When I woke the second time, I was curled up next to Trent, with my head resting on his shoulder and my arm wrapped around him. My leg was thrown over his, and my baby bump was squished into his side. The hard kicking protest of our daughter was likely what had woken me up.
I felt him rub my back and looked up to see he was awake.
"Good morning," he said with a smile, and I pulled away and checked the time again. It was 10:30 AM. "Did you sleep well?" he asked.
I wasn't sure how to answer him. I did feel rested, but then again, his sleep humping had woken me up earlier. "I think so."
"Good, let's go get you some breakfast."
He helped me out of bed and then put on his pants. When we entered the kitchen, both our mothers were smiling a little too widely.
"Good morning, you two. Did you have a good night?" my mother asked smirking.
Trevor walked in carrying little Charlotte and punched Trent's shoulder, wearing a cheeky grin.
"We just slept. I was too tired to drive, so Clara suggested I stay."
"That was very sweet of you, Clara," Maylene said with a huge smile.
My stomach growled loudly, embarrassing me.
"Bear on the loose," Trevor teased.
"We saved a couple of plates of food for you two. Trent, why don't you warm them up?"
"Where's Tyler?" I asked.
"He's out back playing on the swing set. Meredith is watching him," my mother answered. I didn't know Meredith well, but she seemed nice and capable. I also trusted my mother's judgment of her. If she believed Meredith could handle watching Tyler, then I knew he'd be safe.
Trent ate quickly and excused himself to go play with Tyler. When I checked on them, I thought it was cute to see Trent at the top of the slide with Tyler in his lap, ready to go down.
"Wee!" they both cheered, and when they had reached the bottom, they high-fived each other. They moved to the tire swing, and instead of setting Tyler in it alone, Trent climbed on it as well, and then he held Tyler while he spun them around.
Tyler's giggles filled the backyard, and I knew by the way he clung to Trent and the joy they shared that I could never keep them apart. Watching him with my son made me want him more, and I was getting frustrated with myself. It would be so easy to fall in love with Trent, but I knew it was dangerous as well. I couldn't let myself be blinded by love, leaving myself vulnerable to be taken advantage of and hurt.
It wasn't long before the house filled with baby shower guests. The bridge club, as Trent so lovingly referred to them, greeted me with hugs, cheek kisses and belly rubs. Oddly enough, it felt kind of nice to be so warmly welcomed by them. They were all excited to see me.
The old ladies weren't kidding when they said they had to knit a mess of pink, because they had. Some also had sewed and crocheted things. Maylene seemed to have gone a little overboard with the baby gifts and had purchased several things for Tyler as well.
Trent was forced to attend, but only the second half. The bridge club doted on little Tyler, gushing over how cute he was. More than once, they mentioned that he looked just like his daddy, and I had my mom whisk him away, before Tyler realized they were talking about him looking like Trent.
For some reason, Trent stayed right by my side and kept his arm around me or was touching me the whole time. I wanted to be annoyed, I should have pushed him away and kept my distance, but that damn smile…and he smelled so good, it felt so nice to have him close to me. I just didn't have it in me to push him away. I hated that both my loneliness and my pregnancy hormones were getting the better of me. I worried that my trying not to fall in love with him would be a losing battle.
When the party was finally over and everyone had filed out, Trent and I somehow ended up alone in the living room, with our mothers and son in the kitchen, cleaning up the refreshments. Trent still had his arm around me, and I made no move to pull away. "That was a lot more fun than I thought it’d be," he chuckled and smiled down at me.
I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I wanted him. It would be so easy to throw caution to the wind and give up, to just kiss him, and love him. In that minute, I really wanted him. I must have lost my mind, because next thing I knew, my hands were on his face, and my lips were on his mouth. I could tell he was shocked, but he dove right into the kiss as well.
He pulled back panting and looked scared. "I don't want to mess this up. What do you want from me?"
I didn't answer right away. I just pulled him in for another kiss, because I needed him. I hated it, but it was true.
