by Jill Patten
“Mom?” It was odd to say her name out loud and for her to actually be here to hear me. “Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Yes, sweetie, it’s just I haven’t had very much practice with interacting amongst the living and scaring the bejeezus out of them.”
Her fading was getting a little better. “Until Aaron found me, I never had a reason to show myself, so I didn’t know how the others did it,” she said with a shrug. “We probably spent a couple hours of him teaching me how to focus so I could not only appear in front of you, but also, so I could hug you when I finally got to see you.” A smile beamed upon her face. It was the exact smile I saw every day in the mirror.
Nothing in my life seemed real anymore. It all felt like a dream, and if it was, I never wanted to wake up. If I were to die right now in a car accident or some other tragic mishap, I would go forward into the other world living…or dying a happy woman.
What more could a girl ask for? A wonderful man, who had shaped and formed me into a woman I’d been learning to love and accept, and who also loved me although he hadn’t exactly came out and said it. Then we had my mother, who was here with me now. My life was complete.
“You know, Mom, I never thought this day would happen. I never thought I’d see you again until I died.” Happy tears prickled my eyes.
She reached over to play with my hair but her fingers fell right through it. “This is so much easier when I’m not distracted. Wait, that didn’t come out right. I’m not distracted by you, I’m distracted by the emotions going through me while I’m with you. There’s so much joy, it almost makes me feel alive.”
If my tears hadn’t fallen before, they were now.
She closed her eyes, reached over to me once again, and this time she didn’t try for my hair. She swept up one of the falling tears racing down my cheek. “If these were tears of sorrow, I’d scold you, but I know they’re tears of happiness because I feel it too.” I nodded. I was too choked on words to agree.
For the rest of the ride, she continued to caress me in her motherly way until we pulled into the garage. I’d partly considered to drive around town all night just to feel her touch. I wanted it to drag it out as long as possible because I didn’t know how long I would have her. Those details weren’t something Aaron and I had ever discussed. It wasn’t a subject I knew to discuss.
“Here we are. Home sweet home.”
“You have a lovely home, Lennox. I’m very proud of you.”
That odd feeling of guilt over rode me again. There was nothing for her to be proud of. None of this was from any accomplishments I’d made. I’d taken my father on a free ride, and never once had I felt ashamed about it. Not until now. My pride got in the way, and I decided to let her believe it was mine. At least for a while. I’d tell her. Eventually. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, right?
I smiled, hoping she didn’t see through my guilt. “Thanks, Mom.”
She twitched her head as if she heard something. “Oh, Aaron is already here.”
I looked at her oddly.
“Don’t look for me to explain. It’s just one of those magical gifts we obtain after we die.” She rolled her eyes as she said the word magical as if she thought it was ridiculously stupid.
We both climb out of my car. Well, Mom sort of disappeared then reappeared in front of me right as I opened the door. “This is going to take a lot of getting used to,” I muttered under my breath.
She smiled and slightly shook her head. “I’ve lived among the dead for so long; I don’t know how to interact with the living. I keep forgetting I need to concentrate so I don’t freak you out.”
“You’re not freaking me out. It’s just different from what I’m used to,” I said to reassure her.
As soon as Aaron saw me, he crushed into me and held me tight. “I’m so sorry I left you alone for so long. I should’ve contacted you instead of leaving you to worry about where I was and what was going on. I promise to never do that again.” Being in his arms made everything right in the world. “It turns out she was nowhere near the Convention Center; she was wandering around Beckford River” I looked up at him confused. “Usually when a person dies, their body lurks within the vicinity where their body lies.”
“You mean, she’s not in her grave?”
A loud crash of glass breaking against hardwood flooring startled us both. We, or I, took off running into the living room to find my crystal picture frame which held a picture of my mother, my father, and myself when I was an infant scattered everywhere. Mom was buzzing back and forth. One second I would catch a glimpse of her then the next; she stood still staring at the picture on the floor with her hand held over her mouth.
Running to her side, I wanted to hug her, but I couldn’t. “Mom, what’s wrong? What happened?” I asked frantically.
“I remember,” she whispered. Her hands still covered her mouth, and they were shaking. “I’d forgotten but it’s all starting to come back.”
Then she disappeared.
“Mom!” I yelled. “Come back, please? What do you remember?” My heart stammered with panic. She couldn’t leave me again. Could this have something to do with her body lying at the bottom of Beckford River? What happened to her?
“Aaron, where’d she go? Please find her,” I begged. Fallen tears landed on the bottom of my cheeks. They weren’t the wonderfully happy tears I’d experienced just moments earlier.
He came up behind me and wrapped his arms tightly around my chest. “She’s not gone, I promise,” he reassured me. “She’s having a flashback. I can see bits and pieces of what she sees, but I can’t make it out enough to pinpoint specifics.”
Frantically, my eyes scanned the perimeter of the living room. “Then why can’t I see her?”
“Because she’s not focused.”
He kissed the top of my head. “She’s reliving something from her past,” he said with a gentle voice. It was the way he said it that made me feel alarmed. It was almost as if he was forewarning me for what was to come.
