Jake slowed and carefully took the winding descent into the small township of Wiseman’s Ferry.
“Thanks for the warning,” he said, giving her a quick smile before turning his attention back to the intersection.
“You’re welcome.” What was it about Jake’s smile, his presence? The intriguing way his mouth curved ever so slightly when he was close enough to kiss her, sent funny little ripples through her body. She hadn’t expected to feel like this, not so soon after Mark’s death. Surprisingly, she’d begun to enjoy Jake’s company after all those months of self-imposed solitude. Risky as it was to acknowledge such things, even to herself, she had Jake to thank for feeling alive again.
Nicolette could almost see his mind ticking over and wondered what he was thinking, this very masculine man whose presence seemed to snatch away the air inside the car.
“You’ve changed, Nic.”
So that’s where his mind was. On her! She couldn’t deny the thought thrilled her, though at the same time, Nic felt apprehension feather down her spine. And she liked that he’d shortened her name.
So far, she’d kept her attraction for Jake safely tucked away. If she didn’t dwell on it, then she’d be okay. The fact that she felt drawn to him wouldn’t get the better of her; make her do something silly and reckless.
“What do you mean?” She turned sharply to face him and kept her gaze fixed on his face. On the dark eyes and strong masculine features. He couldn’t make a comment like that without some sort of explanation. She just wouldn’t allow it. Deep down she searched for that old animosity, something that would serve as an excellent barrier if only she could summon it at will.
“That you seem different.” He indicated right and waited at the intersection for the traffic to clear. He spared her a quizzical glance, bringing his attention back to the intersection before making the turn.
“I mean, you haven’t changed in some ways. You’re still the home-maker I always thought you were.”
He was thinking of the pie. She’d been thrilled at how well the recipe had turned out. It had to have been one of her most successful experiments. Jake enjoyed it so much, he’d asked for another piece, then another.
Briefly, she wondered whether Mark would have liked it. She’d never know. Hurt squeezed her heart and she dismissed the thought before it took too much of a hold.
“Oh, you mean I’m not the stuck-up little snob you thought I was?”
“Something like that. You’ve mellowed.”
Nicolette turned to gaze through the windscreen. Mellowed indeed. Was it any wonder after all she’d been through? Months of anguish and uncertainty about her future with Mark had filled her every breathing moment. She’d felt betrayed. There were times she’d suffered such desperation, hurt and anger, she’d wanted to walk away from their situation and forget they’d ever had a life together. Guilt, frustration, caring, resentment had riddled her emotions until they were so scrambled there were times she thought she might never be in charge of them again.
“Maybe you’re right, to a certain extent. I’ve grown up a lot since you and I first met.”
“I won’t argue with that...not yet anyway.” He flashed her a quick tentative grin but she ignored his remark.
Time for some soul searching...again. Heaven knows she’d done enough of it over recent months.
“I...I thought Mark was a pretty good catch and was thrilled that someone like him would be interested in a homebody like me.”
He’d done wonders for her battered self-image. She’d reveled in the thought that her life would have some stability and security and she’d have a home of her own—something she’d longed for since her teenage years. Her father had moved around with his work, and on a previous overseas posting, she’d remained in boarding school in Australia—a hurt, shy teenager, unsure of her parents’ motives for not taking her with them. Though they said her schooling had to take priority, she had the distinct impression they thought she’d get in the way. Of what, she wasn’t sure. The feeling of abandonment had stayed with her until her marriage. Now that Mark was gone, that familiar feeling toyed with her emotions when she was at her lowest.
Fear gripped her heart each time she thought that maybe she’d been the cause of Mark’s depression, even though she’d done all in her power to make him a good wife, make him happy.
“I thought I knew everything when I married Mark.” When he’d offered to settle down, she’d been thrilled that someone cared enough about her to consider her feelings.
“I expected we’d live happily ever after and life’s little problems would pass us by. Naïve of me, I know.” She felt the tremor in her voice and wondered if Jake noticed it as well. How much should she tell him?
“Go on.”
“Mark swept me off my feet. I’d never met anyone quite like him. And when he wanted to give up his wandering lifestyle for me, I was over the moon. I didn’t expect him to do that, though never questioned his reasoning or whether that was the right thing for him to do. I knew I could never settle for a part-time relationship. I suppose I didn’t know Mark as well as I thought, or should have. Silly as it sounds, I...I felt honored that he’d want to do that for me.”
“Quit his career, you mean?”
“Yes. I can see all too clearly now that it was a foolish romantic notion. Life just isn’t like that.” She took a breath. Had she been rambling? “Why am I telling you all this? Why should I tell you anyway?”
“Because I asked. And I need to know...about Mark...and you.”
What would he say if she told him there were times she wanted to kiss Mark better—a magic kiss that would immediately heal him, and other times when she wanted to leave him for making their lives so miserable?
Jake slowed the car to a crawl after checking to make sure no one was behind him. “That’s where we’re having lunch, right?” He inclined his head slightly toward the old two-storey pub.
“Yes.”
