“You Soopooman,” Jackson insisted. “My jammies gots Soopooman on them and you look like Soopooman.” His face split into a grin and he jumped up and down. “Yay! Soopooman! Soopooman!” Jackson seized Kane’s hand and tugged. “Soopooman, say hi to Blaze and Wocket!”
Letting go of Kane’s hand, he darted toward the horses and I tensed, half-reaching to restrain him.
Tom smiled. “It’s all right. Those two are as gentle as lambs.” He turned his smile toward the two placid horses snuffling companionably at Jackson while he leaned against their massive legs, reaching as high as he could to pat them. Their ears flicked in response to Jackson’s happy cries, and they stood like statues while he wove between their hooves and under the gleaming barrels of their bellies.
Tom stepped forward to corral the boy. “Hey, Sport. Remember what we talked about. Stay where they can see you and use your quiet voice.”
“Okay, Gwampa.” Jackson turned a solemn face toward Kane. “Come say hi but you haffa use you quiet voice.”
Kane and I exchanged a smile and he stepped forward to run his hand cautiously down one of the white-blazed faces. “Are you Blaze or Rocket?” he inquired.
An ear twitched and wise eyes regarded him while a velvety nose snuffled his hand as if searching for a treat.
“They can’t talk, silly!” Jackson danced to the front of the team. “That’s Blaze and this’s Wocket. He’s a boy and she’s a girl.” His lisp made ‘girl’ sound like ‘ghoul’, and Kane smiled.
Taking that as encouragement, Jackson dragged Kane back to point a tiny finger at the gigantic protuberance jutting from the horse’s underbelly. “Boy hoses have pee-pees,” he informed us earnestly. “Ghoul hoses don’t.”
I knew he was trying to say ‘horse’ not ‘hose’, but damn if ‘hose’ wasn’t appropriate. Kane took a rapid step back as the animal unleashed a cataract of piss.
Trying to hide my amusement, I turned back to Tom. “They’re beautiful. Are they Percherons?”
“Belgians.” Tom patted the huge arching neck and tugged affectionately at an ear as Blaze nuzzled the front of his denim jacket. “I like the Belgian temperament. They’re so quiet and good with kids.”
He stooped to extract Jackson from under the horse’s belly again. “Speaking of kids, it’s time to get back on the wagon, Sport.”
“Not yet, wanna play wif Soopooman!” Jackson seized Kane’s hand again and dragged him toward the front lawn. “Let’s play aiwplanes! You be Soopooman and I’ll be a aiwplane!”
He flung out his arms and ran in circles around Kane, making airplane noises interspersed with jubilant cries of “Soo-poo-man!”
His parents watched the action with smiles. Emily bounced up and down on chubby legs within her mother’s watchful reach, squealing and giggling while Kane spread his arms and swooped around Jackson making airplane noises of his own and grinning from ear to ear.
Tom guided me a few paces away from the wagon. “What’s going on here, Aydan?” he muttered. “I thought you said you’d dumped him.”
I sighed. “Long story. The short version is we’ve worked through our disagreements.”
“Really? You don’t look very happy about it.”
I wasn’t sure whether he was seeing what he wanted to see or if my acting skills weren’t as good as I’d thought. I forced a smile. “I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Neither did I.” Tom frowned at me. “Were you up tracking that cougar, too?”
“Uh.” I blinked. “Cougar?”
“Yes, I heard it screaming down by the creek again late last night. It must have made a kill. I got up and rode my side of the creek, but I couldn’t see any sign of it. Would you like me to ride your side, too?”
“Um, no, that’s okay,” I said hurriedly. “I’ll take care of it.”
God, that was all I needed, for Tom to come across my wrecked campsite and freak out because he thought some vagrant was living there.
“Okay…” Tom shot a suspicious glance at Kane and Jackson romping on the lawn. “Is he… Do you trust him around kids?”
“Absolutely,” I assured him, but I didn’t have much hope he’d be convinced. In his hard blue gaze I could see that the only way he’d trust Kane around his grandkids was if he had his shotgun within arm’s reach.
