“You are not sure if...what?” asked Jamal.
“Oh...I’m not sure if I want to be there early or later. Sometimes a dramatic entrance is the best you know. But I will let you know of course,” said Liana with a smile, trying her best to remedy the awkward situation.
“Well let’s figure out what we want to do so we can plan,” said Jamal.
“I just don’t know...okay,” replied Liana
“Ok...whatever,” said Jamal as he continued on to class without her. Liana was left standing alone. She had wanted her boyfriend to stop being so talkative and needy, and how she had what she wanted. Does getting exactly what you want always suck?” No, it sure doesn’t. I know something that I want that will not be a disappointment.
*****
Oh Lance, Lance, you are just too much for me.
I will show you true love and affection. I will show you the stars and moon. Come into my chamber, in here true pleasure awaits. Take my hand, in here we shall enjoy the fruit of consummation. Liana, let no law, or authority, or anything else come between us. Let us be together tonight, and forever more. BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ
Liana hit her alarm clock again. She laid in bed, trying to remember her dream. It came back to her. Now her nondescript handsome love interest had a face. Instead of just a hero or a prince or a dashing man, her dreams were filled with Lance. He must embody everything I have ever wanted. He is my knight in shining armor. Liana wrote it in her journal. She spent a few more moments thinking of him, and what he must be like. She got ready and then went downstairs.
Liana had a few more minutes before she had to leave, and poured herself some cereal.
“Are you excited for the school Christmas dance this weekend,” asked her mother.
“Yes, super excited, I have my red dress picked out already and it is hanging up in my room just waiting for the night,” said Liana.
“Good, I am so happy for you. You are going to have so much fun. When I was your age I wasn’t as bold as you are. I would never dance in front of people,” said her mother.
“Really, and do you regret that,” asked Liana.
“Why of course I do. You will see, when you get older you mostly regret the things that you don’t do, the things that you miss out on. I missed out on a lot of fun nights and a lot of great guys.”
“What would you have done differently?”
“Oh, well I can tell you that the biggest hurdle you are going to face when you are younger is caring about what other people think. You want me to tell you the craziest thing you will ever hear? I actually didn’t date certain people strictly because I was concerned with how others would view me and that relationship. Do you know how stupid that is? I don’t even talk to anybody from high school anymore. So why would it matter what any of my dumb friends from high school think? It is just plain nonsense. You have to do what is right for you.”
Liana carefully considered the words, and thought how they would apply to her present situation. “I understand, I am glad I am someone like you to tell me these things. I have to go now. I hope you have a good day, mother.”
“Bye, now, and remember, don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.”
Liana drove to school that morning in deep consideration of the words of her mother. I don’t know exactly how to apply what she is saying. But I will remember it, because one day it will make sense and I will know what to do.
That day Liana walked to class looking confident on the outside. She had spent hours the night before picking out the perfect outfit. She did not want to look too overtly promiscuous, lest Lance not take her seriously. She also did not want to be too modest or else she feared blowing her ever shrinking window of opportunity to impress her new teacher. She decided on a cute white blouse, with a small black skirt. Liana had a trick up her sleeve though. She was wearing a tiny lace black thong. The only way that Lance would be able to see it, and nobody else, would be if she sat in the exact right way while Lance was in the exact right position at the front of the class. Liana spent a lot of time practicing in front of her mirror at home. The trick, she thought, was making it look casual, natural, and most of all not planned. The hope was that Lance would notice her sexuality, and begin to see her in a whole new light.
Lance was standing outside again, greeting everyone as they walked in.
“Goodmorning,” said Lance.
This time, Liana had the courage to reply, “Goodmorning.”
Liana felt proud that she had managed to make audible noises, and she thought she actually sounded normal. She sat at her desk, and slouched down ever so slightly and moved her butt forward just like she had practiced.
“Today we are going to be talking more about Romeo and Juliet, and also a little bit about Guinevere and Lancelot” said Lance as he diagrammed the story on the board. He needs to turn around and notice me, thought Liana, as she spread her legs the appropriate amount to make sure he could get a good look without anyone else noticing her display.
Lance focused on the board. “The most important themes of both of these stories as we talked about earlier is that of forbidden love. They are star crossed lover…”
He trailed off slightly when he turned and saw Liana.
“Star crossed lovers, that have uncrossed their stars, or I mean want to or... Let me start over,” he said looking flustered.
It worked exactly how Liana had planned it. Now she closed her legs, for she wanted to see if Lance would keep checking for another glimpse. She didn’t want to give him everything so soon and so easy.
“Ok, so that is the gist of the drama as it unfolds,” he said, intermittently looking down towards Liana’s crotch. “So open up your books and start working out some of the questions. I will give you thirty minutes, and whatever you finish you will be turning in at the end of the period.”
He definitely wants some more, thought Liana. She felt like she was going to burst with excitement. Lance sat down at his desk, looking flustered. He fiddled around with a pen, clicking it over and over, seeming to be preoccupied. He looked over at Liana. Their eyes met again, but this time longer than the day before. Liana looked back down at her book. This time it was for sure real. But anybody can make eye contact, it doesn’t mean anything.
