by Shayn Bloom
I’m staring at Gabriel in horror. “Did it work?” He’s silent, staring back. “Did it work?” I shout at him.
Turquoise eyes are wide. Scared. “I think so,” he says quietly.
“You think so? What the hell does that mean?”
Dropping his wand to the bed, Gabriel falls back on the sheets and covers his eyes. “It means I don’t know, Nora,” he sighs, his exhaustion evident. “I don’t know! You’re supposed to do the spell before orgasm. Sometimes it works afterwards. There’s no way of knowing, not yet.”
I can’t contain myself. “That’s not good enough!”
“It has to be!” Gabriel shoots back angrily. “Look at yourself, Nora! Have some fucking self awareness! I saw it on your face earlier. You were upset you weren’t pregnant! Maybe you are now! Be happy or sad – choose one or the other. Stop confusing me with both all the time!”
A loathing tirade rises in me. For once, I let it die. Instead, I collapse on the sheets beside my wizard. I notice there’s no blood on the sheets this time. There’s an improvement. I’ll take what I can get right now.
Fucking shitballs!
I can’t believe myself. I spent part of today desperately worried I’m pregnant. No sooner is my pregnancy fear discarded than I get pregnant! I almost had the perfect ending to a miserable day. Now it’s all miserable.
We don’t talk for several moments. Gabriel looks over at me, his head sliding on his pillow. I look at him, our eyes meeting. The glassy sheen has evaporated from turquoise eyes. Gabriel bursts out laughing.
“What?” I ask, annoyed. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing!” Gabriel says, his laughter dancing across the waves and into the distance. “Nothing at all. I swear!”
“You’re a liar,” I say, smiling despite myself. Why is laughter so contagious? I decide to be proactive. Allowing my hand to slide under the sheets, I find what I’m looking for. “Tell me or I’ll squeeze your balls!”
This gets his attention. He remarks, “You’re amazing.”
“How so?”
“The pregnancy thing,” Gabriel says, sighing. “One minute yes. The next minute no. Then maybe. It’s funny, Nora – you have to admit. It’s my fault, too – I had sex with you right afterward. We must be crazy!”
“We must be,” I agree. “I suppose it’s kind of funny…” A giggle escapes me, then another. Next thing I know we’re laughing to the stars, unable to control ourselves. Geez, I can only imagine my mom’s expression if she was here. Thank heaven and sky she’s not! Small mercies. Well, not so small.
Gabriel gathers me into his strong arms. He closes his eyes with a sigh of contentment. “I like the feeling of you holding my balls,” he tells me, grinning with closed eyes. “Makes me feel… at your mercy – heh – imagine it, Nora. Usually it’s you at my mercy! But my wand is across the bed and you’ve got me. I surrender,” he says, turquoise eyes opening as he grins at me, boyish.
I give him the gentlest of squeezes. “I’ll be nice if you will!”
Gabriel is gazing up at the stars. “I love you,” he tells me. “I will always love you as long as I live. Maybe, just maybe – once we’ve rid the Olympic Peninsula of vampires – we can settle down together.”
I gasp the night air, unable to believe it. My happiness is complete. Releasing his testicles, I hug his body and plant a kiss on his warm cheek. “I would love that,” I say to him. “And I love you, too, Gabriel. Who knows? Think about it… If I am pregnant, we’ve got a family. Imagine it!”
Turquoise eyes are wide. They narrow. “First I have a job to do,” he reiterates. “I’m for settling down, Nora. I’m for being a husband and a dad. But only after my job is done – only after I’ve completed my assignment. I absolutely must kill the Newborn, Nora. You understand, don’t you?”
I kiss him on the lips. “Not really. But I’ll try to.”
“If that’s the best you can do,” he begins, “I suppose it has to be good enough for now. So open my new Vampass!”
“Yay!” I exclaim. “I love new products!”
He says, “It’s in the pocket of my robes.”
Going to the headboard, I find the cardboard package. Mr. Gabriel White, it says across the front. Evergreen State College. 2700 Evergreen Parkway, NW, Olympia, Washington. 98505. Bouncing across the bed, I hand him the package.
He’s confused. “I said you open it.”
“Oh!” I say, “right!”
