Some of Fat Tony’s men make a break for their armored limos, and the robot sentry breaks that shit up tout de suite. I got them spooked, and I go with this engagement strategy as I equip item 289, my Yautja Invisibility System. Sure, I prefer my Deathly Hallows Cloak, but that’s only because I like to pretend I’m a ghost when I drape the cloak over my head. The Predator’s duds are much, much better for … well, predating. Like I said, all business tonight.
The drizzle picks up and starts to run under my collar. I equip item 300, my suicide bomber jacket, and fill the front pockets with frag grenades from my Birkin bag, item 105, which requires some custom tailorization. For good measure, I transfer the plastic explosives from my picnic basket, item 202, into my black canvas JanSport backpack, item 375, and slip into the straps.
All kaboomskied out, I take a fire escape to the streets.
Two more of Fat Tony’s triggermen step out the front, tommy guns a-blazin at the roofline. The UA571-C mows ‘em down like ducks in a shooting gallery.
Pretty safe bet that back up is on the way by this point, and I’m guessing that Charlie’s big Yakuza thugster is waiting for me inside, so I make for the entrance to the restaurant only to remember Aiden’s request. Dammit, Morning Assassin. I turn to the alley and come in through the back entrance to the kitchen, where I find the cook and the waiter, huddling together under a prep table.
“Pweeze no kill us,” the waiter begs. He’s got a few black hairs combed over his bald spot, pasted to his skull by hairspray. “Pweeze! Pweeze, mista!”
“That wasn’t my plan,” I tell them. “I want muffle Trumplings.”
Damn, it feels stupid saying that.
“How many?”
“Fill a couple of those extra-large to-go boxes. Chopsticks, dipping sauces, extra napkins, carry bag with handles. And no funny business. If you even think about spitting on them or adding a few toxic insects, you’ll be sorry, real sorry. Also fortune cookies, put a handful in.”
“Okay, Joe! Trumperings coming!” The waiter bows, and on his way up, he bangs the back of his head against the prep table. “Ouch!” I get the feeling that the chef doesn’t speak English, so I make the universal finger-to-lips ‘keep quiet’ gesture. He acknowledges with a nervous nod.
I realize then that my original plan of unadulterated kablooey won’t work if I’ve promised to bring Aiden his takeout. I huff like Sophia and return all the explosives to my list and instead go with my Weirding Module, item 245. I steady the boxy weapon in front of me and wait a moment for the red light on the front to indicate that it’s ready.
To the dining area I go, through a metal door that swings wide open.
Like some sort of predictable gangster movie, Scarface Charlie’s last resort tries to engage me with a pair of Type 56 assault rifles. The über-sonic boom from the Weirding Module neatly bisects him about waist-high before he ever gets round one off. The blast also takes out most of the bamboo dividers in the restaurant along with the tables and the tank full of clownfish. As a bonus, the sound blast cleaves both Scarface Charlie and Fat Tony in twain.
Item 260 forms in my hand, my twelve gauge Mossberg 500, and I step over the bamboo divider splinters and into the dining area.
“Please, no!” Tony cries out as he frantically stuffs his guts back inside and his disconnected legs quiver and twitch. Clickety-boom, and a load of double-ought in the kisser shuts down his whining.
“You’ll never get out of here!” Scarface Charlie flinches as he runs his fingers along the intestines jutting out of the bottom of his torso. “You’re stuck! For good! We will find you and kill you every time, you hapless fuh – ”
Clickety-boom, Clickety-boom.
I give him two good reasons to never speak to me like that again. Still, I have to give Charlie props – at least he didn’t go out like a whiny fat bitch. Oh, and he’ll respawn later, tomorrow perhaps. So there’s that. I can’t kill them dead, but I can kill them continually.
I return my Mossberg 500 to my list and readjust my trench coat.
A clownfish flops on the ground before me. I scoop it up and drop it into a half-empty glass of water sitting on one of the tables. The fish writhes in agony and goes belly up. I dip my finger, touch it to the tip of my tongue – vodka. It doesn’t take a dead fish floating in a glass of vodka to remind me that the future is uncertain.
