by Sarah Curtis
Gage was quiet for a few seconds. "You know what I think?"
"I don't care what you think." Cassie interrupted.
Gage interrupted right back. "I think if you didn't still have feelings for me, you wouldn't be so angry. Anger I can work with, indifference would have killed me."
Cassie made an incomprehensible sound of anger, hanging up on Gage's chuckling response.
Cassie's day started off normally. She got Logan ready for school, fed him breakfast, got herself ready, took him to school, and now, she was out with the dogs, enjoying the beautiful day. The sun shone brightly but there was a touch of wind, keeping it from being too hot.
Then her day took a turn.
She turned her head and saw Gage walking toward her. She stopped what she was doing, looked up at the sky, and muttered, "Why me?"
She heard Gage chuckle. She tipped her head back down and looked at him. "Did you not participate in the conversation we had last night? Especially the part where I told you I didn't want to see you, ever."
Gage just smiled, ignoring her rant. "Good morning, Sunshine."
"Why do you insist on calling me that?"
Gage tipped his head to the side a little. "You remind me of sunshine. Long, golden hair, golden skin," he gave her a wicked grin, "sunny personality."
Cassie ducked her head quickly to hide a smile.
Gage didn't let her get away with it. "I saw that."
Cassie still refused to look at him. "Yeah well, consider it momentary insanity."
Gage took a few steps closer. She figured her best recourse was to ignore him, then maybe he would go away! She walked to one of the outer sheds and opened the doors. Inside was a wheelbarrow and several large bags of dog food. She opened one of the bags and started scooping kibble with a large bucket and dumping it in the wheelbarrow.
"Can I give you a hand?"
She looked at all his manly muscle and decided, why the hell not? He was here, he kept pestering her, might as well take advantage of that. "We need to feed the dogs," she said, tipping her head down to the wheelbarrow.
He grabbed the handles after she finished filling it with kibble and wheeled it out. "Where to first?"
Cassie lead the way to the kennels as she talked. "We need to fill the bowls with food then give all the pups fresh water."
"Do you have anyone else that helps you?" Gage looked around, taking in all the work involved in taking care of so many dogs.
Cassie didn't look away from her task as she talked. "We have several volunteers that come throughout the week to help out."
They worked for several long minutes in silence before Gage spoke. "Cass?"
Cassie stopped working and looked over at him.
He walked up to her and cradled her face in his hands. She stared into his incredible blue eyes and forgot how to breathe. She watched, mesmerized, as his face slowly lowered to hers, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss. He backed away a fraction so he could speak. "I just wanted to remind you," he whispered, against her lips before touching his lips to hers once more.
His lips brushed hers with the softest of touches without pressing for more. Her heart started pounding, so it was all she could hear, that and the NO, NO, NO that screamed through her brain. She quickly took a step back, breaking their contact.
Her breathing was heavy at what was barely a kiss, hell, she kissed Logan good-night with more contact. But it wasn't the weight of the kiss, but the emotion behind it. She felt what Gage was trying to convey, and she wanted no part of it.
"I think you should leave." Recalling Logan and how dangerous it was for Gage to be there, even though Logan was at school, had her voice shaking. Or was it the kiss? She took another step back. Max, a Shepard mix, nudged her dangling hand, looking for a head rub that she instinctively gave him.
"Why? Because I make you remember or because you want to forget?"
"Both. Remembering is painful, I don't have any choice but to forget." Little did he know that forgetting wasn't an option either. She remembered him every time she looked at her son. But then, forgetting was never on the agenda, for forgetting this pain would lead to making the same mistakes, mistakes she hoped never to repeat.
Gage took a step, closing the distance between them. "Give me a chance. Let me take you out Friday night."
Cassie shook her head. "I'm busy. I have a date." God, it felt good to say that and have it be true. He didn't have to know it would be her first date in five long years.
She watched as Gage halted his progress to her. She saw his jaw harden and a vein throbbed at his temple. "I thought you said you weren't seeing anyone." His voice was low and gravely, the way it sometimes got when singing a ballad.
"Going on a date and seeing someone are two different things."
"I don't like it, Cass."
"It's really none of your business, Gage."
"It is my business. You're mine."
What he said was so outlandish, Cassie wasn't even sure how to respond. And then she did. "I'm not yours. I haven't been yours since you threw me away."
* * * * *
If words could hurt, slash, cut and maim, hers did. But it wasn't just the words. It was the look of hurt and betrayal he saw in her eyes as she spoke them. He wondered how he was still standing, with the gaping hole her words left in his chest.
When she'd said she had a date Friday night, he'd seen red. Was his anger unreasonable? Maybe. Probably. But it didn't change the fact that he felt it. No. When he looked at her, he saw his Sunshine. She was his, no one else's. Was he a monk these last five years? No. Did he want to know what she'd been up to these last five years? Hell, no. But that was the past. He wanted to start fresh, now, and that didn't include dates with other people.
