by Mya O'Malley
The chill in the air nipped at Morgan’s cheeks as she called the students inside. Although Morgan loved where she lived, this winter had been particularly challenging with its frigid temperatures and endless snowstorms. The kids in Morgan’s class weren’t the only ones starting to get cabin fever.
After hustling the little ones indoors, Morgan slammed the door to her classroom shut, blocking out the wind and cold. One look at her students’ rosy cheeks and she knew that she had made the right decision despite the protests that could be heard over the sound of her own voice.
“Now, now. It’s too cold. Let’s hang up our jackets and then I’ll see who’s ready for snack time.” That seemed to ease the atmosphere in the room.
Pulling off her gloves and shaking off her heavy coat, Morgan began calling the students by tables to get their snacks.
“I like the way that the children at table two are waiting quietly. You may get your snacks.”
As soon as all the children had been called to get their snacks, Morgan and Elle settled themselves at a table close to the kids and reached for their own snacks. Today, Morgan had packed a Greek yogurt for herself.
“You’re a natural with kids, you know. When are you and Mike going to bite the bullet and have some little ones of your own?”
Looking down at the floor, Morgan swallowed her spoonful of yogurt. “Come on, give me a break. Mike and I aren’t even married,” she whispered.
“Yes, but he’s been dropping hints, right? And no offense, but you’re not getting any younger,” Elle teased her friend.
“Oh, please! Like twenty-nine years old is ancient! Just because you got married when you were twenty-five doesn’t mean that I’m missing the boat.”
“Yes, but be careful. Mike’s a great guy. He’s a good provider and not bad on the eyes, either.” Elle wiggled her eyebrows.
Swatting at her friend, all Morgan could do was sigh. Elle knew her just about as well as anyone could; they had been working together for years now. It was true, Mike was a great guy, and he was also a good provider. His job at the mortgage company provided Mike with a steady income. It held the promise of growth in the future years as well. With her income combined with his, they could live comfortably.
Mike had indeed been hinting at marriage. At this point Morgan had tried to gracefully change the subject, but she had a feeling the day was coming soon. What was she waiting for? She had convinced herself that she would never find a love like the one she had with Declan; that kind of love came around only once in a lifetime. Shouldn’t she reconcile the fact that she had a decent partner in Mike?
“Miss Elle, can you open my cookies?” Little Robbie came bounding over, bag of cookies in hand. Elle reached over and grabbed the bag.
“There you go. Those cookies look yummy,” Elle stated playfully before turning her attention back to Morgan.
“Earth to Morgan!” Elle giggled as Morgan snapped out of her thoughts.
“Elle, do you believe that true love comes along only once in a lifetime?”
Her friend scrunched her brows, crinkling her dark green eyes, as if choosing her words very carefully. After a moment she spoke. “I believe… I believe that people can fall in love again, and that life goes on.”
Leave it to Elle to speak so diplomatically. Maybe she did have a point though; Morgan couldn’t pine away forever for a man that was no longer around, could she? She had her cherished memories of her brief time with Declan and nobody could take that away. But then why did she feel as if she were being unfaithful to him?
With a sigh, Morgan fiddled with her sleeve. Knowing that she was still young and that marriage and family were always a dream for her future, she knew that she had some long, hard thinking ahead of her.
The little ones were growing restless, with their food almost gone. Morgan mentally reviewed the next activity for the morning. She would let the kids visit the various learning centers that were set up around the room, they would rotate, and then it would be time to pack up to go home. With the afternoon group of students arriving soon, Morgan figured she had enough distractions for the time being to keep her mind off her brewing dilemma with Mike.
“Stop that!” Morgan swatted Mike playfully, a giggle escaping her mouth. He reached for her and tickled her again, whispering playfully in her ear.
“I’m not giving up!” Laughter boomed as Mike tickled her knee, knowing that this was the most ticklish spot on Morgan’s body.
“Give up?” He held her tighter, laughing into Morgan’s ear.
“Yes! Yes! I give up!” she managed through fits of laughter.
