Sean didn’t try further. No doubt she was letting guilt swamp her. As if she could have done anything if she had been there. Sean pulled on his clothes, threw his other items in his bag then called the hospital requesting to speak to the emergency department. After a few minutes, he had a clear picture of Rick’s situation.
Cynthia joined him with her bag in hand.
“I just talked to the doctor seeing about Rick. He’s going to be fine. He needs surgery but he’s young and should do great.” Sean hoped to reassure her. She was acting panicky. Her face twisted with worry, and her hands shaking.
“Do you know the man who’s going to do it?” she asked.
“I do. It’s me.”
She searched his face. “You? Can he wait that long?”
“Cynthia, this isn’t a life and death issue.”
Her face turned furious. “He’s my brother. As far as I’m concerned it is life or death!” Striding ahead of him, she was out of the door and almost to the car when she said, “I should have been there.”
On the way to the hospital Cynthia said little. Her eyes were so serious and sad. Sean wanted to hold her but he couldn’t do that while driving. He made a couple of calls and organized his team for the upcoming surgery. At the hospital, Sean pulled into his slot in the parking lot. Before he could turn off the engine, Cynthia was out of the car and stalking toward the ER. He caught up with her. “We’ll go through the staff entrance.”
At the nurses’ station, he asked what trauma room Rick was in. When they entered she hurried to the bed.
“Oh, Rick, I’m sorry I wasn’t there. How do you feel?” She gently touched the top of his head, then his hand.
The boy did look awful with his swollen face and the purple and red discoloration beneath his eyes. Sean was used to the appearance but probably for Cyn it looked much worse on her beloved brother.
“Hey, Cyn. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. It’s just hard to breathe,” Rick complained.
“I’m going to fix that,” Sean said, stepping closer to the bed.
Rick looked at him with bloodshot watery eyes. “You’re going to do the surgery?”
“You want the best nose guy in town, don’t you?” Sean smiled at him.
“Yeah, I’d like to have a nose instead of a pancake.”
“Understood.” Sean touched Cynthia’s back, gaining her attention. “I’m going to step out and look at the results from some tests I ordered. I’ll be back to examine Rick in a few minutes.” To Rick he said, “We’ll be going into surgery within the hour.”
Cynthia didn’t even acknowledge him. Her actions baffled Sean. She was acting as if he’d caused Rick’s accident. Was she blaming him for her not being there when Rick got hurt? Hadn’t she learned from her parents that some things couldn’t be prevented?
He reviewed all the material and discussed with the ER doctor what had been done so far for Rick, then returned to his room. Cynthia still stood beside his bed with her hand on his arm.
Sean stepped toward them. Cynthia threw him a quick glance when he announced, “Well, Rick, you took a good shot to the face. I’ve reviewed the X-rays and CT. You have an extreme septal hematoma. It’ll need to be surgically repaired so you can breathe correctly. Thankfully you don’t have a broken cheekbone. What I’ll do is straighten your nose. You’ll have packing inside and a brace across it when you come out of surgery. Give it a few weeks and you should be back to normal. Now, before I leave to get ready for surgery I need to give you a quick exam.”
Cynthia stepped back and allowed him in closer to the bed. Sean gently touched around Rick’s face, at his ears, jaw and neck. He finished, pleased that the young man didn’t flinch any more than expected. Rick was lucky the injury wasn’t worse.
There was a knock at the door. Ann Marie stuck her head in the room. She wore an unsure smile. “Can I come in?”
Rick groaned. “Now you get to see me as the Elephant Man.”
Sean touched Cynthia’s arm. “Can I talk to you outside for a minute?”
With an unsure look, she glanced back at Rick before following him out. Outside the room, she turned worried eyes up at Sean.
“I just wanted to give you an idea of what’ll happen. Surgery will take a few hours at least. Rick will probably be out of it until morning. I’m going to give him some pretty strong pain meds. I want him to spend the night here just to make sure everything is okay and rule out a concussion. He had a major trauma to his head. If he has no issues he should be able to go home tomorrow.”
“Is he going to be okay?” Her eyes begged for reassurance.
Sean hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “Rick’s going to be fine. Promise.” He released her so he could look at her face. “You can stay here with him until he’s ready to go to surgery. I’ve instructed one of the nurses to show you to the waiting room. I’ll meet you there when we’re done.”
She grabbed his arm. “Take care of my brother.” “You know I will.” Sean patted her hand and headed down the hall.
* * *
Cynthia didn’t like waiting. Especially when a loved one was involved. She’d paced the waiting room, spoken to Mark who was at work and would be here as soon as he got off. Now she was mindlessly watching the TV without really hearing or seeing it. Other families had come and gone in the waiting room, but she remained.
She took a chair and put her head in her hands. What had she been doing? She should have been at the basketball game instead of off with Sean. She was responsible for Rick. When he had needed her she’d been curled in Sean’s arms. Her parents would be so disappointed in her.
