“See you tomorrow then I guess” she said as she buttoned up her own shirt.
“Yeah see you” he said with a weak smile and quickly walked out of her apartment.
Alexa looked around her, as she remained sitting on the couch in the middle of her living room. A plate of microwaved lasagna was in front of her on the coffee table. She couldn’t help but blush and grin from time to time, every time the memory of him floated in front of her eyes. The way he touched her breasts, the force with which he thrust inside her. Nobody had made love to her that way before, with this urgency and that kind of pure desire. Even simply thinking about it made her blush and want more.
Her phone buzzed again and she reached for it on the floor. It was Chris again - I guess you walked back home by yourself then? Good night Alexa. I hope to bump into you in college tomorrow. She sighed as she flung the phone away from her on the carpeted floor again. She didn’t want to see Chris the next day. She didn’t want to see anybody other than Samuel. She decided that she would find a way soon to let Chris know that she didn’t want him texting her anymore, that it was officially over.
She felt like she had found somebody, a man who could make her feel charged up, excite her by just looking at her. She didn’t want to think about what their next steps would be. How they would deal with Mrs. Clayton, and she definitely didn’t want to hurt little Mike in the process. She wished they had spoken about it before he left. At the very least, she would be able to know for sure how he felt about her.
Alexa got up from the couch and walked over to the mirror in her bedroom. She looked at herself, her blue and green plaid shirt remained half-closed, and her naked olive legs looked vulnerable and soft. Her thick black curls looked messy and in disarray. She looked into her own large dark eyes and smiled. He was right, she thought, she was going to make a bit of an effort from now on. She needed to make her presence felt, she needed to make sure that Mrs. Clayton didn’t walk all over her whenever she wanted. Most of all, she needed to make sure that Samuel noticed her more often, that he shouldn’t be able to resist her when she was around him.
*****
Alexa scooped the last spoon of porridge into Mike’s mouth and wiped his face with a fresh wet towel. “There’s a good boy” she cooed to him just as Mrs. Clayton entered the kitchen. She was in a pair of velvet track pants and she walked over to the counter to grab an apple from the fruit bowl.
“Are you going out tonight or something?” she narrowed her eyes on Alexa as she straightened up.
“Not really” Alexa replied and threw her a polite smile.
“Why are you dressed like that then?” she asked and Alexa tried hard to not begin blushing. She didn’t respond to her question and continued cleaning up Mike’s splatter of food from his clothes and bib.
“I’m going to the gym Sam. See you in a bit” she heard Mrs. Clayton say and she turned her head to the side to watch Samuel enter the kitchen.
“See you” he said absent-mindedly as he sat down at the kitchen counter with the newspaper. Alexa caught her reflection in the glass windows in front of her and was happy with what she saw. The short black skirt she had picked out matched her fitting pink blouse well and her black sandals completed the ensemble to the best of her wardrobe’s ability.
“Good afternoon Samuel” she said to him, without turning around once they were alone.
“Afternoon” he mumbled. She could hear him turning the pages of the newspaper and sipping coffee from a mug.
“All set” she said and beamed down at Mike before she walked over to the sink to wash his bowl and spoon. She hadn’t seen Samuel for the last few days, and in those days she had been worried that he was avoiding her. Till she realized that he was probably at work everyday, and just as she suspected, Saturday would be the day that she would bump into him in the house.
“Haven’t seen you around for a while” she said sweetly as she turned around, while wiping her hands on a dry kitchen towel. He was sitting on a chair at the counter. The white polo shirt he was wearing stretched across his massive chest and he was concentrating on the newspaper in his hands.
“Been busy at work” he said, without looking up at her. Alexa tried again and this time took a few steps towards him.
“I’ve missed you around here” she said and bit down on her lip as she approached him. She was a little upset that he hadn’t noticed what she was wearing. “What do you think of my jeans and plaid shirt?” she added with a laugh. He finally looked up at her with lazy eyes and ran his gaze over her body. She could feel a tingling sensation on the tips of her fingers as she watched him look at her. He smiled weakly.
“Good job. Glad you took my advice” he said and went back to reading his newspaper. Alexa’s wide smile dropped instantly and her heart stopped beating. She was right, he was trying to avoid her.
“What’s wrong Samuel?” she asked in a whisper and inched closer to him, so that she was now standing directly in front of him, while his face was hidden by the open newspaper in his hands.
“What do you mean?” he asked from behind the papers.
“You won’t even look at me. We haven’t seen each other in days” she said and couldn’t keep the pleading tone out of her voice this time. He slowly lowered the papers from in front of his face and looked directly at her. This time his gaze was different, his eyes were darkened but not with desire.
“Look Alexa. It was fun with you that night. But that is all it was. You can’t come around telling me you miss me and all that” he said, almost spat out and Alexa felt like someone had stuck a dagger through her heart.
“I guess I assumed you were more interested in me than you really were” she said, she could feel her body trembling.
“I like looking at you, having you around. The sex was good. But it can’t be anything more. I’m a married man with a kid and you’re a babysitter” he said and tipped his head towards Mike, who was playing with a plastic toy in his hands.