His arms were tightening, his hands were getting bolder, but he still pulled away. "What do you want from me?"
"I don't know," I said, still too scared to confess the truth. I was scared to tell him that I was giving in.
He dropped his forehead to mine. "We need to wait, to take things slow, until we're sure what's going on, Clara. I don't want to lose you and the kids, just because I was a horny bastard and couldn't keep it in my pants."
"I thought you outgrew that?" I taunted.
"I thought I did, too, but then I ran into you," he kissed me again. When our mothers burst into a loud fit of giggles in the other room, we jumped apart. "It's too easy to lose myself in you, Clara. I can't mess this up. Please." His eyes made my insides melt.
I whispered, "I'm scared."
He nodded in understanding, and I wondered if he was scared, too. "Come back to my place, so we can talk privately?" he begged.
I nodded yes, and he helped me off the couch. "Mom, Clara and I need to go to my place to talk. Do you mind keeping an eye on Tyler?" he asked. Maylene was quick to agree, and my mother was giggling along with her, shooing us out the door.
Once at his place, he helped me sit on the couch and sat across from me in a chair. I missed his closeness for some insane reason, but I was glad for the distance. If I was going to speak to him with a clear head, it would be best if he wasn't close to me.
"Clara, I'd like to have a relationship with you, but I'm getting mixed signals from you. Can you tell me what's going on with you?" he asked kindly.
I suddenly felt bashful and wondered where my independent personality had gone. I didn't need a man, at least I hadn't until I met Trent. "I'm afraid you're going to use me just to be close to our kids."
He confused me when he smiled. "I love it when you call them our kids." He moved to sit on the coffee table in front of me. "I'm not using you, Clara. I'm genuinely interested in you."
My brow furrowed. "You shouldn't be. You don't really know me, Trent, and what little you do know of me isn't good. I basically tricked you so I could steal your sperm."
"And you confessed that first thing when we sat down and had a civil conversation. You didn't beat around the bush or try to pull one over on me. You could've played it off as an accident, but you were honest with me."
"Well, it wasn't an accident, and I don't know why you aren't more upset with me."
He shrugged. "I guess it's because I'm excited for the outcome. Clara, do you realize you haven't once asked me for anything?"
"I asked you to keep your distance, I asked you to not tell Tyler who you were."
"You were trying to protect our son. I'm not ignorant when it comes to deadbeat dads. I had a few friends growing up who had them. I knew what you were trying to protect Tyler from, and that was why I accepted it. I also knew you'd eventually let me be more involved with him."
"How could you possibly know that?"
"Because of the way you treated my mother. You didn't allow her to see him begrudgingly; instead, you welcomed her into your lives, and invited her to stay in your home. You treated her like family. I wanted that…want it. You may not think I know you, but I do. You're an honest, kind and loving person, Clara. Heck, you even looked out for me, when I was completely rude and drunk. I knew you were leaving. I think we'd both written off that night, but you stopped me. You proved to me then that you were a good person."
"Then I stole your sperm aft
er I helped you. You don't know that I didn't help you, just so I could have my wicked way with you."
He laughed. "You had nothing but disdain on your face for me, until I commented on your boobs. I was trying to piss you off. Boy was I pleasantly surprised. If I hadn't said anything about your breasts, would you have come on to me?"
I shook my head no. "It was obvious you weren't interested. I was just going to lock your drunken ass in the hotel room, so you could sleep it off."
He grinned so widely. "You went out of your way to make sure I was safe, even though I was a rude jerk. Then when the women at the clinic were after me, you stepped in and saved me again. I wanted what you said that day to be true, so badly. I wanted us to be together, and then when you told Thelma I wasn't gay…I had to have you, Clara. Then you agreed to let me be there for our daughter's birth, even though you were scared. You were so selfless. When you agreed to spend some time in Livingston after she was born, I knew I was done for. You're it, Clara. You're everything I've ever wanted in a woman." He moved to sit next to me on the couch. "I know it'll take time for you to trust me. That's my fault, my penance to pay for my bad behavior in the past." He took a deep breath and then unleashed those puppy eyes on me. "Please give me a chance," he begged and rested his forehead against mine.
