“Thank you, Ms. Waters.”
“Let me know if you have any other questions or problems,” she answered.
Once I was back in my office, I read the notebook from cover to cover. I had a big problem, but nothing that Nancy Waters could help me fix. According to the fraternization policy, which was fairly lenient, romantic relationships were tolerated among coworkers as long as neither of the people was in a supervisory role over the other person. That meant Cat and I couldn’t date.
I think deep down I knew dating her wasn’t exactly encouraged, but I had hoped to find a solution, not more problems.
Cat’s door stayed shut all day. She copied me on the correspondence to and from the executives for the Hoffman account, but other than that, I got the silent treatment. I stayed late hoping to catch her coming out of her office on her way home, but she slipped by me at some point, and by the time I realized her office was empty, it was late. I even tried going down to the playground at Muscle Beach after work, but she didn’t show.
When I got back to my condo, I emailed her to let her know that we’d be meeting with Legend Records after lunch the next day.
“I’ll be there,” she emailed back immediately. I could almost hear her excitement even though they were just three simple words.
“I’d really like to talk to you before then,” I wrote back.
Her response was silence.
— CAT —
13. SCALING MOUNTAINS
My world was crashing down around me. There was no safe place to go anymore. I’d thought that work would be the place that I’d be able to go to escape my mom’s illness, but then I found out that the amazing guy I met over the weekend was actually my asshole art director. I hadn’t even expected douchebag Will Stone to show up until next week, and there he was, beautiful and smirking and laughing about our weekend tryst as if I was just one of his many conquests.
Then I’d punched him and immediately regretted it knowing that I’d be fired for assaulting a coworker. Instead, he came into my office and begged me to stay. He said it was because he needed me for the new Legend Records account. Not that he needed me because of me, but because I was the right designer. For once I was valued for my skills as a designer, but that paled in comparison to the fact that he hadn’t asked me to stay because he liked me as Cat. I knew I shouldn’t have wanted that, but sometimes pride is stupid. And so is the heart.
After lunch, I went down to Human Resources to get the details on the fraternization policy. My worst fears were realized. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t having sex with Will Stone to get ahead. In the end, I’d broken the rule and if anyone found out, I’d probably be fired. Him? He was the owner’s son, I was fairly certain his job was safe.
Had he known all along who I was? Was it just a way for him to gain control over me? Maybe he thought if he had the power to hold my job hostage with the threat of a broken fraternization policy, he could force me to do projects the way he wanted. Maybe he’d planned it this way. It sure would explain the strange coincidence of how we’d met each other.
Well, fuck that. Job or no job, I was me. There was no changing it. I was always going to fight for my views on the way a design should be done and I was always going to voice my opinion. He could try to hold my job hostage, but it wouldn’t make a difference. I wasn’t going to change. If I couldn’t do my job the way I wanted, I knew I could easily find a job somewhere else because I was good at what I did. Really fucking good.
But, bottom line—work was no longer the safe haven I thought it would be.
I successfully avoided Will for the rest of the day thanks to the power of a closed door. I made a quick panicked call to Jay after Will had convinced me not to resign. I told him everything that had happened, and for once, I had rendered him completely speechless. What could he say? I’d gotten myself into a huge mess.
When I got home, Jay was there, coming to my rescue by making me my favorite dinner. God, I loved that boy. He was so perfect I could barely breathe sometimes. After dinner, we walked down to the beach together in silence. There wasn’t much to say. I didn’t want to talk about my mom, work, or Huck—Will—whatever his name was. At the moment, I needed the mindlessness of some rope climbing, and Jay had agreed to go with me. I rubbed my hands together already feeling the burn on my palms and the strain in my biceps.
But, as we approached Muscle Beach, I saw him. Huck—I mean Will. He was sitting on the same part of the wall he’d been sitting on when I approached him on Friday. He was writing on a pad of paper and hadn’t noticed us yet.
“He’s here,” Jay pointed out.
“I know.” I breathed in deeply and then let out the breath in one swift exhale. “I can’t stay.”
“I figured,” Jay said. “I’ll walk you back.”
“No, stay. It looks like Tony and the others are here. I’m going to go spend the night at my mom’s.”
Jay’s eyes were questioning, but he didn’t ask. He knew better. I hadn’t told him what was going on with my mom. If I didn’t talk about it, it was almost like it wasn’t true. Telling Jay would make it that much more real. He knew that when I was ready to talk about my mom, I would. It meant so much that he understood me so completely and could allow me to be a quiet, introspective bitch when I wanted, and that he still loved me even when I was being self-absorbed.
“Will you be back tomorrow night?”
I ran my hands through my hair. “I might stay there for a while.” My voice wavered. “My mom needs me.”
“Then we should meet for lunch during the week. I need my daily dose of Cat.”
“I’d like that,” I said. “Hey, do you mind taking care of Spooky while I’m away? I’d take him with me, but my mom is allergic to cats.” For some reason, my voice cracked and I felt like a little piece of my sanity was cracking with it.
