‘Amber?’
‘His wife. A Glamazon ex-model with a successful fashion line.’ A bitter laugh caught in her throat. ‘You can trust the married ones, right? Anyway, he handed me a glass of wine and then took my portfolio off me and started to go through it. That was the thing that let me relax. He barely glanced at me, kept all his focus on my work, asking questions, pushing me to talk about what I wanted to do next. Talking’s thirsty work, and before I knew it, my glass was empty. He offered a second one, and when I asked for a glass of water instead, he fetched it straightaway.’ A cynical realisation struck her. So she couldn’t even accuse him of trying to get her drunk.
‘You don’t have to…’ Luke’s voice trailed off as she raised her hand to grip his arm where it crossed her chest.
‘I do. For me.’ She felt him nod against her cheek. ‘It got really hot. I remember that much, and then it’s pretty hazy. The next clear memory I have is waking up in only my T-shirt and pants in an unfamiliar bedroom.’ Her voice hitched and she had to wait a few seconds before she could continue. ‘I was on my own and the rest of my clothes were folded on a chair by the bed. When I sat up, the room started spinning and I thought I might be sick. When I finally felt well enough to get dressed and leave the room, he was sitting on the sofa like nothing had happened.
‘He asked me if I was feeling better; said I’d had some kind of dizzy spell and asked to lie down for a bit. It sounded plausible enough, but I knew something wasn’t right and I just wanted to get out of there. He offered to call me a cab, but I said I’d get one on the street. He lives in the heart of Manhattan; you can’t walk two feet without seeing one. I got my coat and left, and it wasn’t until I was in the taxi that I realised two things – I’d forgotten my portfolio, and I wasn’t wearing my bra.’
Nee closed her eyes, catapulted back to that confusing journey home. The smell of old fried food from a crumpled wrapper on the floor, the constant drone of the driver’s monologue about a recent political debate, the bile she’d swallowed back over and over as she prayed for the cab to just get her home. The knowledge something bad lurked behind the black hole in her memory ‘It wasn’t with the rest of my clothes on the pile, and the logistics of taking my bra off, putting my T-shirt back on and folding my clothes so neatly when I was out of it just didn’t ring true. I still felt really woozy, and could hardly drag myself up the stairs to my apartment when I got home. I woke up late the next morning face down on top of my bed, still dressed, with the worst headache I’ve ever had in my entire life.’
She’d had a shower, checked every inch of herself, but hadn’t found anything beyond a strange bruise on her left hip and a scratch across her lower back. With an aching void in the evening’s timeline, she hadn’t known what to think. ‘The phone rang, and the administrator from the Institute asked me to come in and see her immediately. I tried to call Devin, but his phone went straight to voicemail. When I walked into the administrator’s office, he was already there, with Amber.’
The tears started then: ugly, shuddering sobs that shook her body. When Luke led her over to the bench, she crawled onto his lap and let him rock her as the shock and humiliation of that encounter rose as hot and fresh as if it had happened only yesterday. After the worst of it was over, she managed to tell him the rest. How Devin had sat there hand in hand with Amber, sympathy in his eyes as he told her he’d done his best to shield her, but after Amber had found her bra under a cushion he’d had no choice but to tell the truth. With an absolutely straight face, he’d told the administrator she’d turned up uninvited, and acting strangely, like she’d been drunk or taken some pills. How he’d gone to fetch her a glass of water only to return to find her almost naked and tried to fight her off without hurting her.
On and on, he’d woven a web of lies and half-truths while she’d squirmed under the accusing glare of Amber and the disappointed frown of the administrator. Then Amber had started on her. Telling her how sick she was of starstruck young girls misinterpreting his naturally caring nature for something else. How embarrassed she was for Nee for making such a fool of herself. How she couldn’t believe Nee would betray the friendship and support both Amber and Devin had offered her. They’d left the room after Amber started crying, and the administrator had taken over. Said if Nee resigned from her placement and left immediately, Devin had agreed to withhold his harassment complaint against her. Unless she could provide an alternative explanation for her actions.