I changed the subject. “So what brings you here this afternoon?”
“Oh.” Tom reluctantly returned his attention to me. “We’re just getting the wagon ready for the parade tomorrow, but since we were going by your place I thought I’d drop in and let you know about the cougar. And I wanted to tell you I saw that same bearded guy going by your place yesterday afternoon. He was driving a black half-ton this time, but as soon as he saw me he peeled out of here.”
My heart kicked my ribs, and I swallowed hard. “You’re sure it was him?”
“Pretty sure. I didn’t get a good look at him, but I could see he had a beard and he was wearing a ball cap just like before. I left a message on your machine, but I guess you didn’t get it…?” He accompanied the question with another narrow-eyed glance at Kane.
“Um, no. I forgot to check my machine. Sorry,” I said absently, my mind racing. Who the hell was this guy? Perkins had been clean-shaven so it couldn’t have been him…
I shook myself back to the present, realizing Tom was watching me again. “Thanks,” I added belatedly. “I’ll keep an eye out for him.”
“Have you thought about calling the police?”
“Not yet.” At his frown, I continued, “There’s no law against driving on a public road. But if he keeps hanging around I might file a police report just in case.”
“You should anyway…”
A whoop from the lawn made us both glance over in time to see Kane lift Jackson above his head. Jackson spread out his arms to fly in true Superman fashion while Kane jogged toward us accompanied by Jackson’s squeals of “Doo doo-doo-dooooo! Soo-poo-man!”
Tom took two fast steps forward, his eyes blazing. “Put him down,” he ground out.
Kane swooped Jackson down and placed him carefully on his feet before backing away. “That was fun, Jackson,” he said quietly. “But it looks as though you have to go now.”
“No! Gwampa, come play wif me and Soopooman!” Jackson tugged Tom’s hand.
Tom gave Kane one last deadly look before scooping Jackson up to blow a fat raspberry on his belly. “Sorry, Sport, it’s time to go.” He carried the boy over and lifted him onto the wagon before swinging up onto the seat beside Cory.
“See you later, Aydan,” he said with a courteous tip of his hat, but his gaze was locked on Kane and his hand touched the shotgun meaningfully.
“Uh, yeah… Thanks for letting me know about, um…” I let the sentence trail off and waved instead. “Nice to meet you, Cory and Charlene.” Jackson jumped up and down in the wagon, and I added, “And Jackson and Emily.”
“Bye-bye,” Jackson called, waving vigorously while the wagon followed my turnaround circle and headed out the lane. “Bye-bye, Soopooman!”
“Goodbye, Jackson,” Kane called back. The smile lingered on his lips while he watched the wagon turn onto the road and disappear behind the trees. “He’s quite the little man, isn’t he?” he added.
“Yeah. But I don’t think you’d better play with him again.”
Kane sighed. “I know. But I don’t blame Rossburn for being twitchy with that shotgun. If those were my kids I’d do the same.”
The sudden recollection of Kane’s desire to have a family paralyzed me where I stood.
Oh God. What if he wanted to adopt? I couldn’t deal with the demands and responsibilities of young children…
“Aydan?” Kane took hold of my shoulders, staring worriedly down into my face. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
His grip nearly sent me over the edge. Panic spiked into my veins and it took every ounce of my willpower not to claw his hands and run screaming.
“Aydan? What’s w
rong? Are you having pain anywhere? Talk to me!”
“I’m fine,” I gasped. “Just a panic attack.”
“Oh.” He face softened and he pulled me into a hug. “It’s okay, you’re safe. You can get through it. Just breathe with me. Nice and slow…”
I wrenched free and backed away panting and trembling. Hurt flashed across his face and my guts twisted.
“Sorry…” I gasped. “Just… couldn’t get my breath… that way.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” He approached me slowly. “Would you like me to hold your hand or rub your back?”
If he held me in any way I’d lose it completely.
“Rub my back,” I croaked. “Please.”
“Of course.” He stepped behind me and his broad palm made slow warm circles on my back. “Just breathe. It’ll pass soon.”
