The news about Spike was an interesting, though not unexpected nugget of data.
“Besides,” said Tomáso, “she’s perfectly safe here. No one would try to take her from the Dauushan consulate or these apartments. This is imperial Dauushan soil and we have a massive contingent of bodyguards covering the building.”
“Uh huh,” I said, thinking just one Dauushan guard weighing in at over ten tons would be a heavy contingent. “Our sources indicate The General could be hiding close by—somewhere in the Ad Astra complex.”
“Where are Terrhi and Bavarian?” asked Poly, seeming to change the subject.
“They’re in Terrhi’s room with Spike,” said Queen Sherrhi. “We wanted to share some big news without the girls overhearing.”
“Overhearing what?” asked Terrhi from the far side of the room near the hall leading deeper into the apartment. Bavarian Kreem was with her and Spike was walking between them.
“How long have you two been listening?” asked Tomáso, adopting a clearly feigned stern-father persona.
“Long enough to be worried,” said Bavarian.
“Long enough to want to hear your big news,” added Terrhi.
Spike yawned and licked his tongue around his jaw nonchalantly.
“Spike wants to hear the big news, too!” Terrhi insisted.
Tomáso and Queen Sherrhi moved even closer together. Their heads turned so they could lock eyes for a moment. Sherrhi nodded.
“As you wish,” said Tomáso. “It’s probably better for you to hear our announcement while your friend is visiting.”
“Out with it,” said Rosalind.
“What’s the buzz, Your Queen-ness?” asked Chit.
“I’ll bet I know what it is,” said Chit with a sing-song lilt to her voice. “Tomáso and Sherrhi are…”
“Terrhi,” said Queen Sherrhi. “You’re going to have a baby sister!”
I didn’t know what sort of reaction I expected from Terrhi. My general impression was that she was behaving like a five-year-old who had just finished off half a bag of Halloween candy and a six-pack of Mountain Dew. She was literally bouncing off walls and executing vertical leaps of such height that I wanted to see if the surface gravity of Dauush was substantially higher than Earth-normal.
Her frenetic motion was accompanied by a non-stop, high-pitched, high-volume litany of semi-relevant phrases that seemed to feature the phrase baby sister every few syllables. Bavarian had moved to stand next to the human adults to reduce her odds of being hit by Terrhi as she behaved like a pinball on a particularly lively machine. Spike crawled under Tomáso to reduce his risk of a collision.
I saw Rosalind reaching for her mini-sweetener, but put my hand on her arm and pointed to the maxi-sweeteners tracking her from the ceiling. She took her hand out of her pocket and stood closer to me, Poly, and Cornell. Shepherd stepped back against the closed door and watched with what I suspected was a Pâkk expression of amusement. The corner of his mouth turned up a millimeter, anyway.
Bavarian finally grew tired of her friend’s energetic trajectories and tackled Terrhi, turning Terrhi’s head by tugging her sub-trunks and taking her down like a cowboy roping a calf. It was hard to believe the tiny girl could handle someone Terrhi’s size so easily. I think Terrhi was sufficiently shocked by Bavarian’s actions that her manic antics simply stopped. The two girls stayed on the floor, chattering and giggling together.
I took advantage of the lull in the excitement to ask a question.
“When’s the baby due?”
“In about two Terran years,” answered Tomáso, sounding like a second-time proud papa-to-be.
That gave us plenty of time to plan a shower.
“I’m very happy for you both,” said Poly, “but now I’m even more concerned.” She spoke directly to Queen Sherrhi. “How well do you get along with your sister?”
The bubbling subsonic hum returned for a few seconds.
“How well did the Plantagenets get along with their siblings?” asked the queen.
Memories of the Christmas court at Chinon from The Lion in Winter flashed through my brain. All of Henry Plantagenet’s children had knives and knew how to use them.
“What if The General has cut a deal with your sister?” Poly continued. “She’d be next in line to rule Dauush if anything happened to you and Terrhi, right? Acting before there’s a spare to go with your heir is so much the better.”
“That traitorous rogue!” bellowed Sherrhi.