‘And that’s when I knew, that this wasn’t the first time. That I wasn’t the first one this had happened to. But what could I tell her? I didn’t know what had happened, had no physical proof he’d done anything other than put me to bed. The bruise and scratch could have been from when he claimed to have fought off my advances. It was my word against his. And why would a man married to a gorgeous, successful woman like Amber look twice at some bony little thing like me?’
Luke’s arms tightened around her. ‘You’re gorgeous, Nee, the most beautiful girl in the world and he’s a low-down dirty bastard. I could kill him.’ The fierceness in his voice cut through her misery. He sounded furious, but not with her.
‘I was so ashamed, I just wanted to get out of there, so I kept quiet. The administrator said I could keep the rest of that quarter’s allowance and suggested I use it for a plane ticket home. So that’s what I did. I spent the next few weeks dossing on the floor at a friend’s place, until she started to get serious with her boyfriend. I found a cheap bedsit, picked up a couple of part-time jobs, and basically drifted.’
‘You should have come to me.’ Luke still sounded pissed off.
‘And said what? Sorry I dumped you for the sake of my career. I’ve totally screwed that up so, hey, wanna try again?’ She leaned her head against his shoulder. Lord knows, she’d had exactly that conversation in her mind a dozen times or more. It had been unthinkable, though, an act of utter hubris. ‘Besides, I thought you’d moved on.’
He sat up, almost knocking her off his lap with the suddenness of his movement, and she took the opportunity to slide onto the bench beside him. Being held in his arms felt too good, and she couldn’t keep indulging herself in his comfort like that. Turning sideways on the bench, he stared at her. ‘What made you think I’d moved on?’
She ducked her head. Damn, she’d said too much. She might not have been able to summon the courage to go and see him, but it hadn’t stopped her from visiting places they’d frequented together, hoping to catch a glimpse, to at least convince herself he was okay. Only, she’d got more than she bargained for. Squeezing her eyes shut against the squirm of embarrassment, she forced herself to confess. ‘I saw you last Christmas, in The George. You were with a woman with red hair and I saw you kissing.’
‘Christ, Nee! It was you! I drove myself half-mad thinking I was seeing you here and there.’ Luke scrubbed his face with his hands. ‘The woman you saw was just someone from work. I was lonely, and feeling absolutely crap about everything so I agreed to go for a drink with her. They’d pinned a sprig of mistletoe above the bar and she made a joke about it and kissed me. It was something and nothing. The moment our lips touched, I knew there was no point in leading her on because I wasn’t interested.’ He shook his head, a bleakness in his eyes that made her want to flinch away from it. ‘She wasn’t you.’
‘Luke…’ If he kept this up he was going to break her heart, break his own again in the process. He still didn’t get it. He loved Nee Thorpe, passionate artist, a woman full of hopes and dreams. He didn’t understand she was just a husk, a woman who’d spent most of the past year serving lunchtime drinks in a rundown pub and clearing up rubbish in theatre stalls in the West End in the evenings.
She’d hoped a change of scene would do her good, that spending time with Mia would help her to heal, especially when she’d seen the incredible studios Daniel had created. Her hands ached at the memory of sinking into a fresh block of clay, the blinding fear as her fingers sank deeper into the thick brown mass while
her mind remained blank and empty. ‘There’s nothing left of the woman you knew. I’m broken.’
‘Is that it? Is that the best reason you’ve got for giving up on us?’ Luke shook his head. ‘Not good enough, darling.’
Frustrated, she jumped to her feet and jammed her hands on her hips. It might have had more effect had she not been wearing a shiny, silver puffa jacket. Her fingers sank into the quilted material making her look like a miniature version of the Michelin Man. ‘What the bloody hell is it that you want from me?’
Sitting forward on the bench, he rested his elbows on his knees and fixed his hot-chocolate eyes upon on. ‘I want you to fight for us, Nee. I want you to get some help, find someone to talk to about everything you’ve just told me. Get some proper support to deal with what that bastard did to you.’ He took a breath and softened his tone. ‘You can talk to me, of course, as much as you need to, and I’ll do my damnedest not to let my feelings get in the way. Right now, I want to jump on a plane and hunt the fucker down, which wouldn’t help at all.’
