by Mya O'Malley
His heart leaped in his throat. “What… what did she look like?”
“She was quite beautiful. Long, dark wavy hair…”
“What was her name?” Declan practically sprang at Betty.
“I… I don’t recall, but I’m sure the front desk downstairs would have record of it.”
“Yes, yes, they would. How long did she stay for? Was she alone?” Declan felt alive for the first time in years.
“She was alone, and I don’t know, maybe she stayed for about fifteen minutes? It was sweet, the way she just held your mom’s hand.” Betty’s face softened.
“Mom doesn’t like to be touched, not anymore. It agitates her, you know that.”
“Well, I can tell you that your mom was wide awake, and that sweet woman seemed to bring peace to your mother.”
Could it be her? But how? And would his mom have remembered? Before his mom had suffered dementia to the degree at which she experienced it now, the two women had been quite close.
“Thank you, Betty. I need to see my mom. Please tell me if this woman comes back.”
“Of course, Declan. Have a nice visit now.”
Declan raced down the hall, stopping short of room 212 then peering inside. His mother was sleeping, her eyes closed with a peaceful look on her face. After opening the door, he slid inside, careful not to wake her. After a few moments of watching her sleep, he decided to give it a try. Reaching ever so slowly, he took hold of his mother’s hand and watched her stir. Feeling guilty about waking her, he cringed as her eyes flew open.
“Morgan!” she gasped, eyes flashing.
It had been her; he knew it! Somehow his mom remembered her recent visit; that must be it.
“No, mom. It’s me, Declan.” He reached forward as his mother opened her mouth in surprise.
“Get away from me! Who are you?” His mother yelled, fear registering on her wrinkle-lined face.
“Mom, sh. It’s me, your son.” He lowered his voice to attempt at soothing her.
“Help!”
Betty hustled into the room, a crestfallen look upon her face. “Oh, Declan. I’m so sorry.” Another nurse arrived within seconds, a shot in hand.
“Declan, you’re going to have to give us some time. Your mom, we need to calm her down.”
Rising to his feet, he steadied himself and walked to the door without looking back. He couldn’t stand it when she got like this; it hurt him to see the woman who raised him, whom he loved from the time he was born, in distress. This time it was his fault, he shouldn’t have touched her. He hesitated the briefest moment before turning the knob to leave.
“I don’t have a son, I don’t have a son… He died years ago.” Sobs could be heard behind him as he shut the door.
“Oh my God…” he breathed, barely a whisper.
Although his mother had once known the truth, his lies had become tangled, clouded. His mother couldn’t keep it straight in her deteriorating mind. Declan’s heart stilled as he realized the damage and heartache he had caused the two people he loved more than anything in this world.
CHAPTER TWELVE
NOW THAT HER THOUGHTS were wrapped up in planning for a wedding, Morgan finally had her head straight for the first time in years. Tying up loose ends had been part of putting the past behind her. The first step had been to visit the place where Morgan honored Declan, the beach by the river. It was where they had taken countless walks; it was where they went that sweltering summer night after the fair. It was where she had first given herself over to Declan, heart and soul. So, yes, it made sense that this would forever be the place to remember Declan. Since Declan’s body had never been found, she had nowhere else to go to honor the brave soldier.
He was a brave man, one who had died for a cause that was important to him, fighting for his beloved country.
The second step to putting her demons to rest involved one last visit to the nursing home. Call it closure; call it what you will, but it was something that Morgan needed to do now that she was moving on. Oddly enough, Mrs. Blake appeared to remember her on that last visit, but it was as if they had seen each other the day before, Declan’s mother had even reached for her hand and called her by name.
Knowing from the nurses that any tactile connection with the woman upset her, Morgan was hopeful that a miracle had occurred and that this precious woman was on the mend. It wasn’t until Morgan brought up Declan by mistake that the agitation began to set in.
“You need to go to him, stop this silly nonsense. Go after that stubborn boy.”