Alexa could feel tears pricking the back of her eyelids as she heard him speak. She wanted to run away immediately, but run away to whom?
“I understand” she said quietly, even though her lips were quivering. The last thing she wanted was for him to think that she was desperately throwing herself at him. In that moment surprisingly, she didn’t hate him, she hated his wife more.
“Good” he said and went back to reading his paper again. She tried to calm herself as she walked back to Mike and picked him up from his chair. She patted him on the back of his head as he smiled at her toothlessly and she tried smiling back. She didn’t want to be in the same room as his father anymore and she started to hurry out of the kitchen as fast as she could.
“Alexa” she heard him say and she whipped around with Mike in her arms.
“I hope you understand that my wife should never find out. It was a one time thing and it’s over” he said with narrowed eyes, boring in deep into her soul. She was devastated by how handsome he looked, by how he had taken advantage of her vulnerability towards him. She nodded her head and turned away from him. She wasn’t going to tell on him, for Mike’s sake and not for Samuel’s. As she walked towards Mike’s nursery with him in her lap, she knew that she had been foolish. That she had mistaken undue attention for excitement. Now, she had nobody to turn to and nowhere to go. The last thing she wanted to do was spend any more time in this house.
*****
Alexa turned to the side while staring at her reflection in her mirror. A small bump was now beginning to show and she stretched the fabric of her white peasant top over her belly. Her breasts looked slightly bigger as well and she walked over to her bed to lie down for a while. She heard a knock on the door and her roommate Clara walked in.
“How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” she asked Alexa and turned sympathetic eyes towards her.
“I could do with a one way ticket to New York” Alexa joked and Clara laughed nervously.
“You can’t travel like this, not now
at least” she said and Alexa turned her head away to look out of the window.
“I don’t understand why you won’t just go back to the house and tell his wife. She deserves to know what her husband did to you. You deserve help with the baby” Clara sat down on the edge of the bed.
“I’m not going to use my child as a weapon” Alexa said and looked back to meet Clara’s eyes.
“Not as a weapon. But this child deserves a father or at least help from a father Alexa” Clara insisted and Alexa sighed.
“I’m fine Clara. I don’t need his help. I don’t need a reminder of the mistake I made” she said and reached out for Clara’s hand.
“I’m here if you need me. And New York is going to happen. Just, not now” Clara said and patted her friend’s hand. Alexa smiled at her and nodded her head.
“Yeah. I have my whole life ahead of me. My baby has his or her whole life ahead of them. The world is our oyster” Alexa said as Clara got up from the bed and walked towards the door.
“That’s the spirit” she said and blew her a kiss as she left the room.
Alexa sighed again and gazed out of the window again. Surprisingly, she was calmer than ever before. Motherhood seemed to suit her, she was looking forward to giving birth and raising a human being. Her years of babysitting experience had taught her practically everything she needed to know about raising a child, or so she thought, and finally she would be able to do it for her own child.
She didn’t think about Samuel anymore. When she found out she was carrying his child, she quit her job. Mrs Clayton threw a tantrum and threatened her and then offered her more money but nothing in the world would have made Alexa stay in that house. She was going to give birth to Samuel’s child, the fruit of their one night of passion and no way was she going to let him know.
He had seemed to be relieved when she quit the job. He had tried to calm his wife down and reasoned with her that Alexa should be allowed to do whatever she wanted and that they would definitely find a good babysitter again soon. She even saw a hint of a joyous smile on his face when she left the house. That was not the kind of man she would want as her child’s father.
She ran her hand over her bulging belly and smiled. She had expected herself to feel anger, pain and frustration with her situation but somehow it had given her clarity. Now that college was over, she could begin a new life finally. Her plan was to spend the next year and a half here, give birth and then in a few months move to New York. She was going to prepare herself for how hard the move would be, how difficult it would be to take care of a few months old baby and also look for a job and make ends meet. But she was determined to give her child a good life and for that she knew she needed to move to New York. Clara was wrong, she didn’t need a man, she could do by herself everything that a man could help her with. Most of all, she certainly didn’t need Samuel.
“Hey Alexa” she heard Clara’s voice through the door.
“Yeah?” she called out to Clara, trying to sit up in bed at the same time.
“Chris is here to see you” Clara said and Alexa shook her head and smiled. Chris, that man never gives up, she said to herself.
“Send him in Clara. Thanks” she called out again and watched as the door opened softly and Chris walked in.
He looked freshly showered. A thin black t-shirt hung loose over his dark blue jeans. He was wearing a pair of black military boots which she thought was a very fashionable choice and she couldn’t help but smile at him. She hadn’t seen him in several weeks, ever since college had come to an end. Since she hadn’t been out of the house much, she couldn’t help but compare him instantly to the only other man’s face she could remember - Samuel.
Chris, who had earlier seemed to Alexa to be too simple, unexciting and childish now appeared to be gentle-hearted, sweet and a boy-next-door. His shaggy blonde hair fell over his face and he was staring at her face, blushing the way she had done around Samuel.