Such a threat of violence probably shouldn’t have comforted her, but it did. She gave him a small smile. ‘It might.’
Luke laughed, then sobered again. ‘I had a bit of a chat with Aaron because I was feeling all messed up about you. It helped me a lot. Have you talked to Kiki or Mia about what happened?’
She shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t know where to start.’ Wouldn’t know what they might think about it, might be closer to the truth.
He stood, watching her warily as he might a frightened animal. When she didn’t move, he closed the distance between them. ‘Same as you did with me, sweetheart. One word at a time.’ His thumb brushed her cheek. ‘You didn’t judge Kiki when she talked about her ex, did you?’
‘Of course not!’ He didn’t reply, didn’t need to, the well then expression on his face said enough. Needing to think about it a bit more, she changed the subject. ‘Putting everything else aside, how do you suggest we make a go of things? I can’t just up and move in with you again. We already did that and made a hash of it. We’re not the same people we were a year ago, Luke. I wasn’t joking when I said I was broken.’
She might have hoped to catch him off guard, but the gentle smile quirking his lips told her he’d already thought about it. ‘Christmas. I want you to spend Christmas with me, as my wife. Let me love you again, Nee. Come back to Butterfly Cove, and maybe I can help you put the pieces back together.’
It sounded so good, so tempting. A dream she’d longed for, but feared was for ever out of her reach. ‘My art’s gone, Luke. And I don’t know how to live without it.’ She choked on the last words, but swallowed back the tears. There’d been more than enough self-pity already.
‘Look at Daniel. His art nearly destroyed him, but he found a way back. With your sister’s help. You don’t have to do this on your own, Nee. You’ve punished yourself enough, don’t you think?’ His soft words stunned her. Had that been what she was doing? She didn’t know any more.
‘Christmas. I can’t promise you anything more than that. And you must promise me, if it doesn’t work out between us, you’ll let it go. You’ll let me go.’
He closed the tiny gap between them, drawing her into the too-delicious warmth of his embrace. ‘I promise.’ She wasn’t sure she believed him, was even less sure she wanted to, whatever happened.
Kiki folded the tea towel she’d been using to dry the last of the glasses. ‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’
Using a cloth to wipe the soap suds off the edge of the sink, Nee shrugged. She hadn’t quite plucked up the courage to raise the subject of Devin, but had mentioned to her about Luke’s request to spend Christmas with him. ‘I don’t know what I want, only that this is more than I ever expected him to offer me and I have to try.’ Luke and Aaron were doing their best to persuade the last stragglers to leave, but a couple of their dad’s former colleagues seemed determined to make the most of their access to the drinks cabinet.
Footsteps sounded on the tiles, and she turned, hoping to see Luke with the last few glasses, only to be faced instead with a florid-cheeked man whose name she’d forgotten, but not the lingering, damp handshake he’d given her when they’d greeted the mourners after the service. ‘Ah, this is where you’re hiding, Kiki.’
Nee caught the stiffness in her sister’s shoulders, but there was no trace of strain as she stepped forward and smiled. ‘Hello, Giles, not hiding, just busy behind the scenes.’ Giles. The name prompted Nee’s memory. Her father had introduced him as the provost at the university.
‘Yes, of course. Well, I must say you’re looking well, all things considered.’ Nee didn’t like the greasy edge to the man’s smile, and instinct made her move to Kiki’s side.
Kiki tilted her head to one side. ‘And what things have you been considering, Giles? The unfortunate death of my alcoholic mother, or my recent divorce from an abusive, cheating husband?’
Nee wasn’t sure who gaped the most, herself or the provost, whose jaw dropped almost to his chest. She turned towards Kiki, who regarded her with one coolly raised eyebrow. Damn. This was a whole new confident Kiki, nothing like the timid, quiet girl who’d let people ride roughshod over her to avoid making a fuss. A fierce pride filled Nee, and she flashed her sister an approving grin.
The provost shook his head and did his best to recover his equilibrium. ‘Forgive me, I meant no offence. I… I had no idea.’
Kiki folded her arms. ‘I don’t know what explanation Neil gave, and I don’t much care. I’m just glad to be free of him. You might consider reminding him about the university’s policy on fraternisation, though.’