I covered my ears to block out the queen’s angry trumpeting. I wouldn’t want to be Lüzhiulterianne right now.
“What if The General were to eliminate you and your daughter in a way that wouldn’t implicate Lüzhi?” said Poly.
“Then she would gain the throne and could put the manufacturing might of all Dauush at The General’s disposal,” said Cornell.
“And together,” I realized, “they could…”
“Conquer the galaxy,” shouted Poly, Rosalind and Cornell in unison.
“Did you say something?” asked Terrhi, coming up for air from her conversation with Bavarian.
My phone chose that moment to speak.
“It’s five o’clock,” it said. “There’s someone at the door.”
Chapter 35
“There is no substitute for victory.”
— Douglas MacArthur
“It’s a human in a Remote Hands rig,” said Tomáso, checking the screen of his skateboard-sized phone.
I stepped over to him, reached up for the device and pulled it down to take a look. The courtyard outside was empty, save for a young woman.
“Emma Ann?”
Everyone was staring at me—their faces full of unspoken questions. I could tell my jaw had dropped so I closed it. I released Tomáso’s huge phone but kept a hand on one of his sub-trunks.
“Please let her in,” I said.
Tomáso tapped a few keys and the door to his living quarters began to rise. When it was halfway up a young woman in telepresence operative’s gear entered, moving a bit unsteadily. She took a few steps into the entry hall. I knew it was Emma Ann because I’d seen her in mirrors half a dozen times when she was my remote doppelganger, helping me support my clients south and west of the city. I didn’t understand why she was here in Atlanta now, though.
Usually the screen covering the Operative’s face showed a real-time image of the person working remotely—like me, when I was paired with Emma Ann. This time, instead of showing anything human, the screen was black with a frowny-face emoticon sketched out in white. Five gold stars were displayed in a shallow arc at the top of the screen. I knew better than to try to talk to Emma Ann directly and expected there’d be time for that later. Queen Sherrhi understood Remote Hands protocols as well.
“The General, I presume,” said Her Matriarchal Majesty. “Be assured that I am not amused.”
The mouth of the frowny-face moved and an electronically distorted voice came from speakers in the Operative’s suit.
“I don’t care if you’re ROTFLMAO,” it said.
Instead of saying the individual letters making up the internet abbreviation, the voice pronounced it “ROT-ful-MAO.”
“Shouldn’t that be ROTFLYAO?” joked Chit, three inches away from my auditory canal. “Rolling On The Floor Laughing Your Ass Off?”
“Shush,” I said. I needed to focus.
“Close the door,” I whispered to Tomáso.
He push a few buttons on his phone and the door began to descend behind Emma Ann. She walked closer to Queen Sherrhi and glanced down to take in Terrhi and Bavarian on the floor. I noticed Spike had moved from his hiding place beneath Tomáso to join the girls—as protector or playmate, I couldn’t tell.
I inspected Emma Ann with new eyes, since I’d never been physically in the same room with her before. She was a fit, competent, and professional-looking young woman. I’d always been impressed by her commitment to being the best Operator she could be. Now she moved hesitantly, as if sh
e was resisting her Prime’s instructions. Once Emma Ann was farther inside the entry hall I could tell that something seemed odd about the back of her suit. I couldn’t quite figure out what, so I filed my observation away for later and watched The General and the queen continue their verbal combat.
“Stop attacking me and members of my family, or face the consequences,” said Sherrhi.
“What consequences? There’s nothing you can do to me,” replied The General.
The frowny-face emoticon shifted to a sneer.
“I can put EUA Corporation out of business—or acquire it. I command the wealth of the Dauushan empire.”
“You can’t buy what’s not for sale, you misshapen alien pachyderm. EUA is privately held.”
“Maybe not, but I can put you out of business. If I say the word, every company on Terra will shun you, or risk losing access to Dauushan imports and technology.”
That was a powerful disincentive. Dauushan 3D printers were essential to Earth’s economy and nearly half the products sold on the planet were made on Dauush. It was something about economies of scale.
