by Aimee McNeil
“Thank you.” Sophie’s voice wavered. She knew she should probably just have gone home but she knew she would regret not visiting Margaret, who was expecting her, and she feared that if she went home there might be a chance that she could not bring herself to leave again.
Everything felt wrong, her skin felt too heavy upon her and her head felt too light. The ground beneath her feet was too hard and the air around her too thin.
Sophie stood outside Margaret’s hospital door trying to get control over her emotions, trying to bury the pain that assaulted her. She could feel her phone vibrating in her pocket but she couldn’t bring herself to pull it out. She knew Ashton was trying to call her and she felt too broken to face him now. She was here for Margaret. Taking a deep calming breath, she tried to pull all of her frenzied emotions in tighter against her heart so they wouldn’t show through. Sophie held onto a basket of sweets that she had bought from the gift shop downstairs. Her hands felt numb as she grasped the handle of the basket until it groaned in distress. Finally when she felt as ready as possible, she knocked. When Margaret called for her to enter, she pushed the door open and forced herself to seem unaffected by the storm of emotions brewing inside her.
“Sophie,” Margaret welcomed warmly when she entered. It did offer Sophie some relief knowing that she was doing so well. She was sitting up with a magazine upon her lap. “It’s good to see you, dear.”
“You look beautiful. Are you sure you just had surgery?” Sophie tried to be light but she could hear her words fall heavy to the floor.
“Come sit. I’m a little sore but other than that I’m doing great. The doctor feels good about the surgery and my recovery, so I couldn’t ask for more,” Margaret assured her.
Sophie placed the basket on the table next to her bed. “In case you need something sweet.” Sophie smiled and reached in to wrap her arms around Margaret. “I was worried about you. I’m glad things went so well.” When Sophie went to pull away, Margaret held onto her, giving her an extra squeeze.
“Tell me what’s wrong?” she whispered, holding onto Sophie. She let her go to look into Sophie’s eyes.
“I’m fine.” Sophie tried to sound sincere but she felt her lip tremble. “Nothing that needs to be discussed right now. When do you get to leave this place, anyway?” Sophie sat down beside Margaret’s bed and took in the white room around her.
“It could be as early as tomorrow but what I would really like to know is why there is so much sadness in your beautiful green eyes.”
Sophie shook her head as she avoided Margaret’s gaze. “You would think that they would have clued in that a little color on the walls could make this place a little less stark and depressing,” Sophie said thoughtfully.
“Sophie? Look at me.” Margaret reached for her hand. “I want you to talk to me.”
Sophie looked into Margaret’s eyes and felt her resolve crumble. “My whole life I told myself not to fall in love because I would only get hurt. I saw my mother hurt so many times. I didn’t want to feel that.” Sophie reached up and wiped a tear that fell down her cheek. “I thought I could avoid it…I should have avoided it.” Sophie didn’t want to tell Margaret who she was talking about because she didn’t know how Margaret would feel about her being with her grandson. “It’s my own fault for believing that it could end any other way.”
“What happened?” Margaret held onto Sophie’s hand.
“I stopped on the way here to get you your favorite coffee and he was there with his ex-girlfriend. And she’s not just some girl. She made it her life’s mission to make my life miserable in high school. I saw them kiss. I ran out without the goods…sorry.” Sophie wiped away the tears that ran freely down her cheeks. “You probably really would have enjoyed a caffeine fix right now.” Sophie took a deep calming breath.
“Come here.” Margaret offered her arms for an embrace. Sophie leaned over and fell into Margaret’s comforting hold. “We can’t have the good without the bad, unfortunately. I know that it hurts right now but if there is something that I have learned over my many years it’s that the pain is worth it…I never did like that Lucinda girl.” Margaret patted her arm.
Sophie pulled away and looked at Margaret with wide eyes. “You know?”
“Yes, dear. I don’t know why he was meeting her. That’s something only Ashton will be able to tell you. Though, one thing that I do know is when my Ashton came to me years ago and told me about a new girl at his school, I could see it in his eyes that you owned a piece of his heart even then. He told me that you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Since that first day he spoke of you, you have never been far from his mind. I think he reserved his heart for you since that very first day. Maybe things are not as they seem.”
Sophie shook her head. She wasn’t really sure how to proceed with the information that Margaret had just told her. “I don’t understand. Did you know who I was when you hired me?”
“Yes.” Margaret sighed. “He didn’t want you to know but it was actually Ashton who told me you needed a job. He arranged everything. Though, I am so very grateful you came into my life. I knew instantly why you meant so much to him. You need to keep in mind that fate brought the two of you back together for a reason. When you open yourself up to love it makes you vulnerable to pain.”
“I wish you were right, Margaret, but I fear this crazy road that Ashton and I are on has come to an end. I’m not strong enough for this.”
“I don’t know the history you and Ashton share. I know that it hasn’t been easy for either one of you. You are one of the strongest people I know. You just have to decide how hard you’re willing to fight.”
They both turned toward the door as it swung open and Ashton stood there filling the frame of the door. He was out of breath but looked relieved when his eyes fell on Sophie next to Margaret’s bed.
