by Shayn Bloom
I desperately hope this is a good thing. “Why?”
“You just finished making a case for the intelligence of Immags,” Gabriel remarks. “Saying you’re tired of my being derogatory. I understand that. I look for proof of the contrary. Yet I’ve told you it’s illegal for magical people and Immags to enter into relations. So what are you’re doing?”
I’m trying my best to look unperturbed as my heart pings off my chest. “I know what you told me,” I say calmly, determined to keep my cool. “But I don’t care. I don’t care if it’s against the law. I like you, Gabriel – I like you a lot. Even if you are derogatory and condescending to, to –”
“Immags?”
I nod. “But I don’t care. I like you anyway.”
“Perhaps you shouldn’t,” Gabriel says, gazing off along the dark path ahead of us. “Perhaps you should get as far away from me as possible. In fact,” he begins, closing his eyes, “you should get as far away from me as possible. I’m too dangerous for you. And you, Nora – you’re too dangerous for me.”
“I’m not scared,” I whisper in the dark. “So why are you?”
He takes a step closer to me, the aquamarine of his robe catching a patch of moonlight. “Scared? Nora, I’m a wizard who hunts vampires. I’m not scared. That doesn’t mean this isn’t dangerous. The BOM is serious about this kind of thing. If they find out they will send people. It could ruin my career.”
I won’t let him back down. “I know you feel something for me,” I say, impossibly keeping my tone under control. “I can see it in your eyes – in your expression when we talk. I don’t believe you keep following me around for laughs. There’s a reason you keep seeing me. It’s the same reason I’m always happy to see you.”
“…the BOM –”
“Doesn’t have to know!” I interject loudly. “How can they?”
Irritation quickens his words. “Nora, this isn’t the Immag world we’re talking about. They will find out. There are magical tools and spells that search for this kind of thing. Being in the northwest –”
“Means they can’t find out?”
“They can,” Gabriel answers. “But it will take them longer since there are few wizards in this part of the country.”
I try my best to smile sweetly at him.
You’re terrible at flirting, my alter ego remarks dryly.
Shut up! I tell her. At least I’m trying!
My attempt is lost in the drowning darkness, the light from Gabriel’s wand dispersed down to the ground. We’re alone on the path, the trees growing larger around us in the shadowy loam. The woods, so loud minutes ago with the sounds of animals and insects are quiet, as though the entire forest stopped to watch us beyond the scope of our light.
“I do want this, Nora,” Gabriel says. “I – I didn’t understand why I wanted to keep seeing you. I thought it couldn’t be that because – well – you’re an Immag. But there’s so much on the line. Everything I’ve worked for my whole life. Everything I’ve wanted to be. I could lose it all…”
Despite this most recent attack on Immags, I’m taken by his words. I didn’t realize how risky it would be.
This is his way of turning you down, my alter ego tells me. He thinks you’re ugly.
Just because you have low self esteem, I tell her, doesn’t mean I do!
“I understand,” I tell Gabriel. “I really do. They may arrest me too, right? But I’m not afraid of them. Fear can’t dictate who I decide to go out with. Fear can’t control my decisions. And fear can’t ruin my happiness – I won’t let it. Will you let it, Gabriel? Will you let it ruin your happiness?”
He ponders this, then says “Come on” and in a swoosh of his robes he’s off along the path, his wand hand outstretched and guiding the way forward, the light glowing brightly amidst the coming trees. I’m paralyzed for a second, but then I hurry to catch up. When I do, I take his hand again.
His body tenses around my touch, but he doesn’t pull free this time. Nor does he look at me. He’s forced to slow down to match my pace, and we continue on in silence. I can’t keep the smile off my face. The feel of his hand in mine is wonderful – the electricity of his touch thrumming through my body all the way to my heart where our pulses are synching their rhythms.
I realize how stunningly magical the forest is at night, how the warm air seems to breathe from the trees, and the patches of sky visible through foliage are star strewn. The natives of the forest have resumed their nighttime partying. Their whistles, calls, and murmurs come to us on the moist air. Best of all, we’re coming close to our destination, the thinning trees revealing the promise beyond.
