“So what’s your dream?”
“If I tell you that, you’ll think I’ve been out here in the sticks too long, and the heat of the December sun has pickled my brain.”
“Come on, tell me,” she urged, resting a hand on his forearm, enjoying the feel of his warmth beneath her fingers.
“I’ve never told anyone. The more I think about it though, the more it appeals to me. Promise you won’t laugh?”
“I promise I won’t laugh. Come on, Jake, it can’t be that bad.”
He took a deep breath. “I’d like to sail around the world.” He looked down at her and grinned at the stunned expression on her face. “That’s not what you expected, is it?”
“No, it isn’t. And I’m not laughing.” Whatever she’d been prepared for Jake to say, it certainly wasn’t that.
“You know, the more I think about it, the more feasible it seems. If I could get some backing, make some documentaries, it just might work.”
“Don’t you ever get tired of being on the move? Not having a place to call home?”
“Not very often.”
A hint of wistfulness flickered in his eyes, and then it was gone. Nicolette wondered whether deep down, Jake did entertain the thought of a different lifestyle from time to time. However, she decided not to push it.
“I’m tired of seeing so much destruction, people dying, being forced out of their homes to fend for themselves in frozen wilderness, the look of total despair on their faces.”
“You must find it very quiet here, so far away from your usual way of life.”
“Yeah, a bit. I’d forgotten how healing peace and quiet can be. And the company helps.”
The tender warmth in his eyes almost stole her breath.
“Why are you going back?” She forced herself to breathe.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Life goes on. Besides, it’s what I do. It’s me.”
She nodded. “We deal with circumstances the best way we can.”
“Is that how you do it?”
“Yes,” she said in a slightly uneven voice. “Moment by moment if I have to, just to get through a day.”
“You’re special, Nic.”
She shrugged.
He reached for her. “Come here.” He opened his arms invitingly. “I need a hug.” She stepped into his embrace and he closed his arms about her, like the folds of a cape, and hugged her tight.
Nic closed her eyes. It felt so good to be held again, even if her feelings were confused when it came to Jake. She knew what she wanted and what she didn’t want, but with their semi-naked bodies pressed against each other, the water gently lapping at them, her ideals seemed to clash with the intimacy of her senses.
“Tell me, Nic....” His voice was gentle. “What did Mark do with himself?”
Nic chilled. Her heart stumbled. “Wh...what do you mean?” She didn’t want Jake to know the circumstances of Mark’s death. Not yet. She’d tell him in her own good time...maybe. She told herself it was because he’d had enough of a shock, and Nic merely suspected Mark had taken his own life. If she related the circumstances to Jake, would he believe Mark’s death was suicide, that she was to blame, that she hadn’t done all she could to prevent him from taking such drastic action? As if Mark hadn’t put her through enough. She didn’t want to subject herself to more unnecessary anguish.
“What kind of work did he do? We lost contact for a while. I’ve no idea what his life was like.”
Not what you think, she could have told him. “You probably knew him better than I did in some ways. He changed his mind often about what he wanted to do. You know he was keen on photography?”
Jake nodded.
“He got quite good at it too. For a while he enjoyed it, but then he slowly lost interest.” Lost interest in life, she’d almost said but stopped herself in time. There wasn’t any point in Jake knowing that Mark had just given up. Already she’d said too much. Jake’s gaze burned into her.
“Would you like to see some of his work later?”
It was too late to recall the words. She hadn’t meant to offer, but felt she had to say something to change the subject before Jake’s curiosity forged questions she’d prefer not to answer. “Only if you want to, of course.” Surely he’d decline. She crossed her fingers behind her back.
“You don’t mind, do you?”
Disappointed, she shook her head. “No, of course not.”
She kicked off from the side of the pool and began to swim its length in long slow strokes. At least if her face was in the water, Jake wouldn’t see the effect the conversation had on her. She’d give Jake a selection of Mark’s work, and then stay out of the way until he’d seen it all.
Chapter Eight
“Nicolette, there’s a man getting out of your pool!”
Magenta, with Kylie resting on her mother’s shoulder, stared through the sliding glass door which led out to the pool.
“Wow!” Her breath rushed out. “Look at him. He’s gorgeous.” She fanned herself with her hand.
Nic smiled at her friend’s reaction. “Eyes off, Magenta, you’re a happily married woman...and a mother!”
“What’s that got to do with enjoying the local scenery?” she asked indignantly, her gaze glued to the window.
Nicolette followed her vision beyond the glass.
Jake walked to the lounger where he’d left his towel. His tautly muscled body glistened in the sun. He looked magnificent, and she related well to how he’d captured Magenta’s attention. Her own heart felt like it was doing pushups.
“How long have you been hiding him away in this lonely house of yours? He’s gorgeous, Nicky.”
“I’m not hiding him. He’s a friend of Mark’s. He’s not my lover, for goodness sake.” She drew away from the glass, not wanting Jake to know he was being observed and talked about, but Magenta had no qualms about openly drinking in the sight of him.
“They used to work together. He’s staying here for a little while. He’ll be gone again right after Christmas.”