“Good, now kiss me.” He grabbed Morgan under the blanket, his eyes filled with mischief. She obliged, giggling softly through the kiss, happy and content. After a moment, Morgan fixed her eyes on the large television screen.
Morgan lay in Mike’s arms as he took the remote to rewind the movie to the spot they had watched before he had stopped to make some microwave popcorn. Morgan definitely enjoyed their life together. Mike was kind, caring, handsome, and funny. They were a good match.
They had met two years earlier, during a time that her life was dark and bleak. Mike made her laugh, took the black cloud that was over her head and moved it away, well, for most of the time, anyway.
She had sworn that she would never date again, not after Declan. But loneliness caught up with her, forcing her to break down the walls, ever so slightly. Sometimes she wondered where she would be now, had she not stopped for coffee that morning.
Morgan was in the habit of stopping for coffee most mornings before work. This morning was hectic, she was running late, but needed her caffeine fix in the worst way, so she took a chance that the line wouldn’t be out the door.
It seemed one thing was going her way; the line wasn’t too bad. In line ahead of her, a few feet away, a handsome man turned around. He was tall, with deep, soft brown eyes. He stole a glance at her, smiling.
She smiled shyly, looking away. The last thing Morgan wanted or needed at this point was another relationship. She waited quietly for her turn to order, silently willing the barista to get a move on. The man turned around again, still smiling.
When it was Morgan’s turn to order coffee, she was informed that the gentleman ahead of her had paid for her the coffee. She turned to tell the man that wasn’t necessary, but he was already out the door
She didn’t see him for another week or so, but found herself looking for him, disappointed that he wasn’t there. The following week he was there again and this time she graciously accepted the coffee and agreed to go out on a date with him that weekend. She thought that she must be crazy, to start dating again. Her mind told her that it was time. Yes, it had been well over a year, and Declan was not coming home. Ever. It was time to get on with her life.
CHAPTER TEN
“I GRABBED SOME DINNER for us, figured I’d surprise you after a long day at work.”
Rising to her toes to plant a kiss on Mike’s lips, Morgan was pleased that Mike was so thoughtful.
“Chinese! Perfect!” Morgan sighed in contentment. She just knew that Mike had ordered her favorites — Wonton soup, egg rolls, and sweet and sour chicken. Oh, and who could forget the fortune cookies?
Mike fumbled through the cabinet for some paper plates and then placed them on the table. Morgan busied herself by pouring sparkling water into each of their glasses. A comfortable silence ensued as Morgan felt the hot soup warm her from the inside.
“So, I figured that we haven’t been anywhere in a while. I got to thinking that we could both use a little time away.”
This grabbed Morgan’s attention. It had been a while since the couple had taken even an overnight stay.
“My buddy Kevin, at work, has this cabin upstate. He rents it out during the summer. It’s empty now, so he said that we could go there for the weekend.”
“Oh. What’s there to do up there this time of year?”
Mike’s cheeks lifted in mischief. “Well, there’s skiing, sno
wboarding, but I know you don’t do either of those outdoor sports. So I figured that we could just find some interesting indoor sports to keep us busy.”
Morgan swore that she was blushing. Of course that’s what he was thinking. Some time away actually sounded great. But, what if? Perhaps Mike would merely suggest moving in together, but truth be told he was practically moved in already with his set of clothes in the spare bedroom and toothbrush in her bathroom. Mike stayed over every night at this point, going to the house he shared with some of his buddies only for a quick stop to grab something.
“Honey, you okay?” Mike munched on his own dinner, glancing at Morgan.
Brushing her worrisome thoughts aside for the moment, Morgan squeezed her boyfriend’s hand. “Of course, yes, of course.”
“So… what do you think?” Mike peered at her.
“It sounds great, I mean, but can you get time off? You said the office has been really busy and everything.”
“I can handle it. It will be good for us. Now what do you say, Morgan? How about this weekend?’