“We can test it out,” Gabriel murmurs beside me as I tear into it. “See if there are any vampires nearby!”
I’m nearly through the package when the night explodes in darkness. Gasping in fright, I fall back on the bed with a thud. The package goes flying from my hands on impact. Oh no! Come back!
“Gabriel! What’s happened?”
I hear chuckles beside me. “Nothing to worry about. Here,” he says, searching for his wand. “Lumio!”
The scene is lit.
I’m stunned by the beauty of it. All around us, thousands of smoke wreaths are rising into the air. They rise higher and higher and disappear into the night. The moon is hiding behind clouds, leaving Gabriel’s wand our only light. The smell of smoke fills the air around us. I find myself loving it.
“Magnificent!” Gabriel is surveying the night.
I nod dumbly, shock seizing my muscles.
Gabriel asks, “Where’s my Vampass?”
Oh fuck!
I gaze around hurriedly for it. It’s nowhere in sight. “Gabriel – I! It was in my hands a second ago! I must have dropped it. It’s somewhere on the beach. I’m so sorry! I don’t know where it is!”
My wizard is searching for it, too. “No trouble,” he says calmly. “Now the candles are burned out we don’t have to worry about it being destroyed.” We both spot the Vampass at exactly the same moment. “Actually,” Gabriel amends, “I think we do have to worry about it being destroyed.”
The package is lying about ten yards away. A shiny, compass-look-alike instrument is protruding from its wrappings. The waves – most unfortunately – are lapping over both. Geez, that didn’t last long.
“Water destroys them,” Gabriel confirms. “Not a chance – it’s gone. Took months of badgering to get it, and I had good reason to get this one. They’ll laugh in my face if I ask again. No replacement this time.”
Sighing, I kiss his cheek. “Sorry,” I tell him, “my bad.”
You’re such a fuck up! my alter ego exclaims. Now look what you’ve done!
Lay off, I tell her. I feel bad enough already!
“Don’t worry about it,” Gabriel tells me. “It would have been useful for chasing the Newborn. But I’ve still got Merrifeather, haven’t I? And you,” he adds affectionately, kissing me back.
Massaging the marble of his chest, I find myself daring to bring up a topic I shouldn’t. Locking onto turquoise eyes, I take a deep breath. “Listen, Gabriel,” I say quietly, allowing my fingers to run up and down his chest. “I want an answer to a question you’ve been avoiding. Will you share it with me?”
Turquoise eyes are wary. “What’s the question?”
“I want to know why you hate vampires so much.”
“I’ve told you!” he exclaims, “Because they’re the most parasitical and –”
“Abominable species to ever walk this earth!” I interrupt, finishing for him. “I know all that. Now what’s the real reason? There has to be more to it – something you’re not telling me. I’ve tried to ask in the past and you dodged it, saying you’d tell me later. Well, it’s later! I want to know. Now!”
Gabriel swipes his blond hair to the side of his forehead in agitation. Sighing, he leans back against his pillow. “You seriously want to know?”
“Yes, Gabriel.” I’m leaning forward now. I thought he’d refuse me, so this is a pleasant surprise. “I’ve wanted to know since the first time we came to Eld Inlet. Months ago, Gabriel! Please tell me!”
He rolls on his back to stare at the stars,
all the brighter now for the vanquished candles. “Lumio,” Gabriel says, and his wand goes out. Now we’re in total darkness, for the moon remains hidden. “I will tell you. Not the whole story, because the whole story is too painful. Some of it I can manage.”
I nod silently. I’m terrified he’s going to freak out and not tell me, so I’m taking what I can get. One seventeenth of the story would be more than he’s told me so far. Some of it will suffice for now.
“A long way back,” Gabriel says, his eyes gazing heavenward, “a vampire took something dear to me. The dearest thing in my life, actually. Snatched away. Carelessly. Completely. Without warning. I was a child when it happened. As an adult I still can’t wrap my head around it…”
I’m staring at him as he determinably stares upward. The stars smile down as waves lap against the shore nearby. The surrounding trees are hidden in darkness now. Like Gabriel’s unseen demons.