The words had an eerie chill, Morgan couldn’t take it upon herself to tell this mother that her only son was dead; that was something she shouldn’t have to remember.
“You’re still engaged?” Mrs. Blake had gazed at Morgan’s left ring finger, a look of peace settling back to her face once more.
Twisting the ring that Mike had given her weeks earlier, she had wiped a tear from her eye and excused herself, placing a gentle kiss on top of the woman’s creased forehead. “Be at peace, Mom.”
This woman was like a second mother to her; Morgan’s heart broke into tiny pieces. Without another glance, she walked out the door, her head high, fighting back tears.
“You seem to be in a good mood today,” Mike stated as he grabbed her from behind.
Leaning back to receive his gentle kiss, Morgan smiled inwardly. She had returned from Florida the day before, a trip that seemed to cause Mike great concern. He had practically begged Morgan not to go, claiming that it would only cause her grief. What Mike didn’t know was that it had actually released a sadness in her, provided her with the closure that she so desperately needed. A weight had been lifted; Morgan was lighter than she had been in years and was determined to show Mike just how much she cared for him and appreciated his patience for the last few years.
“Thank you, Mike.” Morgan gazed into her fiancé’s warm eyes.
Grabbing her close, Mike smoothed her hair from her eyes. “For what, beautiful?”
“Thank you for waiting for me, for putting up with me.”
“Honey, I won’t let you down. Trust in me, love me with all you have, and I’ll make you the happiest woman alive.”
That she could look forward to. Morgan’s heart opened a bit wider, letting Mike in.
Taratino’s had the best Italian food in town. Though a bit pricey, Elle and Billy wanted to treat Morgan and Mike to dinner in celebration of their engagement.
Reservations were made for 7:30 PM, but they arrived slightly ahead of time and were escorted by the hostess to the bar area. After ordering a round of drinks, the couples settled into easy conversation. Bubbling laughter bounced across the room, causing Morgan to glance at a couple near the far window.
Her heart sped up as she recognized Stephen, Declan’s friend. It looked as if he was on a date. She could tell by the woman’s body language that this could be a first date. Funny, she recalled that Declan wished that his friend would just settle down with the right woman, but Declan swore that no woman he had yet to meet was good enough for his friend — besides her, of course, but she was already taken. Apparently, he was still playing the dating game.
She and Stephen had become close when news of Declan’s disappearance had first surfaced, but for reasons unknown, they had drifted apart months after Declan was gone. Having thought it was odd the way Stephen distanced himself, Morgan figured that seeing her reminded Stephen of Declan and therefore brought him unwanted pain. Truth be told, it had hurt Morgan when Stephen broke ties, and it still bothered her to this day. Determined to push Stephen out of her thoughts and enjoy the rest of her evening, she focused her attention back on Mike, whose gaze bounced back and forth between her and where Stephen was seated with his date.
“Who’s that?” He didn’t miss a beat. This side of Mike was beginning to irritate her. She wasn’t a child that needed to explain every thought, for God’s sake.
Playing it cool, Morgan bit her lip and shrugged. “Hmm?”
“That guy, the one over near the window. He keeps looking at you.”
Morgan locked eyes with Elle, who knew exactly who Stephen was. Elle rose quickly from her seat and tugged on Morgan’s sleeve. “Come with me to the bathroom?”
Morgan would have laughed at the notion of running to the girls’ room together like middle school teens, however the sight of Stephen dampened her mood. So, she acquiesced and followed her friend to the ladies’ room.
Once they were out of earshot, Morgan raced beside Elle, clutching her arm. “Thanks. That was an awkward situation that I didn’t need with Mike.”
It would start Mike up again with the whole Declan thing if she had to explain how she knew Stephen, and she didn’t like to lie, even to escape a confrontation.
“I don’t know, Morgan. I mean, shouldn’t Mike put his feelings of jealousy regarding Declan to the side? I mean, my God, you shouldn’t have to run away from one of Dec’s old friends because of Mike’s insecurities.”
