They made small talk for the rest of the meal, and then went to their separate rooms. Samantha found that she didn’t have to keep her eyes locked on the door tonight. She didn’t have to stare at it, praying for Jon to walk through, because she knew he would walk through. She knew what they would do tonight.
Instead, she carried on with her book.
And when the knock came, her took all her clothes off – bra, panties, everything – and went to the door. Jon walked in, completely naked as well, and wrapped his arms around them. Their bodies – young and older – supple and hard – pressed against each other. He laid her on her back and leaned over her, and she was so wet that he slid into her easily.
She bit into his neck as she came. She scratched down his back as she came. She moaned in his chest as she came. And when he came, his breath was heavy in her ears.
As she lay beside him, her head resting on his heartbeat, she knew one thing for sure. This, right here, was far, far better than her nighttime fantasies. She thought that if she could do this every night with Jon, she would never need to fantasize again.
After a while, Jon began to snore softly. Samantha thought about waking him up, about telling him to go back to his room just in case Dad knocked again, but the idea of him leaving didn’t appeal to her at all.
Instead, she closed her eyes and joined him.
*****
It had only happened a month and a half ago, and yet it felt like a lifetime of changes. She remembered with a pang in her chest the way Dad had shook his head slowly, and the way he had muttered under his breath. She remembered his shouting, and Jon’s quiet words, and her own pleading tone. She remembered all of this, and was glad that it was over, that Dad, even if he didn’t completely accept it, was more comfortable with it now than he had once been.
Samantha had thought it might just be a fling, just something crazy to look back on, but it had turned into so much more than that. She learned his body and, slowly, his soul, too. They returned to New York and didn’t contact each other for a few days, and then she received an email from him. It was casual – a simple request for a coffee date – and yet it started everything. Coffee had led to a meal, and a meal had led to steamy, sensational sex. Pretty soon, he had started staying over at her apartment. It had seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Of course, Dad had to be told.
But that’s in the past now, she thought, stretching up in the Saturday morning sunlight. She looked down at her lover, at her older man, a sleepy smile on his lips snoring softly. She thought about telling him now, but he looked too peaceful. She knew he would be happy. He had mentioned it to her before. And she had come to be happy about it, too.
She laid one hand on her belly, and one hand on her older lover’s bare skin. No, she thought. I’ll tell him tomorrow.
The Object of the Babysitter's Desire
Madison drummed her fingernails on the desk absent-mindedly. The computer screen stared back at her and she knew she had to face the reality of the situation. Waitressing jobs would be the only ones that she could possibly get in Chicago at this point, given her lack of work experience. Even though she had a Psychology Degree in hand, jobs were not that easy to come by. There was no denying it that she had to escape, escape the turmoil of her current life. Being in love with her boss, the father of the child who she was an au pair to; was not the life she had planned for herself.
Zia was playing with building blocks on the floor next to her and Madison kept looking over her shoulder to make sure that the child was occupied and distracted. A few minutes later she heard the car enter the driveway. Mrs. Silverman, Kim, was home.
“C’mon Zia. Your mommy’s home. Should we go say Hi?” Madison stood up from the chair and stretched her arms towards the four-year-old. Zia didn’t seem to pay attention, she didn’t seem to care that her mother was finally home. The mother and daughter had never shared the usual loving relationship that Madison had witnessed amongst other families.
“Let's go Zia. You should go say Hi” Madison urged her again and started tugging her little fingers away from the toys in her hands. Zia pouted and made a sobbing sound, but eventually relented. She clasped onto Madison’s forefinger as they slowly started making their way out of the room. As they walked towards the living room, Madison thought to herself, not for the first time, how similar Zia looked to her father. She had her father’s chestnut straight hair and the same sparkling brown eyes. They even shared deep round dimples, which made an appearance when they smiled.
“There’s my girl” Kim’s high pitched voice boomed around the room as the two of them entered to find her sitting on the ivory-white couch, cradling a glass of whiskey in her hands. Zia immediately shied away and hid herself behind Madison’s legs.
“What’s wrong with you Zia? Come give mommy a hug” Kim tried to emulate a baby’s voice, hoping that would put Zia at ease. She stretched out her long tanned arms towards her daughter, while her right hand still held the glass of whiskey. Madison tried to gently push Zia towards her, but the girl wouldn’t budge.
“She’s just very tired Mrs. Silverman. She’s had a long busy day at the park” Madison smiled weakly at Kim. Kim Silverman rolled her eyes and slumped back into the couch, taking a long sip of whiskey from her glass.
“Well, I’ve had a long day as well. My tennis lesson was disrupted because my coach pulled a muscle on his calf. After that, I had to listen to Claire Jones complain for hours about how they are not being able to sell their eight million dollar mansion. Sometimes, I tell you, I just can’t deal with all these women's petty problems anymore. I have my own problems”, she was sniggering as she spoke and she wasn’t really talking to Madison, just thinking aloud. Madison knew Kim well enough to not bother to respond to her. She patted Zia on her back and pulled her to the front.
