wear it, so she would grant him this pleasure. But when she finally left him, when she returned to her cottage, or preferably somewhere else where she wouldn’t be next to Alex and his wife, she would leave the jewels behind.
But she said nothing more on the matter.
“Do be careful tonight,” he said. “And I shall see you this evening when we return.”
“Thank you, Alex.” She wouldn’t wait for him that evening. She would go to her room, to her empty bed and sleep, or try to. She would not seek him out again and she knew it was unlikely he’d come to her bed.
He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Mia, if you need anything tonight, anything, you send a message to my box immediately.”
“I shall be safe, do not fret over me,” she said. And then he was gone. A moment later her maid returned to finish her toilet. She silently affixed Mia’s hair in some configuration atop her head. Mia was unsure how the girl managed to get the mane to behave as she herself had never been able to do anything save braid the heavy lot. The maid said nothing about the fact that Mia’s dress had been buttoned while she’d been out of the room, nor did she mention the jewels.
***
Mia was relieved that Rachel would be with her every step of the evening. She did not to want rely on her sisters and end up left alone in a strange place. She was almost certain that Fran was sincere in expressing her desire to be reunited, but Mia was not a fool and she wanted to be careful.
So it was that Mia and Rachel were standing in the foyer of the opera house. They had met both Fran and Cleo’s husbands and, true to form, they were currently waiting until the two couples completed their social interactions before they could be led to their box for the evening.
“Describe it for me,” Mia said. “What does it look like?” She vaguely remembered the opera house she’d been to as a girl, but that one had burned down shortly after their visit and this one was the newest in London.
“It’s rather majestic,” Rachel said. “The ceiling is painted to resemble a fresco, there are crowds of cherubs painted and perhaps a few water nymphs, I suppose that is what they are. The walls are accented with curtains of thick red velvet.” Then Rachel paused and chuckled. “Frankly, my friend, you match rather well in here.”
“Oh, good, you know how concerned I am with fashion,” Mia said. But the truth of the matter was she was thankful she looked appropriate tonight. Thankful that Alex had purchased her this new dress so that on her first night into Society she didn’t so much look like the pariah she felt she was.
“You look so be
autiful,” Rachel said. “Did I mention that?”
Mia chuckled. “Several times, actually. I’m certain you look equally lovely.”
“Well, everyone is dressed in their finest. The men in dark trousers and waistcoats. I saw a few discarded top hats as we entered when they handed off their greatcoats. And the dresses, gracious some of them, are so heavily ornamented it’s a wonder the women can carry the weight of the fabric.”
Mia laughed trying to imagine it all. She couldn’t deny that she was thrilled to be here. She’d never particularly desired to be thick among London’s most prominent families, but to be able to attend such a function, she was pleased.
“I heard that the soprano in this opera is the newest star among the London scene,” Rachel added in a low voice. “She’s actually the daughter of a viscount and scandalized everyone when she became a singer, but she’s so talented that people keep their tongues at bay.”
“Or perhaps they simply enjoy her talents as well as the scandal to go along with it,” Mia added.
“So true.”
“Pardon us, but are you Miss Danvers?” The question was punctuated by a handful of giggles.
“I am,” Mia said. She could tell by the number of voices that it was at least three young women who had no doubt crossed the room to get a look at the poor blind woman. They weren’t the first ones of the evening who’d approached her and she doubted they would be the last. But Mia kept a smile on her face.
“Is it true that you live with the Duke of Carrington?” the girl asked, doing nothing to hide the accusation in her tone.
There were a couple of shocked gasps at her question.
It was on Mia’s tongue to answer honestly and tell them precisely what she’d been doing in the Duke’s house. A brazen question deserved an equally brazen answer, especially when the inquirer wasn’t prepared for such honesty. But Rachel spoke before Mia could form a retort.
Rachel clicked her tongue. “It’s a shame that your dear friends here didn’t tell you how sickly you look in that particular shade of green.”
The girl gasped, while one of the others released a twitter of a laugh.
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