by Jennifer Ann
“Because I can’t do this!” I answer, dropping the bag on the floor.
“Can’t do what?” he roars, sending a huff of his warm breath over my face.
“Trust anyone! The only person I ever trusted is dead, and I wasn’t even strong enough to go to his funeral! I’m not cut out for this shit that you’re asking of me!”
His head shakes slowly. “You had your reasons for not goin’. Doesn’t change the relationship you had with your dad when he was alive. Doesn’t mean you can’t let go and trust again.”
“You don’t understand! I have to do things on my own! There’s a reason I can’t trust anyone!”
Steely blue eyes cut through right me. “You don’t trust me an’ Ranger?”
“How can you expect me to? You’re both club brothers with Axel, and I don’t trust him any further than I could throw the asshole! Remmy was wrong to let him join the MC! For all I know, you wanted to come along on this trip because Axel told you to!”
“That’d never fuckin’ happen!” Inhaling deeply, a lock of his hair touches my cheek and, I wince. “I don’t trust your brother either,” he admits, lowing his head to shake it. Then he looks up again, gaze softened as he moves a hand up next to my head. “Darlin’, we’re on your side. Ranger and I wouldn’t do a damn thing to hurt you. You must know that by now.”
Breath locked in my chest, I whisper, “Maybe I don’t want you on my side.”
“If that’s true, then why’d you agree to let us come along?”
“You invited yourself!” I remind him.
I draw my jaw tight, unwilling to give him the real answer. He can tell me a thousand times that I can trust him, but that’s something I need to decide on my own. I can’t let him know that I’m actually afraid of Axel. I won’t tell him the whole story until I know more. And I refuse to acknowledge that I wanted Colt to come here because I feel something new when he’s around.
“Why’d you disappear this afternoon?” I ask in a calmer voice.
“If I stuck around, I probably would’a killed Ranger. He’s like a brother, but made me crazy that you wanted to be all by yourself with the son of a bitch.” With his hand pressed to my jaw, he looks down on me with a sudden emotion that looks way too compassionate for someone he hardly knows. “I don’t wanna have to share you that way with anyone. If you’re with him, I wanna be involved. I wanna be the one callin’ the shots who does what to your body. I won’t let anyone be selfish around you.”
My lips part. If I tell him Ranger and I didn’t have sex, that I sucked him off instead, he’ll know I don’t want to be with anyone else either. I may as well be telling him I think I’m falling in love, and that would be just plain ridiculous.
“Hell, you can be alone with Ranger all ya want if that’s what you really need,” he growls. “Just don’t be tellin’ me about it. Knowin’ you’re with only him or any other man would be like takin’ a knife in the gut.” Wetting his lips, he glances down on mine. “I’m only askin’ that you don’t shut me out, and quit threatenin’ to run away.”
“You’re taking this way too far,” I warn, taking a deep breath that heaves my breasts against his leather jacket. “I already told you how I feel about the commitment thing.”
“An’ I told ya I’m not lookin’ for it,” he snaps, tightening his hand around my jaw until it nearly feels like a threat. “I don’t know what’s goin’ on between us, but we don’t have to be in a hurry to define it. All I know is I’m startin’ to feel like I need you the way I need air to breathe, and I won’t let you walk outta my life without a fight. Keep tellin’ yourself you and I are nothin’ more than a fun fuck, but I can feel it in the way you kiss me that you’re feelin’ it too. Knew the minute I saw you in the club parkin’ lot you were gonna mess with my heart.”
His heart.
Shit, no. This can’t be about fucking love. Not when so many other factors are still up in the air that may never be resolved. My father was the only person I truly loved with all my heart, and I failed him. I’m not someone worthy of love, nor am I ready to give it back.
I open my mouth to tell him the string of thoughts passing through my mind, but the words won’t form against my tongue. Frozen beneath him, I struggle with an unfamiliar sensation stinging behind my eyes.
A dark look seizes his features as he bends in to crush his mouth over mine. I stand with my arms limp at my sides, eyes closed. Colt’s hands clamp onto my hips, drawing me even closer. Despite his best efforts, I remain still, conflicted with reason versus desire.