Magenta dragged her gaze away from Jake and turned to Nic who knew her friend well enough to know what was coming next. Magenta raised an eyebrow, suspicion written all over her face. “Sure, Nicky,” she said. “Pull the other one.”
“It’s true! There’s nothing going on here.”
“Would you like there to be?” Magenta’s voice was soft, coaxing.
“No, not at all. He’s just a friend. That’s all there can be between us. He works in Europe, my life is here. And we are too different, want different things from life.”
“You know they say opposites attract.”
“I know, but in this case, it would be a disaster. One day I’d like a family, a baby just like Kylie.” She stroked the back of her finger gently on Kylie’s tiny delicate fingers. “I could never have that with Jake. He likes to keep on the move. I want someone who will share a house with me, be there when I need him, day in and day out.”
“You had that with Mark.”
“Yes, I know. And look what a disaster that turned out to be. Mark and I weren’t right for each other, but we didn’t realize it at the time. I don’t want the same thing to happen again.”
Magenta nodded in understanding. “Even so, you can’t closet yourself away indefinitely. Take advantage while he’s here. Live a little.”
That’s what Nic was afraid of...that she’d give in to temptation and enjoy it too much. Jake’s departure would be too much of a wrench on her already fragile emotions.
“So what’s your friend’s name?”
“Jake...Jake Harrigan.” Nic waited for the penny to drop.
“Oh, not the Jake Harrigan, from the television?”
“The very same.”
“Oh my. I didn’t recognize him without his clothes. He’s even more gorgeous in the flesh.” She stole another glance through the window. “Look at the way he moves. Why Nicky, he almost prowls.” She gave a low feminine growl. “Great body too.”
>
Nic couldn’t resist. “I hadn’t noticed.”
Magenta spun around. “Lord, Nicky, when are you going to start living again?”
“When I’m ready, and not before,” she said, watching Jake make his way toward the glass sliding door.
“Morning, ladies,” he said as he entered the room, towel slung low on his hips, his gaze lingering on Nic.
“You must be Jake.” Magenta held out her hand. Jake turned his attention to her, grasping her hand in both of his.
“That’s me. You must be Kylie’s mum.”
“Magenta.”
He smiled at her, Magenta beamed back at him, and Nic thought she might as well not have been present, but then Jake turned to her and gave her one of his smiles that he seemed to save especially for her. A personal kind of smile, a smile that sparked a warmth in his eyes. Her heart raced, she warmed all over, and smiled nervously back at him.
She felt Magenta’s gaze flick from her to Jake and then back again. Nic tried not to give anything away beneath her friend’s scrutiny.
“Breakfast is ready if you’d like some,” Nic suggested, not knowing what else to say and trying desperately to hang on to her cool.
“Thanks. I’ll just put some clothes on first.”
Nic glanced at Magenta, knowing what her friend’s likely comment would be. Magenta looked innocently at her and Nic returned the look with a frown.
“Are we looking after Kylie today?” Jake asked, directing his question at Nic.
“Yes.”
“Good. She’s so beautiful,” he said.
“You should see him with her.” Nic couldn’t help it. “She just loves him.”
“The baby has great taste, like her mother,” Magenta replied. “Now, on that note, before you frown at me anymore, Nicky, I’d better be off or I’ll be late.”
“Here, let me.” Jake held out his arms.
Magenta handed her precious little bundle to Jake who cuddled the baby close to him.
“I’ll see you out,” Nic offered. Anything to get her away from the semi-naked Jake who looked way too appealing cuddling a tiny baby to his well-muscled chest.
She walked Magenta to the door. “He likes babies,” she whispered. “How could he not be interested in having a family of his own?”
Nic shrugged. “Take it from me, Magenta. He’s not into that sort of thing. It definitely wouldn’t work for us.” She opened the door for her friend.
“Seriously, Nicky, you’re going to have to get a life.”
“Dancing is all the life I want right now. At least that doesn’t cause me any heartache.”
“Maybe so, but you’re a vibrant young woman going to waste here in the wilds. Don’t wait too long or you might regret it.”
With that, Nic closed the door and turned to face Jake.
But he was gone.
She found him in the room where Kylie slept, and watched silently from the door as Jake changed the baby’s nappy. All the while he crooned softly and Kylie looked up at him, her little fists stabbing at the air, a trusting expression on her face as she cooed back at him.
Nic’s heart clenched. If only she could trust her own heart to Jake in the same way. She could do it easily enough...if there was no risk of permanent damage.
* * *
Nic rubbed Kylie’s back gently. “There, there,” she cooed softly. Kylie’s little legs tucked up under her as the whimpering grew louder. “Let’s get rid of that nasty old pain.” She continued with her stroking movements, applying slight pressure to the tiny defenseless body slumped on her shoulder.
A hard burp filled the air. “There, that’s better.” Exhausted, Kylie relaxed against Nic’s shoulder and sighed.
Nic sat in the love seat on the verandah and began rocking gently. Jake’s gaze focused on her the minute she’d arrived with the baby.
“You seem to know what you’re doing there.”
