by Jordan Dane
My mind unraveled. I felt it happening and couldn’t stop it.
My palms were slick with sweat, making it hard to hold the weight of the rifle. Faint tremors in my hands had become more pronounced. The shakes were new. They came and went, but I couldn’t stop them once they took hold. They scared me. I didn’t know what they meant.
“Keep moving. Don’t stop.”
I couldn’t tell if I’d said the words aloud or in my head. Maybe it really didn’t matter anymore. My fever had returned. Heat stirred under my skin, but with my clothes drenched with perspiration, chills raged through my body. I had worse things to worry about.
When I hit a switchback in the path, I slowed down. One slip on lose rock or dirt could send me crashing down the hill. I slung the rifle over my shoulder and felt for my Glock to make sure it was secure in my holster. I’d need my hands free to get down the steep hill. Using the crutch in front of me, I took one step at a time, but slow had its hazards.
It gave me too much time to think.
I had to get ahead of Matson and I prayed the man hadn’t followed me. In my condition, a head start could mean the difference between life and death. My ankle was swollen and hot because I couldn’t elevate my leg. I pushed through the pain with voices in my head. I couldn’t stop them.
‘No sleep. No fire. No food.’
“What?”
I jerked my head and looked behind me. Hearing Justine’s voice shocked me. I’d been walking in silence until her voice came from nowhere. I cringed with the noise and when I gaped over my shoulder, I expected to see her. I wanted to see her.
Her voice shook me. Not seeing her killed me.
“It was…nothing. You’re seeing things. It’s the concussion. Don’t…s-stop.”
I took a deep breath and leaned into my crutch. Every step became a blur. I wasn’t thinking right and I knew it. Noise. I headed for a sound, but I’d forgotten why it seemed familiar. I only knew I had to keep moving.
Take the time it took for us to get here and double it. Hell, triple it for your injury.
I had lost track of how long I’d been walking. One step at a time. That’s all I focused on to get me by. I had to keep on the move until daylight. Even then I couldn’t stop. If I took the time to nap or rest my ankle, I was afraid I’d never wake up. Matson could kill me in my sleep.
I hoisted the gear on my back and focused on each step. My pack had been trimmed down to the essentials, but every ounce weighed heavy on me. I stopped and grabbed my canteen. My throat had become raspy and dry from panting. Stay hydrated. Do it.
He’s fixated on you now. The voice of Lucinda Crowley joined the party. I pictured the worried look on her face after I’d read the note that had made the last Totem personal. Golden Boy. I didn’t feel special. I didn’t want to be special.
“One step at a time. Just do it.”
You better watch your ass, Ryker.
“Too late, Luce.”
Voices haunted me. Knowing they came from inside me didn’t help. Their words cut at me like a razor and night vision played tricks on my eyes. Even the steady drone of the distant river sounded like whispers. That was the noise I followed. The river. The blue green river of gems. The one I walked by when Justine had been alive.
Too bad you didn’t stop whoever did it before he got to Nate. What Justine had said to me after we first met had stayed with me.
“I didn’t stop him before he got to you, Justine.”
I couldn’t outrun my guilt. Her voice was a double edged sword. I remembered her words that would help me down the mountain, but I also felt the pang of regret knowing I hadn’t been able to save her.
I’m not leaving you.
Justine had refused to go down the mountain alone. If she had, she would’ve been alive now. She’d stayed because I needed her. Neither of us had known how unstable I’d become. Whatever my visions were, they tormented me enough to make me doubt my own sanity. I didn’t know why my hallucinations had gotten worse on the island, but Justine had paid the price for my weakness. My being unstable had consequences that went beyond me. If I had fears about my ability to do my job, what happened with Justine should’ve been answer enough.
This case has gotten to you, hasn’t it? That’s why you’re here alone and not with your team. There’s something about Nate that’s got its hooks in you, hasn’t it?
Justine had been right. I’d left my team behind and came to Alaska alone for a reason. The UNSUB had targeted me and made the last Totem personal with a note sent to me, but my link to Applewhite had driven me here. Why? My own words to Justine repeated in my head as I trudged on.