Colt pulls his lips away, drawing them to my cheek. His breaths are heavy on my skin as he leans into me, cock pressed to my hip. “Give in to me, darlin’. I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you. Let yourself feel this. You deserve it.”
All resolve breaks with his pleas. I wrap my arms around his hard body, and knot my fingers in his wavy hair as he literally devours me, fucking me with his tongue. Even though I shouldn’t be letting myself take it this far, his beautiful mouth works like magic in making me feel something wonderful and completely foreign.
As we’re frantically unzipping each other’s jeans and he’s lifting me into his arms so he can slip his glorious length inside of me, there’s a tug at my heart so raw and unexpected, I gasp inside his mouth.
My plans of moving on without the MC have gone out the door. Whatever my brother is up to, I’m going to have to confide in Colt and ask for his help. Remmy’s going to have to accept that I’m sticking around for a long time.
This is not what I planned when I came to the MC looking for someone to lean on. I’m still not the kind of woman who needs a man to save her, but I can’t fight these primal feelings any longer.
Colt Sawyer may have come into my life unexpectedly, but I’m starting to think it could’ve had something to do with fate.
12
It’s impossible to pretend things haven’t changed between me and Colt, though I give it my best try by paying equal attention to Ranger throughout the night as we dine at a causal seafood restaurant on the beach, and burn through several rounds of drinks. The booze makes my head fuzzy, making it easier to deal with Colt’s near declaration of love without wanting to retreat to my bike, and burn the hell out of town.
Colt’s heated gaze becomes darker with each glass of whiskey, and he’s constantly touching me in not so subtle ways. What he said about letting me be alone with Ranger may have been his way of pretending he doesn’t want me to declare my loyalty, but part of me isn’t ready to let go of the bond I’ve formed with Ranger regardless. I’m afraid once that bond has broken, things with Colt will start to feel real serious, real fast. And I don't think I have what it takes to go down that road. At least not yet.
On the mile-long walk back to our hotel, I find myself teetering between the two men. Aside from the roar of the moonlit ocean to our left, it’s a long walk filled with awkward silence. I keep expecting Colt to announce that the three of us are done, or for him to somehow claim me, and make it known I’m his, but he remains somewhat rigid at my side.
“Should’ve joined me today, hoss,” Ranger says once we’re almost to our hotel. For a minute I’m terrified he’s referring to the blow-job I gave him until he adds, “Made those waves my bitch. Although maybe the sets were too big for you.”
“Guarantee I could teach you a thing or two,” Colt fires back.
“SEALs are nothin’ but a bunch of kooks,’” Ranger retorts with a dark laugh. “Goddamn squids. You belong under the water.”
Colt spins on him, smirking. “That right?”
Soon they’re wrestling in the sand, laughing and yelling pretend insults. I stumble away from them to where the water laps the sand, watching as it drifts over my flip flops and leaves a deep impression. A somewhat cool breeze drifts off the dark body of water, rippling shivers against my bare arms.
Inhaling the damp, salty air, I cross my arms over myself, wishing I could sneak away to clear my head. Getting plastered may not ha
ve been the best idea. I have a nagging feeling that I know what will be coming next. How can I be with both men again without it being weird?
As if able to sense my reluctance, their voices close in as they join me at either side. Colt wraps me in his arms and presses a searing kiss against my neck as Ranger moves in front of me.
“Someone else never set foot in the water today,” he drawls, absentmindedly running his fingers through my hair and grinning down on me with a sexy innocence, like a school boy with a crush. “What do you say we get her wet, hoss?”
Ranger doesn’t give me a chance to answer before his lips are attached to mine. I stiffen in Colt’s arms as Ranger’s tongue sweeps through my mouth, still not clear what Colt expects of me or this relationship he’s so eager to pursue.
But fingers lift the edges of my shirt from behind as Colt answers with a gruff, “Fuckin’ right.”
