by Lori Wick
Cash looked at him, knowing if he could tell anyone
what was going on, he could tell Russell.
"I'm all right, I think."
"How is it going having Reagan living under your
roof?"
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Cash stared at him. He should have known this friend
would be perceptive.
"It has its moments."
"I'm sure it does."
Cash stood still, his mind on the woman who was
wreaking havoc in his heart
"Have you fallen for her?"
"I'm not sure, but something is happening."
"In both of you or just you?"
"Thaf s a good question. Sometimes I see a softening in
Reagan when she's with me, or maybe 'interesf would be
a better word, but I can't be sure."
"Are you even sure of your own feelings?"
"Not to describe them. I do feel very protective of her,
but at the same time I'm afraid of her."
"Why would you be afraid of her?"
"Not of her, I guess, but for her. Because she doesn't
want a relationship. I've asked myself if she feels that way
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because of where she's been and how she's been treated,
and maybe I would be different for her, but if that doesn't
happen--if she doesn't see it that way--I would be in love
alone."
It was not the clearest sentence, but Russell got the full
meaning.
"I'm praying for you, Cash. Holly and I both are."
"Thank you. If Holly has any insight into Reagan that
she thinks would help, I'd be glad to hear it"
The meeting was going to be starting soon, so the men
joined the others. The first thing the elders did was take
prayer requests and pray together. Cash asked the other
men to remember his unusual situation and felt a peace
over having them pray for him without having to go into
specific details that might have embarrassed Reagan. And
then Cash was the first to pray. He started by thanking God
for allowing him to work with the caring elders of the
church.
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- r ' r
The rocking chair moved swiftly under Reagan s body
as she tried not to think about all she could be doing in the
house. Before Cash had left for his meeting, he told her he
just wanted her to see to Kat/s needs on Sundays and to
keep the cooking light And mat was all. ^
"But I was going to get a jump on the washing, shed
argued.
Cash had shaken his head.
"That might be why you're getting so tired. You need to
take a day off. I don't work on Sundays any more than I
have to, and thaf s how I stay strong the rest of the week.
Reagan could hardly argue with that, but at the moment
she wasn't tired. Katy had dozed off, and normally Reagan
would ha we been flying around to get a head start on the
week.
"And why did Cash wait until this week to tell me?"
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Reagan muttered, wishing he was there so she could have
it out with him.
But her feelings didn't last long. The longer she rocked,
the more slowly she moved. She thought she should check
on Katy before she got too comfortable but couldn t
manage it She nodded off while thinking about the work
she would have waiting in the morning.
Reagan opened her eyes to find she wasn't alone. Cash
was in the other rocking chair, his feet up on the stool.^ "I'm sure glad you got a jump on that wash today, he
teased her.
Reagan blinked owlishly at him.
"How long have I been asleep?" "I don't know."
Reagan leapt to her feet. "Katy!"
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"I just checked on her. She just woke up too."
Reagan sank back into the chair with relief.
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"I must have really conked out," she said, her hands
wiping her face as she worked to remove the last vestiges
of sleep.
Cash only stared at her.
"How was your meeting?"
"It was fine."
"What do you do?"
"Well, the elders are responsible for the church family.
We need to make certain that folks are taken care of, both
spiritually and physically, but we can't do that unless we're
taking care of ourselves, so we meet once a month for
prayer and Bible study, and then we discuss the needs of
the rest of the church family."
"And thaf s right in Scripture?"
"Yes. The Bible asks the question, If a man can't order
his own life, how can he lead the church? I can give you the
passage if you want"
Thank you."
A short silence fell, but Reagan was still thinking.
"Will I ever know what you know?"
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"Certainly," he was able to answer honestly. "You study
very hard, Reagan, and there's nothing slow about you."
Reagan was pleased to hear this, and she wanted to
thank him, but at the moment the thoughts in her head
made her embarrassed to even look at him.
"I'd better check on Katy."
"Reagan." Cash stopped her when she was right in front
of him.
She reluctantly looked at him.
"This is how I want you to spend every Sunday, taking
it as easy as possible."
"But now you're giving me Saturdays off, Cash. Before
it's over, I'll be working on Wednesday from noon to three
and that will be my whole week!"
Cash could only laugh.
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"I wasn't making a joke," Reagan told him, her hands
coining to her waist.
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"But you're still funny."