“What did the vampire take from you?” My voice is a horrified whisper. “Tell me, Gabriel.” Even as I speak, I know he won’t. I feel the truth in the tense, knotted, naked chest under my touch.
He won’t tell me. Not yet.
Gabriel turns on his side. I sense his eyes upon me even as no light is shared between us. “I’m ready, Nora,” he tells me. His voice sounds excited now, as though the last few seconds never happened.
As though I never asked.
So I ask, “Ready for what?”
“To go into the forest,” Gabriel breathes, “to return to the vampire lair!”
A jolt of anticipation. Finally! I’ve been waiting a month for this! “What’s changed?” I ask him, bewildered. “You said you still needed to figure stuff out. You said you couldn’t find the Newborn.”
The moon comes out of hiding, splashing the bed and the nearby shore with light. Turquoise eyes are illuminated. “I think I’ve found him!”
“Really!” I gasp. “Who is it?” I’m massaging him as I speak. His body has relaxed, his tenseness gone. Now it’s electricity I feel between my touch and his skin. Electricity brought by fiery excitement.
“This vampire named Jack,” Gabriel answers. “You’ve never met him, but he seems a likely candidate.”
“I did meet him!” I correct. “He’s the vampire Wolf saved me from! When are we going?”
“Tomorrow?”
I think for a moment. “I have –” But I stop myself. I picture Dr. Tuten boring me away with no Wolf around to cheer me up. I picture Dr. Blakely trying so hard to no avail, for he simply can’t get his students interested in American history. “I’m free,” I amend, grinning. “Let’s go tomorrow!”
“Excellent!” My wizard is beaming.
“Wolf is coming,” I add menacingly, “or else!” My hand finds his balls under the sheets. They’re warm and ripe for squeezing. “You may be too busy recuperating to come,” I finish, glaring daggers at him.
Luckily he’s not holding his wand. Instead, Gabriel holds up his hands in surrender. “Fine – you win! The dog can come, you nutcase!”
I have ulterior motives for bringing Wolf. His presence will make Gabriel jealous, and jealousy will bring the wizard around on the issue of wizard and Immag equality. All I have to do is make him a little jealous… Hold on, who am I reminding myself of?
The revelation hits.
Holy bejesus fuck!
I’m my mother!
“It will all be decided tomorrow,” Gabriel murmurs, massaging my breasts. “If we get the Newborn, our life together can begin. I will love you forever and ever till the end of time because you are mine. We will live happily – child or no child.” He kisses me, thrilling me with bliss. “How does that sound, Nora White?”
* * *
I’m in my bathroom. The water is running and my contacts are lying on the sink in their containers, filled to the brim with solution. I’m staring at myself in the mirror. At a girl who has become a woman in such a short space of time. It’s almost hard to fathom. But I’m here. I’ve made it this far.
Today will decide everything.
It’s Tuesday morning. I’m supposed to be in English 301: The Art of the Essay, later. I won’t be there. I’m also supposed to be in History 145: The American Revolution, after that. I won’t be attending that class, either. Why? Because I will be busy hunting vampires with Gabriel and Wolf. That’s why.
I gaze into the mirror – into my curiously bright eyes.
Am I pregnant? I don’t know. I could take a pregnancy test, but taking a pregnancy test implies I may do away with the child. Why else would I need to know so quickly? Besides, I don’t think I could do that – have an abortion. Not when the child was conceived passionately. With somebody I love.
One thing I do know. I cannot have my thoughts everywhere today. They need to be together and concentrated. Today could determine the rest of my life. Either we find and kill the Newborn or we don’t. If we do, Gabriel and I can begin our life together. Otherwise we go on hold. Indefinitely.
I don’t want to wait. I want to start now. Child or no child. I’m more drawn to Gabriel than I can possibly relate. I’m more drawn to magic than I can possibly relate. I love the idea – the inkling, if you will – that maybe, just maybe, I can someday learn it. Attend Magasant School of Magic.
Become a witch.
The notion brings shudders of delight to my thin frame. My freshly washed form in the mirror, I realize it’s true. I have lost weight.
My hair is wet and over my shoulder. Not cool. I see it looking soppy even through my blurred vision. So I take my hair dryer to it for a good fifteen minutes. I hum as I do this, always pleased to engage in one of my favorite tasks. When finished, I replace my contacts carefully. Diligently.