Dec. She hadn’t heard anyone refer to his nickname in quite some time. It brought forth memories of his face once more.
“Yes, I mean, we’re working on it. Mike’s getting much better with this whole thing.” But Elle was right, why was she making excuses for him?
“Excuse me? He’s getting better with this whole thing?” Elle repeated, her eyes wide. “You lost your fiancé, the poor man is dead after fighting for our country, and you are left making excuses for Mike? Don’t get me wrong, yes, you need to move on, I get it, I like Mike, but…”
Elle was rambling, her hands flying, when a familiar voice interrupted her ranting. Stepping back, Morgan faced Stephen, who was standing quietly, shifting from foot to foot.
“Excuse me. Nice to see you again, Stephen,” Elle squeaked as she pecked him on the cheek and then quickly headed back to the table.
What was this feeling Morgan had coursing through her veins? Why was this man causing such as reaction? She knew the answer; it was because he was part of her past, the past in which Declan had been her world.
“Hi Morgan.” His words were soft and spoke volumes. The tenderness of those few words touched Morgan. Instantly, she knew that he regretted their parting of ways. Besides Mrs. Blake, Stephen was the only person in the world that had loved Declan as much as she had. He was her connection to him, and damn, why did he have to pull away?
“Hi. Stephen, it’s…” Words stumbled out of her mouth. She should be angry with him, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to feel that way as he was standing before her, looking so familiar. Years washed away in seconds as she yearned for her innocent self.
Stephen guided Morgan to the upstairs dining area reserved for parties. Tonight the room was empty. “Take a seat, please.” Stephen’s hand shook as he released her elbow.
Morgan felt a trickle of perspiration cascade down her back as she tried to slow her beating heart. After a few moments, Morgan broke the unbearable silence. “Why? Why did you stop calling me? Was it too painful seeing me?” Her voice quivered at first, but then grew stronger. “I needed you.”
“It… It was, Morgan. It was too hard.”
“Damn you. You and I were in it together. We could have helped each other through it. You just left me all alone.” Tears glistened in her eyes as she clenched her hands into small fists.
“Morgan. I need to talk to you about something.” He stilled her shaking fists and pried them open. He leaned over, placing a tender kiss on her forehead.
“Morgan.” It was Mike, looming over them, a grim line set on his mouth.
“Mike!” Morgan leaped to her feet and smoothed her blouse.
“Sorry to interrupt such a private moment.” Sarcasm dripped from his icy words.
“This must be Mike, your fiancé.” Stephen’s glare was as cold as Mike’s words had been.
Thinking it odd that Stephen knew of Mike and their engagement, social media popped into her head. Of course, Stephen must have been keeping track of her life all along. Silently, invisibly, keeping tabs.
Being the perfect gentleman that Morgan remembered, Stephen extended his hand to Mike, who met the gesture with a weak handshake. Morgan cringed inwardly, wanting to avoid any confrontation.
“I was just heading back to the table,” Morgan stammered, her attention on Mike.
“Yeah, I can see that.” Mike’s penetrating gaze unnerved her.
Elle was right though, why should Mike make her feel as if she were wronging him? This was all part of her past. For goodness sake, she had a life before meeting Mike, a happy life. But still… she didn’t need an argument here.
“Stephen, it was nice seeing you.” Morgan reached for Mike’s hand but it didn’t go unnoticed that Stephen had wanted to say more. His jaw hung slightly open, his serious eyes bored into hers.
“See you around, Morgan. Mike, it was a pleasure.” A look of defeat etched around his eyes.
“Sure, the pleasure’s all mine,” Mike seethed.
Footsteps echoed off the hardwood floor, finally silencing as Stephen walked from the room and down the stairs. Pulling at Mike’s hand, she was then stilled. Morgan clenched her teeth, bracing herself for the impending conversation.
“Sorry to interrupt such an intimate moment,” Mike spat.
What was with him? Why did he feel so threatened by a man who was no longer alive?