I wanted to give in to him so badly. I wanted to believe him and surrender. I knew I was fighting a losing battle, and now as I looked at him, I wondered why I was fighting at all. I reached out and pulled his lips to mine. He let out a relieved sigh and held me tighter. "Please," he begged. "Tell me you want me, too."
I nodded yes, and he let out a happy laugh and pulled me into his lap. "Thank you," he whispered against my neck. I felt it dampen, and when he pulled back, I could see tears in his eyes.
I wiped them with a smile and kissed his lips softly. His smile widened, and he kissed me again. "Thank you," he said one more time. I felt my heart thump. I knew I was doing the right thing, I knew it was a losing battle to fight the way I felt about him, but that didn't mean I wasn't still scared.
"I still want to take things slow," I said, hoping not to disappoint him.
He nodded in agreement. "That's a good idea, but…can we be exclusive?"
He actually sounded worried. Did he really think there were guys lining up to date me? "No one is going to whisk me away from you, Trent."
He frowned. "I find that hard to believe, but still, I'd like the commitment. I'd like to be able to tell others I'm taken." He looked bashful.
"Okay," I said, cupping his cheek, so he'd look at me. "We can be exclusive. Are you sure you can handle it?" I said it like I was teasing, but I was actually voicing a real fear of mine.
He quickly pulled me to his lips again. "I'll joyfully handle being taken by you."
I guffawed. "I said slow, Trent. You aren't going to be taken by me for a while," I teased.
His eyes widened. "That wasn't what I meant."
"I know, I'm just teasing you."
He hugged me to him and just held me for a while. I felt so good, so content in his arms.
"Clara, I may have to distance myself a bit, when I first move to Waco. I want to be sure everything with the women who are out to get me is settled, before I get too close to you. I don't want them to involve you, or heaven forbid, the kids, in the mess I'm sure they have planned for me."
Just like that, he checked one more fear off my list and made me fall a little harder for him. I had a bad feeling he was right, and I didn't want my kids in the crossfire. "Thank you for wanting to keep us safe."
"Always, Clara, I'll always do everything in my power to protect you and the kids."
It was my turn to hold back tears. I kissed him again, deeply this time. I was annoyed at myself for it, but for some reason, I believed him. I didn't think I was ready, but I was wrong, I finally trusted him.
Chapter 14 – On Actions, Good and Bad
Before we headed back to his mother's, I asked Trent for a little snack. I was carelessly resting a bowl of crackers on my belly, when Katie gave it a good kick, launching it across the living room.
"Oh, my heavens, I'm so sorry," I said embarrassed.
Trent was laughing and leaned over to kiss my dancing tummy. "If you're feeling crowded, come out," he taunted our daughter.
"Where's your vacuum? We should get these up before they're ground into the carpet."
"It's in the hall closet," he said, not moving away from my belly.
"Are you going to let me vacuum?"
He looked up at me and smiled. "Normally, I'd say no, but vacuuming is good exercise for your labor muscles and can cause contractions. Now that you're full term, it'd actually be a good idea for you to vacuum." He helped me off the couch, not without some effort.
I waddled to his hall closet and pulled out his vacuum. I saw that the attachment I'd need to get under the couch was on the top shelf, wedged under a box. When I tried to pull it out, the box fell, and several DVD's fell out. I was confused, when I saw they had women's names on them and dates written next to them.
They were so dusty that I had a sneezing fit, and Trent came to check if I was alright.
"What happened? Are you hurt?" He carried me to the couch. "Are you alright?" He looked so worried.
Aside from peeing a little from my sneezing fit, I was fine, and I'd taken to wearing pads to keep from making a mess. I just had to use the bathroom to take care of it.
