Xenotech General Mayhem: A Novel of the Galactic Free Trade Association (Xenotech Support Book 4)

by Dave Schroeder

  “Five-point-three billion,” said Achilles.

  “How many of them are human?”

  “Three-point-three billion.”

  “The second largest concentration of humans in the galaxy,” I said.

  “To my knowledge,” said my father.

  “Right.”

  “So you have two billion non-humans on the planet?”

  “Across twenty-seven different species, right,” said Achilles.

  “And they all share a common technological culture?” I asked.

  “Pretty much,” said Achilles, “though many species retain aspects of their original cultures. We’re more of a mosaic than a melting pot.”

  “Sounds like Canada,” said my mom.

  “Good analogy,” said Achilles.

  “Okay,” I said, “that makes things more complicated.”

  “Achilles was visiting Earth incognito before First Contact to see if there was any way some of his people could become legitimate GaFTA members by getting hold of Earth credentials and passing themselves off as Terrans,” said my mom.

  “You mean he was spying on us to see if the human Akrotirians could exploit us?”

  “Po-tay-to, po-tah-to,” said Achilles.

  He’d done a good job learning Terran idioms.

  “Then what happened?” I asked.

  I scraped the last bit of galberry-flavored cream from the bottom of my parfait glass.

  “Then I was called home,” said Achilles.

  Perhaps he hadn’t learned as much about Terran idioms as I thought. There’d be time to explain it to him later.

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “All of us had to pull out,” said Achilles.

  “Thank goodness not before I got started,” I quipped.

  “Jack!” said my mom, more laughing than chastising.

  “Our senior people were concerned you were too close to discovering congruencies on your own and we didn’t want to be on-planet for First Contact,” said Achilles. “The galactics’ sensors can overlook a few preexisting congruency signals—there are always species trying to jump the gun with new candidate civilizations—but we didn’t want to risk the possible scrutiny.”

  “An understandable precaution,” I said. “But we didn’t invent congruencies for another eleven years.”

  “There’s no way to tell when or if an R&D project is going to work,” said my mom.

  “Akrotiri’s operating philosophy is based on caution, Jack,” said Achilles. “And compassion. We’ve stayed hidden for millennia. If we’re discovered, GaFTA’s enforcement arm might try to knock our technology back to pre-congruency levels. We’ve gotten really good at flying under their radar.”

  Another good idiom. Despite myself, I was beginning to like Achilles.

  “You pulled a turtle and locked yourself up tight inside your shell for the past fourteen years, I get it,” I said.

  “No, we just stopped having agents on the ground,” said Achilles. “We still kept an eye on things on Terra from a distance. And we have a few allies.”

  “Right,” I said. “So what changed? Why are you back on Earth now?”

  “My unit…” said Achilles.

  “Akrotiri’s Espionage Division?” I suggested.

  “Close,” said Achilles. “We refer to it as the Reconnaissance Corps. My unit called for volunteers to return to Terra and I raised my hand. I wanted to see what had changed since First Contact Day—and I desperately wanted to find out how you and Nory were doing. That’s not so easy to do remotely.”

  “Understood,” I said. “Were you one of the people bugging my apartment?”

  Achilles didn’t say anything, but he did smile. Good enough. His non-answer prompted my self-protection circuits to kick back in hard.

  “How do I know any of this is true?” I asked. “You could be a flimflam man trying to seduce my mom now that there’s money in the family.”

  “There’s money in the family?” asked my mom.

  “I’ll catch you up on that later,” I said. “Max is a billionaire.”

  Mom looked stunned—as if she’d just been sweetened.

  “Shepherd will vouch for me, Jack,” said Achilles. “He knows the score and is one of the allies I’d mentioned.”

  “I’ll talk to him,” I said.

  Boy, would I talk to Shepherd. I wondered if Rosalind’s project for him had anything to do with Akrotiri?

  “Shepherd says you, your partner and your team are the best, Jack,” said Achilles. “I need your help. An entire planet needs you and your friends’ creative approach to problem-solving.”