“You don’t even have to ask.” Jay pulled me into a hug and I buried my face in his shoulder, convincing myself that tears had no business anywhere near my eyes. “Spooky likes me better anyway,” Jay pointed out.
I laughed and then pulled away. I risked another quick glance toward Will, who was still writing, and then I hurried back down the boardwalk.
The beach was no longer a safe haven. Will had taken that away as well. What more could he take?
My mom was ecstatic that I was staying with her. She insisted we watch another movie while eating more of the cookies she’d baked on Sunday. She didn’t try to talk about the funeral again and she didn’t talk about treatment, either. It seemed she was just happy to have me there to spend time with her. I was surprised to find that I was sort of glad to be there, too. My mom needed me and I realized that right now, I really needed her, too.
***
I got into work early and barricaded myself behind my office door. With a full cup of coffee and plenty of work to do, there was no reason to come out before my lunch date with Jay. Will sent me another reminder about the meeting with the record executives and I flipped my middle finger at my computer screen. Obviously, he couldn’t see it, but it made me feel better anyway. Like I’d forget one of the most important meetings of my career. I was already salivating over all of the amazing projects I’d be working on. Legend Records would be the centerpiece of my portfolio, so there was no chance in hell I’d miss that meeting.
My lunch with Jay was just what I needed to boost my mood since he represented the only clean part of my life right now. The beach and work were polluted with Will. My mom, although I loved her, was infecting my life with fear, grief, and uncertainty. But Jay was the same as he’d always been. He made me laugh, he made me feel calm, and he made me forget for just an hour that the rest of my life was in emotional shambles.
“I can’t believe you’re going to be working on Legend Records stuff,” he gushed.
“I know, I can’t believe it either. They’re like the dream client. Did you know they just signed Clap for the Right Reasons to their label?”
“Are you
serious? You could be designing their new CD cover next week!”
The butterflies in my stomach were crashing into each other. “Oh God, I hope so. That would be so fucking awesome.”
“I’m so proud of you, Cat. You’re amazing and you don’t even realize it.”
“Oh, I totally realize it. I’m always reminding you.”
“You’re right. That’s true. I take that back. You’re such a conceited bitch. But I still love you.”
I flinched a bit when he said ‘bitch’ only because it reminded me of Will’s nickname. Although I privately admitted it was clever and appropriate, it hurt much more than it should have. I wouldn’t have cared to know Will had thought that about me, but knowing Huck thought it was funny . . . the thought sliced me wide open. I had to remind myself that Huck and Will were the same person even though it didn’t seem possible.
Too soon lunch was over and I was on my way back to the office for the meeting of a lifetime. Before heading into the conference room, I stopped by the bathroom to make sure I was presentable. My carefully chosen outfit was edgy, but professionally stylish enough to give me credibility. I ran my fingers through my hair which I’d left long and straight.
Will was already there when I pushed open the conference room doors. It was just going to be Nick, Will, and me in the meeting today and Nick was out front waiting for the executives to arrive.
The conference table was long and glossy, with eight black leather chairs on either side of it. The large windows that looked over Los Angeles had always given me the feeling of freedom and limitless possibilities because it felt like I could see forever, like the world was mine to conquer. But today the room felt like a prison, as if the whole world was watching from the outside, waiting to see me make my next huge mistake.
“Cat,” Huck said.
Damn. Not Huck. I had to remind myself this was Will. This was Shitstick, Will Stone.
Will stood, armed in confidence and power. His warm hazel eyes held concern as he searched my face, waiting for me to answer. He ran his hands along the edges of his jacket, absentmindedly unbuttoning and then re-buttoning the front. I watched his strong fingers slip the button through the hole. Once. Twice. And I was remembering those same fingers unclasping my bra and undoing my jeans and . . .
Fuck! I closed my eyes as if hiding him from my sight would somehow make me forget how much I wanted him. I needed to get myself under control. This was Will. This was my art director. This was the guy I’d hated for the last three years. I couldn’t be thinking those kinds of things about him. It could ruin my career. He could ruin my career.
Too many seconds had passed. Too many minutes. I knew he was waiting for me to say something.
“Will.”
The look of disappointment that crossed his face when I used his work name was painful to watch, but necessary. There couldn’t be anything between us. Better to make that clear to both of us now before our memories and bodies tried to take us to places we couldn’t go.
“Glad you made it,” Will said.
“Not like I could forget. You reminded me half a dozen times.”
“Twice,” he corrected me.
“Same thing. It’s not like I’d be late. I always come when I’m supposed to.”
He smirked. And then I realized what I’d said. I forced myself not to react. Cat would have laughed at the accidental sexual innuendo. Huck would have boasted about his involvement in my “coming” and probably made promises for more. But we weren’t Cat and Huck anymore, we were Cate and Will. That kind of banter was off limits.
“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m always where I’m supposed to be.”
He frowned. “You weren’t at the beach last night.”
“You were.” It wasn’t a question. I knew he was there and now he knew that I knew.
“I just wanted to talk to you. You’ve been avoiding me.”
“And with good reason. Are you familiar with the fraternization policy, Mr. Stone?”