I nodded and concentrated on slowing my breath.
Settle down, stupid. You can do this.
I breathed.
Of course I could do this. I’d be fine. I just needed to get used to the idea of kids…
My pulse red-lined all over again and I diverted my thoughts. He wouldn’t expect everything right away. Just settle down. Lots of time to talk it over, and he wouldn’t force me into anything.
He wouldn’t.
He was still rubbing my back gently, murmuring reassurances.
No, he wouldn’t force me. He’d manipulate me…
“Stop it!” I barked aloud, and Kane started and snatched his hand away from my back.
That was enough to break the terrifying spiral of my thoughts. A high-pitched giggle escaped me and I turned to face his worried expression.
“Sorry, not you. I was talking to myself again.”
“Oh.” He relaxed into a smile. “That’s going to take some getting-used-to.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not usually so messed up. I just…”
“It’s all right,” he interrupted. “I understand. After what you’ve been through in the past week, I’d be more worried if it was business as usual.”
I managed a weak chuckle. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Are you feeling better now?”
“I’m fine,” I lied.
Chapter 41
Kane frowned down at me, but fortunately he didn’t argue. “What was Rossburn talking about, ‘letting you know’?” he asked instead.
“Oh. Um, I guess he heard me screaming last night and thought it was a cougar, so he was warning me about that. And he saw the guy who’s been spying on me. Looks as though he’s snooping around again, but in a black half-ton instead of a silver crossover.”
“What guy who’s been spying on you?” Kane snapped. His hand hovered over his holster and he glared around us as if challenging an invisible opponent.
“Oh…” I gulped. “I guess I didn’t tell you about that part.”
Kane drew a deep breath. “Get in the house,” he said tightly, and practically glued himself to my back to cover us for the short walk.
Inside, he guided me into a kitchen chair with firm hands before lowering the blinds. That accomplished, he pulled up the chair across from me and pinned me with a hard gaze.
“Now,” he said. “Tell me everything.”
“Sorry.” I drew a few circles on the tabletop with my fingertip. “That’s all there is. I just forgot to mention that part.”
“Start at the very beginning and tell me everything,” Kane repeated with exaggerated patience.
I blew out a breath and complied.
“…so that’s it,” I finished. “Except I need to go and get my sleeping bag and stuff out of the woods in case Tom decides to do the good-neighbour thing and ride my side of the creek looking for the non-existent cougar. Plus my sleeping bag will be wrecked if I don’t get it dried out.”
“I’ll get it. You stay in the house.” Kane rose. “What’s Rossburn got against cougars, anyway? What’s with these rednecks who want to shoot anything that moves?”
“He has livestock to protect,” I snapped. “And young grandchildren that look like yummy snacks to a cougar. And I’m not staying in the house.”
“Aydan…” Kane began with exasperation.
“I’m safer in the woods,” I interrupted. “In case you’ve already forgotten the part about Mallard and his shotgun coming through my door.”
“No, I haven’t forgotten, I’m just looking for the most defensible position-”
“I have to get out!” My raised voice startled both of us.
Kane’s surprised expression softened into understanding. “All right. Let’s go and get your gear. Then we’re going back to my place.”
“I don’t want to-”
“No arguments,” he interrupted. “I’m protecting you and that’s the best way to do it.”
Too exhausted to fight about it, I followed him out the door.
A few minutes later Kane ushered me to his SUV, soggy sleeping bag in hand, but I balked at the passenger door.
“I need my car.”
“They know your vehicle,” Kane demurred. “And anyway, I know you don’t drive if you’ve had a drink. We’ll take the Expedition.”
Desperation flared. “It was only a couple of beers, and it was over an hour ago. We need two vehicles. I’m not going to be completely at your mercy.”
Kane frowned. “At my mercy? You make it sound as though I’m abducting you. I’m trying to protect you.”
Mentally cursing my slip of the tongue, I tried again. “I know; I just meant it’s not safe for us to only have one vehicle. We might need to go to separate places at the same time. We can’t be together twenty-four-seven.”