Images of Jake changing Kylie’s nappy popped into her mind. I’m not the only one. She would cherish that memory long after Jake was out of her life. She doubted anyone else had seen that side of him. Not even Mark.
Nic shrugged. “I suppose so. It’s not that hard when you know what to do. Sometimes in high school, when we lived in the city, I’d baby-sit for the neighbors.” She rested her cheek against Kylie’s warm head, the barely visible covering of hair like soft downy velvet against her skin.
“Are you doing anything special for Christmas?”
Nic’s heart tumbled. I want to spend it with you, were the first words to enter her head. “Nothing special.” Her voice trembled and she hoped Jake hadn’t noticed.
“Not going to spend time with family, friends?”
“Magenta suggested I spend Christmas with them, but I haven’t decided yet.” Anything would be better than spending it alone.
Should she ask him?
“And what about your family, parents, brothers and sisters? Surely they aren’t abandoning you, not this Christmas.”
“I don’t have any brothers or sisters. My parents were posted to London last year. That’s why Mark and I were able to live in this house. They were coming home in time for Christmas, but Dad’s posting has been extended for another six months.”
Jake nodded.
“I don’t have any plans to join them.”
“Why not? It beats sitting here in the bush on your own. London is exciting at Christmas. It’s a world all its own...so far removed from the December heat.”
Nic was almost too embarrassed to tell him exactly why not. Most people laughed and told her she was a big baby. She took a deep breath. “I...I don’t like flying, especially as far as the UK. So, there’ll just be me.” Regret laced her voice. She dreaded being alone at Christmas.
Jake didn’t laugh and she silently thanked him for it. “A lot of people don’t like flying. Have you ever tried?”
She nodded. “Once. I flew to New Zealand with the dance company. Was sick as a dog all the way there and back. It was a real nightmare. That’s how I met Mark. He was sitting beside me on the way over and helped me through it. He made me laugh.”
She paused at the memory. “At that point I didn’t care if I lived or died. I just wanted to get off that plane, get my feet on the ground. I promised myself never again.”
She laughed gently. “He couldn’t believe that on the flight back to Sydney, he’d been allocated the seat next to mine. He told me at least he knew what he was in for during the flight and was more prepared. After the first time, there could be no surprises for him.”
“Mark had a weird sense of humor sometimes.”
“Yes, he did. And what about you?”
Their gazes met and held. Kylie sighed heavily into the silence.
“I don’t think my sense of humor is as weird as Mark’s was.” He looked thoughtful, as if trying to recall some past example.
“I meant Christmas. I know you don’t have a problem with flying.”
“You’re not the adventurous sort, are you?”
She shook her head. “I like my home. It’s where I feel comfortable, safe.”
Jake’s smile warmed her, gave her courage.
“If you don’t have any plans, you’d be most welcome to stay on for Christmas.”
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. I’ve made tentative arrangements elsewhere, but nothing is set in stone.”
She smiled, not sure if she was relieved Jake would be out of her hair or disappointed he might be.
“Tell me about you and Mark, Nic,” he said softly. “There’s so much about your lives I don’t know. From what you’ve said, there were, er, problems....”
This was dangerous ground. How much should she tell him? Would he think less of her if he knew the truth about Mark’s death? She’d barely been able to admit it to herself, let alone voice her thoughts, except to Danny in a weak moment. But she knew he’d take her secret to the grave with him.
“When I gave up my career to take care of Mark....”
/>
“You gave up your career for Mark?”
“You didn’t know that, did you?”
“No, I did not. When you said you’d taken a break, it never occurred to me it was...well...permanent, and I’d always assumed...never mind. Go on.”
“Mark had made a decision to walk away from a job he loved to do. It was...it was something I needed to do.” It had been a wrench to give up all she’d worked so hard to achieve. But Mark had needed her and she felt she’d had no choice. She’d done all in her power to help her marriage survive its first crisis. But there were just some things that couldn’t be done single-handed.
“You must have loved Mark very much.”
“It wasn’t only that. I wanted our marriage to work. It was a commitment I intended to honor.”
Kylie stirred against her shoulder, providing the perfect excuse. “It’s time I put her down again. Will you excuse me?”
* * *
Jake selected some easy listening music from Nic’s collection and busied himself in the kitchen. More and more, he felt drawn to her. He had the feeling he’d upset her, asking about her marriage to Mark. Not that he was prying. He just couldn’t rid himself of the feeling Nic needed to get something off her chest. If she didn’t want to talk, then so be it, but the least he could do was encourage her.
Lost in his own thoughts and preparation of the most romantic dessert he’d ever tasted, Jake looked up in surprise when she walked into the kitchen.
“Back so soon? Did Kylie settle without any fuss?”
“Yes, she was worn out, poor little thing. Magenta said she had a wakeful night.”
Jake looked at the tiredness around Nic’s eyes, the drawn look on her face. “It seems Magenta and her daughter aren’t the only ones who had a restless night.”
Nic nodded. “You got that right.”
Jake focused his attention back on the bowl and resumed whisking the fluffy pink mixture.
“What are you making?”
“Something sinful and delicious.”
“Oh, I’ll take sinful any day over delicious,” she replied, a teasing grin on her face.
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