Dressing in jeans and my gray turtleneck, I watch Kiri as she writes notes across a music sheet. I’m filled with sudden affection for her as I watch. She is such a great roommate, such a great friend. We’ve had our differences and arguments – mostly about Gabriel – but I realize now she is simply looking out for me. It seems insane I ever suspected her of wanting him for herself.
“I’m going,” I tell her. “See you tonight.” I hope…
Horn-rimmed glasses look up from the music sheet. “Class?”
“Yes,” I lie through my teeth.
Going to my chest of draws, I soak myself in perfume. The deluge makes Kiri close her eyes. She’s never complained about this habit of mine and she totally could have. Yet here I am lying to her face.
“Your class doesn’t start for an hour and a half,” Kiri remarks, peeking at her clock. “Why are you going so early?”
Shitballs! Nearly got away with it.
“Oh,” I say, stalling for time, “I – I want to stop in the union for a moment. See if they have a book.” I’m such a bad liar.
Kiri swipes her bobbed hair to the side. “What book?”
Fuck! What is this? A witch hunt?
I’m panicking. “The Shipping News,” I invent madly.
“I have that!” Kiri exclaims. Getting up from her bed, she goes to the row of books above her desk. “By E. Annie Proulx.” Popping it from the shelf, she hands it me. “Remember at the beginning of semester when I said you can borrow my books? I meant that,” she clarifies, grinning at me.
Geez, I’m going to be late if I don’t hurry!
“Thanks so much, Kiri,” I tell her. Without even thinking I go and hug her warmly. “You’re so great!”
She’s startled when I release her. “It’s nothing!” she says. “Really!”
“Bye, then!” I say loudly. Tossing the book to my bed, I dash out the door and down the staircase. I’m hoping it will take her a moment to recover from the force of my hug. No such luck for me.
“Nora!” Kiri yells from behind. “You forgot your backpack!”
I’m gone. Down the stairs two at a time and out of dorm building C. Geez, she nearly caught me there. Nearly scuffled my escape plan. In any case, I have other worries. Far deadlier worries…
* * *
Our meeting place is Red Square. I’m hurrying. I’m worried Wolf and Gabriel are already there. I hoped to get there first, thereby mediating potential conflicts. With any luck the vampires will prove enemy enough and the werewolf and wizard will be forced to make peace. I’m not counting on it.
I notice the sky is cloudy. True, clouds are the sky’s default guests in this part of the country, but despite this it’s even cloudier than usual. Geez, I hope it doesn’t rain. That’s all we need today.
Going from the east side of campus to the west, I keep an eye out for them. I hope Wolf has the wisdom to be a boy instead of a dog. Some things may seem like common sense, but with guys you never know.
Oh geez! Gabriel better not tell Wolf about our plans to live together!
Spurred by horror of this idea, I break into a run.
The clock tower of the Daniel J. Evans library is drawing closer. Which means so is Red Square. Soon as the square comes into view I see him. Gabriel. He can’t be missed. Not in flowing ivory robes, not with a wand dangling from his hand and an owl resting on his outstretched arm. Geez, can’t he be a little covert? Next to him is Wolf, his arms crossed and his expression a scowl.
“You’re here!” I gasp, skidding to a halt in front of them.
They are pleased to see me.
“Why, hello,” Gabriel says. He puts his arm around my waist and kisses me sweetly on the lips. No serious PDA, but enough to claim his property. The idea makes me furious, but not as furious as Wolf, whose crossed arms tighten as he watches. “Glad you made it safe and sound,” adds my wizard.
Freed of him, I give Wolf a hug. He’s so surprised by my sudden movement he doesn’t unfold his arms in time. He maneuvers them around me and hugs me back, his warm voice a tickling massage. “You’re too good to me,” he says. “Did you – uh – have time to consider what we discussed?”
“Not really. Sorry.”
“What’s this?” Gabriel asks, staring from Wolf to me.
Ignoring Gabriel, I go to his arm instead. Petting Merri gingerly, I stare into enormous amber eyes. I can’t help but smile as my eyes reflect turquoise. “See what I’m wearing?” I ask the wizard.