He took a step toward her. She stepped back. Damn she was skittish. He did that to her, he knew, and that cut him up inside, as well. He held up a hand. "Stop retreating."
"Then stop advancing."
God, her smart mouth. He'd forgotten how much he liked it. He had liked it doing other things as well. He felt his jeans grow tight and decided he needed to get his mind back on track. "Cancel your date."
She looked at him as if he had grown two heads. "Are you seriously trying to tell me what to do?"
Gage looked down at his booted feet and sighed, taking a moment to regroup. He couldn't push her too hard, too fast. He looked back up at her. "Not telling, asking."
He saw the anger leave her features. "Look, even if I wanted to cancel on Doug, which I don't, I wouldn't. He's a nice guy and doesn't deserve that."
He gave a slight nod, but he seethed inside. He schooled his features and asked calmly, "Saturday, then?"
Cassie shook her head. "I can't."
"Can't or won't?"
"Does it really matter?" She asked on a sigh.
He closed the distance between them and lightly clasped her upper arms. "It matters to me. You matter to me."
* * * * *
How many weeks did she stare at her phone, waiting for it to ring, hoping to hear those exact words from him? How many times did she look over her shoulder, thinking she heard him calling her name, praying he'd come back for her? And how many nights did she cry herself to sleep because none of that happened?
She felt a tear slide from her eye. Gage's thumb was there instantly to wipe it away, but another quickly took its place.
"Baby," she heard him whisper.
The feelings that one word evoked were her undoing. He'd never called her that before. Not back then. Why now? A sob broke from her, and she pushed against his chest, breaking free
of his hold. It took her a moment, but she managed to get herself under control. She swiped angrily at her cheeks, embarrassed she revealed the depth of her emotions. Using anger as a shield, she straightened her spine. "I'm sorry, Gage, but I can't let you matter to me. I tried that once and it didn't work out so well." She looked down and saw that Max was still at her side. She gave him a rub behind the ears, turned her back on Gage, and calmly walked away.
"Cassie."
She stopped when Gage called her name but didn't turn to face him as she waited for him to speak.
"I made a mistake five years ago. I let a wonderful, beautiful, funny, and sweet girl get away. She did mean something to me but in my stupidity, I just didn't know it, and I'm willing to work hard for her forgiveness. She means the world to me, and I hope she can find it somewhere in her heart to forgive me."
That he remembered her words from so long ago was her undoing. Tears fell freely down her cheeks, and her heart broke anew with the knowledge that even if she did forgive Gage, she could never let him back in because she made a mistake, too. She kept the knowledge of his son from him. He's asking for her forgiveness, but he might not forgive her.
Chapter Four
"And then do you know what happened?"
Cassie looked in the rear-view mirror at her son and smiled. "What?"
They were in the car driving home from his preschool. Doug would be picking her up in a few hours, and she needed to get Logan bathed and fed before she got herself ready.
"Katie told the teacher, and she gived him a timeout."
"It's gave, little man."
"Uh?"
"She gave him a timeout."
"Mamma!"
"Logan!"
They both giggled.
Cassie pulled up to the ranch house, got out of the SUV, and walked around to the passenger rear door. Logan had already unbuckled himself and jumped out before Cassie had the door fully opened. "Whoa, what's the rush?"
"I gotta go potty."
Cassie chuckled as she watched her son scamper to the front door. Her laughter died when she saw Gage standing on the front porch. She looked around and belatedly noticed his Escalade parked at the side of the house. Her aunt's car was nowhere in sight. Cassie looked back at the house. Logan had stopped and was staring up at Gage, saying something that she couldn't hear.
She rushed to the porch, put her hand on her son's head, opened the front door, and directed him through. "Go potty, little man, and don't forget to wash your hands." She watched Logan hurry to the bathroom.
She turned. Gage stared in disbelief at the open front door. "What the fuck?" He said, barely above a whisper.
"Gage, I can explain," Cassie said, quickly.
"Explain!"
"Shh, keep your voice down, Logan will hear."
"Logan?" He said in a harsh tone.
Cassie looked down at the ground.
"Look at me."
She instantly brought her head back up.
Logan came back into view. "Momma, I'm hungry."
"Okay, little man, I'll be right in. Why don't you go color a picture while you're waiting."
Logan looked up at Gage. "Who are you?"
Gage squatted so he was at Logan's eye level. "My name's Gage. What's yours?"
"Logan Alexander Wagner." Logan said that mouthful proudly.
Cassie watched Gage's smile slip a little. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Logan." Gage held out his hand, and Logan's tiny one was engulfed by Gage's as they gave a mini manly handshake.
"Sweetheart, why don't you go in and color and let mommy talk with Gage for a minute, okay."
"Okay, Momma." Logan went back into the house, and she was again alone with Gage.