That said, a new chapter of my life has begun. Tell me that it’s nobody’s fault but my own, and I’ll agree whole-heartedly. Still, a new chapter only signals that my story is continuing. And I’ll be damned if this is the last chapter. A minor setback, that’s what this will be, a blip on the radar of Mr. Hughes’ Outstanding Model Citizen.
I turn back to the kitchen to collect Aiden’s takeout.
One day I’ll look back at the time I got my ass stuck in The Loop again and laugh. A bittersweet laugh, to be sure, but a laugh nonetheless.
I hope that day is sooner than later.
Back of the Book Shit
Dear reader,
Thank you for making it this far in the series and rest assured, book seven will be released in the summer and its title has yet to be determined. I came up with a damn good title for it, but I want to rest on it for a couple of weeks to make sure it’s what I really want. Also, I have a lot on my plate at the moment with the new series I’m writing, so I’ll leave the dreamworld musings out for this installment and return to them at a later date.
The Feedback Loop series has really taken some strange turns, and if you are the type of person who likes to talk about what you are reading, I’ve prepared some easy to remember scripts for the next time you feel like sharing:
“A guy gets stuck in a digital dreamworld, gets out, finds out he is part of a federal team and that his former partner is doing some pretty terrible things in various digital dreamworlds. Lots of stuff happens and bunch of characters, some good, some bad, are introduced. There’s some betrayal, some deaths and some existential crises experienced by the main character. Eventually, he gets stuck again only to be reborn in the real world in an android’s body. Also, the MC is kind of a cantankerous older guy who never seems to learn his lesson.”
“The Feedback Loop is about a war between a murder guild, known as the Reapers, or the Revenue Corporation in real life, and a federally funded team, known as the DREAM team, a team which turns out to be partially funded by the Revenue Corporation, that is, until they later get half the bad guys’ assets through the discovery of the RC’s founder’s son, who doesn’t like his dad or his actions. The series stars a guy named Quantum Hughes, who is kind of a dark yet funny guy who would be a pain in the ass to partner with as he always causes trouble and doesn’t really follow orders. Later he becomes an android, which I am skeptical about, but which seems like it could be interesting in the final two books.”
For those prone to romance books: “The Feedback Loop is an epic tale of love found and love lost. It stars a hunk named Quantum Hughes, who is pretty damn fit for a guy his age and who finds himself torn between two lovers, one real and one digital. His digital love is seriously murderous babe who runs the show in one of the digital worlds he frequents. His real life girlfriend is a stable and is probably the best bet for him, but he’s too stupid and stubborn to realize it. In book six, a potential new love presents herself. Do we have a love triangle in the future? You’ll have to read the series to find out!”
“Look, there’s a lot of shit that happens in this series, so I’ll just list the cool stuff: weapons and obscure references, a war faun introduced later on in the series who kicks ass, some hot ‘dames’ and ‘broads’, toilet humor, unnecessary violence and drug usage, some pretty inventive vocabulary. Read it, and if you don’t like it, read it again.”
Here’s to my future intellectual battles with AI
Moving on, I’d like to publically admit the likelihood of me arguing with AI in the future is high. For this section, I’ll focus on Google. I already argue with Google Maps when it sends
me on some crazy side road to avoid one mile, or when it keeps telling me the exit to take when I’m already on the exit, or when it routes me on toll roads and I try to correct it only to be routed again.
So if you work at Google, and later GoogleFace, please, as a request from my editor, George, and Yours Truly, please, please, please add tweak the AI so it understands the commands, “don’t be stupid” and, “shut up” (or any form of telling someone to be quiet).
I don’t know how many times a scenario like this has played out:
(My exit is approaching)
“In a quarter mile, take exit 71 to Chucklefuck Road.”
Then an even louder female voice berates me (yes, two voices): “IN A QUARTER MILE, TAKE EXIT 71 TO CHUCKLEFUCK ROAD!”
“Okay,” sez I.
“Take exit 71 to Chucklefuck Road. Merge right, then take the right lane.”
“TAKE EXIT 71 TO CHUCKLEFUCK ROAD. MERGE RIGHT, THEN TAKE THE RIGHT LANE!”
“Enough, I get it!”
“Merge right.”
“MERGE RIGHT!”
(me asking my wife) “Why the hell does it have two voices?”
Then it’s back to the first, softer voice. “Merge right, then take the left lane.” The system uses this voice for the next five minutes or so, then all the sudden, it drops into its screaming voice again, “IN HALF A MILE, MAKE A U-TURN!”