Suddenly Lance spoke, “If anybody has any questions on the problems, you can come up to me and I will give you assistance.”
Was this a test, was he trying to see if I will go up there. It didn’t seem like a coincidence to Liana. The day before he had gone up to the students to help, now he was offering for them to come to him, and right after they had made eye contact. I am over thinking this. Nobody got up to ask for help. It felt like an awkward silence of Liana. Nobody was moving, nobody was talking, nothing. Lance sat at his desk, seemingly absorbed by his work on the computer. Liana sat at her desk, seemingly absorbed by her schoolwork. But, Liana knew that wasn’t true for either of them. We are both waiting this out, seeing who will make the next move, who will budge.
Liana decided to be unpredictable, and raised her hand to ask for help. Lance saw her hand, and then looked right at her. Their eyes met again, but this time neither broke their gaze. Liana’s heart rate skyrocketed. Could any other students see what was happening? Wasn’t he worried about his job? She felt tense, but also relaxed and calm. Lance got out of his chair, and without breaking eye contact walked towards her. He was fixated, confident, like a predator approaching his prey. Liana felt small as he approached, nervous; like she was insignificant compared to him. But then when he reached her desk, and she could feel his warmth and approval in his voice, she felt validated, like everything in life made sense. He explained the questions with grace and charm and surety. Liana cherished his presence, and when she looked up at him felt herself become almost hypnotized by his eyes. They were deep, refulgent, and brilliant. He smiled, and it sent a scintillating thrill through her entire body. He put his hand on her back, before he went back to his desk. Liana closed her eyes. His touch, so perfect, s
o pure, and yet so utterly sensual. Liana rolled her shoulders back, trying to capture forever the feeling in her body that his touch evoked. The bell rang, Liana paid it no mind, for she was not eager to leave. She slowly packed up her belongings, and turned in her assignment. She looked back before she walked out the door, and Lance was looking right at her, as if to clear any doubt from her mind that he noticed her and wanted her.
Liana felt like she floated through the halls, her body saturated with sensations of joy and love and peace. He was into her. She knew it. There was no mistaking it. But to what end would her new crush lead her? Such a relationship would be taboo, and Lance would certainly not risk his job for it. Liana wanted so desperately for Lance, but did not see how it would be possible. But no matter. I will do what I can. I will cultivate the feeling, turning into lust, and then to craving and then insatiable obsession. Desire always finds a way.
Liana’s goal was to ramp up the sexual tension between them each day, going farther and farther, until one of them snapped. The next day at school she wore a low cut blouse. The next day after that, she unbuttoned her top during class so that when she went to his desk he would see her stomach and bra. The next day was Friday, and she had something special planned for him. Something that she had always dreamed of doing, what she imagined every high school girl dreamed of doing.
*****
Oh Lance, take me, do what you want with me. I am forever yours. I want you, all of you. I want you inside me and through me and to be one with you. Please Lance, promise that you will never leave me. This time it was not a dream, it was her fantasy as she lay in bed before getting ready. She wrote in her journal. Liana wrote of Star Crossed lovers, a theme she had always loved. Now, though, she imagined Lance. He was that forbidden lover. The thought of such a love seemed so delicious to her that she could taste it. But, she sighed, it could never really happen. Deep down Liana knew that all she could do was flirt with Lance. It would be fun, of course, even the highlight of her senior year. Perhaps it would be the best story she would retain from high school. Maybe this was all she would ever have in the form of a Star Crossed lover. More like Star Crossed lust, she thought. Oh well, star crossed lust isn’t so bad. She finished up writing in her journal. She wanted so desperately for it to be possible that she could be with Lance, but when she thought of what she was going to do that day in class, she smiled. Maybe flirting is more thrilling anyway.
She got to his class the same time as usual, but this time greeted him with a seductive wink, as if to say, “are you ready for this big boy.” Lance seemed to gulp with anticipation. When the class started, Lance went to the front as usual and began writing down their assignment. Liana waited patiently, eager to show Lance what she had to offer. Then Lance turned to face the class, and began reading off some papers in his hands. He looked up, and he froze in mid sentence and dropped the papers.
“This next book is...easy...just work in silence,” he trailed off. He was looking at Liana’s spread legs, and she was not wearing any panties, revealing her shaved womanhood. Lance felt his heart skip a beat. He had had students hit on him before, but nothing like this. Liana seemed to be really obsessed with him, and him with her. He picked up his papers, but bending down only made his view better. He felt hot. There was something about Liana that called to him. She possessed something that seemed to melt away his will power, turning it into passion and desire. This is what he longed for. This is what he lived for. This is taboo. This is life.
