Yet the not knowing was driving him nuts.
He thought he must have worn a path into the travertine tile in the entryway as he thought things over, trying to force calm and logic to take over his out-of-control emotions. He failed miserably.
Admit the truth. Lacy is the woman I’m ready to tell I love. Hell, I sang it to her. If she’s hiding something, it’s not another man. There’s more to this than I can possibly know.
Why won’t she share it with me? Did she not trust him enough?
He called her again. She didn’t answer. Sick of it, he vowed to get to the bottom of this matter tonight. He made another call.
Mrs. Worthington arrived on his doorstep within five minutes, which had given him enough time to put on his shoes and grab his car keys.
He’d made a big decision. He wasn’t going to sit back and wonder what was going on, letting doubt and unwarranted assumptions take over. He also wasn’t going to let Lacy slip away. He cared about her too much.
Lacy deserved a chance to explain what was going on. And he deserved the right to hear that explanation. He wouldn’t jump to any negative conclusions, not until he looked into her eyes and she told him what was really going on.
* * *
Lacy sat in the guest bedroom surrounded by papers. The second brown box had, underneath ten years’ worth of tax returns, a sealed manila envelope that said “Taylor.” Her middle name. The hair on her arms stood up. Someone with the name of Taylor had something major to do with her birth, and that Taylor person was probably the reason her mother had to “adopt” Lacy and why those changes were made on her birth certificate.
Lacy distinctly remembered her father flushing red and stammering that time she’d confronted him about her middle name as a teenager. Or had her mother said it? It’s an old family name.
Whose family name? That should have been her comeback. Now there was no one to ask.
She opened the envelope and removed a single document called a Consent to Terminate Parental Rights. She may as well have been hit by lightning from the jolt those words caused. She blinked, making sure she’d read the title correctly, and blinked again when her eyes went watery. Through blurred vision she skimmed the paragraphs that followed to the very bottom, where a single signature terminated one person’s parental birth rights and legally handed them over to her parents. That signature was hard to read, but the first name looked close enough to Jessica. The last name began with a T, but that was all she could make out.
It was true.
The urgent knock on the door threw her out of her thoughts and into a tailspin. Her first reaction was to ignore it, because she wasn’t sure she could move, but her body seemed to have a mind of its own. She jumped to her feet and, surprised by her speed, ran to the front door. She couldn’t go through this alone. It was too earth-shattering.
When she reached the door, she immediately swung it open. Zack!
And she couldn’t have been happier to see anyone in her life. No way could she make sense of what she’d just discovered on her own. She needed a second pair of eyes, eyes that weren’t controlled by emotion, to read and make heads or tails out of the legal document.
“Zack!” she said, turning into a pool of emotion at seeing the most stable man she knew. If he hadn’t caught her, she would’ve collapsed onto the floor.
“Honey, are you sick? What’s wrong?” he said, helping her to the couch and gently placing her there.
“It’s been crazy,” she said. “I’m so sorry. I...”
“Just take a moment, pull yourself together. But I need to know if you’re sick or need medical attention.” The concern in his gaze—like she’d seen the day Ben got injured—comforted her. And that was what she needed more than anything right now. Comfort.
“I’m not physically sick, just shocked.”
“Let me get you a glass of water. Wait here.”
“I don’t think I could move if I had to,” she said, feeling light enough to float or seriously light-headed, she wasn’t sure which. The one thing she knew for a fact was she was grateful Zack was here.
He brought the water and waited for her to drink as much as she needed. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere. You’ve had me worried.”
“I’m sorry,” she said between swallows, “Haven’t been myself.” Deciding to leave the first part of the story out—the part about being afraid to let herself fall completely for this wonderful man and what a coward she’d been by avoiding him. But the second part needed to be said aloud; otherwise, it might seem too far-fetched to be true. “Found some old papers from the attic, and one thing led to another and—” she paused to take another sip “—I might have a twin sister!”
“What?”
“I know, crazy right? Ben was the one to tell me he’d seen my double in Santa Barbara. Did he say anything to you about it?”
“Not me.”
Revived by the water, she was ready to let it all out. “Well, he wasn’t the first person to mention they’d seen someone who was the spittin’ image of me, and of course, I blew it off.” She glanced at Zack and his undivided attention. “Because, come on, many redheads look somewhat alike, right?”
“I’ve never seen anyone who looked like you before. Believe me, I’d remember.”
See, this was what she loved about Zack. She took time to smile at him for making such a sweet comment. “When Ben said one of your potential customers, named Evangeline DeLongpre, looked exactly like me, well, to be honest, it freaked me out.”
“Wow, that’s amazing.”
“That’s what all those back-and-forth texts were about at your house last Wednesday night. My mind was so boggled I couldn’t talk about it.”
“I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to say other than that it’s a relief, because I admit to thinking the worst. But I’m happy for you.”
“The worst?”
“I thought you’d lost interest in me.”