This got him frowned at, so he added, "Why don't you
ride your bike or go back to sleep for a while?"
"I have to check on Katy."
"I told you I just did. She's reading and making a list for
town next time you go."
This put Reagan completely out of her element. She cast
around for something to say and ended up storming off the
porch. She stopped at the bottom of the steps and glared
back at her employer.
"I'm going for a walk, Cash Rawlings, but not a pleasure
walk. I'll be thinking about all the work I have to do this
week and planning how to get it done in less time!"
This said, she stomped off. Much as he wanted to, Cash
didn't follow or comment. He had all he could do not to
laugh again.
Q/lkieleea
reagan's first saturday off was a fiasco. Meg came and
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worked hard, but Reagan could not keep still. Katy had
been in her wheelchair for two days, and Reagan felt she
had to be on hand at all times. Cash watched his plan fall
apart and put a new one into action for the very next week.
When Reagan got up he told her to change into an older
dress and meet him in the yard.
Reagan did as she was told and arrived expecting him to
ask her to wash windows, but instead, she found two
horses waiting, both saddled and ready.
"We're going for a ride?" she asked, her skepticism
showing in every way.
"Yep. I'll show you some of the land."
Reagan did not look pleased.
"I've never ridden a horse before. I don't like horses."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
Reagan's face told him he should already know this, but
she still explained.
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"What if it decides to bite me or buck me off?"
"I didn't choose a horse that would do that to you. This
animal is very gentle."
"You want me to break my neck, don't you?" she asked,
but it was apparent to Cash mat she wasn't really speaking
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to him. She was circling the animal and mumbling to herself.
"What if I don't want to?" she demanded as she came to
stand in front of Cash.
"How are you going to run your own ranch someday if
you can't ride?" the cowboy countered, and Reagan bit her
up.
"It might happen," she said quietly.
"Yes, it might."
"I mean, it would take a miracle, but God can do mat,
can't He?"
"Yes, He can."
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Cash watched her reconsider. While she was doing that,
he reached for the hat that he'd hooked on her saddle horn
and plopped it on her head.
"You'll need this."
"Oh, my," Reagan said as she took off the cowboy hat
and examined it. "If s a woman's, isn't it? Where did you
find it?"
"If s my mother's. She leaves it here."
"And she won't mind7"
"Not at all."
Cash watched her set the hat in place and adjust the rim.
She then smiled up at him, and he had to ask himself what
he'd been thinking to believe this was the answer to getting
Reagan to relax on her day off. If the day continued as
it started, he would be so weary from fighting his emotions,
he wouldn't be able to stand.
"You're sure I won't get hurt?" she asked, her little face
looking up at him trustingly.
"I can't say for sure, Reagan, but as much as if s within
my power, I won't let you be harmed."
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"You promise?"
"I can't do that. I'm not God."
Reagan's eyes grew a bit
"Are we not supposed to promise?"
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'If s not a good idea. Our word needs to be trustworthy,
but I can't promise because circumstances might enter in
that are out of my control."
Reagan thought on this for a time.
"God promises. He promises all the time. But men He
can do anything He needs to make the promise happen."
Cash was glad he'd stayed quiet so she could come to
this on her own.
"All right," Reagan said after another moment of quiet
"I'll ride the horse."
Without ceremony Cash boosted her into the saddle and
watched her immediately panic. She gripped the horn with
white-knuckled fingers and said in a voice that was very
high and soft, "If s too far up. I'm going to fall."
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"I'm right here, Reagan," Cash comforted, but it took a
moment to get through to her. She stared at him in horror
until she realized his hands were still holding her waist
"You're still holding me."
He smiled the smile that had become so familiar, and
Reagan relaxed a bit When Cash felt and saw it, he gave
her some directions on what to do and stepped back. She
looked ready to panic again but didn't say anything.
Cash climbed into the saddle of his own horse and
maneuvered him close to hers. As he expected, Reagan's
horse didn't even shift
"Are you set?"
"I can't remember what to do first."
"Give her a little bump with your heels. Thaf s it."
"We're moving!"
"You're doing fine."
Inside of an hour, Reagan was as relaxed as if she'd been
riding for years. She joined Cash when he stepped up the
pace a bit and in little time found the rhythm of the horse's
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gait Her hat flew off to be caught by the tie at her neck, and
her laughter could be heard from afar.
"I had no idea! The horse really does just what you tell
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"She's a good mount. Her name's Bessy, by the way."