“Anyway, has Zia had her dinner and everything?” Kim asked, this time directly to Madison. She nodded her response and remembered to smile, the last time she didn’t smile at Kim; she had to endure a twenty minute speech from her about how she, Madison, was not being respectful enough towards her employers.
Just as Madison was about to leave the room and take Zia along with her, Dylan Silverman walked into the living room, flinging his briefcase on the couch next to his wife. Madison’s breath caught in her throat, just by the sight of him. She hadn’t seen him in the last two days and the anticipation of seeing him again had been eating away at her.
His chestnut hair was neatly cut short and swept back, away from his face. His brown eyes glittered under sharp brows and matched the dark beard that he had neatly shaped and cut. He was in his usual office attire, a crisp white silk shirt, with shining cufflinks peeping out from the sleeves of his navy blue suit jacket. A blue striped tie had been loosened around his neck.
“Zia!” he exclaimed when his gaze fell on his daughter. Zia immediately let go of Madison’s hand and went running into her father’s arms. Madison couldn’t help but smile. He had picked his daughter up into his arms and was covering her face with kisses.
“Your beard is prickly daddy” Zia complained in the middle of her giggles as she held on to her father’s neck tightly with her small chubby arms.
“That girl won’t even look at me” Kim’s snarly voice interrupted the father-daughter moment immediately. Dylan turned his piercing eyes towards his wife, seemingly not having noticed that Madison was even in the room.
“Perhaps if you didn’t pour yourself a whiskey at six in the evening and spent some time with her, things would be different” he said, quietly without raising his voice. Kim rolled her eyes and took another swig of her drink and licked her lips.
“She has always despised me. Her own mother. I don’t know what to do anymore”, she spat the words out and looked at her daughter with utter resentment. Zia immediately hid her face in the folds of her father’s clothes.
“She’s only four years old Kim. I don’t think she understands the hatred. She simply doesn’t know you
” Dylan stroked his daughter’s head gently and swayed her around in his arms from side to side.
“Whatever. She can do what she wants. She will grow up to become unmanageable. I’m telling you now Dylan” with that Kim stood up and straightened her form-fitting white jersey dress.
“She doesn't have one bad bone in her body Kim. And please don’t talk this way in front of her” Dylan placed his daughter back on the floor and Zia went running towards Madison, who had been trying to hide herself near the fireplace. But Dylan noticed her standing there, now that Zia had drawn his attention towards her.
“I mean look at the way she behaves with Madison. She doesn’t give her any trouble. Does she?” his eyes were on her now and Madison could feel her cheeks burning up with embarrassment. The fact that he was looking directly at her, that his eyes were on her body, was too much for her to bear.
“Not at all” she managed to squeak and immediately Kim turned on her with an alcohol infused rage.
“What do you know about motherhood? You’re only a young babysitter, with no real life experience” she thundered and Zia wrapped her arms tightly around Madison’s legs.
“And how dare you compare me to the babysitter Dylan? How dare you do that” Kim threw the glass in her hand on the floor and it crashed, sending hundreds of glass pieces flying in the air. Madison covered Zia’s head and face with her hands and took several steps back, towards the wall.
“What the Hell are you doing Kim?” Dylan had lunged towards his wife and gripped her arm, right after she had thrown the glass on the floor.
“How dare you compare me to the babysitter Dylan?” her face was reddened with anger and she yelled into her husband’s face.
“I’m not comparing her to you. I’m just saying that Zia is fine with her. You should spend more time at home” Dylan still had his grip on Kim’s arm and they were staring into each others faces, with rage.
“I’ll do what I want to do. She’s my daughter and I’ll raise her however I want to raise her” she jerked her arm away from Dylan’s grip and walked over to the liquor cabinet again, to pour herself another drink.
“Madison. Can I ask you to please take Zia away to her room?” he turned to look at her. His eyes had softened slightly as he spoke to her and he kept stealing glances at his daughter who had buried her face into Madison’s abdomen.
She nodded silently and bent down to pick Zia up in her arms.
“Yeah take her away. And I want you gone from this house as well” Kim turned her attention to Madison again as she tried to hurry out of the room with Zia in her arms.
“Just take her away Madison. Kim, please calm yourself” Dylan raised his voice again when he spoke to his wife.
“No. I mean it. I want her gone. She’s turning my daughter against me” Kim started sobbing now and Madison heard her shrill cries as she rushed out of the living room doors with Zia in her arms. As she bounded up the stairs towards Zia’s bedroom, the little girl in her arms started crying too.
*****
Madison pressed the Send button on her computer and felt an immediate rush of relief. She had finally sent out her resume to four different cafes in the city. She had finally taken the step that she needed to take in order to set her life right. After the incident in the living room the previous day, she couldn’t imagine continuing to live and work with the Silvermans. She stood up from the chair and checked her wristwatch, it was time to wake up Zia. It was a Sunday, which meant the whole family would be home, or at least Dylan Silverman would be home.