“Zack!” She cuffed him. She’d been pulling back from him for self-preservation; the last thing she’d want was to run off to another relationship. But how could he know that when she’d quit talking to him? “I’m so sorry I made you doubt me. I’ve been so mixed up.”
“So it’s not a good thing?”
“Having a twin? I don’t know what to think.”
“Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
“Okay, you asked for it. I’ve been going through my father’s papers trying to find the truth, but I’ve only found enough to confuse me. I’m pretty sure my mother wasn’t my birth mother. And just now, I discovered a paper that essentially proves it.”
“So this is why you’ve been avoiding me? Us?”
“Please don’t think I’m awful, or crazy, but all my life I’ve felt something was missing, that I wasn’t complete. I had the deepest need for a sister, like somehow I knew one was out there. And lately a couple of people kept swearing they’d seen my double. Then I find these old papers. And now I discover I’d been adopted, but only by my mother. If I’m adopted, why couldn’t it be possible there’s a sibling out there? Because, why didn’t my dad have to adopt me, and why do I look so much like him, and if he’s my real father, and there’s this sibling out there, why didn’t my mom adopt both of us? See? There are so many questions and I’m so confused. What if this person Ben met is an actual sibling! I can’t explain how bizarre this feels.”
“Mind-boggling.”
“I know! But now the paperwork points in that direction.”
“Like I said, I know a good lawyer.” He tugged her to his chest and smoothed her hair.
She could only imagine what kind of wild woman she must look like, but it didn’t seem to matter with Zack. “The thing is, I’m torn about digging deeper or letting it lie.”
“That’s a decision only you can make.” He kissed her hai
r, and she felt safe and home, and worried that it could all be ripped away from one second to the next.
“Is it wrong for me to wonder what’s going to happen with us?” he asked.
That came out of nowhere, and, boy, it was the last thing she was ready to deal with. She needed time to formulate her response.
“I feel like you’ve been dodging me,” he said, beating her to the next topic.
Her mood fell. Did she expect him not to notice? “I’ve been working to solve the mystery left by my father and mother.” She lifted her face to his, found him cautiously watching her. He deserved to know. “It’s something I’ve got to do, right now. On my own. If I have a possible sister out there, I might have a birth mother, too. Which is the craziest thought, since I lost Mom so early. I might not be an orphan after all. I might have a sister and a mother out there, who knows?”
She could tell by his not responding, that she needed to do more to convince him. “I’ve been going back and forth about letting things alone or following this lead and finding out the truth. Just since talking to you, I realize this is my one shot and I think I’ve got to focus everything on it.” She purposely left out the cowardly part about being scared to death about falling in love with him, too. That she was too afraid to listen to her heart, and this seemed like perfect timing to put some padding between them until she was ready to take a chance on loving someone again.
“What if this possible family doesn’t want to be found?”
That stopped her like an arctic draft. She hadn’t given a single thought to that possibility. “It will only matter if I track her down. Ben sent me a picture the other day. It’s someone you’ll be doing work for.”
He pulled in his chin. “Really? Then we can handle it from that angle.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“You’re saying you don’t want me to help you?”
“I think this is something I need to explore by myself.”
“I see.”
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate your offer, Zack, I just don’t want to steamroll over someone’s privacy and in the process fall flat on my face.”
“But the paperwork you have may not have anything to do with this woman. Maybe you guys just happen to look alike.”
“Yes, to all of that. But the thing is, because of this weird feeling I’ve had all my life about missing a part of myself, about not wanting but needing a sister to be close to, I have to find out.”
Lacy stared at Zack, searched his stern face for a hint of understanding, but from the great guy she’d come to know as warm and caring, he’d suddenly turned into a master poker player. She took an uneven breath and quietly held it.
“Then I guess I’ll have to wait and see about us,” he said finally. He’d hesitated and looked suspicious about her need to pursue her possible adoption and the birth mother who’d given her to her parents just when they’d started to fall in love.
“You can understand my reasons for stepping back from us for now, can’t you?”
Zack’s hands slipped from her and he stood, obviously ready to leave—why stay when she’d essentially asked him to leave? Her pulse stumbled along, waiting, hoping with all her might she hadn’t blown the best relationship she’d had since Greg. Praying he’d understand.
“I want you to be happy, Lacy. Whatever does that for you, I’m glad.”
“Thank you.” Her heart dropped to her stomach with guilt. She didn’t deserve such a wonderful guy, maybe now he’d catch on.
“I just wish you’d let me be involved somehow.”
What could she say? She’d explained why she had to follow this and that it seemed like something she should do on her own. It only mattered to her, right? No one else in the world could understand that feeling she’d carried all her life. She couldn’t deny the convenient excuse it gave her to deal with her fear of falling in love with Zack, too. What better reason to avoid him than hunting for a long-lost relative or relatives?
Zack started to leave, but when he got to the door, he turned back. “Before I go, there are some things you should know.”