Who I am is slowly slipping away and I can’t stop it.
Dizzy. I couldn’t make the spinning stop. Dark shapes moved and taunted me. Were any of them real? Off the trail to my right, I saw a shadow rush me. It came at me fast. My body went on alert and I reacted on instinct. When I stopped and reached for my Glock, I pulled it from my holster as the voices in my head grew louder. They came at me all at once.
“Shut up. Stop talking.”
I swallowed hard and cried out with my heart pounding. Everywhere I turned, shadows lurched through the trees. I sensed a presence in the woods, but I didn’t know if I could trust my gut anymore.
Shut up! Just shut up!
“I can’t stop this…any of it.”
I gripped my weapon tighter and my hands shook. A tremor ran down the muscles in my arms. Oh, God. If I took a shot and it turned out to be another hallucination, I’d send up a flare for Matson to find me. I had to be certain the threat was real, but how would I know for sure? Damn it.
I wiped the sweat from my brow and my slick palms before I pushed on. Stick to the trail. After the switchbacks, don’t get off the trail. Nothing looked familiar in the dark. None of it. The only thing I remembered had been the river gorge. The sound of the rushing water got louder, but it wasn’t noisy enough to drown out the voices.
Ryker. Golden Boy.
A whisper came on the wind.
With sweat trickling down my neck, I stopped and jerked my head to the right. The sound from the river made it impossible to hear, but in the darkness of the trees, I saw it. A flash of red. The color triggered danger in my mind.
Matson’s shirt.
He’d been with me all the time. He’d stalked me like a hunter. I hobbled off the path and braced my shoulder against a tree. No time to drop my pack. I steadied my hands and raised my gun. The edges of my world blurred and I blinked to shake off the dizziness as I took aim, searching for anything that moved.
Don’t shoot…unless he’s real.
I slipped my trembling finger onto the trigger and took a deep breath with my brain under assault. The voices wouldn’t stop. They wouldn’t stop. Another flash of red and a shadow came from the woods. A bearded face and a hulking body. I couldn’t catch my breath or slow the thrashing of my heart. The voices got louder. Too many to hear who they were. They wouldn’t shut up.
Not even after I fired.
Adrenaline rushed through my body and I felt numb. Through the trees I saw a shadow drop and heard something heavy hit the ground. I heard it, even with my ears ringing.
He’s fixated on you now. Watch your ass, Ryker.
Crowley’s voice yelled above the rest. She screamed at me now, like something wasn’t right and she knew it.
Her voice brought me comfort—like she was with me—as I took my first step from cover. I leaned heavy on my crutch and limped across the trail to where I’d seen Matson lurking in the trees. I still saw the red shirt. The vivid color left a ghost image on my eyes. I wedged my crutch tight to my body with an elbow and raised my Glock with unsteady hands.
It was Matson.
Part of me felt bad for shooting without thinking of the families who needed closure, but I had a killer side that helped me get into the minds of serial offenders. My dark side only wanted him dead for what he’d done to Justine and maybe others. I wanted to see his de
ad body and know it was over.
I wanted to go home.
What I’d seen played over in my head as I stumbled through brush and over rocks to search for any evidence I’d hit something. At the base of a tree, moonlight glistened off rough bark and on the ground, giving it an unnatural sheen. I reached out and touched the tree. My fingers felt something slick and when I looked at my hand, dark wet smudges marred my fingertips.
Blood. I must’ve hit something.
I wanted this to be over, but an unsettling dread gripped me hard. The red shirt. I searched the trees for it. My gaze darted to every shadow. I couldn’t slow the frantic beat of my heart. Something wasn’t right. I inched closer to where I’d seen the blood on the tree. The nearer I got to the spot, the worse I felt. Blinding light seared my eyes and almost doubled me over in pain. My head throbbed as if a lightning storm raged inside my skull.
“Ahh.”