Setting her jaw tightly, she nodded her head up and down. “This weekend. Sure, this weekend sounds great.”
Mike leaned over to place a soft kiss on the top of her head. All of Morgan’s alarm bells were ringing like crazy in her head. Her gut instinct told her that Mike had something up his sleeve for this weekend. Time to bite the bullet. Elle was right, she couldn’t let Declan’s ghost prevent her from getting on with her life. She was a big girl and it was time to grow up and move on.
Looking into Mike’s warm eyes, she knew that she would be a fool to let him go. It wasn’t fair to him to give only half of herself over to him. It was time to make things right. She would do her best to open herself up to this man and let him in. Biting at her lip, Morgan promised herself she would try to let him into her heart, except for that hidden piece that belonged only to Declan.
“I have a feeling about this weekend!” Elle sang out as the women were heading to the parking lot after a long week at work.
“Yeah, yeah.” Morgan mustered up a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“You know that he would want you to be happy,” Elle stated softly.
“I know he would.” Morgan couldn’t quite meet her friend’s eyes. Feeling the threat of tears, she turned her head. Lately, it was becoming harder to rein in her emotions.
“Look at me.” Elle took hold of Morgan’s shoulders. “Declan was the best, we both know that. But please, Mike is pretty darn close. Give him a chance. Let him in or let him go. Be fair to the poor guy.”
Wiping a tear from her eye, Morgan swallowed hard. She would push any thoughts of Declan from her mind this weekend. It was so difficult because the very memories that she held close were the ones that hurt her time and again. She had stayed up half the night struggling with her thoughts.
“I swear, sometimes it’s like you’re afraid, scared to move on, letting Declan hover over you, keeping you from taking that next step.”
Something about the cold, harsh reality of that statement stopped Morgan in her tracks. Tears pooled in her eyes as she glanced away from her friend. Nobody understood, nobody could. Morgan instantly felt as if her closest friends and Mike were trying to take her memories of Declan from her. Ridiculous as it sounded, Morgan was a bit resentful.
Janice, her therapist, was the only one who seemed to have a clue. Anger had spewed as Morgan released tears that had been contained for so long. Shouting at Janice that day that she could never understand was a breaking point; it had taken Morgan months after Declan’s death to really face what had happened, to feel anything but numb. Once the tears came, they opened a floodgate of emotion. Janice had spoken firmly, even harshly.
“You’re right about that. Nobody will ever understand what you’re going through. These are your thoughts haunting you. Stop trying to forget, force yourself to remember, and then hold him dear. Hold Declan tight in that special spot in your heart, reserved just for him. But then, you need to open that heart of yours down the road and let others in.”
It had been over a year since Morgan had seen Janice, but every once in a while, Morgan would pick up the phone to place a call. She never dialed. Morgan needed to pick up the pieces and move on by herself. Janice had given her all the tools she required; using those tools, however, was up to Morgan.
“I’m sorry, hon. I am, but, I hate to see you like this, half a person, half of the vitality that you used to have.” Elle reached out to squeeze Morgan’s wrist.
Swallowing back her tears, Morgan nodded forcefully. It made no sense to be upset with Elle. It also made no sense to let a good man get away.
“You’re right. I won’t let Mike go.”
“Good girl. Do yourself a favor. Lighten up and enjoy your weekend.”
Reaching over to embrace her friend, Morgan cleared her throat. The scent of Elle’s fresh shampoo filled her senses. “I will.” An image of Declan’s fair skin and dark hair came to mind as she squeezed her eyes shut.
“If you let Mike go, you’d be a fool.”
“Well, Elle. This girl’s no fool.” It sounded convincing, even to herself.
They had gotten a late start, later than Mike had wanted to start their trip upstate. Glancing at the traffic up ahead, Morgan sighed inwardly as Mike smacked his hand against the steering wheel. It wasn’t like Mike to be so rushed, so stressed. Usually he was pretty relaxed. Declan, on the other hand, well, he had certainly lacked patience when it came to other drivers on the road. There she went again, comparing the two men. This needed to end.
