“I know,” I nodded.
But for the first time, I truly believed that this all might be entirely my fault. If Finn was telling the truth, as these pictures seemed to confirm, I wasn’t their child. I was something else entirely. I was exactly what my mother accused me of being, and she was just more intuitive than everybody else. It was my fault because I wasn’t even human.
“What’s wrong?” Maggie asked, looking concerned. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing,” I lied and closed the photo album.
“Did something happen last night?” Her eyes were filled with love and worry, and it was hard to think of her as not being my family. She had been the closest thing to a mother I had growing up, and she had done a very good job, all things considered. “Did you even sleep?”
“Yeah. I just… woke up, I guess,” I answered vaguely.
“What happened at the dance?” Maggie leaned back against the couch, resting her hand on her chin as she studied me. “Did something happen with a boy?”
“Things just didn’t turn out the way I thought they would,” I said honestly. “In fact, they couldn’t have turned out more different.”
“Was that Patrick boy mean to you?” Maggie asked with a protective edge to her voice.
“No, no, nothing like that,” I assured her. Even though it would be easier to just blame everything on Patrick, he had been nothing but a gentleman, and I didn’t want to badmouth behind him back. Besides that, I had probably used some kind of mind control thing on him, and that didn’t seem right to do that and then talk shit about him. “He was great. But he’s just a friend.”
“Oh.” Understanding flashed across her eyes, and I think she had gotten the wrong idea from that, but whatever kept her from asking more questions. If she wanted to think that I had a crush on Patrick and he didn’t reciprocate, that was fine by me. “Being a teenager is hard, no matter what family you come from.”
“You’re telling me,” I muttered.
Upstairs, I heard the sound of Matt getting up and moving around.
Maggie shot me a nervous look, so I hurried to pack up the photo albums. He wouldn’t exactly be mad at me for looking at them, but he definitely wouldn’t be happy either. And first thing in the morning, I did not want to deal with a fight with my brother, on top of worrying about whether or not he was really even my brother.
“You know, you can talk to me about this stuff whenever you want,” Maggie whispered as I slipped the albums back in the cardboard box. “Well, at least whenever Matt isn’t around.”
“I know,” I smiled at her.
“I suppose I should make you breakfast.” Maggie stood up and stretched, then looked down at me. “What do you even eat for breakfast?”
“Nothing, usually. I barely wake up in time for school,” I said.
“Hmm,” Maggie thought for a minute. “How about plain oatmeal with fresh strawberries? Those are things you eat, right?”
“Yeah, that sounds great,” I nodded.
Something pained me when she asked that. There were so many things I wouldn’t eat and I was constantly hungry. It had been a struggle just to feed me. When I was a baby, I wouldn’t even drink breast milk. Which only added more fuel to the idea that I wasn’t my mother’s child.
Maggie had turned to walk into the kitchen, but I called after her. “Hey, Mags. Thanks for everything. Like… making me food and stuff.”
“Yeah?” Maggie looked surprised but totally happy. “No problem.”
Matt came downstairs a minute later, deeply confused by the fact that both Maggie and I were up before him. We ate breakfast together for the first time in years, and Maggie was overly happy thanks to my small compliment. I was subdued, but I managed to play it off as something resembling happiness.
It was hard to say whether I believed they were my real family or not.
There were so many signs pointing to the contrary. But they had raised me and stood by me the way no one else had. Even my own mother had failed me, but not Matt or Maggie. They were unfailing in their love for me, and most of the time, they had gotten next to nothing in return. And that’s what got me the most. They were nothing but love and understanding, and I was nothing but cold indifference. I was nothing like them.
7
The weekend was turbulent. I kept expecting Finn to appear at my window again, but he didn’t, and I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. I wanted to talk to him, but I was terrified. Terrified that he might be lying, and terrified that he might be telling the truth. It was hard for me to concentrate or enjoy anything all weekend long. I kept looking for clues in everything. Like Matt is pretty short and so am I, so he must be my brother. Then a minute later he would say he prefers winter to summer, and I hate winter, so he must not be my brother.
These weren’t clues one way or another, and deep down I knew that. But I was really desperate for answers. My whole life had been one giant question, and I was so close to finally getting it resolved.
That wasn’t everything, though. There was also that burning unanswered question about what exactly Finn had wanted with me. Sometimes, he treated me like I was nothing more than an irritant. Then there were other times, when he looked at me and took my breath away. Any feelings he had for me were probably solely related to the fact that he believed it was his duty to
“track” me, and that was disappointing.
I hoped that school would bring some kind of resolution to all of this.
When I got up Monday morning, I took extra care to look nice, but I tried to pretend like it wasn’t for any particular reason. That it wasn’t because this was the first time I’d see Finn since he had come into my room, and that I still wanted to talk to him. I still wanted to impress him.
When the first period bell rang and Finn still hadn’t taken his place a few rows behind me, a knot started growing in my stomach. I looked around for him all day, half expecting him to be lurking around some corner. He never was, though. His family had probably hauled him off to a nuthouse or something, or maybe he had failed at his job and taken off. At any rate, he wasn’t here.