"I'm fine; I just need to use the bathroom." I used it quickly then looked up the hall and saw the DVDs on the floor. "What are those?"
He looked to where I pointed and frowned. He got up and started putting them all back into the box, not answering me.
"Trent, if we're going to be together, you're going to have to give me answers when I ask for them."
He let out a sigh, and instead of putting the box back on the shelf, he brought it over to the coffee table and set it in front of me. "Let me just say…I don't watch these. I never did. I just wanted to cover my bases."
"What are they, Trent?" I was getting worried.
"Do you remember Sabrina, the girl who accused me of rape?"
I nodded yes.
"Well, I came up with a plan to keep that from happening again."
My face paled. That was a lot of DVDs, and from what I could tell, there were a lot of different names on them. "You recorded all of them?"
"Just for defense, I swear, I've never watched them, and I've never let anyone else look at them. Hell, only Trevor knows about them, and now you. I just didn't ever want to be accused of rape again, and I figured if I had recorded proof, no one could ever hurt my family like that again."
I sat there stunned, not sure what to think. I wanted to believe him. The box was dusty. It was obvious that he hadn't been watching them…well, not lately, anyway.
"Clara, please, say something." He looked sick. I needed to put him out of his misery.
"Do you have me in there?" I asked, curious.
His brow furrowed, but he nodded yes and started flipping through the box. He pulled it out and handed it to me. There were five other names on the DVD next to mine. I was number two.
"Can we watch it?" I was curious about how much effort he put into the recording. Did he take into account camera angle and lighting?
"Are you serious?"
"Just mine, please, put it on. I think I have a right to see what's on it." I wasn't backing down.
He took it from me hesitantly and put it in his player. I was surprised when a chapter menu came up with names. I was glad I wouldn't have to watch him fast forward through him screwing another girl.
The first shot was of him opening a drawer by the camera, getting a condom. I was tempted to freeze-frame it and see if you could tell it was faulty by looking at the package. He glanced at the camera once more, before he turned away from it. "I'm going to lock the door. Is that alright?" he had asked. I nodded yes and started pulling off my shirt. I started giggling when I got tangled in it.
"I think I'm buzzed," I snickered.
He helped me with my shirt and lay down next to me. "We can't do anything if you're drunk." He didn't sound disappointed, he was just stating a fact.
"Just give me a minute, it'll go away," I said, pulling him down to kiss me.
"Let me get you some water. It'll help sober you up." He grabbed a bottle from a little mini fridge.
"I'm missing my earring. I must’ve lost it in my shirt!" I pointed out. "Rewind it real quick."
Trent looked at me like I was nuts, but did as I said. "See, I had it on when I walked in, then I got tangled in my shirt and it's gone. I knew I'd lost it in your room," I said smugly.
He laughed and sat down next to me, relaxing a bit. We watched as Trent on the screen did his best to sober me up. I wasn't really drunk. I had walked fine when I’d entered the room, and I wasn't slurring. He asked me several times how I was feeling, and younger me was getting frustrated with him, because he wasn't doing what I wanted.
"I didn't remember you being so pushy," Trent laughed next to me.
I shrugged, trying to think of a comeback, but was quickly distracted by college Trent's naked body. I was suddenly very hot and bothered, and I noticed Trent shifting next to me uncomfortably, as he watched his college-self toss my panties over his shoulder.
He cleared his throat and tugged a little on his pants. "Are you finished, have you seen enough?" he asked.
Of course, his pulling on his pants made me look down, and my eyes went wide. Trent was very hard, and his jeans were obviously too tight, hence him pulling on them, hoping for more room. When I looked up at his face, he looked nervous. For some odd reason, I laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"I don't know," and I didn't. Our eyes locked and next thing I knew, we were kissing. Things were getting intense between us fast, and the wild sex soundtrack going on in the background didn't help matters, either.
A Life Unplanned Page 10