There was that nagging feeling with Mike at times, he was always so complacent, so agreeable. For a man who had shared stories of a difficult childhood, Mike certainly appeared to have it all together. Sometimes she imagined she could see the small boy who had to deal with a mother who neglected him and paraded numerous boyfriends through the house. It must have been so heartbreaking for Mike to fight for the attention of a woman who rejected him time and again.
It was amazing that Mike had overcome the neglect and become an independent young man. Even now, with his mother estranged, Morgan’s instincts were to protect him from the harsh reality that his mother was an evil woman. Heck, her own mother appeared to be a saint compared to Mike’s mom.
Morgan supposed that most women would adore a man that fell all over them, agreed with almost everything that they felt. She and Declan had experienced that give and take, that push and pull, quarreling at times, yes, but always passionate. Declan seemed to challenge her, pushing her buttons at times, but oh, the making up had been worth it.
Shaking her head, she couldn’t recall the last time she had disagreed with Mike. Oh, but yes, whenever Declan’s name came up in conversation, whenever Morgan woke with a start from one of her recurring nightmares, there was always that palpable tension in the air.
Placing her hand gently on Mike’s thigh, Morgan stole a glance at Mike, his jaw set firmly and eyes straight ahead on the dark but crowded road.
“You okay?” Morgan spoke softly, in the calm voice she usually reserved for her young students.
“I knew that we should have left earlier.” His fingers curled around the steering wheel, pressing down tightly.
“Oh, come on, relax. What’s the big deal? We’re not in a rush to get there. Just enjoy the ride,” Morgan soothed. “Hey, what’s this?” Reaching for an envelope that was laying on its backside, she leaned down to grab it.
“Give that to me!” He swerved the car as he reached down for the envelope. A car horn honked loudly as Mike crossed over into the other lane.
What was with him? Turning to look at him, she saw his jaw clenched as he stuck the envelope in his jacket pocket.
“I could have picked that up. You nearly caused an accident!” Morgan cried out. Why wouldn’t he have just allowed her to pick up the envelope?
Turning to steal a glance at Morgan, Mike opened his mouth as if to speak, but then quickly closed it
and refocused his eyes on the road ahead.
Morgan sighed and spun the dial on the dashboard, turning on the radio. Figuring that he was just in a bad mood, Morgan hoped that it would improve soon. Was Mike really the one for her?
One thing Morgan knew for sure was that too much thinking didn’t get her anywhere. Ever since Declan’s death, she overanalyzed even the smallest decisions it seemed. Keep your head in the here and now, that should become her new mantra.
Morgan and Mike didn’t speak again until the traffic cleared, a good half hour later. Finally, Morgan was the one to break the silence. “I can’t wait to have a nice warm shower when we get to the cabin.” Time had been tight, so Mike had urged Morgan to take her shower once they reached the cabin.
“No, I don’t think we’ll have time for that. I made reservations at a restaurant and we’ll be lucky if we get there in time.” He breathed heavily, exhaling while checking the time on the dashboard.
“Why don’t you just call and tell them that we’re running a bit late and that way you can relax and I can shower before heading out?”
Pulling up to a red light, Morgan could see beads of sweat trickle from Mike’s forehead. “This isn’t the type of place that you can just cancel a reservation, Morgan. It took me weeks to get this reservation.”
“Weeks? But we only made plans a few days ago…” Morgan began, only to be interrupted.
“Morgan, could you please just stop?” Mike looked her squarely in the eye before darting through the traffic light that had just turned green.
What had gotten into him? “Are you feeling okay? You look sweaty.” She reached out a hand to swipe his forehead.
“I… I’m fine. I just wanted this weekend to work out, is all.”
“Well… perhaps if you relax a bit it just might.” Was this going to be their first real argument?
“You’re right… you’re right. But no shower, Morgan. We can’t cancel. I was exaggerating when I said it took weeks to get it, but this place, you can’t change the time. It was the only time they had open, and I really want to go there tonight.”