The two men work together to strip me down to my bra and underwear in no time, allowing the cool ocean air to prickle against my naked flesh. Whenever Ranger isn’t kissing me, I try like hell to subtly make eye contact with Colt, hoping to gauge whatever’s going through his head, but his face remains a mask of dark desire, his beautiful eyes alight with a dizzying blend of intense emotions.
Either the several glasses of whiskey or the confusion of what Colt expects of me sends my head swimming. The world blurs around me. As Ranger’s giving attention to my breasts and Colt’s hands are moving in between my legs, I sway against the hard body behind me, and nearly tumble to the sand.
Arms tightening around me, Colt chuckles against my ear. “Whoa, darlin’. Think you had a little too much to drink.”
“I can fuckin’ handle my liquor,” I snap, steadying myself on Ranger’s hunched shoulders.
“Sure you can,” Ranger answers, grinning as he stands straight to help steady me.
“Fun’s over,” Colt grumbles. My feet are suddenly off the ground as I’m lifted into his arms. Like a drunken idiot, I snuggle against his chest, and inhale the tantalizing scent of him. If sober, I’d probably put up a fight, but being held in his burly arms is like getting a preview of my own private heaven.
“Grab her clothes,” he tells Ranger. “See you in the mornin’.”
My eyes, suddenly way too heavy to stay open, close.
An unlit, menacing alley filled with twisting shadows and strange noises stretches out ahead of me. My heart races so incredibly fast it’s as if it’s trying to leap from my chest.
I shouldn’t be here. I should go back.
The sudden roar of an engine makes me jump. I move out of the way in time for a piece of shit rust-bucket to speed past, slamming on its breaks mere feet away. Though my brain screams to run, my feet refuse to budge as both doors fly open.
This is not at all what I expected. It suddenly feels very wrong.
A puffy-faced man in a worn suit exits from the passenger’s side, regarding me with a curled lip and narrowed eyes. Pushing aside a strand of dark, greasy hair that doesn’t cover the top of his head, he sets his arm on top of the passenger’s side of the car. “You the bitch we’re supposed to meet?”
Though my stomach clenches with fear, I square my feet and roll my eyes. I’m not going to let some dirtbag talk to me that way. “If by ‘bitch’ you mean the woman Shawna told you to meet, then yeah. I guess I am.”
“You don’t look like the usual type,” the equally unattractive driver barks. He’s tall and lanky with beady eyes, reminding me of a rat. “How do we know you ain’t a cop?”
My god, Shawna never told me I’d be dealing with straight-up thugs. Even though she insisted that I keep this on the down-low, I should’ve at least told Jawa or one of the other guys at the MC I was coming. Shawna and I haven’t been friends for long, but we’ve been through a lot together since the start of college, and I believed her when she told me that she had no one else to turn to.
“I’m not a cop,” I say, curling my lips in disgust. “You can search me or do whatever it takes to convince you that I’m not, but I’ll scream bloody hell if you make any kind of pervert move.”
The two men exchange a meaningful glance before the round man on the passenger’s side retrieves something from the back seat. He walks toward me with a dark scowl. “You ever use a pistol before, sweetheart?” he asks, immersing me in a cloud of pungent body odor and nicotine. He unwraps the bundled object in his hands and shows me a small, black gun. “Go ahead, take it. Safety’s on.”
My throat constricts. “It’s not for me,” I say quietly.
“That so?” The man’s eyebrows rise as he glances back at his partner. “Soundin’ awfully suspicious to me.”
“I have the money.” I dig into my messenger bag for the wad of cash Shawna gave me and exchange it for the gun.
Though I’ve seen all sorts of weapons at the clubhouse and in the member’s jackets or shoved into their pants, until this moment, I had never touched one despite Jawa’s insistence that I learn how to protect myself. It’s heavier than I envisioned, and sends my heart racing when I appreciate its deadly potential.
“We’re good?” I ask, watching the short man count the bills.
He nods. “Nice doin’ business with ya.”