“Mike, please. Keep your voice down. That was Stephen, Declan’s closest friend.” Her words were clipped, sharp. Irritation at the way Mike was behaving coursed through her veins.
“Ooh, it just keeps getting better. Declan, Declan, why won’t you leave us the hell alone?” Mike raised his voice, peering at the ceiling.
“Are you serious? You should hear yourself! Declan is dead, dead!” Pushing past Mike, warm tears escaped. Mike rushed forward, grabbing her sharply by her tiny wrist.
“And I’m very much alive, dammit! I’m going to be your husband and for just once I’d like to see half the light in your eyes when you look at me as when you speak of him!” Mike’s eyes watered, his chin quivering ever so slightly.
Thoughts swirled through Morgan’s head. For God’s sake, he was right. The light had gone out of her eyes, her smile. She knew it, and yet there was nothing she could do except try to let Mike in. That meant she would have to give herself to him, heart and soul. How did Mike always turn the tables, leaving her feeling guilty about hurting him?
Allowing her gaze to meet his, something inside Morgan broke, softened. Salty tears covered her cheeks as she touched his face. “Mike. It’s you now, please, you have to know that.”
Seconds passed as the two stared, but didn’t speak. After she couldn’t stand the silence a moment longer, Morgan reached up and pulled her fiancé down to meet her lips for a soft kiss.
After brushing Morgan’s tears to the side, Mike gently reached for her hand and then led her down the stairs, back to the table where Elle and her husband were waiting for them. Part of her felt as if she had compromised her feelings, her beliefs.
Elle’s gaze followed Morgan as she approached the table, eyes wide, letting her friend know that she was there for her. Morgan knew that of course, and silently nodded her head. After taking a seat with Mike on one side and Elle on the other, she was comforted with a gentle squeeze of her hand from Elle.
Thoughts of Declan continued to hang over the evening though, and try as she might, Morgan’s mood was dampened as she recalled better times, times when Declan laughed with Stephen, with her. It felt like a million years ago, perhaps another lifetime. A place she would go back to in a heartbeat if given the opportunity, a world with Declan and a world that was innocent.
What saddened her more often lately was that with the loss of Declan’s life and so many other soldiers, the world had never recovered. Terror was still present, more soldiers went to war all the time, and still so much pain and sorrow afflicted the earth. Her life had changed considerably since the moment Declan went away. She could still see his f
ace, trying to muster a smile just for her, before she pulled away and never saw him again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
BEING SEPARATED FROM HIS childhood home and his friends was one of the things that Declan considered to be a problem with living down south. Needing to be close to his mother, he knew that he had to make the best of it. As an added benefit, he wouldn’t run the risk of her seeing him. Or that he would see her, for that matter. Staying in touch with Stephen by phone allowed Declan to gain as much information as he needed in regard to Morgan.
So she was to be married. That was it, he supposed. At first, he had sworn Stephen to secrecy, making him promise not to tell Morgan that he was alive. Stephen had argued over and over again, stating that it was a cruel thing to do, that Morgan would stay with him, marry him, and remain by his side.
Cruel? Declan knew that Stephen was right, in his heart he knew that Morgan would stay with him and put her own life on hold. Cruel? That would be cruel, allowing a young, vibrant woman to give up on her own dreams, to be burdened by a disabled man.
No, it was best if he were presumed dead. Morgan would move on and pick up the pieces. He had witnessed firsthand what a burden it could be to take care of another person when your own life had to be placed on hold. God bless her, but Morgan was too young to stop living because of him.
Doctors had first told him that he may never walk again, may never have feeling below the waist because of his injury. As bad as the injury to his leg had been, the damage to his back was what caused the most concern. It had taken months of therapies and surgeries to bring him to the point where he could feel again, to even begin to think about walking again.
But something had told him that Morgan would be better off without him, a broken man with a dark spot left etched in his heart. Guilt over Sean’s death had tormented him, darkened his very being. Visions of broken souls from 9/11 added to his darkness. Morgan was better off without him, that was for sure, or so he thought.