“Of course we can. Now, please, get in the vehicle. It’s not safe standing out here where anybody can take a shot.”
I knew it was irrational, but the claustrophobic terror rose again and I backed away. “Either I take my car or I stay here.”
“Aydan, for heaven’s sake, be reasonable!”
There was that word again.
“No.” My pulse thundered in my ears and I kept backing away. One step. Then another.
“What?” Water squished from my sleeping bag as Kane’s fist clenched on it.
“No. I said no.” My voice quavered on the last word as my back bumped against the garage.
“Aydan, calm down.” Kane’s voice slowed and deepened to his ‘everybody-stay-calm’ cop voice. “Just take a breath.”
“I’m calm.” My back pressed against the garage wall so hard my vertebrae protested the painful ridges of the vinyl siding.
“All right, that’s good,” Kane agreed soothingly. “Take your car if you feel that strongly about it. I didn’t mean to second-guess you; I was just surprised that you’d drive after drinking all that beer.”
I breathed, fighting my way back to rationality.
What if I had an accident and someone was injured or killed? I couldn’t live with that guilt.
And anyway, this was all in my mind. I could get over it.
No-no-no-no…
I shook the screamer out of my head with determination and pried myself away from the garage. Forcing myself to walk over to Kane, I reached up to give him a kiss. “I’m sorry. You’re right, it would be stupid for me to drive. Thanks for pointing that out.”
He reached as if to hug me, but stopped himself as though remembering my last freak-out. Instead, he smiled and squeezed my hand. “You’re welcome. Ready to go?”
I hid my need to hyperventilate with a smile. “Sure.”
Inside Kane’s house, I couldn’t settle. The walls seemed to close in, and the evening limped along while we circled each other and made stilted conversation.
At last I faked a yawn, the tense muscles in my jaw crackling. “Well, I’m beat. I’m going to bed.”
Kane smiled, his voice warming and deepening. “That’s a good idea.”
Claustrophobia seized me again but I hid it in a fake smile and a sultry tone. “Remember, I get to ride on top this time
.”
“Hmm.” Kane paced toward me, grinning. “I like assertive women.”
“That’s good,” I purred as I forced myself not to back away. “Then it’s time for you to take those clothes off.”
Later, lying wide-eyed in the darkness, I held back the need to pull away from the loose clasp of his arms and tried to let his slow deep breathing soothe me.
I was okay. I’d get used to this. It would get better.
I didn’t sleep.
As dawn lightened the room, Kane stirred at last. I lay still, keeping my breathing slow and deep until the door closed behind him.
Then I turned my face into the pillow, but my heart hammered with the need to escape and sleep wouldn’t come. Finally at nine o’clock I dragged my aching body out of bed and staggered to the bathroom.
A few seconds after I’d flushed the toilet, a tap at the door made me twitch.
“Good morning,” Kane called. “What would you like for breakfast?”
My stomach rolled at the thought of more rich food. “Uh, just toast and peanut butter, thanks.”
“I could make you a proper breakfast.”
Today I’d do better. Today I’d make him feel as appreciated as he deserved to be.
I opened the door and reached up to kiss him. “Good morning! And thanks, but toast and peanut butter is a proper breakfast.”
He grinned and eyed my tousled hair and nakedness. “You look like a proper breakfast. One I could eat every morning.”
“Mmm,” I purred. “Promises, promises.”
His grin widened. “Did I mention I always keep my promises?” He linked his hands under my hips and boosted me up to sit on the vanity before slowly kissing his way down my body.
Some time later, Kane reached past me to turn off the shower. Clinging to him to prevent my rubber legs from dropping me to the shower floor, I breathed slowly in the steamy air. Sometime in the past fifteen minutes, squashed between his hot hard body and the cold tile wall, I had passed beyond panic to exhausted numbness.
“Now that’s a good morning,” Kane growled into the hollow of my neck before helping me out of the shower stall.
Spy Away Home (The Never Say Spy Series Book 10) Page 31