Slipping the gun into my messenger bag, I spin away and speed walk my way out of the alley. The minute I’m on the sidewalk, though it’s a quiet neighborhood and I’m the only one around, relief floods my veins. I had pictured a million ways the exchange could go wrong, and Jawa would kill me if he knew I was involved in something illegal.
I’ve made it two blocks when a dark-haired high schooler appears ahead. I offer a small smile in passing, but she makes a bee-line directly toward me.
“You Harley? I’m Shawna’s little sister,” she tells me. Though they have the same shades of brown hair, the similarities end there. The two women couldn’t look any more different. “You have the gun?”
Chest drawn painfully tight, I’m suddenly unable to breathe. “Where’s Shawna?” I ask, looking around.
“She couldn’t get away from Daryl so she sent me to get it.”
Danger signals sounding in my head, I wrap my fingers around the strap of my messenger bag. “I’d rather give it to her personally. No offense, but she never mentioned she even had a sister.”
“We both know she needs that gun,” the girl insists, holding out her hand. “I know I probably look really young, but I’m sixteen, and I know how to handle myself. I’ll make sure she gets it. I know how important this is. Shawna’s life depends on it.”
I blow out a long, calming breath. Not only is she right, but Jawa had me doing questionable things when I was this girl’s age. Besides, what reason would she have to lie about being Shawna’s sister?
“Over here.” I move up against the abandoned hardware store at our side and remove the gun from my messenger bag.
The girl sticks it in her back pocket like she’s done it a million times. She tips her head, smiling. “Thanks, Harley.”
Moving away from the building, I find myself suddenly in a jail cell, wearing a plain blue uniform. I frown down on it, remembering it’s laundry day.
“Better get your ass moving, Sonnick,” a deep voice barks. “Jawa will be in the ground in ten minutes and you’ll be late.” Benson, the burly prison guard who steals inmates’ cigarettes for her personal use, stands scowling over me, her thick arms crossed and round chin raised. “He’ll be so disappointed to see what you’ve become.”
The sound of my cellmate’s crass cackles fills the space behind me. “Her sexy ass attracts all types! No surprise she’s got dick chasin’ her the way every bitch in this joint wants a taste of that fine pussy!”
“They’re gonna use you, Harley,” Benson says. “Colt and Ranger both. They see you as nothin’ more than a good lay. You have no place in the club, and they know it. Best be packin’ your things and runnin’ before your brother has you brought back here. They’re gonna mess with your head until you start to believ
e you’re where you belong. Then they’ll leave you, and you’ll be all alone. The way it’s meant to be.”
“You know where you truly belong, darlin’,” a woman’s voice purrs behind me. “When you get sent back, I’m gonna finally make that fine ass my bitch.”
Two sets of women’s hands ravage my body at once. I try to fight them off, but it only makes more and more hands appear of different sizes and color until they’re covering every inch of my now naked body. A chorus of women’s laughter rings all around me among as they prod and taunt.
“That girl is fine!”
“Let’s give her a real nice welcome!”
“We’re gonna make that pussy sing!”
“Bitch won’t be able to walk straight once we’re through with her!”
As fingernails dig into my skin, I let out a primal scream.
13
The quiet lull of the ocean waves through the room’s sliding doors paired with Colt’s light snores are the only noises I hear when I jerk awake some time later, shaking and covered in sweat. It’s still dark enough outside that it must be the middle of the night. My face is pressed to Colt’s solid, warm chest. Our legs are intertwined, and my arm is draped across his six pack. Jesus, I’m really letting my guard down around him.
Pulling away carefully, I crawl off the bed and run outside to the patio. I wrap my arms around myself and gulp in the salty air as my racing heart begins to take on a slower pace. The warm wind quickly dries my watering eyes.
The dream was far too real: the memory of the night that sealed my fate, the way I was relentlessly hassled in prison, the threat of returning. It was as if everything was happening all over again. I’d rather die than go back.
A warm body presses up behind me, and two hands touch my waist. “You okay, darlin’?”
After the realistic feeling of the women groping me in my dream, I cringe beneath him. “No,” I answer in a hoarse voice, shaking my head slowly. “I can’t go back there.”