“How are you Alexa? I’ve been worried” he said and stretched a bouquet of red roses towards her as he walked up to her bed-side.
“I’ve been well Chris. Thanks” she said and accepted the flowers from him and clutched them between her hands. She studied his plump red lips and the light blue eyes which flitted around her room.
“Who is it?” he asked her and she looked at him questioningly.
“Who is the father?” he explained and she looked away from him. She had detected the look of hurt and pain in his eyes as he said the words.
“Who is the father Alexa? I’m going to kill him”
*****
“Chris, don’t be silly” Alexa said and looked away from him and out of the window.
“I’m serious” he raised his voice and she turned to face him again.
“It doesn’t concern you and who said that this is a disaster?” Alexa said, although she was also trying to suppress a smile. His sudden defensiveness towards her made her feel safe.
“So you’re saying you’re happy this happened?” he sat down at the edge of her bed and looked genuinely confused. The evening light caught a glint of his shining blonde hair and she did smile.
“Well, I’m not happy how this happened but I’m not unhappy that I’m going to have a child. I’ve always loved children and I’ll finally have one of my own” she said and watched as he stood up again, pacing the floor of her bedroom.
“So you don’t care that this man will never be a part of your child’s life?” he wasn’t looking at her anymore.
“I don’t care. I will try and make this child happy to the best of my ability” she said as he came towards her. He kneeled down beside her and gingerly reached for her hand. She allowed him to take her hand in his and smiled at him. She could do with this tenderness. It made her feel less lonely.
“What about your dreams of New York?” he was whispering now, like he was careful not to wake a sleeping baby up.
“It’ll have to wait, but I’m not giving up on them just yet” Alexa tried to smile.
“I wish I could make it better” Chris said and tightened her grip on her hand.
“Chris, I’m surprised that you’re not angry” she said, but immediately regretted saying it, especially since they were now having such a tender and understanding conversation.
“Angry with you? Because you slept with someone else and are now carrying their child?” Chris didn’t draw his hand away and she was encouraged by it. She nodded grudgingly and she was surprised to see him smile.
“I’ve been in love with you since the first day of college, but that doesn’t mean that I expected you to be in love with me as well” he said and looked deep into her eyes. “In your own time” he said and smiled. Alexa looked at him then and all the tenderness that she had given up, by choosing Samuel and not Chris, came crashing down on her like a bad joke all at once. She was witnessing who Chris truly was and now more than ever she regretted the choice she had made.
A single fat tear rolled down Alexa’s cheek and Chris caught it, wiping it away with his forefinger.
“What’s the matter? I thought you weren’t angry. I thought you were happy. Why are you crying?” his voice was gentle and understanding, she didn’t know why she had shunned him before. Alexa shook her head, her thick dark curls swaying around her head.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m happy. I’m happy you’re here. You’re a good friend” she said and pressed down on his hand with his. She wasn’t ashamed of crying in front of him and she was genuinely happy. She didn’t feel alone anymore and she respected herself for deciding to stay away from Samuel.
Chris stood up suddenly and walked over to the window.
“It’s stopped raining” he said and turned to look at her with a smile. Alexa peered out of the window and smiled as well.
“Want to go for a walk? You could probably do with some fresh air?” Chris said and Alexa nodded in response. Yes, she definitely wanted to go for a walk with Chris.
•••
Alexa s
pooned the last bit of porridge into Christopher’s mouth and he bubbled it out. “Christoph!” she admonished with a stern voice but she couldn’t keep up the act for very long. “Alright alright, you’ll get a treat baby” she cooed at him and passed him an almond to chew on.
“He’s extremely spoilt” Chris said from behind them and Alexa turned around on her haunches to look up at him.
“You’re telling me” she said and stood up.
“What can we do, he’s just so cute!” Chris said and pinched Christopher’s cheeks lightly who rewarded him with a giggle.
“Are you all ready?” he asked her as she leaned in to kiss him on his chin.
“I think so” Alexa said as he pulled her towards him for a longer kiss.
“You’ll be great” he whispered into her ear as she ran her fingers through his hair. “You’re a great teacher and kids love you. Surely they’ll see that” he said and kissed her again.
The baby giggled and they were distracted by him.
“Mommy’s going away for an interview” he made his favorite baby voice.
“And mommy’s nervous” Alexa said and walked over to the chair to pick up her purse. She looked around the apartment as Chris bent down to play with the baby again. The apartment was small, well, nearly all apartments in New York City are small but she was happy here. As she watched them playing together she had a sudden uncontrollable urge to be in his arms and she nearly ran to him.
Chris laughed as she pounced on his back.
“I can’t believe you’re willing to do this for me?” Alexa kissed his back as he remained hunched, allowing her to lift herself off the floor and cling to him.
“Do what?” he asked and pinched Christopher’s cheeks again.
“Willing to stay home with the baby if I get the job” Alexa skipped off his back and straightened up her clothes again.
“I don’t see why it’s a big deal. It would be perfect. I can stay home and paint, it’ll give me the time I need to concentrate on my art and you’ll be doing what you love best. Everybody’s happy” he said and pinched her cheeks like he did the baby’s.
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