"What the fuck?" He said, once again, running his hand through his hair. "That's my son," he accused, loudly, pointing a finger at the door.
"Shh, Logan will hear you," Cassie said, in as calm a voice as she could muster at the moment.
"I don't give a fuck."
She could tell he was angry, but now, she started to get angry as well. "Well, I do."
"You had no right to keep that from me."
Cassie straightened her spine. She knew that was true, but she had her reasons. "You might be the sperm donor, but you're not his father."
"Because I never knew of his existence," Gage growled.
He was right, again, damn him. "You didn't want me. How was I to know if you would want a child? I wasn't going to trap you, Gage. What would you have done if you'd known? Drop everything and rush right back here?"
"Well, seeing as I wasn't given that option, we'll never know, now will we?" He was beyond angry. She could tell he tried to keep his voice low but had trouble succeeding.
She needed to be the voice of reason. "You're right, I should have told you, but when I found out you had just left, and you never called, and I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I was going to do. My parents wanted me to get an abortion, but I knew I could never do that. My Aunt Laurie took me in when I quit school. I was so sick the first few months that I ended up dropping out, and without my parents help, I couldn't afford it anyway."
She finally looked back at Gage. After her word vomit, he didn't look quite as angry. "I'm so sorry. I was just a kid that didn't know what to do."
* * * * *
Gage stepped away from Cassie and walked the length of the porch. He reached its end and placed his hands on the railing, slightly leaning forward, head bowed deep in thought. He had a son. A son he hadn't known about. A son Cassie had kept hidden from him.
Disbelief had been his initial reaction and then anger. Anger that she could have kept something so important from him. But then, what she had said started to sink in. He thought about it from her point of view. She had been abandoned, alone, and afraid, and he didn't blame her for not reaching out. For two months, he didn't reach out either. And by the time he tried, he had been too late.
They had both been wrong. They had both made poor choices, but he was here now, and he planned on fixing the mistakes of the past.
He walked back to her, took her face in his hands, and tilted it so she looked right at him. "You're not going on that date tonight."
She wrenched her face out of his hands and took a step back. "This doesn't change anything between us."
"The hell it doesn't. We're getting married."
* * * * *
Cassie stood silent for a full count of three, opening and closing her mouth before she was able to release a shouted, "What?"
"Shh, Logan will hear," Gage said, with a grin.
"Are you insane?" She whisper-shouted.
His face grew serious. "What's insane is that you kept my son from me for five years."
"Four."
"What?"
"He turns four next week."
"When's his birthday?"
"May 29th."
Gage gave a slight nod in acknowledgment before saying, "We're getting married, then we're changing Logan's birth certificate to Logan Alexander Hunter."
Is that what all this marriage business was about, changing Logan's last name? Cassie felt her body sag in relief. "Gage, if you want to change Logan's name legally, I won't stop you. We don't have to get married."
Gage went to her and captured her around the waist drawing her body close. "Oh, but we do. I've already told you, you were mine. This just gives me leverage."
Cassie shook her head. "I don't understand. Why do you want me all of a sudden?"
"All of a sudden? I've wanted you for five years."
Cassie pushed at Gage's chest wanting to be released. "This is all too much. I need time to think."
Gage wasn't letting go. "I'll give you time to think. And while you do, you think about this." His lips descended on hers before she had time to turn her head away. This kiss was nothing like the last one. This one was hard and demanding. His tongue invaded her mouth, swooping in and taking charge. Cassie had forgotten how wonderful a kiss could be. The powerful thrust of his tongue caressing against hers caused her nipples to harden and wetness to form between her legs. God it had been so long.
She moaned into his mouth and that was all the encouragement he needed to take it to the next level. He backed her up until she was flush against the wall of the house. One of his hands tangled in her hair at her nape, tilting her head giving him better access while his other hand explored up her ribcage.
Cassie gripped his shoulders, so lost in sensation, she didn't know what to do other than hang on for dear life. His roaming hand had reached her breast, his thumb swiped her nipple, once, twice before he pinched it between his fingers, giving it a little twist, causing her to moan once again.
A loud throat clearing interrupted them. Cassie knew it was her aunt. Although, she couldn't see around Gage's body. "I suppose introductions might be in order."
Gage dropped his hand back down to her waist and leaned his forehead against hers. His breathing was as labored as her own and if the bulge she felt against her stomach was any indication, he was just as aroused.
"I'll just give you two a minute. I'll be inside waiting." She heard her aunt close the front door, and she took a deep breath to get her bearings.
Gage recovered his speech first. "And that's why we need to get married." His lips made a trail from her cheek to the back of her ear.
Cassie gave her head a slight shake. "That's just sex. You're a devastatingly handsome guy with a wicked tongue that you know how to use. It's been a long time, and my body responded but that has nothing to do with my heart."