“Let me explain…please.” Ashton walked up to her, kneeling in front of her.
“Wait.” Sophie placed her hand on his shoulder. She could feel his shoulders tense, unsure of her intentions. “Will you come outside with me?” she asked. He stood and reached for her hand. She let him take it.
“Of course.” He pulled her hand up to kiss it. His contact made the tears sting her eyes because this would be the last time she held his hand. Being close to him made it impossible to think clearly, to know what was best.
“Goodbye, Margaret. I’ll call you later,” Sophie managed. Margaret only offered a gentle nod. Sophie knew it was because Margaret knew where Sophie’s thoughts were.
Sophie led him down the hall to a group of chairs that were away from any commotion, giving them privacy. She sat down and waited for him to take the seat beside her. She looked into his beautiful blue eyes that were full of questions. She would have loved the opportunity to stare into them every day for the rest of her life but it was not meant to be. Sophie leaned over and kissed his lips softly. She pulled away when he reached up to pull her close. “This is my goodbye.”
Ashton grabbed her hand. “Don’t do this.” He was desperate and it tore at her already broken heart. “I didn’t know she was going to kiss me. It didn’t mean anything.”
“You have no idea what high school was like for me. From my first day I was basically shunned by everyone. No one would talk to me because of lies that Lucinda and you spread. It doesn’t matter why you did it. It hurt, every moment of every day was painful for me because no one would even talk to someone that Lucinda and you hated for fear that they would be turned on as well. I thought I could get past it, and what we shared was wonderful…but seeing you and Lucinda together again, not once but twice, made me realize that it still hurts too much. I can’t do this. I don’t want to hurt like that again. We shouldn’t be together, this was a mistake. How could we ever have expected a happy ever after to come from something that was born of so much hatred?”
“No…don’t,” Ashton begged.
“It doesn’t matter why you were with her, Ashton. It doesn’t chan
ge the fact that I don’t love you.” Sophie couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
“No. Don’t say that,” he pleaded.
“Goodbye, Ashton…just forget about me. We will both be better off.” Sophie pulled her hand from his and walked away. She wasn’t strong enough to stay any longer. She knew the words she spoke were a lie. She now believed in love. Her heart loved him with a desperation that scared her and she needed to break free of the hold before it destroyed her. Walking away from him was the hardest thing she had ever done. She could feel his eyes on her like a weight. She walked past the bus stop and kept going; she didn’t want to stop. She walked until her feet hurt and the sun began to set. She avoided all the people that passed her by. She could tell they watched her, could see her pain written all over her. She didn’t stop until she saw her apartment building cast in the glow of the streetlight. She entered her apartment. Closing the door, she dropped her purse and shoes and headed toward her bed, where she crawled in without a word.
The tears began anew now that she was in the comfort of her bed. The smell of Ashton lingered on her pillows. She sobbed as the empty ache in her chest tightened its hold. She was too late. She hadn’t stopped herself before she hit bottom.
Sophie felt the bed shift as Mel crawled in and wrapped her arm around her. Mel didn’t speak a word; Sophie was grateful because there was no way that she would be able to respond. Sophie let herself drift off into a restless sleep because she had come undone.
The next morning the sun was harsh as its light flooded her apartment, taunting her and trying to lure her from sleep. Sophie pulled the pillow over her head and refused to wake to the world. Mel had risen with the beginning of the day and was trying to be quiet as she shuffled around the apartment and left. Sophie got up and closed all the windows, pulling the curtains tight to block out the sunshine before climbing back in bed.
Sophie slipped in and out of sleep as she tossed and turned under her covers, hiding from the world. The idea of getting up and facing the fact she needed to put herself back together was too much. She waited for the pain to fade but it held on so tight it made it hard to breathe.
Sophie wasn’t sure what time it was when Mel came back into her apartment. Sophie didn’t bother to open her eyes. “Your mom called me. She left a couple of messages this morning and got worried when you didn’t return them.” Mel’s voice was thick with concern.
“Please tell me you didn’t say anything.” Sophie’s voice was dry from thirst.
“I couldn’t help it. She has this way of getting information out. She’s sneaky, but all I said was that you weren’t feeling good. You should call her. She’ll drive out here if you don’t confirm you’re still alive. I think I still freak your mother out a bit.” Mel reached up and pulled the blanket down, brushing Sophie’s hair from her face. Sophie could see the worry creasing Mel’s features. “I’m only giving you this one day to mope. That’s all you get but you still have to call your mother and let her know I didn’t kill you and cut you up into tiny pieces.”
“Okay,” Sophie whispered. Mel grabbed her phone and passed it to her before she went to retrieve a glass of water to sit on Sophie’s nightstand.
“Drink this,” she demanded.
Sophie looked at her phone and noticed her mother’s missed calls, not to mention a call from Margaret and many from Ashton. He had left many text messages as well. A message from Ashton used to excite her but now they only made her sad. She was surprised how late the hour was as the day was already fading into night.
Ashton: I’m sorry.
Ashton: I need to talk to you.