He accelerated and drove a little further down toward the river. “We’ve got a few minutes to spare. Do you mind if we take a look around before we eat?”
“No, of course not. Go for it.”
He parked the car, climbed out and walked around to open the door for her.
“Thank you,” she said, stepping out into the warm sunshine.
“It’s a long time since I’ve been to a place like this.” Jake surveyed the surroundings as if trying to remember the last time. “It’s so peaceful compared to where I’ve been living for the past couple of years. I still find it hard to believe there are places like this left in the world. A peace you can breathe in every moment of every day.”
Nicolette looked around at all she’d taken for granted and found it hard to imagine a life without peace and quiet and freedom. In many respects, her life, indeed her world, had been quite sheltered. Now that Mark was gone, the only thing disturbing her peace these days took the undeniably and potently masculine form of Jake Harrigan.
“Probably the last time you were in a place like this was when you came back for the wedding. Remember we all went out for tea at that old pub...somewhere in the Blue Mountains, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, now I remember.”
It had been a happy night, Nicolette recalled. Mark had been in fine form, full of hope for their future together, as had she.
How things had changed.
“Let’s walk,” he suggested. Jake’s fingers rested momentarily in the small of her back as he guided her across the grassy area toward the ferry dock. She liked the warm reassurance and comfort of his touch and wished he’d left them there.
“I seem to remember you didn’t say much that night,” she reminded Jake. “I got the impression you weren’t very happy about our marriage.”
At least Jake had the grace to look just a little bit guilty. He ran his fingers through the dark drift of waves that fell against his brow. If the action was meant to brush them aside, it didn’t succeed.
“You’re right.
I wish I could say I was drunk that night. But it wasn’t that at all. I wasn’t particularly pleased because I thought Mark would wreck his life by marrying, settling down in one place, with one woman...a woman who expected him to rearrange his life to suit her. I thought Mark could have done better. Or preferably, stayed single.”
He couldn’t know how much his words hurt.
“Like you?”
“Yeah.”
“And now you think otherwise?”
“Maybe.”
“That’s typical of you, Jake.”
“I know. I’ve misjudged you badly. And I’m sorry for that. It didn’t really occur to me at first that Mark was happy, that marriage was what he wanted. It was something I knew wasn’t right for me and didn’t want to believe it was right for Mark either.”
She was aware of the tension within him.
“I had difficulty in accepting Mark’s decision and couldn’t get past that. I expected us to work as a team for a long time to come.” He paused. “You know the mentality—why change what works?”
“You don’t believe in marriage?”
“Yes, I do. For other people. It’s not for me. I like my life the way it is—uncomplicated, not having responsibility for someone else. I like my freedom. And I like being on the move. It’s as simple as that.”
Standing at the edge of the river, he turned and studied her for a long moment.
“I just couldn’t understand why Mark would want to give it all away. Now I know a little bit more about you, I can see why he did.”
He reached out and brushed a finger along her cheekbone, allowed it to linger, along with his dark assessing gaze that caused a quiver right down to her toes. His gaze lowered to her mouth and she tried hard not to moisten her sun-dry lips. The burning lazy heat slowed the air around them. Jake seemed mesmerized and Nic felt it too. Then Jake lowered his arm and the moment was lost.
Nicolette took a deep breath. “Don’t you want a family of your own one day? A place to settle and call home?”
“Those aren’t high on my list of priorities. I know they can be snatched away in a heartbeat. I’ve seen too much.”
Jake Harrigan was a curious man. Nic was tempted to ask him what was on his list of priorities. She’d also misjudged him, perhaps. She couldn’t blame him for wanting an uncomplicated life. Didn’t everyone? Heaven knew the kind of job he did brought its own hassles. But now, with his scrutinizing gaze sweeping every inch of her, Nicolette found herself involuntarily wondering just what a fling with Jake Harrigan would be like.
“So tell me more about you and Mark.”
His husky voice broke into her thoughts that were becoming more intense by the moment, or was it the summer heat that took away the air, scrambled her brain?
“There were a lot of things about our marriage, about Mark, that I could never have foreseen. If I’d known what was ahead of us...I...I may not have married him.”
Jake looked at her sharply. “After all he did for you?”
An awareness of how much she’d said, without giving away details, made Nicolette put up her guard. There were some things she didn’t want to discuss and she was afraid Jake’s easy manner would coax those things from her. The worst of it all was that she did want, need, to talk about it. She’d kept things to herself far too long.
“Don’t get me wrong, Jake. I loved Mark with all my heart. I would have done anything for him.” She felt the hint of tears at the back of her eyes. She lived for the moment when she could recall her marriage and Mark with dry eyes and a lot less uncontrolled sentiment and without that telltale tremulous tone.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Yes, but not with you.
His hand touched her elbow and they continued to walk along the edge of the river.
“Not particularly, except to say I don’t think either of us was really prepared for marriage. Mark gave up so much by quitting his job. I should never have let him do that. It wasn’t the right thing for him...for his personality.”