“So what’s going on with you?” Patrick asked me as I craned my neck around the hallways, still on my hopeless search for Finn. We were on our way to lunch, but I was slowing us down considerably by looking around.
“Nothing,” I muttered absently.
“He’s not here,” Patrick sighed.
“What?” I snapped my attention back to him and tried to feign innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re looking for Finn, and he’s not here.” Patrick slowed to a stop and looked apologetically at me. “Look, I’m sorry about Friday night. I don’t know what really happened at the dance, but I should’ve just taken you home when you asked. I guess I misjudged Finn or something.” He shook his head, as if he didn’t quite believe that. “But anyway, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. You did nothing wrong,” I insisted honestly. To cement my image as being anti-Finn, I added, “Finn is just a total psycho. He stopped by my house a few hours after the dance, and he was rambling all this weird crap.”
“What kind of weird crap?” Patrick’s expression deepened with concern. “Are you okay? Did he do anything?”
“No, it wasn’t anything like that,” I assured him. “He just said that I had super powers or something. I don’t know. It didn’t make any sense. His family probably has him at home sedated or something.”
“Wow.” His eyes widened with surprise. “I am really sorry now. I had no idea.”
“No, it’s fine. Honest.” I brushed him off and started walking to the lunchroom again. “Come on. I’m starving.”
Later on, I knew I might regret saying anything to Patrick about Finn.
If Finn came to school again and we were to get along, it would make things harder if Patrick thought that Finn was insane. But I didn’t really think that would be an issue. Part of me knew that Finn wou
ldn’t be back to school anymore. His cover had been blown, and I wondered if I would ever see him again.
I had barely paid attention to anything all day in school, and I felt incredibly defeated when I walked to Matt’s car. I had expected to have gained something today, but in the end, I was left with even more questions. Matt noticed my surly demeanor and tried to ask about it, but I just shrugged him off. He had been growing increasingly concerned since I had come home from the dance upset, but I had been unable to put his mind at ease.
As we got closer to our house, I saw a silver Cadillac parked in front, but it looked too good to be true. I blinked hard, thinking it must be a mirage, but it was still there. When we approached, I could see Finn, sitting on the swing on the front porch. I bit my lip to keep from showing any level of happiness.
“Who is that?” Matt demanded when we turned into the driveway.
“Finn,” I replied absently, still staring out the window at him.
“Is he the boy that upset you at the dance?” Matt asked protectively.
“No, no,” I lied. Then I smiled to reassure him. “Just let me talk to him, okay?” Matt gave me a hard look and for an awful second I thought he would insist on kicking Finn of the porch or something.
“I’m going to meet him first,” Matt said.
“Sure, fine.” That actually made me really nervous, but I had no real choice.
I hopped out of the car and had to force my feet to walk slowly around the house to the front porch. Finn had seen us pull up, and he stood up. His face betrayed none of his reasons for his visit, and he had a five o’clock shadow growing, making him look older. It was actually pretty sexy too, but it would only succeed in making Matt feel even more protective. I climbed up the steps to the porch, feeling Finn’s dark eyes on me, and I did my best not to smile or give him any clue that I was happy to see him.
“Hi,” I said quietly, and Finn just looked at me. Matt stood right behind me, and Finn gave him a small nod. “This is my brother, Matt.” Finn tried to keep his eyes on Matt, but they flitted uncertainly to me when I said
“brother” before going back to Matt. “Matt, this is Finn.”
Finn leaned forward and shook Matt’s hand respectfully, but neither of them said anything. Finn was sizing Matt up, and that made me nervous. Sure, Matt worked out, but Finn was taller, and even if he wasn’t, I didn’t want them fighting. A thick tension settled over us as they just stared down each other, neither of them willing to give.
“Matt, isn’t there something you need to do inside?” I suggested hopefully and glanced over at him. He made no motion for the door, and I wondered fearfully if he planned on chaperoning my talk with Finn.
“I’ll be right inside,” Matt finally relented. It was more of a warning to Finn, who nodded his compliance to Matt.
Even after he had turned to walk in the house, Finn stared after him.
Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at the window next to where we were standing. We stood in silence for a moment, both of us waiting until we were sure Matt had gone, but I refused to say anything until Finn did.
“He’s watching us,” Finn glanced at the window again.
“Yeah, I know.” I couldn’t see anything, but Finn was right. Matt was probably waiting just inside the door in case I decided to scream for help.
“He thinks you need protection.” Finn looked confused by the idea.
“Yeah, I know,” I repeated and shifted uncomfortably.
“You don’t need him to protect you,” Finn sounded bemused. “He wants to kick my ass.”
“I thought you couldn’t read minds,” I eyed him suspiciously.
“I can’t. It was written all over his face.” Finn had been staring at the door since Matt went inside, but he finally looked down at me. “But I didn’t come here to talk about him.” He took a step back and gestured to the porch swing. “Let’s sit and talk.”