  “Let me get this straight,” I said “You want me to help you cover up a thirty-six hundred-year-old violation of GaFTA rules, plus twenty-seven more violations over three millennia? Then you want me to figure out how to legitimize three-point-three billion humans and two billion uplifted aliens on a hidden planet before the GaFTA Council finds out you exist and takes action?”

  “Pretty much,” said Achilles.

  “I told you he picks things up fast,” said my mom.

  I may be quick on the uptake, but this time, I was overwhelmed. It was too much. I’d only learned I had a son on Thursday. Now my biological father was in the picture and he—and a planet with billions of sentient beings—needed my help.

  I desperately needed hugs from Poly, time to think, and a good night’s rest.

  This meeting needed to be over.

  “Let me sleep on it,” I said. “I’ll talk to you on Monday.”

  Chapter 51

  “All’s well that ends well.”

  — William Shakespeare

  My friends were all congregating near the large-species dining room’s wide exit when I came out of the Stone Mountain Room with my mother and Achilles. My meeting hadn’t slowed anyone down, since Martin had insisted they all write up statements after lunch, even Max and Bavarian. I promised I’d get mine to Martin before five today and so did Achilles and mom.

  Poly had arranged for most of us to spend one last night at the research facility before finding other lodgings. It made more sense than trying to pack up now, only to unpack into other temporary housing. Danny Figueres offered us luxury suites in one of his hotels starting tomorrow if any of us needed extra time to locate suitable, more permanent quarters.

  By some unspoken arrangement Poly and I ended up alone—just the two of us—in an autocab heading back to the facility. Chit decided to ride in a cab with Gus. The Gojon promised to shrink down to the Murm’s size to leave more room for Spike, Spot, Terrhi, and Bavarian in their vehicle.

  When our cab’s door eased closed behind Poly, I pulled her to me and the two of us embraced, holding each other tight.

  “How did it go with your mom and Chilly?” asked Poly. “You seemed in better spirits when you came out of the meeting than when you went in.”

  “I learned a lot,” I said.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Not right now,” I said. “I’d rather cuddle. It’s going to take a long time to explain and I’d rather just hold you.”

  “Fine by me,” said Poly, snuggling close. “You can fill me in after we get to the facility.”

  “Right.”

  We sat silent for several seconds, soaking each other up.

  I had a lot to think about and wanted to blissfully not think for the next ten minutes.

  “Jack?” asked Poly.

  “What, darling?”

  “Why do you think Rosalind is leaving Max with you for the next year and making us both responsible for voting his shares?”

  I had to rouse my relaxed brain to fire more neurons and answer. Luckily, my response didn’t take much thought.

  “She really does want me to have more time with Max,” I said, “and she wants to stress our relationship.”

  “Uh huh,” said Poly languidly, seeming nearly as relaxed as I was. “That’s my read, too.”

  “People fight over kids, sex, money, and i
n-laws,” I said. “This hits three out of four.”

  “It’s four out of four if kids get in the way of good sex,” murmured Poly.

  “We’ll make sure Max has an early bedtime,” I said, laughing.

  “You’ll be a good father,” said Poly. “And lover and business partner and…”

  I kissed her.

  She tasted wonderful.

  She tasted like more.

  “It’s not going to work, is it, Jack?” asked Poly when we took a break from kissing.

  “What’s not going to work—Rosalind trying to mess us up?”

  “Uh huh,” said Poly. “I’ll try my best not to let her get to me.”

  “So will I,” I said, “but you didn’t sign up to be with a single father with an almost five-year-old son. It’s not going to be easy.”

  “I know,” said Poly. “We’ll figure it out as we go along.”

  “Together,” I said.

  I invited Poly to cuddle again so we could reassure each other all was right with the world. It wasn’t long before we were ever--so-politely interrupted

  “Jack,” said my phone. It sounded oddly diffident.