We emerge on the beach. The light at the end of Gabriel’s wand quavers in response to the task of so much ground to cover, yet the shoreline is already visible. The trees surrounding Eld Inlet dance as a northerly wind rustles their nighttime slumber. I hear the sound of water weaving back and forth along the shore, washing away the imprints on the sand like worries in my heart.
I’m beginning to love this place. No – I do love it.
Gabriel stops at the shoreline, his gaze raiding everything we can see from the glow of his wand. He’s thinking hard about something. For once I let him have his thought process undisturbed. This is me being tactful. I’m trying to persuade him, after all.
Squeezing my hand, Gabriel turns. “I can’t say where it will go.”
“Me either,” I say quickly. “But who knows? It can go anywhere.”
“Including nowhere,” he says, dislodging his eyes from me and staring over the water. “Including nowhere,” he repeats more quietly. A look of terrible sadness breaks across his face. He closes his eyes. “There is no such thing as a guarantee in life about anything, Nora. Never forget that.”
What the? This seems off topic.
“I won’t,” I say.
“Never feel sorry for the old,” he continues. “Never, Nora. It’s easy to find yourself being an apologist for the aged and feeble. But anybody who’s lived so long should only give, not receive. The old have been young and everything in between, but the young may never grow old.”
What on earth is he talking about? I have to bring it back to us. “I know,” I tell him. “That’s why I want to do this, Gabriel! That’s why I want to be a part of your life! Because more life isn’t guaranteed. Because we may never achieve far off dreams. Some dreams are worth living now.”
He looks at me in surprise. “You’re right, Nora. You’re absolutely right…” His words trail off across the water to where trees wave in the wind. “But I have a mission,” he murmurs, more to himself than me. “I have a job to do here in Olympia. I can’t get distracted. Can’t give up my goal.”
“Isn’t happiness a goal?” I ask him. “Isn’t happiness a mission? Talk about a distraction! What if your dream of perpetrating vampire genocide is a distraction from your own, real happiness?”
Turquoise eyes meet mine. He grins. “Are you saying I’m astray?”
Blushing furiously, I swipe my hair over my ear. Geez, how did he get me so good with that one? “Maybe,” I tell him, though my gaze is eating the ground. “Who am I to say? I can’t tell you how to live your life. I just want to ask you on a date.”
This is good – this subtle, devious approach of mine. Frankly, I’d like to give him a massive overhaul. But it can wait, for now I need to get a foot in the door, and later hopefully other parts of my body, too.
Tracing my knuckles with his thumb, Gabriel lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it smoothly. My mouth drops open. Oh geez! Who’d have thought such a simple thing could be so disarming? I’ve seen it done to others, but experiencing it personally is so different. So much better.
“A date you can have,” Gabriel says quietly, lowering my hand and squeezing it. “I know myself too well to promise anything more. But that would be nice. It’s – uh – been a long time since I’ve been on a date. Not since Magasant’s Millennial Ball, actually. That was in fifth year.”
> He’s being modest. “I don’t believe you,” I say teasingly, “You’re so clever and so…” I want to say gorgeous, but not wanting to push it, I say, “charming. I can imagine girls lining up for you.”
He chuckles lightly, swiping his blond hair to the side of his forehead. “Nah. You don’t exactly wear your grades. I didn’t have money until I started working at the Bureau of Beast Control and that was after I graduated. I suppose I looked raggedy to most of them,” he says ruefully.
“They must have been insane,” I tell him. “I – I think you’re pretty.”
Keep the praise moderate, Nora, scolds my alter ego. You’re not a wizard groupie.
Gabriel waves me away and looks down, pulling his fine, aquamarine robes around him in a flourish. “Now I do! Now I have money and can afford decent clothes that aren’t completely embarrassing!”