We stood still, waiting for my mother to get past whatever was haunting her. Reaching up, I wrapped my hands over Aaron’s strong forearms he still had enveloped around me. He never once seemed fazed by my rush of tears falling onto his arms. Once again, I was utterly thankful for him being with me. It was as if he was my guardian angel. Someone God had sent down to protect me when my life was directed down a shitty path.
After what felt like hours, my legs grew tired and I rested all my weight against Aaron. “Are you sure she’s still here?”
“Yes. I know you can’t see her but I can.” Knowing he wouldn’t lie to me was the only thing still giving me hope that she hadn’t left forever.
Twisting around in his arms, I looked up at him and I saw terror in his eyes. The pained expression on his face frightened me. “What is it? Tell me.”
My pulse sped up. I could feel my heart pumping blood profusely through my veins. “Aaron, you’re scaring me. Please tell me what’s going on. What do you see?”
He released me, grabbed my shoulders with both hands and bent down so he was eye level with me. “Lennox, I need to help your mom, but I’ll be right back. I promise.”
Before I could stop him, he was gone.
Disappeared.
Vanished from thin air.
Almost like a figment of my imagination.
Sometimes I wondered if he was. The last few weeks could’ve been a dream. A crazy story I concocted up in my mind. Who else hangs out and socializes with dead people? Not normal people that was for damn sure.
Slowly, I walked around the room. Taking baby steps, zigzagging the entire length to make sure I didn’t miss an empty spot. I wanted to feel something. A zap of supernatural powers. But, I came up empty handed. Closing my eyes, I tried to connect to any type of kinetic energy surrounding the room, but again, I got nothing.
After spending the day searching the town for Aaron, dealing with the dead guy, and then finally seeing my mom, my a
drenaline was running on fumes. My body grew tired, and my emotional state was wearing me down even further. I tried fighting the fatigue but to no avail. I gave in. Laying down on the couch, I waited until Aaron and my mom came back to me.
“Lennox.”
“Lennox, wake up.”
My eyes sprang open, and I jumped to my feet. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but looking at Aaron and my mother stand before me in one piece and unharmed relieved me from all the apprehension I’d suffered from earlier.
I lunged toward both of them and sandwiched myself in a trio hug. “I’m so happy I have both of you back.” Somehow, my tear ducts produced more of the wet stuff. It was unreal how much and how easily I was able to cry. I hadn’t shed a tear in years, and now it was to the point where I couldn’t stop.
It must be true how they say love makes you do crazy things. Am I saying I love Aaron? The love for my mother was unquestionable, but I cried for Aaron too. I cried for his absence. I cried for his safety. And I cried now because for the first time in my life, I had the comfort of knowing I was loved.
Aaron pulled me toward him and held me tight in his arms. “Shh…it’s okay, baby. We’re all here now and nobody is going anywhere. We’re not leaving,” he murmured against my hair. “But, we do need to sit down and talk about a few things.”
I looked up at him, my eyes blurred from being wet. Mom stood off to the side. Something was off. She was distant.
“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” Panic filtered through my insides.
“I can’t do this yet, Aaron.” And again, she disappeared into thin air.
Chapter 19
“What can’t she do?” I pleaded, looking for answers.
He shook his head. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Sharon needs time alone tonight, she’s fine. We’ll talk about everything tomorrow,” he said reassuringly as he caressed my face.
Aaron carefully picked me up, carried me upstairs to my bedroom, and laid me down on my bed. My comforter smelled of fresh linen, and I found the scent soothing. My chest constricted tightly with each breath, and my abs became sore from crying.
My mattress gave away from his weight as he laid down beside of me. “I’m so proud of you, Lennox,” he said as he rubbed the muscles in my back with a gentle hand.
My mind was too busy running in circles to reply, so I kept quiet. I only nodded in response.
“You’ve had so many things dropped in your lap today, and instead of fighting it like you’ve done before, you embraced it. You took it by the horns and owned it. You’ve been so strong.”
His words caught me by surprise. The last word used to describe me was strong. I’d turned into a crying little bitch recently. Weak: That was the word one would use to describe me.
“You’re not weak. And by crying, it shows your true character. It shows the woman I’ve known you to be all along. You were just too stubborn to realize it.” He positioned his arm so he could prop his head on his hand. “Sorry, I’m reading your mind. I’m just worried about you and I figured the only way I can make sure you’re okay is by peeking in that beautiful little head of yours.” He smiled then leaned over and kissed the corner of my mouth.
That was all it took. Those tiny little gestures of affection were all it took to cause my heart to swell like it did with him. Nobody on earth had ever made me feel the way he did.
One corner of my mouth twitched in an attempt to smile back at him. And even though my heart swelled with love for this wonderful, loving ghost, it was also heavy with grief.
His earthy green eyes gazed at me as if he was looking inside my soul. When I first met you, I thought you were as worthless as some year-old gum I picked off the bottom of my shoe. How is it I think you are the most wonderful thing that could have ever walked into my life?