I leaned against a thick trunk and held on. When my visions cleared and the pain subsided, I opened my eyes and looked down. I heard the sound of thick ooze gurgling at my feet. A bloody pool erupted from the soil and spread.
What the hell?
I cried out in frustration and poked the scrub brush with my crutch, hunting for a body. I fumbled in the dark and looked for anything to explain what I saw as the slick pool leached its dark fingers over the ground. I dropped to my knees. The instant I hit the ground, I raked the weeds with my fingers—and the dark sheen vanished.
It was gone.
“Shit. This can’t be happening. Not again.” I shook my head and tore at the ground. “What’s wrong with me?”
None of what I’d seen made sense—except for one thing.
Guilt over what happened to Justine had triggered another of my hallucinations. I had seen the blood again—Justine’s blood. I smelled the coppery tang as if it had been real, but when I collapsed to my knees to make sure of what I saw, I felt nothing.
Nothing.
I slumped against the tree, panting in the dark, and grabbed my canteen. It took both hands to hold it to my lips as convulsions spread up my legs and into my chest. I shut my eyes until the tremors went away. The demons. I couldn’t outrun them. They were always with me. It was bad enough I’d imagined the whole thing, but now I’d fired my weapon and Matson would come for me.
I’d run out of time.
Chapter Fifteen
Annandale, Virginia
Dawn
Lucinda Crowley had given up on sleep and hit the CCT with her Cannondale road bike. Her small one-bedroom apartment had access to the Fairfax Cross Country Trail. The twenty miles of continuous system snaked through forested parks and alongside Accotink Creek that cut through Annandale, south of DC. Sweat drained down her arms as she cranked up the final hill to coast toward her apartment and a cool down. After she hit the crest of the hill, she grabbed the water bottle anchored to her bicycle and squirted her face and neck before she drank.
A long ride normally helped her think, but this time she couldn’t shake her worry over Ryker. The haunted look in his eyes had stayed with her. She’d deleted the photo of him at the last crime scene, but the image hadn’t left her. What had he seen that spooked him?
The guy was pure ice on the job. She saw his mind work as he took in every detail and his analytical nature made intuitive hurdles like no one she’d ever worked with before. He reminded her of a chess player assessing several moves ahead, but lately he spent more time alone. She’d catch fleeting glimpses of him that bothered her.
Something had its grips in him.
She could work alongside him at a crime scene, yet there’d been an undeniable and growing distance between them as they investigated the Totem Killer case. It had to be more than the UNSUB singling him out in the last note. The change in Ryker had been building. He hadn’t been sleeping and even after she’d pushed him to talk to her, he hadn’t. That hurt. She thought they were closer—or maybe she wanted him to trust her more.
It wasn’t like him to drop from sight during an investigation—especially a case that had plagued him for over a year. Even if something happened to his phone, Ryker would find a way to keep in touch with his team. He wouldn’t have shut her out when they had fresh bodies holding the potential for new leads.
She coasted to a stop in front of her apartment and hoisted the lightweight road bike on her shoulder as she climbed the stairs to the second floor. When she got inside, the smell of Korean takeout hit her senses. Last night she’d picked up dinner in a section of Annandale called Korea Town and brought it home. The smell had lingered.
After she put her bike away, she took off her helmet and gloves and checked her cell for messages. She secretly prayed Ryker would’ve texted her or left her voice mail. To hear his voice saying he was okay—and for him to give her his justifiable explanation for what had happened—would’ve put her mind at rest, but her life had never been that easy. She wasn’t one to indulge in wishful thinking. In her line of work, optimism wasn’t a good bet.
She stripped out of her drenched bike shorts and sleeveless jersey and tossed them in the hamper as she headed for the shower in her bedroom. She stood under the hot spray of water and washed her hair before she slathered herbal soap over her wet skin, but she didn’t stay long. Her mind was too focused on Ryker. After she toweled off, she got dressed for work and turned on the TV news as she made coffee. When her cell phone rang, she raced to answer it. She didn’t even look at the number to see who’d called.