Once again, Jake paused and turned to face her. His hand rested lightly on her shoulder. At his touch, her heart shivered in anticipation. Of what, she couldn’t have said. It was just one of those sensations that left her feeling on the crest, ready for a new turn in her life.
“It was his own choice, Nic. From what you’ve said, there probably wasn’t anything you could have done about it anyway. You know now stubborn Mark could be. Once he’d made up his mind about something, that was usually it.”
The soft reassuring tones of his voice pampered her. “You knew him well.”
He smiled, a wistful expression on his face, as if remembering something he and Mark shared. His arm dropped to his side and she missed the warm gentle pressure of his touch.
“I couldn’t have not known what he was like, since we spent so much time together in stressful situations. Those kinds of circumstances tend to show what makes a person tick.”
“He’d changed, Jake. Somewhere in those months after he quit working with you, he changed. And that’s the part that’s hardest to deal with.”
She saw curiosity in the depths of his dark eyes, felt moisture threatening in her own. If she said any more, she’d lose her fragile control of those tears and tell him more than she was comfortable with.
Nic still wasn’t sure if she’d been the sole cause of the unhappiness leading to Mark’s depression. They’d had their difficulties adjusting to married life. Had she expected too much of him? Not given enough of herself? Lord knows she’d questioned herself over and over about where she might have gone wrong until she thought she’d lose her sanity. Eventually she resigned herself to the fact that she’d never really know, that speculation resolved nothing, simply made her feel worse.
“Are you hungry?”
Jake blinked at her sudden change of subject. He studied her a moment longer and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. As long as he didn’t ask questions she wasn’t prepared to answer.
“Come on, let’s go check out this historical inn.”
He smiled at her, that smile she found hard to resist.
“Yes please. I’m hungrier than I thought.”
Relief washed through her as Jake escorted her back to the car. A few moments and he pulled up across the road from the pub, climbed from the car and walked around to open her door.
She liked that about him. The gentleman beneath the wild adventurer. In spite of what she’d told Jake earlier about Mark being a gentleman, he’d always left her to fend for herself. That in turn had caused her to wonder if Mark really respected her. His subsequent change of behavior had led her to wonder a lot of things...things she’d never have an answer for.
Jake ushered her around the car, checking for oncoming traffic before escorting her across the street.
“How long ago did you say it was built?” His gaze roamed over the sandstone colonial style building with its green and cream trim, the colors clean and sharp in the bright sunshine.
“1817.”
Nicolette glanced at her surroundings.
“Do you want to sit outside or inside?”
Always the gentleman, looking after his lady. Jake’s thoughtfulness made her feel warm, special, protected. Was he like this with all his women? She couldn’t help the tiny smile that played around her mouth though she didn’t want him to think he amused her. And since when did she consider herself one of his women? Heavens, entertaining that thought would get her into serious trouble.
She couldn’t help but wonder if colonial ladies kept company with handsome rascals of their times...the equivalent of bad boys like Jake. “Let’s eat out. It’s such a lovely afternoon.”
“Fine by me.”
A few bikers sat at the wooden picnic benches nestled beneath the tall palms. A rock wall defined the boundary of the eating area, separating it from the footpath.
Nicolette took a seat. “Look at those lion heads on the brick pillars. I wonder how old they are.”
/> “Quite old, most probably. There’s a lot more to Wiseman’s Ferry than I’d imagined. Who would have thought a place like this would boast a bowling club and a golf club.”
Nicolette smiled. “It’s quite a popular getaway spot on the weekends.”
“I can see why. Are you ready to order? I could eat a horse and chase the rider.”
Nicolette laughed. “Yes, let’s order. I’m starved too.”
* * *
Nicolette pushed her plate away. “That was so good.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Jake watched her as he pushed his own plate toward the center of the table.
“Do you want dessert?”
She shook her head. “You have some if you want. I’ve already got an excess kilo or two to work off, so no dessert for me, thanks.”
Instantly Jake thought of that fluorescent pink bikini, the way it barely covered her. His blood began to heat, and not from the warmth of the day.
“You look great in that pink bikini. You don’t need to lose anymore weight.”
Her honey-gold gaze washed over him. His heart warmed even more with her smile.
“That’s very kind of you to say so, but if I’m to resume my dancing career quite soon, I have to keep in shape.”
Now wasn’t that typical of a woman...impossible to convince her body was perfect the way it was.
“So, you’re still dancing?”
“Yes, though I did have a break for a while.” She hesitated as if unsure about something. Then she went on. “A dancer friend told me about a new production he’s putting together early next year. I’d very much like to be part of that.”
She graced him with one of her brightest smiles, her eyes alight with hopes for resuming her career. “Now that Mark’s gone, dancing is my life. There’s nothing else I want to do.”
* * *
Nicolette didn’t tell Jake how apprehensive she was about going back on stage, facing an audience, being in the public eye again. She’d barely mixed with anyone since before Mark’s death. Only recently she’d begun to realize what a reclusive existence she’d lived these past few months. She hoped and prayed her former level of confidence would surface when she needed it most.
December Heat Page 5