And so on.
And yes, as of this writing I’ve learned how to correct G Map’s multiple personality disorder, but this only the latest incident in a string of incidents. Which brings me to my next point:
Has AI already started trolling us?
Imagine how annoying yet funny will it be when AI does catch up (my guess is around 2030) to our level of information processing and is actually able to troll. I’m going to be in my sixties at some point, arguing with an EBAYmazon AI about something (yes, like Quantum) or a federal government service, like the FDA Monitor. No doubt about it. And while I’ll hate having to deal with these systems – already do – at least I’ll be able to brag about how harder it was back in my day.
I can imagine a conversation with my eight-year-old grandson now:
“Back in my day, I used to argue with Google Maps all the damn time, and that was before it could respond.”
“Really? You’re sooooooo old.”
“Old? Son, I’m 69 and that’s a damn good number, but I’ll tell you about that when you’re ten. Hell, I was alive when people didn’t have the luxury of ordering something off the internet and having it delivered by drone.”
“Wow, it must have been so hard then to buy something then.”
“Hard? Ha! Adolf bin Laden Jr., you aren’t too bright for your age, are you?”
“My teacher said I was smart.”
“Did your teacher tell everyone else they were smart too?”
“Yes, everyone got a gold star and a diversity badge. She gave us candy too.”
“Do you still have the candy?”
“Yes.”
“Let me see.”
(Takes candy from grandson and eats it, even though the chocolate is half-melted).
Quantum on Cat Salts
It was brief experience, but Quantum on cat salts is a watered down version of Meme on pollutes, from the Life is a Beautiful Thing series, which is the first cyberpunk series I wrote (and am still writing!). No, there aren’t digital worlds, but the series holds plenty of things in common with The Feedback Loop, and if you’ve made it this far, you’d probably pick up on the commonalities.
My next series to be released in May and called Fantasy Online, will feature people from both The Feedback Loop and the Life is a Beautiful Thing series.
Here’s a timeline:
2058 -- The Feedback Loop
2075 -- Fantasy Online
2083 -- Life is a Beautiful Thing
Since it takes place in Tritania, lots of the Loopers will be present and since the book’s real world locale is Tokyo, which is featured heavily in LIFE books two and three, some characters from that series will also make their presence known.
But back to cat salts.
If you need more, head to your local Devil’s Alley. If you want more hallucinatory writing, click here.
The episode of The Feedback Loop series brought to you by the Colon Advisory Board
George C. Hopkins, my long time editor, really kicked my ass on this book (with good reason) and made it a millions times better than it was in its original form. AND that is not an alternative fact, nor is it post-truth! So if you found your mouth-watering at the mention of Muffle Trumplings, George is the man to thank. Boy did those dumplings go through some name changes. First they were mutton truffle dumplings from Mao’s Dirty Cornhole. Then they became muffle trufflings from Xu Jintao’s Poo Poo Dumpling Express. Then, in one of his many epiphanies, George suggested muffle Trumplings, which considering the date of this book’s publication in early 2017, couldn’t be any more appropriate. So George, who gutted and put back together the Battle at the Reaper Corral, who upped Nicky the Wig’s creep level, who fixed a huge snafu in the Russian Roulette scene (I originally had Quantum put the barrel of his weapon to his head, rather than the muzzle), who did a number of things to make this book read better, cooler, bigglier (not a word but screw it), and deadlier – thanks!
Also, thank you to the number one beta reader this side of the Milky Way, Kay, who has beta read nearly everything I’ve written. Also, a shout out is in order for Daniel H., who also took a stab at the book. I don’t have millions of readers, but the ones I do have are amazing and I truly appreciate the support!
In closing, yes, a new Feedback Loop book is in the works and it will be released summer 2017. I am knee-deep/almost done with Fantasy Online, which has taken a lot of my time as it is the epic-est book I’ve ever written. Be on the lookout for this one as well in May, and if you haven’t reviewed any Feedback Loop books, please do so. This is the best way to extend the reach of the series!
Yours in sanity,
Harmon Cooper
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Epilogue
Back of the Book Shit
Table of Contents
Cyber Noir Redux: (Book Six) (The Feedback Loop 6) Page 23