“You won’t be in any position to issue threats if the atmospheres of all the Dauushan planets are flooded with grajja dust,” the frowny-face icon intoned.
Poly was tugging on my arm, but I couldn’t pull myself away from following the battling titans.
“The top Dauushan botanists and Nicósn pharmacologists are working with the CDC on developing a vaccine to block grajja addiction,” said Queen Sherrhi. “In a year, your dust will be useless.”
“Unfortunately,” said The General, “you don’t have a year. I can teleport millions of pounds of grajja dust into your planets’ atmospheres tomorrow.”
Queen Sherrhi stomped her foot in anger, then held back her consort as Tomáso contemplated an attack. I knew Emma Ann wasn’t The General, and so did Sherrhi and Tomáso, but it’s hard not to lash out at an immediate and proximate target. I put my fingers around my own mini-sweetener, wondering how much effect it would have on an angry Dauushan. I’d probably have more luck playing King Canute trying to hold back the tide. Thank goodness Tomáso seemed to regain a measure of self-control, despite the way his sub-trunks were lashing.
While everyone watched Tomáso’s internal struggle, I spoke to my phone.
“Can you trace the signal coming into Emma Ann’s suit?” I asked. “Maybe we can follow it back to The General.”
“No can do,” said my phone. “Remote Hands’ security is too strong to crack.”
I was disappointed, but pleased at the same time. It wouldn’t be good if Remote Hands’ systems were easy to penetrate—too many companies depended on its services.
“Crap,” I said.
“Perhaps that expression of frustration is premature,” said my phone. “Given your high-level access to Ad Astra’s cameras and microphones, it’s straightforward to monitor all the feeds across the complex and see if any of them turn up phrases The General has recently spoken.”
My phone was right. I had root-level access to Ad Astra’s systems because I was trading technical support expertise for reduced rent. What I had, my phone had.
“Any hits yet?” I asked.
“Processing,” said my phone.
“Jack,” whispered Poly. She was tugging my arm more insistently and pointing at Emma Ann.
“What?” I said, concentrating on my phone’s screen as it listened in on hundreds of rooms across the complex.
“Look at her back,” said Poly.
A cantaloupe-sized metal sphere was hanging from the bottom of the thick metal box that formed Emma Ann’s Remote Hands backpack. I recognized the shape.
“Crap, crap, crap!” I said, not worried that I might be interrupting the queen and The General as they crossed metaphorical swords.
“Your heightened frustration level is premature,” said my phone. “There are still several thousand feeds to review.”
“Better make it fast, then,” I said, not bothering to disguise the tension in my voice. “That’s a nova bomb!”
Queen Sherrhi hadn’t heard my words. She was saying, “My fabricators can make billions of gas masks overnight to protect my people from your dust.”
“But can you convince every single one of your people to wear a gas mask every hour of every day?” asked The General. “Your people are every bit as stubborn as humans—millions will ignore any command that’s inconvenient. Do you want to risk turning every independent-minded thinker across your planets into a grajja addict?”
“You don’t understand Dauushan solidarity,” said the queen. “My people will obey me—I am their Matriarch.”
“Maybe your people aren’t as united behind you as you think,” snarked The General’s frowny-face icon.
“He’s stalling,” said Rosalind.
She’d heard what I’d said about a nova bomb. I nodded at her to confirm I agreed, exchanged a glance with Poly to confirm she knew what I had in mind, and told Chit her part in my plan. Shepherd sidled over to a panel on the far side of the roll-up door. I didn’t know why, but I had confidence in Shepherd’s response to a crisis.
“Now!” I shouted.
Chit flew off my shoulder and landed on one of Tomáso’s giant ears.
“Open the door,” my little buddy instructed.
Tomáso took out his phone and started pushing buttons. I took five quick steps toward Emma Ann and tried to twist the nova bomb off the bottom of her RH backpack. It couldn’t be that easy—and it wasn’t. The bomb was welded to the metal box strapped to her back that held the Remote Hands processors. Time to improvise.