He’s missing the point. I decide to move on. Gabriel is still holding my hand. I pull it free to swipe my suddenly windswept hair behind my ear. I can feel the electric pulse of his warmth even when we’re not touching.
“When should we go on our date?” I ask him.
I look down bashfully as I ask, but when no answer comes I’m forced to look up. Gabriel is gazing over the cool, lapping waves. The turquoise of his eyes illuminated in his wand light. He looks lost.
My impulse to ask again is strong but I fight it off. He’s gathering his thoughts, or else some far away revelation. I feel it would be unwise to interrupt him. Yet I can hardly wait for his answer.
Gabriel looks back. “How about now?”
“Now?” I repeat in shock. “How now?”
He smiles at this. “I’m not tired. Are you?”
“Not at all,” I reply, staring back. Transfixed.
“The beach is ours,” Gabriel continues, his eyes growing brighter with each passing second. “The waves too. Nobody is here to see us or ruin our fun. Nobody will make judgments of what we did here tonight. But later I might make judgments about what we didn’t do here tonight.”
What the fuck? What is he talking about?
I shake my head. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I don’t understand.”
“Want to go for a swim?” Turquoise eyes are alight.
I guffaw. “What! Now? Here?”
“Yes,” he answers simply, “here and now.”
I’m actually terrified by the idea. I can’t say why but I know I can’t do it. “I don’t have a bathing suit,” I say quickly.
“Neither do I,” he counters with a grin.
His meaning dawns on me. “You – you want to go skinny dipping?”
Gabriel nods, his grin widening. “It’ll be fun. Nobody will see.”
“You will see!” I exclaim. “You’ll see me naked!”
He looks surprised by my sudden insecurity. “So what?” he asks, his grin slipping. “You’ll see me naked too.”
“It’s not the same,” I pout. My eyes travel the length of his wand to the tip where its light illuminates our faces. Mine burning with embarrassment and his taken aback. “I’ve never gone skinny dipping before!”
“There’s always a first time,” he murmurs. His soothing voice seems to relax my nerves if not my anxiety. “Listen to your heart, Nora. Look me in the face and tell me no part of you – not the slightest bit – wants to do this. Take a moment, search every crevice of your being, and tell me that.”
I open my mouth to denounce his idea. Then close it again. I’m doing what he asked me to do – asking myself that question. Yes. There she is. From deep inside me the stronger Nora, the braver Nora, the daring Nora speaks out, begging me not to back down.
Come on, Nora! My alter ego is loud and clear. Don’t be your usual cringing self!
But I’m scared! I tell her. Scared of him seeing me naked!
I open my mouth. “I’m in,” I say before I can stop myself. “But only if you put that wand out first!”
“Deal,” he says, looking relieved.
I stare in the direction of lapping waves. “Won’t it be cold?”
“Yes,” he admits. “Very cold. Hold on – stand still.”
Folding my arms behind me, I stand still. What is he up to?
“Close your eyes,” he orders. I close them, my combined excitement and anxiety making me giddy. I feel his wand tip at my throat. He drags it down to my collar bone and up the other side around my ear. Then it’s under my jaw, feeling my pulse. Ecstatic tingles race over my body. I can’t figure out why, but I’m enjoying the sensation of his wand on me. “Equilibri,” Gabriel breathes, and I feel my body temperature rise. He withdraws his wand. “There,” he says, “you will stay a comfortable temperature.”
“Thanks,” I say, still eyeing his wand. Geez, I hope he puts that out before I get undressed.
Gabriel touches his pulse with his wand. “Equilibri.”
“Ready?” I ask.
With a flick he extinguishes his wand. “Let’s go.”
We’re in near darkness now. Only the moonlight shines down on the beach, but its charity is minimal and reserved. I’m grateful for this, for despite what some might call a nice figure I blush too easily even when I’m not naked. Pulling my tank top over my head I unzip my jeans and step out of them. Pulling my bra down my arms I toss it to the sand and then swipe off my panties.