He frowned at the title I’d given him. “I am.”
“Then you’ll understand why I need you to stay away from me. Perhaps I’m no danger to you, but you could ruin me.” That statement was more true than he could imagine. He could ruin me in so many ways and not just my career. I feared he may have already ruined a piece of my heart.
“Cat,” he said, moving toward me.
“Please don’t, Will. I don’t want to be Bridget Burns. Don’t do that to me.”
His body went completely still and he glared at me. “What do you know about Bridget Burns?”
I shrugged. “Only what I accidentally overheard. She was the client representative for Get Up and Run, the company that plans all those fun runs that are so popular right now. Rumor was that they were going to award the advertising account to a minority-owned business, but you screwed her to get the account to William Stone Media. Then, once you had the account, you dropped her.”
His face contorted in anger. “That’s not what happened.”
“Hey,” I said, putting my hands in front of me to ward off his explanations. “It doesn’t matter to me what happened.”
“It matters to me.” He was vibrating with rage, but I just couldn’t find it in me to care. I couldn’t care, I had too much at stake. It wasn’t that I was worried about my job, I could get another job. The problem was that I was worried about my reputation—I couldn’t get another one of those. If anyone ever found out about me and Will Stone, it would ruin my reputation, my career would be tainted forever. This was the kind of town where your reputation definitely preceded you.
“Well, that’s what the rumor was, and I don’t want to be your next Bridget Burns.”
Before he could answer, Nick walked in with Jason Melbourne and Holly Goode, the executives from Legend Records, and we were forced into civility. Jason and Holly were everything record executives should be—dark, fashionable, and trendy. These were the people that were deciding what musicians and talent to endorse. They chose the music of tomorrow and they’d chosen William Stone Media to promote it. They’d chosen me. Sort of.
Once the meeting started and I had an opportunity to talk with Jason and Holly and hear what they were looking for, all of the tension from my argument with Will faded away. This was the dream client. This was the type of project I’d been waiting for since I became a graphic designer. I could hardly contain my excitement as ideas and suggestions tumbled out of me. My hand flew over my notebook as I jotted down the information that Holly and Jason provided, as well as the ideas and concepts that came to me. My fingers and creativity were itching to get back to my computer and start working right away.
Surprisingly, Will let me take control of the conversation and he sat there silently as if he were just an observer and not the art director. When I looked up to see why he was being so uncharacteristically quiet, he was staring at me as if he was seeing me for the first time. My stomach was already doing acrobatics from my excitement for the projects we were discussing, but seeing his appreciation for me made me warm and queasy and eager to finish the meeting. I didn’t want that kind of attention from Huck—I mean Will.
Damn. I had to get this meeting over. I couldn’t even keep his name straight in my thoughts.
After we came up with a tentative timeline for the most immediate projects and shook hands all around, Nick led Jason and Holly back to the front desk as I collected the samples they brought and gathered my scattered notes and ideas. Will lingered.
“I thought I had Cate Maverick all figured out before I moved here.”
My body stiffened as he talked to me. It was so much easier to try to put the weekend and our mistakes behind us when we were angry with each other. But he didn’t sound angry. I gathered my things more quickly, stuffing them into a haphazard pile just so I could escape to my office.
“There are some things you can’t see over phone calls and email. There are some things you can only understand in person,” he continued.
“You’re brilliant,” he continued. “I think I might have known that because your work was so fantastic, which is why I put up with you even though you’re difficult to work with. But I guess I just didn’t realize how beautiful you were when you were being so brilliant.”
I stopped stuffing and took a deep breath, refusing to look at him. “Don’t,” I warned. “Don’t do that to me.” I clutched my pile of papers to my chest like a shield.
“Don’t do what?” he asked as if he wasn’t ripping me open for the whole world to see.
“Don’t ruin me.”
And then I fled the conference room and barricaded myself in my office with the mountains of work I was only too eager to scale.
— HUCK —
14. ADDICTION
Cat didn’t come out of her office for the rest of the day. She didn’t show up to the beach again either. This pattern continued for the rest of the week, and the weekend was equally, and agonizingly, boring. I resisted the urge to go to her apartment and force her to talk to me. Instead, I spent entirely too much time jogging up and down the boardwalk. I told myself it was for exercise, but I knew I was looking for her, hoping to see her at the playground, painting on the graffiti walls, throwing tricks at the skate park, or hanging around Titanic Boutique.
But she was just . . . missing.
On Monday, the pattern started again. She was at work, I was copied on emails, but I never saw her. The ideas she was coming up with for Legend Records were nothing short of amazing. Jason and Holly were already in love with her and if the ache in my chest was any sign, I was starting to realize they might not be the only ones.
When I arrived at work on Wednesday, I noticed immediately that Cat’s office door was hanging wide open. There was a moment of panic when I worried that she might have decided to resign after all, but then I saw that all of her things were just as they had been before, even the gaudy Venice Beach artwork. I had to ask myself if I would be more worried if she left because I needed her for the Legend Records account or because I needed her to be part of my life, even if that was just through emails and chance encounters in the hallways.
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