  “What?” I said, wondering what it wanted.

  “Has this unit provided you with good service?”

  “Stop fishing for compliments,” I said. “You’ve saved my life as many times as I have fingers and toes.”

  “Two more than that, actually,” said my phone.

  “But who’s counting,” I said, laughing. “No, you have not provided good service. You’ve provided outstanding service. I’d pin a medal on you if it wouldn’t damage your mutacase.”

  “A medal would be superfluous,” said my phone, “but a near-perfect human duplicate android that can interface with…”

  “Jack,” Poly interrupted. “Your phone wants to be a real boy.”

  “Correct,” said my phone. “If the service delivered by this unit is worthy of such a reward.”

  “You don’t need to beg,” I said. “Of course you’re worthy of an android body if EUA’s still set up to make them. We can figure that out next week. But wouldn’t a humanoid body be a step down from what you can do with your mutacase?”

  “Yes,” said my phone. “The android body would only be for special occasions.”

  “How would you interface with an android?” asked Poly. “They’re organic human analogues, not cybernetic.”

  “An excellent question,” replied my phone, “and one that can’t be answered until more details about the program are available.”

  Poly nodded. I could see her thinking through potential designs.

  “Are you cool with this, fellow EUA stockholder?” I asked Poly.

  “I support the motion one hundred percent,” said my partner.

  “Then it passes unanimously,” I said.

  “Thank you,” said my phone.

  “Approaching destination,” said our autocab.

  * * * * *

  After our huge lunch at the Teleport Inn we grazed on leftovers for dinner. There were plenty of them. Earlier, Poly and I had spent the balance of the afternoon distracting ourselves from our worries by playing games with Max and Bavarian on the conference room table. Spot took up a lot of room by our feet, snoring with enough decibels to force us to speak louder.

  Playing games helped keep Bavarian and Max from missing their new friends Terrhi and Spike too much. Bavarian helped Max when we played Monopoly and contrived to have him be the one with hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place. I went bankrupt first and used the time when I wasn’t playing to write up my report for Martin. Then Poly landed on Boardwalk with three hotels and joined me. Bavarian pronounced Max the winner and showed him how to put all the tokens, money and properties back in the box neatly. She was great with Max and made me wish I had grown up with a big sister.

  Note to self: check with Achilles to find out if I have any half-siblings on Akrotiri.

  After dinner, the kids wanted to play more games. Bavarian didn’t protest when Max asked to play Candy Land. We moved from there to Life—the board game, not the one with cellular automata. Poly and I were surprised when Max suggested playing Cards Against Humanity until Rosalind told her there was a G-rated kids deck available. I won the first hand with Simba Eats The Roadrunner.

  Rosalind was reviewing information on a tablet at the far end of the table while we were playing. Every now and then I caught her looking at our idyllic family scene and smiling. I wished I could figure her out, but knew that wasn’t likely.

  After Max and Bavarian beat Poly and me three games to two at Othello, I yawned. It had been a long day and I was ready for bed. Poly resonated with my yawn and repeated it.

  After I yawned a second time, I realized I still hadn’t told Poly about Akrotiri and promised myself I’d catch her up on the details in the morning.

  “Looks like it’s time for the grown-ups to go to bed,” said Bavarian.

  Then Max yawned.

  “And small boys,” said Rosalind.

  Rosalind helped us put the games away. Earlier in the afternoon, my phone had used its initiative and arranged to have a box full of classic games delivered. They really helped pass the time and were yet another mark in its favor. Ten points to Gryffindor!

  That reminded me I wanted to take Max—and Bavarian—to a Quidditch match someday soon. Congruent technology had finally been able to get the flying brooms working right and SLN was expanding into sports by broadcasting professional Quidditch matches to a growing list of planets. The Atlanta Phoenix were even leading their division.

  “Good night, buddy boy,” I said, giving my sleepy son a hug.

  “G’night, daddy,” he said.