Gabriel is already naked. Under his robes was nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. Even as moonlight reveals a swatch of muscular torso, most of him is still hidden in darkness. Left to my imagination. I wonder what parts of me he can see. I gulp involuntarily. I decide I don’t want to know.
“I’ll race you,” Gabriel says. “You in?”
I’ve come this far. “Okay.”
“One, two, three!”
We’re off. Dashing like crazy people for the water. My feet sink in the sand with the force of my motion but I pull them free. I gasp with pain when I step on the jagged edge of a rock. But I’m having too much fun to care. Whooping, I plow forward, keeping track of Gabriel beside me.
Nearing the water, he throws on an extra burst of speed and catapults in. I’m in the water too. I gasp the rush of cold assaulting me, but the next second the sensation is gone. I’m warm and comfortable. I realize this isn’t a quick adjustment to the water, but magic. Magic on my side.
Swimming naked is like swimming with clothes on, except you feel a hundred times more vulnerable. For somebody who already feels vulnerable when in water, this is a maddeningly sweet surrender. Gushing around me in thunderous motion the water envelops me and holds me up as I float on my back. I hear it in my ears and smell it in my nose as I gaze up at the moon.
“Having a good time?”
Gabriel is beside me. Getting into a floating position, he searches with his hand for a moment before finding mine. I breathe deeply, hoping the water won’t take me under. I return the squeeze of his hand and listen as the gently lapping water sounds in the near distance. “Yes,” I answer. “This was a good idea!”
“No it wasn’t!” Gabriel exclaims with a laugh. “It was the worst idea ever! I can’t believe you fell for it!”
I burst out laughing and nearly go under. But he tightens his grip on my hand, restoring my balance on the cool waves. This truly feels wonderful – being weightless on water and warm from the magic of his wand. The entire beach to ourselves and not a soul to worry about, except our own.
“Look at the stars,” I say. I want to point but I know better, for if I dislodge my arm I will go under. “They’re beautiful. They’re so beautiful! That’s why I came to Olympia – to see the stars.”
“That’s the dumbest reason ever,” Gabriel says, but his tone is shallow with awe as he gazes upward.
“I know,” I tell him, failing to stifle a giggle. “I couldn’t help myself!”
We are silent.
“Why did your parents get divorced?”
Startled, I glance over at him. “What?”
“I want to know,” he says.
Wher
e the hell did this come from? We were having a good time. Geez, he doesn’t know when to ask these type of questions. “How do you know they got divorced?” I ask him, trying to remember back. “I didn’t tell you. Or did I?”
“You did,” he says. “One of the first things you said to me. You said your mom knew the relationship wouldn’t last and so she demanded your last name be hyphenated. Don’t you remember?
“I do,” I murmur. “I guess I was so taken by your oddness I didn’t know what I said. That’s kind of a personal question, Gabriel.”
He’s rubbing my knuckles in the water. “Why is it personal?”
“It just is,” I say. “It’s family stuff.”
Stars twinkle overhead. “Should it be personal?” Gabriel asks. “I’m a student of love. I want to learn about these things. To understand why stuff doesn’t work out sometimes. My curiosity is unending, Nora. Do you ever feel like you want to know everything about everything?”
“Not really,” I say.
“I do,” he continues. “I’m fascinated by relationships. They’re part of my life I never got right. You saw my attitude when I came on campus. Truth is I don’t have any friends – not back home. I have admirers – yes, many of those – but no real friends. My peers have respect for me. Not affection.”
His honesty is disarming. Despite having known him for a short time, none of what he’s saying surprises me. But he shared, so I should share too. I clear my throat and swish the water with my arms. “They’ve been separated two years,” I tell him. “Divorced for one – I…” I stop because of tightness in my throat.
Gabriel waits patiently for me to continue.
“I – I don’t really know why they separated,” I say, already feeling my body growing heavier in the water. “They even renewed their vows after ten years.” The water is beginning to lap at the tops of my knees, then over them. “I don’t really know what happened. But I have a guess.”
His voice is quiet. “What’s that?”
“They just stopped loving each other.”