Cynthia hated it but she was going to have to give up Sean. There was no way she could meet her obligations to her brothers and to Sean too. One of them would have to wait. Unfortunately, right now in her life that must be Sean. She would be tearing her heart out to do it but she would. It wasn’t fair to him to take second seat all the time. If she gave him up it wouldn’t be that way any more.
She must to tell him soon. For his sake and hers.
With relief, and a sadness that went bone deep, she was glad to see Sean come through the doors toward her. He was still wearing his blue surgical cap and matching scrubs. What she appreciated the most was the smile on his face. Surgery had been successful.
When she reached him, he pulled her close. She resisted holding tight. He gave her a concerned look. She didn’t give him time to ask questions. “By the look on your face Rick is doing well.”
“He is. He’s being moved to a room and you should be able to see him in about an hour. Someone will come tell you what room. They were having to juggle rooms when I last asked. Are you good?” Sean studied her. Anxiety showing in his eyes.
“I’m fine now.”
“Good. I hate to leave you again but I have some paperwork to do. I’ll see you later in Rick’s room.”
She nodded. “Thanks for taking care of my brother.”
He smiled and brushed her cheek with a finger. “Anything for you.”
That statement didn’t make her feel any better about what she had to do.
Two hours later Cynthia was sitting at Rick’s bedside when Sean entered. He’d changed back into the shirt and jeans he’d worn to the hospital.
“How’s the patient doing?” He studied Rick.
She looked at her brother. “Okay, I think. He moans every once in a while, but that’s it.”
“He’ll have a lot of swelling but it’ll be gone in a couple of weeks. In about six weeks you shouldn’t be able to tell this even happened.” Sean sounded pleased with his work.
“Thanks,” she murmured.
“Not a problem. Just sorry this happened to him.” Sean came around the bed to her.
“How about going home with me and getting some rest? I can bring you bac
k first thing in the morning.”
Cynthia didn’t stand to meet him. She wasn’t going anywhere until Rick did. “I’m going to stay here tonight.”
“You don’t need to do that. We have a great nursing staff.”
She shook her head.
Giving her a curious look, Sean pulled the other chair in the room over beside her and sat. “We can stay awhile longer, then I think you need to go home.”
“Don’t tell me what I should do,” she snapped. “I can take care of myself.”
Sean sat straight, studying her. “What’s going on, Cynthia?”
“We need to talk.” She finally looked him in the eyes but wished she hadn’t. Those beautiful blue eyes she would miss.
“That doesn’t sound good.”
Clutching her hands in her lap, she whispered, “This isn’t going to work.”
“What?” He looked at Rick as if he might have done something wrong.
“Us,” she said.
He scoffed. “It seemed to be working great this morning.”
“I can’t do it. It’s not fair to you. I should’ve been there when Rick got hurt.”
“You have to be kidding! What would have happened differently if you had been?”
Cynthia leaned toward him keeping her voice low. She wanted him to understand so badly. “I don’t know but I have a responsibility to my brothers. Right now in my life they come first. That isn’t fair to you. I care about you too much to do that to you.”
Sean quietly said an expletive. “No, you don’t, or you wouldn’t do this.” With a jerk he stood, forced her to her feet and led her out of the door. “We don’t need to disturb Rick. Come with me.” When she hesitated, he said, “A nurse will be in to check on him.”
They walked to the end of the hall to where there was an empty room. Sean closed the door firmly behind them after they entered.
He faced her. “We have something good between us. Real. And you want to throw it away because you feel guilty or irresponsible, or some other ridiculous emotion because you weren’t at the game when your brother got hurt. You’re his sister. Not his parent. And if you haven’t noticed, he’s of age. Mark is as well. They’re no longer your baby brothers. They are men! They’re old enough to take care of themselves. You need to let go. For their sakes as well as yours.”
She cringed. That might be true but it didn’t mean they didn’t need her. “Like you did with your family. They didn’t measure up to what you thought they should be so when you got old enough you dumped them completely.”
“You don’t know anything about my family and me,” he snarled softly.
“Sure I do.” Cynthia took a step toward him. “They chose everything over you. Leaving you with no security. When you could get away you made sure that was never an issue for you again. To the point you had no idea how to have fun. You made sure that you went into a field you are talented in, but also had a good income. Yet you never spend money on anything other than necessities because you live daily in fear of being like your parents. You’re afraid to really live or experience life. Other than this weekend, when was the last time you got away? Lived a little? Laughed?”
He glared at her.
“That’s right.” She made herself continue. “You haven’t because you don’t know how to let go. You don’t even see that you need that in your life. I understand your parents are a little...uh...unconventional, but I would bet they would say they are happy. Are you happy, Sean?
“I’d also bet anything you’ve smiled more and laughed more since you met my family than you have in years. We need people around us regardless of whether or not they fit within the lines we want them to. I learned the hard way that life is about people. Not about how much money we have but memories. Creating them is what matters. It’s all we have when they’re gone. Security comes from the ones we love, not from a bank account.”