Aaron chuckled then brushed his knuckles with a feather-like touch across my cheek. “Believe me, I knew exactly what you thought and how you felt about me that day I fixed your tire.” He leaned over and gave me a quick peck on my lips. “I thought you were the most stunning woman I’d seen in all my dead years, but what drew me to you was your feisty attitude. I knew from the moment you’d sped off that your interior was just as beautiful as your exterior. There was no fooling me. But I didn’t put too much more thought into it because I’d never expected to see you again.” His thumb slid down my cheek and rubbed softly over my bottom lip. “Then that tragic day came, and you saved me. When your pretty face came into focus, I knew it was meant to be. Fate brought you to me. It couldn’t have been for any other reason. Our paths crossed for a reason, Lennox. I couldn’t ignore another encounter with you.”
He came at me hard. His lips attacked mine in an urgent manner. The kiss was deep. He was hungry…for me. I gave back just as much as he was giving. My nipples hardened as our chemistry intensified. The delicate area between my thighs heated with need. It had been so long since a man had touched me, and all I could think about was Aaron’s hands, mouth, and other extremities on me, over me, and in me. “I want you, Aaron. I need to feel you through every part of my body,” I said with a heavy breath in between kisses.
“Oh, God. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that.” He kissed me roughly and passionately, his need matching mine.
“But…I can’t,” he whispered. He shifted away from me and dropped his head, resting his forehead on the bed.
I was stunned. A little hurt. Being rejected, especially in the heat of the moment wasn’t something I had ever faced before.
He popped his head up and looked at me. “It’s not you. Please, don’t think that. It’s anything but that. It’s because of our situation. You’re human…alive, and I’m not.” His voice dripped with disappointment.
“And…what difference would that make? We touch, we kiss…why would we not be able to do more?”
“I wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to…,” he rubbed his hand over his face.
“To be able to what?”
“To finish. Okay?”
“Oh,” I said, my lips still formed in an O shape as I took in what he was trying to say without saying it.
“So, are you even able to perform?” I squeezed my eyes shut, regretting the words that just fell out of my mouth. “Wait. That came out wrong.”
“No, I know what you’re trying to say. I can perform perfectly fine,” he said with a confident smile, only pausing for a second to laugh. “The problem is, I know I would be so lost in you, I wouldn’t be able to focus on staying in human form.” He leaned over, gripped the back of my neck, nudged me closer to him, then he kissed me with the most tender kiss I’d ever felt.
Against my will, he broke the kiss leaving me breathless. “There is one way we can continue this, but I don’t know how you’ll feel about it.”
“Are you serious? How?” If he didn’t have my full attention before, he definitely had it now. “And I know exactly how I’ll feel about it. Good. Perfect. Wonderful. Awesome. Should I continue?” I asked, giving him a crooked smile.
A hearty laugh erupted throughout the room. “You can be a funny little thing sometimes,” he said, continuing to chuckle. “And a horny little vixen too.”
“If you’d gone without as long as I have, you’d feel the same way too,” I muttered under my breath.
“Are you serious right now? Um, did you forget how long I’ve been dead? And that doesn’t count how long it had been since I had sex before I died.”
“Dammit! I forgot you can hear every damn thing I say whether it’s out loud or in my mind.” I took a pillow and swung it at him. The pillow swished right through him. He’d turned into a hologram. “Cheater.”
We both laughed, and it felt good to forget about the craziness that had taken over my life in the last several hours. It felt great letting my guard down in front of someone for the first time in my life. Most of all, it felt great sharing my time with someone who saw me for who I really was and still fell in love with me.
“Is something wrong?” I rubbed my fingers lightly over his arm, allowing the hairs to tickle my fingertips.
He released a deep breath through his nose. “There is a way we can be together sexually.” My ears perked up and my eyes widened. He had my full-on attention. How?
“Dreams.”
“Dreams?” My eyebrows drew together. This sounded a little on the creepy side. I hadn’t had the best experience the last time I remembered my dream.
“Yes. I can enter your mind while you dream. We can carry on a full conversation. We can touch, play, kiss…fuck.” The way he said fuck and the smirk he gave after had me melting in my panties. He rolled over onto his back and laughed like a lunatic.
“Stop reading my damn mind!” I couldn’t help to laugh along with him. His laughter was so contagious. Besides, it felt good to my soul. Laughing this much wasn’t something I was used to doing.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just I love the way your mind works. The things you say in that precious cranium of yours makes me smile.” He rolled back over onto his stomach. His laughter disappeared, and he stared at me with heated eyes. “Everything you do makes me smile.” He leaned over to me and placed a sweet kiss on my lips. “It also makes me horny.”
“Then I say it’s time for a nap. What do you think?”
“I don’t really sleep, but I’m all for you taking one.” He bit his bottom lip and held it between his teeth. Damn, he had no idea just how aroused he had me. Never mind, he knew exactly how crazy he was making me. Sneaky bastard.
“You know it’s going to be hard for me to go to sleep. The anticipation has me wired up.”