She stood watching, thinking her heart was going to come apart from the pounding pulse.
“I haven’t been interested in anyone since my divorce. I looked forward to seeing you every day at the construction site. And when we started cooking lessons for Emma, I liked you even more. I know we could’ve taken things slower to see where it led, but I’m glad we went for it. I haven’t felt as sure about making love in years. Because of you.” He gave her a moment to let the last part sink in. “So I want to thank you for that right now, in case I don’t get the chance after tonight.”
“Zack, it’s not like we’re breaking up.” How could she explain that she wanted something with him she feared would be ripped away? That she’d found the perfect excuse with the adoption issue to avoid facing that truth and having to deal with him and what they might turn into.
“No? ’Cause it sure feels like it.”
She shook her head, confused and aching, unable to speak, her eyes filling.
“We’re great together, you can’t deny that.”
“I’m not.”
He kept the distance and she leaned against the couch for support, positive her knees might buckle at any second.
“No matter what else you’re looking for, I want you to know I’m here for you, right now, right here. That since my wife cheated, I got cynical about ever being in a relationship with someone again. Wondering if I’d ever be able to trust again. Until you. So, if you’re serious about me, bear with me and my mistrust, and what it requires.”
She watched and waited. Whatever he was leading up to was going to be big, and concern twisted into fear at the possibility of losing him.
“If you say we’re not breaking up, and you are being honest with me, then you have to take the next step. Admit we’re a couple. I just swallowed my pride, came over here ready to find out the worst. Fortunately, it’s not another man you’re all wrapped up in. But my coming here was a pretty damn big deal.”
It was important. And she was so grateful he cared that much about her. If only things were different.
“I am being honest about needing to do this. And I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you care enough to come here and face me. There’s no one else. I promise. But I’m an orphan and I need a family. So, though it’s not another man, it might be an entire family I never knew I had.”
He glanced at his shoes and let out a short breath. “Well, at least it’s not another man.”
Lacy laughed with Zack, but only briefly, and it didn’t relieve any of the anxiety building inside. He looked tired and sincere, and she was flabbergasted that he’d been honestly blunt with her. Her hands came to her mouth as her lower lip started to quiver.
“Surprisingly,” he said, “it still hurts.”
“I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure she could stand another second.
“I feel rejected. I can take that for myself, but I don’t want Emma to feel rejected, too.”
“I’m not rejecting you or Emma.”
“No? Seems to me you’re pretty busy looking for one family, when another is standing right in front of you.”
His aim had been straight and the pain swift. She fell apart, and probably because he felt responsible, he steadied her. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That was over the line. Too much right now. Forgive me.”
After several moments of her whimpering on his chest, trying to pull it together, with his hand smoothing her hair and her back, she forced out a single sentence.
“I’m just asking for some time to work things out.”
He sighed, his shoulders straightening, as though to give him strength. “Fair enough.” He let her go and walked back to the door. “Don’t feel like you have to work at the sites while y
ou’re doing this soul-searching, okay?” She’d never heard him sound resigned before, which was just one more thing to shake her. She couldn’t forget how important he was to her in all this. He’d gone as far as suggesting he and Emma could be a family to her. Oh, what a mess her life had been turned into. Still, she was grateful to him for seeking her out, making sure she was okay, showing he cared, even while being stern.
“Thank you. You really are amazing.” Her heart filled with a rush of love she couldn’t take right then. She held her ground rather than run to his arms as she wanted to do.
His sun-tinged brows lifted, letting her know how little sense he could make of everything she’d said and was doing. Yet, this was the best she could offer for now.
“Before I leave, I’m making it crystal clear. If you want us to be, it’s up to you. All you have to do is call. But you have to take that step, because I’ve taken mine—” he shrugged “—and it didn’t work out the way I’d hoped.”
With fingers clutching the back of a chair, she forced a response. “Your coming here has meant the world to me, Zack.” She needed him to know that.
“And still I leave alone.” He paused over the irony, and the gut-wrenching effect dug deep.
Why not just run to him now? She’d never find another man like him as long as she lived. Yet her feet didn’t budge, and her fingers were nearly soldered to the material on the chair from holding so tight.
“Having a wife cheat messes a guy up. I need to know you want me as much as I want you. And I can’t lose sight of Emma and her feelings for one second.”
“I know. I get it.” Her hands moved up to her cheeks, where a second wave of tears continued to slide down.
It was obvious he wanted to come to her, ease her pain, but as her feet were a moment before, his cross-trainers seemed cemented to the tile. “And I hope I haven’t made a huge mistake laying it all out here tonight, when you’re obviously reeling from everything else going on in your life. But I feel strong about it.” He pointed to his chest, then at her, and repeated himself. “You and I can’t get overlooked. And maybe I piled on to your problems by coming here, but I had to do it, Lacy. Had to make you know how fast I let you get to me.”
Cooking Up Romance (The Taylor Triplets Book 1) Page 16