Reagan reached down and patted the side of the horse's
neck. They rode on for some time before Cash wanted to
show Reagan some sights from the top of the hills. They
left the horses staked below and walked up a slope.
On the way up, however, Reagan lost her footing. With
a small cry she began to fall. Cash steadied himself to catch
her, but he was too late in responding. Almost before he
knew it, he was tumbling backward. The slope wasn't
extremely steep, and he'd have probably rolled down and
laughed about it if not for the tree that got in his way. The
back of his head slammed against the trunk and set his ears
to ringing.
"Oh, Cash!" Reagan cried. Having righted herself, she
began running as fast as she could to get to his side. He had
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already sat up by the time she got there, but he was shaking
his head to clear it.
"Are you all right?"
"I think so, but that hurt."
Reagan knelt next to him, her hands clenched in fear.
She wanted to touch his head and see if he had a bump, but
she was afraid of hurting him more.
"Why don't you lie back," she suggested. "Maybe you'll
feel better."
Cash was feeling poorly enough to take her suggestion.
He scooted forward a little, not caring about his clothing,
and lay back. There was a slight rise at the base of the tree
that was comfortable for his neck, and he settled in and
shut his eyes.
"How is it?"
"It still hurts, but it did help to lie down. Thank you."
"If s all my fault. I fell right into you."
"It's not your fault, Reagan. I couldn't get my footing."
Reagan didn't really feel any better, but it helped to have
him sound normal to her. His eyes were closed, but he was
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still talking. Thinking it would help to change the subject,
Reagan asked some questions about where they were.
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Cash told her what he'd been taking her to see and said
that if he rested for a time, they could still go.
"Is there anything you want me to do?" Reagan asked
when Cash fell quiet.
Cash opened his eyes for a moment, put his head up,
and looked back down the hill.
"Do you remember how far back it is to the horses?"
"Yes. If snot far at all."
"Would you mind getting the water I have on my
saddle?"
"I'll go right now."
Reagan hurried, so it didn't take long, and after Cash
drank, he closed his eyes again. By then Reagan had run
out of words. She felt awful. She wouldn't have wanted it
to happen to anyone, but especially not to Cash. Cash, who
was always so strong and ready to take care of others.
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Reagan looked into his face--it was rather pale--and
felt her heart squeeze. She watched the even rise and fall of
his chest and thought he must have gone to sleep. She
didn't know if that was safe, but dearly his head hurt, and
she didn't wish to disturb him.
Moving carefully, she picked up his hand and held it in
her lap. It was a hand much larger and rougher than her
own, and with gentle movements she touched his fingers and even laid her own palm against his. She prayed while
doing this, asking God to heal him and not let him be permanently
harmed. She was still holding his hand and
praying when she looked over to find his eyes on her.
Reagan let go of his hand as though she'd been burned,
color leaping into her face.
"You're in love with me, Reagan," Cash said softly, and
for a moment she froze.
It didn't last long. In less than a minute her face crumpled,
and try as she might, the tears would not be stemmed.
"I didn't mean for it to happen. I really didn't," she cried
quietly, a few tears actually falling down her cheeks. "I just
couldn't seem to help myself."
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The quiet tears deserted her then, and she cried the real
ones, the ones that hadn't been shed in more years than she
could remember. She was near to choking when she realized
that Cash was sitting up and trying to speak to her.
"Ifs all right, Reagan," he said. "Listen to me."
"But it's not all right," she told him, sniffling and
shaking all over. "I have no right to love you."
"How do you figure?"
"I just don't. I don't have any right to think that I could
have Cash Rawlings for my own."
"What right do I have to think I could have Reagan Sullivan?"
Reagan shook her head. "It's not the same."
Cash smiled that warm, wonderful smile. "If the men at
church are any indication, if s very much the same."
Reagan looked into his eyes.
Cash looked right back. With slow movements, he
reached forward and brushed the tears from her cheeks.
"You've been very hurt by someone," he said quietly.
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All Reagan could do was nod.
"I'm not that man, Reagan."
"No, you're not," she agreed without hesitation. "You're
nothing like my father."
"Was he the one?"
"Yes. I see him differently now that I understand what a
sinner I am, but the way fathers treat their children--good
or bad--lasts a long time."
"Can you tell me about it, or is it too painful?"
Reagan gave a mirthless laugh. "Even in that you're different.