She checked herself in the mirror before she left her room. Her dark curls were held together in a messy top knot and the quick hot shower she had, made her cheeks look pink to match the bright hue of her lips. Her casual black t-shirt and frayed denim shorts were comfortable for the warm weather and she slipped into her flip flops for the day before leaving the room. Her own room was on the same floor as Zia’s, just a few feet away. As she walked down the corridor towards it, she heard the Master bedroom door open and close behind her, at the end of the corridor near the stairs.
“Madison” she heard his voice call out her name and she whipped around to find Dylan Silverman standing near the stairs. He was in a loose plaid shirt and casual denim pants, his hands were tucked deep into the pockets.
“Morning Mr. Silverman” she tried to sound cheery, tried to make her heart stop beating so fast.
“I’ve been meaning to talk with you. Can we have a quick chat before you wake up Zia?” he spoke quietly, she could almost not hear him.
“Sure” she said and started walking towards him.
“Let’s go into my study so we can have some privacy” he said and started climbing down the stairs, she followed him in silence. She concentrated on his strong thick neck and the way the small hairs on his nape curled lightly. His broad shoulders stretched the material of his shirt as his muscles flexed with the movement of his arms.
He led the way to his study and held the door open for her. Madison had never been inside this room before. When she entered, she looked around the room with wonder. It was decorated completely differently from the rest of the house. While their home had been carefully decorated in shades of white, silver and gray - according to Kim’s direction; Dylan’s study was like the inside of a log cabin in the middle of a deserted forest. Rich oak cabinets, a large dark cherrywood table, two soft brown leather armchairs and a low wooden coffee table; were the furniture in the room. The walls were covered in framed oil paintings of lakes, mountains and the wilderness. A small fireplace, which was not burning at the moment was in the corner with frames of Zia’s photographs on the fireplace ledge.
“Have a seat Madison”, his voice interrupted her careful study of the room and she quietly sat down on one of the armchairs. He took the one across from her, with the coffee table between them. She didn’t know how to begin the conversation and threw shy glances at him as he continued to study her, his eyes traveling from her face to her bare legs.
“Madison, I wanted to talk about our situation” he said quietly and she raised her head to look into his eyes. She had never been alone with him before, and the very scent of him, which was a masculine mix of wood and expensive aftershave, was reeling her senses.
“Yes?” she asked, for lack of anything else to say.
“What happened yesterday…” he said and steepled his fingers. She was dumbfounded by his presence. The close proximity to him and the way he looked at her, confirmed the feelings she had been harboring for him for the past year.
“I wanted to apologize for my wife. Because she never will” he spoke again and Madison blushed. She shook her head vigorously and turned her face away from him. She didn’t know how to look at him and talk to him at the same time.
“You don’t need to do that, Mr. Silverman. I understand that it was an unfortunate situation and tempers were flared” she tried to speak as quietly as him but couldn’t keep the rush in her voice out of her speech.
“You’re too modest Madison. I can only imagine how you must have felt yesterday. What you must think of us” his voice was deep and intelligent. She imagined the respect he must command in his workplace, the way his employees must look up to him at board meetings. The thought made her blush even more.
“I know that parenting is a tough task. I don’t hold it against either of you” she spoke meekly, hoping that he would stop looking at her as intensely as he was.
“Don’t hold it against me of course. But feel free to hold it against my wife. Kim never wanted to be a mother. She feels she’s been forced into it”, he did finally look away and out of the window, towards their back garden. Madison finally had the courage to look into his face again. She still didn’t know what to say to him.
“Not that that’s an excuse. I wasn’t prepared for fatherhood either when we had Zia, but I love that child to death. Kim never developed those feelings. She’s resented her birth ever since” he continued solemnly and Madison couldn’t help but lo
ok at him with some pity. She could see that he was struggling with his fate, his wife, his marriage and his love for his daughter.
“Zia knows you love her. She adores you too” Madison didn’t know any other way by which to comfort him. He jerked his head to look at her and caught her gaze. She dropped her eyes, embarrassed again.
“I wish she had a more loving mother Madison. She deserves it. Every child deserves it and it kills me to know that my own daughter doesn’t have it”. He leaned towards the coffee table now, his eyes remained on her face. Madison looked back towards him and drew in a deep breath. She had an incredible urge to simply take him in her arms, cradle his neck on her lap and do everything in her power to make him feel better. He deserved it.
“But what can I do about it Madison?” his voice had turned to desperation and she couldn’t believe that he was actually asking her for advice.
“I’ve seen the way you are with Zia. I wish she shared that relationship with Kim” he continued with the same desperate vein in his voice and Madison looked into his eyes, caught up in the moment.
“She’ll be fine Mr. Silverman” is all she could say. He leaned back into his chair suddenly and let out a sigh.
“Call me Dylan. You’ve worked with us for over a year now. It’s high time you forgot about the formalities. Especially now that I’m genuinely asking for your advice”, he was looking at her lips and his voice cracked a little. Somehow, it gave Madison the courage she was looking for.
“You probably shouldn’t be asking for my advice, Dylan. Your wife wants me out of the house” she crossed her legs and watched as his eyes traveled immediately to her calves. He looked away.
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