I fumbled in my pocket and found my Wenger Supertalent Swiss Army knife. Its largest blade made short work of the lower straps. As I moved to cut the upper ones I found my phone was already on Emma Ann’s neck, cutting her shoulder straps with something like a box-cutter extruded from its mutacase.
“The nova bomb’s been remotely triggered,” it said. “We have less than ten seconds before it goes off. The odds of success are…”
“Never tell me the odds,” I said as I pulled the bomb and backpack off Emma Ann and flung it toward the opening door where Poly was waiting to receive it. The bomb was reciting to itself, counting down. “Seven, six, five…”
My partner caught the awkward assembly and repeated my toss, using her whole body and a hundred and eighty degrees of rotation to send the deadly device flying out into the empty courtyard.
“Close the door!” shouted Rosalind.
“Goodbye, cruel world,” said the nova bomb just after the countdown ended.
I never understood the logic behind using voice circuitry or sophisticated A.I. software on one-time use hardware.
Tomáso was already pushing buttons on his phone, but Shepherd was faster. He’d opened the panel on the far side of the door and signaled for Poly to move out of the way. The warning was unnecessary, since Poly was already retreating farther into the entry hall. I was pleased to see what Shepherd had triggered—a foot-thick blast door descending rapidly from the ceiling. It reached the floor at the same time a concussive blast rocked the Dauushan consulate.
The shock wave made me unstable. I lost my balance and fell into Emma Ann. She landed face down, cracking the mask with the frowny-face on her Remote Hands suit and leaving it frozen in a crazed expression. I expected my expression to be fairly crazed at the moment, too, exacerbated by the fact that under other circumstances Emma Ann and I would be in a compromising position. I rolled off and got to my feet as fast as I could, hoping Poly hadn’t seen us.
“Are you okay,” I asked Emma Ann as I helped her up. She threw off her mask and shrugged out of the front half of her rig, now unsupported by the cut straps. My phone must have been thrown off—it was no longer on her neck. Emma Ann put her arms around me—she only came up to my chin—and squeezed. I hugged her back and spoke soft, reassuring words as her ragged breaths became more regular. After a minute, Emma Ann replied.
“It was aw
ful, Jack,” she said when we broke our hug and she stood on her own, without using me for support. “So awful. I hated being that terrible man’s operative.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I said. “Did you know about the nova bomb?”
“No,” said Emma Ann. “Someone welded something to the back of my rig while I was under The General’s control. I didn’t know what it was, but it threw my balance off.”
That explained her unsteady movements when she’d entered.
“Why are you here in Atlanta?” I asked. “I thought you lived in Newnan?”
“That’s your fault,” said the young woman.
“Jack’s fault?” Poly asked. She’d made it through the shaking without falling and came over to put her arm around my waist.
“Uh huh,” said Emma Ann. “From what Jack told me, everything sounded so much more exciting in Atlanta, so I applied and got into Georgia State for summer term. All my credits from West Georgia Technical College will transfer and Ray Ray said I could stay at his place while I find my own apartment. He’s friends with my big brother and now he’s working for you, which is really cool! I let Remote Hands know I was available for assignments in Atlanta and got one right away. I never thought my first job here would be for such a despicable client.”
“You poor thing,” said Poly. She gave the younger woman a sympathetic hug. “Did you get enough excitement for the next week or so?”
“I got enough excitement for the next decade,” Emma Ann asserted. “Is there still time to change my major from Telepresence to something boring, like Accounting?”
“Chin up,” said Poly. “You’ll get past this, not that you wouldn’t excel at accounting.”
“I thought ya used Excel for accounting,” said Chit, who chose that moment to return to my shoulder.
Emma Ann laughed. If was a half-hearted laugh—the kind you get when you need to release nervous tension—but it made her smile, which meant she’d be okay. A small sub-trunk pulled on Emma Ann’s elbow.
“Would you like something to drink?” asked Terrhi. She had a can of Diet Starbuzz in one sub-trunk and a bottle of water in another.
Xenotech General Mayhem: A Novel of the Galactic Free Trade Association (Xenotech Support Book 4) Page 29