  Max gave Poly, Bavarian and Spot goodnight hugs, too, just to extend his bedtime, then Rosalind led him out to their room and his bed.

  “Excuse me,” said Bavarian.

  “How can we help?” asked Poly.

  “I know I come off as all grown up,” she said, “but I’m really only eight-and-three-quarters.”

  “Oh?” I said, smiling. “I thought you were nine.”

  “I round up for my corporate bio,” said Bavarian.

  “That’s understandable,” I said, smiling softly. “Anyone would do the same.”

  She smiled back, enjoying the gentle teasing.

  “You know what kind of a day it’s been,” said Bavarian, “so I was wondering if you and and Poly could please tuck me in?”

  “We’d be glad to,” said Poly. “I’ll help you get ready, then Jack and I can read you a bedtime story.”

  “I’d like that,” said Bavarian.

  Poly and I read her the first few chapters of A Spell for Chameleon. She hadn’t heard of it before, explaining that she spent most of her time reading the Wall Street Journal and economics textbooks. Bavarian loved the story, especially with Poly and me and my phone acting out the various characters. When we finished the third chapter, Poly said it was time for little girls and their big dogs to go to sleep. Spot was already snoring at the foot of the bed.

  We leaned in from either side and kissed her forehead. Before we could leave, Bavarian held our hands tightly and tugged us down to sit on either side of her.

  “I have a business proposition for you,” she said in a very grown-up voice.

  “Okay,” I said, paying close attention.

  “You know I’m only eight-and-three-quarters…”

  “You mentioned that,” said Poly.

  “And you know I can be tough and hold my own with adults when I need to,” Bavarian continued.

  “We saw the video of you facing down Boss Kone,” I confirmed.

  “But I really want a mom and dad,” she said. “Can I pay you to adopt me and be my new parents?”

  “No,” said Poly. “You can’t pay us.”

  Poly looked at me. I looked back. We both nodded.

  Bavarian looked so vulnerable. Her chin began to quiver.

  “You can’t pay us,” I sai
d.

  “We volunteer,” said Poly.

  Bavarian’s eye grew wide and so did her smile.

  “So long as you know what you’re getting into,” I said.

  “I do,” said the girl. “I do, I do.”

  “Parents have to be strict sometimes,” said Poly.

  “Uh huh,” said Bavarian. “I know. I’m counting on it.”

  Tears of joy were streaming down her cheeks. I got her some tissues.

  “I’m going to be a handful.”

  * * * * *

  After a very long day, Poly and I were finally in bed together, cuddling. I’d double-checked to make sure the door to our suite was locked and didn’t expect Tomáso and Queen Sherrhi or their bodyguards to let Terrhi off the Charalindhri any time soon. I understood that the royal family planned to stay on the Chara until Tomáso’s apartment next to the Dauushan consulate was repaired. It was reassuring to know that a cute, but frequent source of interruption was in orbit twenty-two thousand miles overhead and likely to remain there for a while.

  Poly fluffed her pillow and turned on her side to face me. I loved looking at her eyes.

  “You know,” she said, “if we’re going to be Max and Bavarian’s parents, there’s something we should consider doing first.”

  “What’s that?” I asked. “Get married?”

  “Well, sure,” said Poly. “Getting married would be fun, if we don’t make too much of a production out of it. But that’s not what I was thinking.”

  I nodded my agreement and slid my hand along her side, under the covers.

  “Ummmm,” said Poly. “That’s nice.”

  “What were you thinking?” I asked.

  “I was thinking we’ll need a bigger place to live than your apartment.”

  “As you wish,” I said with a grin.

  Poly hit me with her pillow—then she kissed me.

  Further Adventures

  Please visit

  www.XenotechSupport.com

  for more details about

  the universe of Xenotech Support

  and the Galactic Free Trade Association

  Jack & Poly’s adventures start in

  Xenotech Rising

  Xenotech Queen’s Gambit

  Xenotech What Happens

  and will continue in

  Xenotech Versus the Galaxy