I purposely gave him a wide berth when I walked over to the swing. He hadn’t made up for his bout of insanity the other day, and I wanted to make sure he knew that. Finn sat down next to me, with his back to the window. I saw the curtains shift inside the house as Maggie peeked out for a second, but then she saw me looking and scurried away.
“Okay. Talk.” I kept my voice low and hoped he would do the same.
“Have you thought about what I said Friday?” Finn asked quietly, and my stomach twisted.
I must’ve been hoping that he would forget about all of that, that it was just some kind of bad dream. It wasn’t, of course. I considered that it might be true some of the time, and the rest of the time I tried not to think about it at all.
“I have,” I admitted cautiously and looked down at my knees. “But… I don’t believe you.”
“I think you do,” Finn said confidently. “I think you don’t want to, but you know it’s true. This life has never felt right to you, and you’ve started to have hints about your abilities. You just hadn’t put it together yet.”
I twisted my thumb ring and tried to shy away from his unflinching gaze. It was upsetting how easily I was willing to believe something so absurd.
Maybe it was the way he said things, or maybe I was just so desperate to believe that there was a place where I made sense.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “Just because I have a temper and I’m weird doesn’t mean I’m a whole other species.”
“We’re not another species,” Finn corrected me. “We’re more like another race.”
“Oh, yeah, now it makes sense,” I replied dryly.
“This is a lot, but…” Finn gently took my hand, pressing it warmly between his strong hands. It was surprising and wonderful, and I swallowed hard to try and calm my stomach. “I want you to come with me, Wendy. You need to find out who you are.”
“I-I…” I stumbled. His proximity and his touch were making it harder for me to come up with a convincing argument, but I knew I had one. “I can’t.
My brother would never let me.”
“He’s not your brother,” Finn replied quickly, and that stung a little bit.
I had always questioned my mother and myself, and even recently I had been questioning whether or not Matt was really my brother. But I had never said it aloud, and I had never really believed that he couldn’t be, even when I believed that I wasn’t exactly human.
“That doesn’t matter,” I brushed him off. “Matt still wouldn’t let me go.”
“I can take care of him,” Finn offered helpfully, and I looked aghast at the idea. “Or you could. You could use persuasion on him.”
“No!” I shook my head, appalled. “I can’t just leave him. Even if I believed you, which I’m not saying that I do, I can’t.” I chewed my lip and looked apologetically at Finn.
“I’d like to say that I understood, but I don’t.” Finn sighed resignedly.
Letting go of my hand, he leaned back a bit and watched me. “I can say that I am disappointed.” He looked away from me, thinking of something.
“I’m sorry,” I said meekly.
“You shouldn’t be sorry.” He ran a hand through his black hair and looked at me again. “I won’t be going to school anymore. It seems unnecessary, and I don’t want to disturb your studies. You should at least get an education.”
“What? Don’t you need one?” I was too shocked to mask how upset that prospect made me. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as I realized that this might be the last time I saw Finn.
“Wendy,” Finn gave a small humorless laugh. “I’m sorry. I thought you knew. I’m twenty-years-old. I’m done with my education.”
“Why were you…” I trailed off, already figuring out the answer to my question.
“I was just there to keep track of you, and I’ve found you.” Finn dropped his eyes and sighed. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a folded of piece of paper and handed it to me. “Here. It’s my address and phone number. So you can get a hold of me, if you change your mind.”
“So you’re not leaving?” I asked, perplexed. His mission was done, and a failure, so I thought he would just ride off into the sunset.
“You’re still here, so I am too. At least for awhile,” Finn explained.
“How long?”
“It depends on things.” Finn shook his head, as if he didn’t really know. “Everything about your situation is so different. It’s hard to say anything with certainty.”
“You keep saying that. That I’m different. What does that mean? What are you talking about?”
“Usually, when changelings get about eighteen, a little after, they have some signs and symptoms of what’s happening,” Finn explained. “Your abilities start to kick in with puberty, but they’re so faint, you don’t notice. They get their full force by the time you’re twenty. So a tracker comes, finds you, and when they explain what’s going, it’s a relief. Because you knew you were different.”
He looked at me earnestly, and I did understand that feeling to an extent. It was hard to swallow, but as soon as he had told me that I wasn’t my mother’s child, it had been like all the pieces of my life had suddenly fit together. When I actually thought about it and realized how implausible that was, though, I couldn’t completely believe it.
“So why did you come for me now? And why did you wait so long to tell me? You’ve been around for a couple weeks,” I pointed out.
“You moved more than any other.” Finn nodded to the house. “We’d lost you a couple times already, and they were afraid that something might be the matter. So I was here, monitoring you until you were ready, and at the dance, I thought you might be.” He exhaled deeply. “I guess I was wrong.”
“Can’t you just ‘persuade’ me to go along?” I asked, and some part of me hoped he could. I really did want to go with him, but there was too much I couldn’t get over.
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