Sean flinched as if she’d slapped him. He recovered and took a step toward her. “Yeah, but we also need to break away from our family so that we can live our own lives,” he bit out. “Become individuals. Your brothers, your family unit is so important to you that you don’t think beyond them. There isn’t room for anyone else. You could go back to school if you want to, or be with me, but you use your brothers to hide behind. What is it you’re afraid of? That someone will let you down again? Don’t put that on me.” He pointed to the floor with his index finger. “I’m here. I was there last night. I’ll be there tomorrow if you let me.
“You might be right about me needing too much financial security. But I’ve never had someone I wanted to spend money on before. Until now. My family is a complicated issue. Not one I think you can understand because your parents weren’t like mine. Yet with all our differences I find that you’re the only woman for me.” He glared at her. “I love you.”
Cynthia looked at him in disbelief. Her chest tightened. He loved her. She wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around him but she couldn’t. Though they stood so close they were so far apart when it came to how they lived their lives, what they believed.
“Yeah, you heard that right. I love you. But I won’t accept you not being all that you can and want to be. It’s not healthy not to move on. You have done the job your parents wanted you to. Your brothers are great. Even Mark will find his way. But he must do it for himself, just like you must. Your welfare will always be my first consideration. I’d love to see you become that nurse you dream of being. With your large capacity for caring you would be nothing but great at it. I bet your mom and dad didn’t want you to stop living just because they did.”
Cynthia sucked in a breath. That statement hurt.
He paused for a second then said, “Don’t be afraid to take the opportunity to live again. You might find out I’m more fun than you think I am.”
“I just can’t right now,” she said softly. “I have responsib—”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You think about it, Cyn. You know where I am if you ever move beyond the past and want to create a future.”
CHAPTER TEN
DAYS LATER SEAN still couldn’t accept the way Cynthia had reacted when Rick was injured. She’d implied he’d somehow been responsible for it. She couldn’t see she’d moved into a holding pattern when her parents had died and couldn’t or wouldn’t find her way out of it. He cared for her too much not to help her face reality.
The day after their fight he’d made rounds and released Rick to go home. She’d not been in her brother’s room when he’d come in to see him. Sean suspected that Cynthia had asked the nurse what time he usually made rounds and made sure she was gone for breakfast at that time. She was dodging him.
A few days later he returned to the cabin to get the things they had left behind. It was a painful trip. Everywhere he looked there was Cynthia laughing or smiling at him. They had been cheated. He wanted that time back.
He’d known unhappiness but losing Cynthia was misery. Nothing in his life seemed right. Everything was the same. He was seeing patients, doing surgery, and going home to an empty house, yet his whole world was out of line. The nights were the worst. He’d taken to sleeping in his chair because he couldn’t stand being in his bed without her. Even taking a shower brought back bittersweet memories.
Sean had worked to order his adult life, to live with stability and security. Now a small, outspoken, passionate, big-hearted woman had shaken the foundation. One he desperately wanted back in his life. But that was her choice. So far he’d seen no indication she was going to change her mind.
Cynthia was still doing his transcription. When he requested a report, there were her initials on the bottom next to his. As the old saying went: So close yet so far away. Just as they had been standing in that hospital room when they’d argued. He looked daily, despite his best efforts not to, for an email from her. Each day he
was disappointed.
His disposition had become so poor that his office manager suggested that candy and flowers almost always covered any sins.
Sean wasn’t sure that her pun had been intentional but it had hit home. But what could he do? What choices did he have? He’d left the door open. Cynthia hadn’t come through it.
When Rick came for his follow-up visit at Sean’s office he’d hoped Cynthia would be with him, only to be relieved when she wasn’t. It would have killed him to watch her walk away again. Rick didn’t ask him any questions about his and Cynthia’s breakup, but when he left he said, “I hope I see you around.”
Sean responded, “I’d like that too.”
He thought Cynthia gave her family priority too often but she had said things about his relationship with his family that had him thinking. Being around her and her brothers, he’d remembered things about his family life he’d chosen not to examine in a long time. His parents had loved him the best way they knew how. But even with their haphazard lifestyle there had been laughter around the dinner table. They’d had game nights. His efforts at school had been praised and posted on the bulletin board in the kitchen. Life hadn’t been all bad. There had been fun then.
Could he have been so narrow-minded he’d been unfair to his parents? Had he expected perfection? Hadn’t they been a significant part of making him who he was today? Would he be as driven as a doctor or have worked so hard on the new procedure if it wasn’t for his upbringing? Maybe it was time to reach out to his parents and say thank you.
At home that evening Sean picked up his phone and looked at the number for the second time. What if they didn’t have time for him? Or wanted him to join in another one of their businesses? What if they didn’t care if they saw him? He punched the number.
It rang three times before the voice of his mother said, “Hello.”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Sean, is that you? Oh, honey, how’re you? It’s been so long. We’ve missed you so much.”
The sick feeling in Sean’s middle turned to one of joy. After the way he’d treated them in the last few years he wouldn’t have been surprised if she had hung up on him.
Stolen Kisses with Her Boss Page 15