‘Indeed. Well, if you will excuse me, ladies, I must just say goodbye to your father.’ In a flurry of flustered tweed, the provost took to his heels.
‘Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?’ Nee kept her tone light, but didn’t try to hide the admiration she felt.
Colour spotted on Kiki’s delicate cheekbones, proving some things about her hadn’t changed. ‘Oh, I know that was rude, but I couldn’t help myself. He always was a patronising git. I talked to Aaron on the journey up about what I would do if one of dad’s cronies started digging for dirt, and I swore I would just ignore it, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t. It’s not my shame to bear. Goodness knows the problems in our marriage weren’t entirely one-sided, but I did nothing to deserve the way Neil treated me. I covered things up for too long.’
‘I thought you were brilliant, Kiki Dee.’ Nee slipped her arms around her sister’s waist and gave her a hug. ‘I’m so glad you’re here.’
Kiki pressed a kiss to her cheek. ‘I’m always here, darling, and Mia would say the same.’ She pulled back to cup Nee’s face. ‘I hope you and Luke can work things out, but there’s no pressure from us. You’re our sister, first, last, and always, and nothing will change that.’
Tears prickled the back of her eyes. ‘Thank you. I’ve missed you all so much, and I’m so tired of trying on my own. Christmas with everyone around sounds like more than I deserve, but everything I need.’
‘Then we’ll do everything we can to make it the best Christmas ever.’
If she wanted things to work out, she would have to do what Luke had asked and fight for them. And that would mean trying to deal with the emotional fallout of what she’d been through. Screwing up her courage, Nee crossed the kitchen and closed the door to ensure they wouldn’t be disturbed. ‘I need to talk to you. It’s… it’s about what happened whilst I was in New York…’
Chapter Eight
‘So, as everyone’s going to be arriving at different times, we’re agreed that a buffet for Christmas Eve is the most practical option.’ Mia Fitzwilliams looked up from her newest project book and glanced at Kiki then Madeline. The two women nodded, making notes of their own. With less than a week until the festivities were due to start, the three of them were meeting to finalise menus and put together shopping lists. Their male counterparts had b
een dispatched to source the trees and decorations. Multiple trees had been her husband’s idea – three months married and her heart still thrilled whenever she thought of Daniel that way. It had been a long time since he’d been able to enjoy a family Christmas, and she swore he was more excited than her nephew and niece. They’d already ordered a real tree, which would take pride of place in the corner of the dining room, but he’d persuaded her a couple of artificial trees for the sitting rooms would be nice. And, in truth, she hadn’t taken much persuading. She’d missed out on enough of her own special family holidays to be excited about creating something magical for everyone. ‘Go big, or go home’ had been their agreed motto.
‘Daniel spoke to Maggie this morning and she’s definitely joining us.’ Her husband didn’t have any living relations, and the woman who’d helped him establish his photography career by hosting an early show at her gallery was the closest thing he had to family. She’d been delighted to be included, which only proved Mia’s instincts had been right to ask her. The only people missing would be her former in-laws. Pat and Bill would leave a hole in their group, but Jamie’s brothers and their children had first claim on their time at such a special time of the year. At least they would be joining them to ring in the New Year.
She placed a tick beside Maggie’s name on the list. ‘So that takes us up to…’ Mia stared up at the ceiling as she mentally counted off her list. Kiki, Aaron and the kids is four, Madeline and Richard, Dad, Maggie, the Spensers, us and Luke and Nee. ‘…Fourteen?’
Kiki winced at the number. ‘Are you sure you want to do this, Mimi? We can have Brian and Cathy at the cottage if you’d prefer.’ Bless her for trying to sound enthusiastic at the prospect. Things were still a bit fragile between Aaron and his stepmother, although, from what Kiki said, they’d both been making a real effort. They’d been added to the Christmas group after a successful weekend visit recently. Mia had offered to put them up at Butterfly Cove because she had the room, the guest house being closed for the winter. She also hoped it would take the pressure off Kiki and Aaron, who were still negotiating the early stages of their relationship.
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