Ashton: Call me please.
Ashton: You don’t need to love me. I just want to be with you.
Sophie couldn’t read anymore. She erased all of the messages from Ashton before she called her mother.
“Mom?”
“Honey, I was worried about you. Mel told me you weren’t feeling well.”
“I’m okay. Mel is taking care of me. Are you still coming this week to try on your dress?” Sophie didn’t want to broach the topic of why she wasn’t feeling well because she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together.
“I was hoping to come tomorrow. Does that work for you?” Her mother had a cautious tone, like she was trying to read between the lines.
“Perfect.” Sophie forced some enthusiasm into her voice. She wasn’t sure if her mother believed her or not.
“Okay…how are you feeling now?”
“Better. I should be as good as new tomorrow.”
“Good, and I want you to tell me all you have been up to. Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Tomorrow then. Love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.” When Sophie pressed end and let the forced pleasantry for her mother’s benefit melt away, she was left with her overwhelming sadness.
Mel was good and let Sophie stay in her bed for the rest of the evening but the morning came entirely too fast and she still did not feel ready.
Chapter
Twenty-Six
Mel pulled back the covers. “Noooo,” Sophie moaned.
“I told you I would give you yesterday to sulk around and not get out of bed but now it’s a new day.” Mel walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower before she grabbed Sophie’s toothbrush and slathered it in an obscene amount of toothpaste. “Here. Brush your stank teeth and wash your stank body so we can go out and grab some breakfast while I tell you what John said when he called this morning. He had some important information about a certain business that we’re trying to start.”
“Okay, Mom,” Sophie moaned sarcastically before she rolled out of bed.
“Did you just make a joke? Thank the lord she isn’t completely lost to me!” Mel cried out dramatically.
The hot water soothed Sophie as it ran over her; it did not wash away her sadness but it gave her enough to conjure the strength to get dressed and start the day. Sophie couldn’t help but smile when Mel blasted “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé. It made her want to be happy again but the road seemed so long. Mel hadn’t pressed for details but she knew it was only a matter of time. She just hoped she would be ready.
Sophie stared at her reflection in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes spoke of her inner torment. Her face seemed strange to her, her skin looked pale and her lips were dry. She powdered her face with some color and rubbed some gloss over her lips, hoping it would disguise her emotions that seemed to seep through her skin.
***
Sophie looked at her plate of food. She was hungry but the food didn’t taste like it should. It left an aftertaste in her mouth that made it hard to swallow. She realized her broken heart affected every part of her body. She felt like a stranger in her own skin. It was a version of herself that she didn’t care for. She fought the urge to call Ashton and beg him to take her back. Though, if it hurt this much only after their short time together, she wondered if she could survive when he would grow tired of their relationship and leave, like so many men had left her mother over the years. Flames eventually burnt out. I wish I could go back to my safe boring life when Ashton was in the past and I was wonderfully sane. At least I think I do…
Sophie tried not to think about Ashton and Lucinda and the way things looked in the coffee shop. Do I believe Ashton? Should I believe him? Can people die from emotional turmoil? He made her feel too much and it terrified her. Am I insane? I feel like it.
“Do you want me to kick his ass? You know that I can,” Mel said bluntly as she reached over and took a hash brown off Sophie’s plate and popped it into her mouth.
“No. I just want to move on and learn from my mistake.” Sophie sighed. She pushed her plate away and leaned back in her chair.
“Was that Lucinda bitch involved, because I would love to take her down?”
“All I want is for you to tell me what John said when he called.” Sophie rested her chin in her hands.
Mel sat up
straighter, a brilliant smile on her face. “John said that the investor he has been in contact with is keen on investing in our business. We just have to put a proper business proposal together and then he plans to finance it completely. John wants to meet with us to go over the details but this is perfect for us. We can get started right away. Nothing can stop us now.”
“That is amazing.” Sophie felt a real smile touch her lips. This was just what she needed to distract her. She would focus everything on establishing their company and eventually she hoped that her heart would heal.
“The more you love them the harder it is to let them go. That’s how I know I have never been in love yet because I was always glad to walk out when the time comes.”
“What about Dustin?” Sophie furrowed her brow. “I thought you guys were a thing?”
“Maybe…he wants to take it slow and see how things go.” Mel let out a long slow breath. “When I’m with him I feel really good but he’s too…”
“Safe?” Sophie added with a raised brow.
Mel smiled and shook her head. “Yeah…it’s strange for a guy not to want to jump my bones as soon as he can. It makes me question if he’s really into me. Does that seem weird?”
“You’re used to idiots, so of course it will be strange to be with someone who’s looking for more than a free ride, but you have to want to be with him for it to work.”
“I really like him and maybe that’s what’s making me nervous. I keep waiting for him to turn on me or something. He took me out to eat the other night and he didn’t expect anything in return. I’m not used to it.”
“That’s what you need and deserve, Mel. You need to get used to it. No more losers from loser town. That was the old Mel. You are now a businesswoman with standards. No more turning back now.”
Mel reached over and grabbed Sophie’s hand. “You’re the best friend in the whole world.”