*****
The week had finally past, and it was now time for the Christmas party. Liana lay in her bed, waiting until it was time to go to the leave. She still had a few hours to kill. She thought about calling or texting Jamal, but then decided against it. He would meet her there anyway. He seemed like a decent guy, but that was all. Jamal was into sports and rap and all that, just like anybody else. Liana was into poetry and romance. She loved Don Quixote, who would do anything to save his love, Dulcinea. Liana could read Lord Byron for hours, as well as Samuel Taylor Coleridge. This was a part of her that nobody else got. Maybe it was because of the culture that she grew up in. Whatever it was, Liana couldn’t take normal life anymore. She knew that she wanted forbidden fruits, the ones the poets talked about, the ones that people remembered and tell stories about. To dance with my lover, to feel his passion, and know he is mine and I am his. That is what I want, what I shall have.
*****
Lance sat at the edge of his bed. He had been single for a few years, since the passing of his wife. Being good looking, he had always had many opportunities with women, but being a romantic, none of them satisfied. Lance had taught English literature for almost twenty years, and knew all of the great lines of poetry by heart. The stories of Romeo and Juliet, Pyramus and Thisbe, or Tristan and Isolde, were part of his heritage. Intellectually he lived in those stories and had loved them from a young age. But what had he done with that knowledge? Lance had loved before, even passionately, but it was within the bounds of societal norm. Why must I be restricted, when there is so much in this life to experience? I must be true to myself, I tell my students that every day. He thought of Liana, and how she looked at him. She is different, forbidden, lovely. I do not desire to possess her, but to see her blossom and flourish. I must act on my passion before it is too late.
He had been debating on whether or not to try and see Liana outside of the class setting, but now Lance knew what he had to do. People may say I am wrong, but I know deep down how write I am.
*****
The masquerade Christmas dance started at seven. Liana pulled up at about 7:15. It was being held at a convention center, and the school had spent a few weeks outfitting it for the evening. There would be music, drinks (non alcoholic of course) and a ballroom floor. Most high school dances consisted of a bunch of kids gyrating their hips and grinding on each other. This one, as the principal had explained many times, sought to be different. They wanted to inject some class into the school culture. Liana and Jamal had bought tickets months ago, figuring it would be a fun way to spend an evening together. But now, the only thing that Liana could think about was Lance. It wouldn’t be too bad, she thought. She could dance with Jamal, and pretend to have fun and maybe even smile at the right moments so that he didn’t suspect anything. The music would be nice, as she loved Christmas music. Why not try to have fun.
Liana walked in, and noticed that it was very crowded, almost everyone from the school had gone. There were even teachers and administration dancing. They were dancing with each other, or their spouses of course. But if they were here, that means that possibly…
Jamal tapped her on the shoulder, “I made it. Liana, you truly look beautiful.”
“Thanks, you look good too, I like your mask, it really disguises your identity,” said Liana.
“Really, I still think it is pretty easy to tell who I am,” said Jamal.
“Yes, but from afar, you blend in, looking like just another masquerader dancing the night away,” said Liana, trailing off at the end.
“That is interesting to know,” said Jamal. “Now can I have this dance?”
Liana agreed and they began dancing. The music was playing at a slow pace, and they tried to match it, but neither Liana or Jamal knew much about slow dancing. Besides, the fact that Jamal seemed to blend in made her wonder. She looked around the room, Lance could be anywhere. He could be watching her right then. The thought made her tense up.
“Are you alright?” Asked Jamal.
“Yes...I guess I have just never done much slow dancing, but I’m getting the hang of it,” said Liana.
“Oh right,” said Jamal.
They continued, but Liana could only think about Lance. She looked but saw nothing.
“I think I need a break, I need to get something to drink,” said Liana.
“Oh...sure,” said Jamal.
Liana walked quickly walked over to where the drinks were being served. She tried to lose Jamal in the crowd. If Lance is her
e he won’t want to find me with Jamal. She grabbed a drink and then moved into the crowd, trying to disappear.
The next song began, this one even slower than the one before. Many of the younger couples stopped dancing and went to the sides to socialize. They preferred faster songs. Liana stood in the middle, the only person not dancing. She began to swing her hips and glide around and twirl, so that she would not look awkward just standing there. She felt like a part of the beating heart of the ballroom as the long flowing dresses seems to flow and breathe in unison. It was beautiful, and she lost herself in the moment; for a second even forgetting about Lance.
Then a man came up behind her.
“May I have this dance?” He asked.
Liana curtsied slightly, a tacit yes. He took the lead, knowing how to move, but more importantly how to make her move. Liana felt beautiful, like she was a character from a poem come to life. His hands felt strong and steady. She looked at him. His face was almost entirely covered by his mask. It would be hard for anybody to recognize him. But Liana did not need her eyes to tell her who it was. She felt it. His confidence and warmth could penetrate any disguise.
“And who are you pretending to be?” asked Liana with a coy grin.
“Someone who notices you,” he said.
Everything seemed perfect. He always knew what to say and how to carry himself. He seemed to glide across the floor with her, making her feel weightless. Their bodies seemed in sync.
“Aren’t you worried about someone seeing you, seeing us, you could get fired,” said Liana.
“Yes...aren’t you worried about your boyfriend seeing you.” said Lance.
“Yes…” but they continued to dance anyway.
“How do you feel right now, Liana?” Asked Lance.
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