“Cam and Sinead are too good at stalking guys online. I just want to put that out there.”
Lucinda recognized Hutch’s voice and said, “It’s a good thing they’re on our side, isn’t it?”
“That’s one way of looking at it,” he said. “Sorry to disturb your morning routine, but we found something in our search last night that I thought you should hear, first thing. Cam’s running a background check. We’ll have more soon.”
“Did you guys work through the night?”
Lucinda grabbed fruit and yogurt from her refrigerator and a couple of power bars from her pantry as she packed her lunch and talked to Hutch.
“Uh, yeah, guess so. What time is it?”
“If you have to ask, you don’t want to know.”
“Good point,” he said. “Bring coffee and something to eat. We’re starving.”
“You got it. Tell me what you guys found.”
“We got a hit on a missing person that matched the Applewhite criteria. His name is Benjamin Stevens, age twenty-five. He’s got an address in Belltown, not far from downtown Seattle’s waterfront. I looked up that location. His neighborhood used to be low rent, but now it’s trendy with shops, restaurants, and clubs. He lives with his mom and takes care of her. She has Multiple Sclerosis.”
“Oh, God.”
“Yeah, that sucks, infinity times infinity. He’s a student at Seattle University under the nursing program. This isn’t a guy who’d walk away from his life and go missing.”
“I agree. He sounds like a possible target for our UNSUB. When was he reported missing?”
“The same night we were there investigating the scene in the Cascades and found our last Totem, but it took time for the missing person report to show in the system. His mom reported him gone pretty fast though. He’d called her after he left a restaurant where he’d picked up dinner from her favorite restaurant and never came home. The place was only ten minutes from their house. They were celebrating his mom’s birthday.”
“Oh, no. How terrible.”
“Yeah, happy birthday. And before you ask, we’re trying to get a sample of his DNA to compare against the body parts we haven’t identified. That’ll take time, but since our UNSUB tortures his victims before he kills them, this guy could…”
“He can still be alive.”
“Yeah, and it gets better. Stevens isn’t the only potential victim we have, but that’s not the better part. I found something else that’s interesting about our boy Ben. After Ca
m pulled his background, we noticed he had a connection to Klawock, Alaska. He got paychecks last summer when he worked a fishing charter. Thank God he filed his taxes.”
“Besides this place being in Alaska, where’s Klawock located? I’m not familiar with it.”
“Neither was I until I looked it up. It’s on the Prince of Wales, the same island where Ryker is. I know how much you hate coincidences and I’m getting a weird energy off this island.”
Lucinda sighed and ran a hand through her hair.
“Our UNSUB could be comfortable with his routine,” she said. “If he’s confident enough, maybe he’s expanded his reach from Seattle. This is significant.”
“A remote island in Alaska leaves few places to hide. It could be the break we’ve been looking for, to get ahead of our UNSUB, but the clock is ticking if we want to find where he tortures them. We got a good shot at finding Ben if we do.”
“Have Sinead focus on Stevens to see if we can find any online thread that leads back to Alaska, an IP address we can physically track down.”
“Yeah, done, but what if we’re wrong about where our UNSUB lives or what address he uses to stalk them online? He could live in Seattle or Alaska or even Canada, but use Seattle as his dumping ground for bodies. If TK is torturing Stevens, we’re running out of time before he ends up in a freezer.”
Lucinda shut her eyes and felt her heart race as she held the phone to her ear. Hutch was right. Finding the missing person report for Stevens raised the stakes. If they pursued one lead over another, they could make the wrong decision and cost the guy his life.
The call was hers to make.
“Focus on Stevens. Follow the instincts that put you on this lead, Devin. If it hadn’t been for you, we wouldn’t even know the name, Benjamin Stevens. Whatever decisions need to be made to find him, they’ll be on me.”
She had new appreciation for Ryker as their team leader. He let them take risks to pursue the investigation, but when it came to taking the heat and living with the consequences, Ryker bore the weight. She always had respect for his strength, but until this moment, she hadn’t realized how well he did his job.